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Finding myself by losing myself - First LSD experience Options
 
CosmicRiver
#1 Posted : 5/20/2022 1:13:28 AM

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Posts: 96
Joined: 26-Jan-2020
Last visit: 10-Mar-2024
This is the report of my first LSD experience. It happened a few years ago and it was my first proper psychedelic experience.

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: curiosity, impatience
(physical condition) Set: good physical condition
Setting (location): home
time of day: 11 p.m.
recent drug use: cannabis within last weeek, 2C-B within last month
last meal: dinner at 8 p.m.

PARTICIPANT
Gender: m
body weight: 55 kg
known sensitivities: none
history of use: at the time of the experience, psychedelic novice (having had only two experiences with 2C-B)

BIOASSAY

Substance(s): LSD
Dose(s): 150 μg
Method of administration: oral


EFFECTS

Administration time: T=0:00
Duration: 11 hours
First effects: T=00:45
Peak: T=3:00-6:00
Come down: T=8:30
Baseline: T=12:00

Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes: loss of sense of independent self

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 3
Implesantness: 3
Visual Intensity: 3
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS

Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 3 ; strong feelings of joy, mental clarity and fearlessness ; 24 hours


REPORT

T=00:00
I prepare a soft blanket and a notebook to record my sensations during the trip. Then I take a blotter and look at the swirling patterns of its print, knowing that this tiny piece of paper holds the key for a whole universe. I place it on my tongue and wait for the journey to begin.
After a few minutes, I decide to cut a new blotter in half, and take one of the two pieces, so 150ug of LSD in total.

T=00:45
My headspace has changed. It’s really strange. I didn’t expect it to feel like this, at all. Without even thinking about it, I write “I can’t lie to myself anymore”.
The information I get from my senses instantly flows into my thoughts, without the time to be elaborated further, and the sudden silence of my mind makes me feel slightly nervous.
Meanwhile, my body starts to feel very tense, but at the same time full of energy, spilling from the greater amount of details that my senses are able to perceive. I can feel the air moving through the room, even if all the windows are closed. I see countless tiny waves of subtle energy, almost transparent but faintly pastel-colored. I can sense them on my skin, gently pushing my body, and I instintively move along with them across the room.

T=1:20
My mood is getting elevated. I want to talk to other people and tell them how I feel, but unfortunately I’m alone right now, so I take my phone and write on a group chat “Who wants to talk?”. A friend of mine, who knew I was about to take acid tonight, replies almost immediately.
“How do you feel? Are you in trouble?”
“I’m not in trouble, I feel awesome. I didn’t imagine something like this. It’s not unbearable, but right now I am in another world. We are in another world. It’s like breathing, in and out, in and out, I almost feel dragged by this wave of pure pleasure. Wait. I’m going outside”.

I leave my house and see the dark silhouettes of trees against the night sky. Rays of light connect every star above my head. It’s so beautiful that I’m about to cry. I decide to write one last text to my friend before forgetting about it and enjoying the outside.
“I’m outdoors. I can’t put it through words. Every sound. Everything is perfectly synchronized with everything else. It’s something we have always known, the present moment. I feel it in every single one of my cells. It’s like having all of your senses connected and heightened and it’s becoming difficult for me to stay inside this body, there’s too much information. I already know what you’re about to ask me and how I’ll answer to that question. Now I’ve got to go but I want you to know that not even a tiny portion of this experience has been unpleasant.”


T=1:40
Another friend of mine, who doesn’t know I’m tripping, texts me.
“Hey, what happened?”
“I have no words to explain it to you, we’ll talk about it tomorrow, I just wanted to feel the presence of someone else, but I’m not in trouble. I know this makes no sense, but don’t worry tomorrow it will.”
“I don’t think I will check my phone tomorrow.”
“Ok don’t worry it’s not important. You can call me whenever you want. I shouldn’t have texted you in the first place. I don’t want to keep you awake tonight.”
“It’s not a problem, I haven’t been sleeping since Saturday.”
“Man seriously, I can’t talk right now, it feels too intense.”
“Listen, on Friday night a friend of mine died in  a car crash. Tomorrow I’m going to his funeral. That’s why checking my phone won’t be a priority for me. You just have to swear that you’re not in trouble. Tell me that you are fine, that you’re not on something.”

T=2:00
I feel overwhelmed by the conversation and just want to forget about it, but his words keep echoing in my mind and I can’t free myself from them. What if he doesn’t believe me? What if he calls the emergency line? I see blue lights in the distance, and I don’t know if it’s the police or an ambulance. Either way, I’m terrified.
I try to rationalize it. It’s impossible that he already called someone. Too little time has passed since I stopped talking to him. Isn’t it? I don’t know. It seems like the blue lights aren’t there anymore. It’s better to get away from here.
I start to walk down the road. No one is awake besides me and the nocturnal animals. I hear toads in the nearby fields. But I also hear whispers. Are they human whispers? What are they saying? I don’t understand. I don’t even know if they are real, because as soon as I think about something, it gets real. I keep walking, trying to escape from what lies within my mind.

For some brief moments, I’m aware of my own insanity and I start panicking, only to forget about it in a matter of seconds. I’m trapped inside a loop where my thoughts are having their own thoughts, and the thoughts of my thoughts are having their own thoughts...

When I suddenly see my cat, his presence being the only glitch that breaks the loop, I instinctively run towards him. I can see every single hair of his fur and how they slide on each other as he moves, while tiny electric-like waves flow from them and fade into the distance. I get on my knees before him, to look him in his emerald eyes, but he closes them and puts his forehead on my forehead, and I instantly feel better. He holds that position for what I perceive to be a long time, then he walks away into the night until I’m no longer able to see him.

T=3:00
The trip is getting even more intense and I don’t know how long I’ve been in this state, so I decide to go back indoors to check a wall clock.
It says it’s 2am. How many hours have passed since 11pm? This makes no sense. I need to ask someone. I go on a tripsitting website. The whole screen is three-dimensional now, and within it the letters keep waving and overlapping each other. I’m not able to operate this device, but I have to know the answer to my question. I manage to get through the website pages and write “I took LSD at 11pm. Now it’s 2am. How many hours have passed? Have I reached the peak? How long will it take before I feel normal again?”.
Soon a very kind person answers me “You are not even halfway on the ride. Let go and enjoy it while it lasts. Sending good vibes to you!”. Not even halfway?! Why is time so slow? I watch the second hand of the clock, but every time it moves, it does so at a different speed. I give up, I’m powerless. I surrender to this feeling and let it take over me.

T=?
The walls, the floor, the ceiling and every solid object in the room is melting, including myself. I don't know anymore where my body ends and the room begins. I can't feel the air passing through my nostrils and through my throat. I don't even know if I'm still breathing. There is nothing I can cling to because everything is merged and spatial directions don't exist anymore.

Three-dimensional reality is dripping before my eyes, creating an endless fractal space of infinite droplets that reflect each other. My ability to grasp human concepts gets increasingly impaired. At this point, I don’t even know anymore that I am tripping, nor what “tripping” means. I feel like I'm forgetting who I am, who my loved ones are, and I am terrified. "I'm so sorry" – I say, in a desperate attempt to connect with them – "I promise I won't disappoint you, I will make you proud of me, your love won't be wasted".

Suddenly my identity gets shattered through the grids of a highly detailed matrix of information, where I experience the lives of countless beings at once. There's nothing I can recognize as exclusively mine, nothing my sense of self can still cling to. I don’t exist anymore, and yet I have expanded into the entirety of existence. I have become existence itself. There's a feeling of deep interconnectedness, of shared identity. No more loneliness.

T=6:00
When I’m once again aware of my individuality, I can remember only a glimpse of what I experienced during the peak. I’m overpowered by a strong euphoric energy that I need to express, so I open the door and run outside, where I am left speechless by the beauty of nature. The tree crowns flow through waving symmetrical patterns into the night sky, which is now of the deep blue color that comes right before dawn, and everything, even the Moon and the air I breathe, feels alive and vibrant.

T=7:30
It's morning, but I’m still feeling too stimulated to sleep. Opening my notebook, I notice a barely readable quote, written right after the peak: “I've always known this and I will know it forever”.
 

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Sunnyside
#2 Posted : 5/20/2022 3:51:07 PM

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Posts: 388
Joined: 28-Jun-2015
Last visit: 09-Feb-2024
Hey, this is a nice write-up.
Thanks.

I think that you, overall, are saying that even through some difficult stretches,the positives outweigh the negatives?
I hope that is the case.
I say this, because my love affair with LSD is now a full fifty year relationship, and I am convinced it (LSD) has value to many people.

Your experience does not seem atypical.
Much to delight in, and an occasional rough spot.

There might be a lesson, regarding the concern about the un-knowing friend potentially "sending help" to you.
For me, in the future I might consider that as part of my Setting, and ahead of time maybe set up a group text of those with whom you can comfortably discuss everything.

If you ever do get comfortable with LSD, I highly recommend having some DMT available, also.

Good explorations to you.
" Enjoy every sandwich." - Warren Zevon
"No, they never did turn me into a toad." - Pete (O Brother, Where Art Thou?)
"Are you a time traveller?" "No, I think I'm more of a time prisoner." - Nadia Vulvokov (Russian Doll)
 
CosmicRiver
#3 Posted : 5/20/2022 4:19:48 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 96
Joined: 26-Jan-2020
Last visit: 10-Mar-2024
Sunnyside wrote:
Hey, this is a nice write-up.
Thanks.

I think that you, overall, are saying that even through some difficult stretches,the positives outweigh the negatives?
I hope that is the case.
I say this, because my love affair with LSD is now a full fifty year relationship, and I am convinced it (LSD) has value to many people.

Your experience does not seem atypical.
Much to delight in, and an occasional rough spot.

There might be a lesson, regarding the concern about the un-knowing friend potentially "sending help" to you.
For me, in the future I might consider that as part of my Setting, and ahead of time maybe set up a group text of those with whom you can comfortably discuss everything.

If you ever do get comfortable with LSD, I highly recommend having some DMT available, also.

Good explorations to you.


Thank you Smile

Yes, the positives did outweight the negatives. Altough in my opinion many (if not all) the negatives could have been prevented. I had this experience 5 years ago and back then I didn't know what LSD was capable of. In my opinion I should have taken only 100 μg for my first trip (I'm pretty sensitive) and I should have turned off the phone.

With time I've learnt that if I take LSD during the day or evening the trip will be more pleasant, while at night I fall more easily into thought loops.

I have to say that among the psychedelics I've tried it is the one that scares me the most. I'd be less anxious knowing I'm about to smoke DMT. Because on LSD there is always at least a brief moment during the trip when I feel like I'm "walking on eggshells" and it would be too easy to fall into a negative thought loop. I guess its duration plays a role in this. Nonetheless I have always come back to it because I find it very intriguing and it has great value to me as well.

Unfortunately after my last experience (which did end well but was pretty challenging) I haven't had the courage to take it again.

Good explorations to you, too Thumbs up
 
 
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