Today I want to tell you the story about the day when I tidied up my bedroom and what happend afterwards. But maybe I want to tell you also about two hours of feature-length trip experience, during which I came to full disclosure about the dynamics and patterns of my life. Or maybe it is a story about cleaning up your mess afterall. You will have to decide on your own.
It was the day after my ambigious
DMT+Ketamine trip, which left me longing for this wonderful DMT magic and the descision, that I do not want to repeat this combo éver again. At the moment I take the jump into the infinite usually once a week, because I got the notion, that I am being prepared for something and have to get properly accustomed to this extraterestial dimension. Since that last trip wasn't really satisfying after all, I decided to use the evening, when my boyfriend was going out to a bar, to use my last stock of DMT to get things shaken up.
Before that I realized, I haven't cleaned my bedroom certainly not in about one or two months and wondered about the effect on the trip, when I would knew myself to be in a tidy space. While doing the chores, I weighted about 8g of Syrian Rue seeds and swallowed them whole after chewing on them a couple of minutes. I knew I was already low on DMT and wanted to make this last trip a truely memorable experience. Little did I know what preparation on the other side were being made to accompany me on this venture.
It was about quarter past nine, when everything was ready. I had the candles lit up, lowered the window blinds so that the sun couldn't find me (she always tries to disturb the visions
), put on my space suit and finally attached the helmet with blindfolds, so that no external visual input would intrude into the visions of the trip (unfortunately I happen to not be able to keep my eyes closed during the trip). I breathed a couple of times deeply and waited until the pre-trip-anxiety had subsided by a reasonable degree. Then I said to my self: "Now or never, there is no such thing as the best moment to start. So start now." With that said it began. At first I took two medium tokes out of my vaporizer (it's DMT-enriched e-liquid, with which I can stay in hyperspace for extended periods of time without having to think about refill). The visions started very modest and I wondered if there was happening anything at all, beside me visualizing a tree. Unimpressed I ventured deeper and took another hit or two out of my magic pipe. And then finally the journey began, into a manifold of being that I will certainly not forget.
I always saw a resemblance in the way trees grow to the way human beings perpetuate. Aren't we as well branches of the great tree of life, spreading into the soil of physical reality? From another point of view, time seems to be like the wholeness of that tree, us living in the moment being the force of growth, always on the tip of each branch. Some of us are like roots, firm and strong, drilling into the multidimensional ground and pulling nutrients out of that domain. Some of use are like junction points, heavily connected to each other and pumping energy in all directions. And some of us seem to be like flowers and fruits, sitting at a relative high up layer and being supported by the entire structure, reaching out into unknown dimensions, while creating something valuable for other beings.
During my experience I could sense the reality of that tree and felt truely awed. But there was more. I was just at the beginning of a series of realizations, that kept flowing through me like water down a river. To give you an idea of what I saw, I will briefly describe the nature of my visions. I always wondered why my DMT trips seem to be different to what many people describe when they tell about their experiences. Most of the time I do not see the fractal geometry and colors of the "raw experience", how I would call it. It feels, like there is a part of me that exercices it's ability to translate this multidimensional information into recognizable patterns, packaged for my physical self. Imagine something like a fiber optic cable. These devices connect our world and form the nowadays indispensable internet. When you could shrink to a fractal of your size and were be able to look right through such a cable, you would indeed see oscillating patterns of color - given the physical geometry of the cable, it would even look like a tunnel! But the colors and patterns are information encoded and have to be deciphered correctly to understand their meaning. After so many trips into hyperspace I suspect, my common brain has now reached a sophisticated level of comprehension of that language, that it can form images or visions out of the information for me to understand.
The next episode of my journey brought me into the domain of multidimensional authorship. At the moment I am reading the Dune saga by Frank Herbert. During my trips I usually have a short detour into his cosmos and writers mind. I experience this world of his so vividly and plastic, for me it is not far from being a world of it's own. But that thought strikes me deeply. Could it be, that our world is just as imaginary as the world of a talented (cosmic) writer? Imagine a being that is so much more powerful than a human being, capable of envisioning a world just as complex as ours. Can you do that? I felt in that moment, that I could reach into this dimension. I wanted to talk to that writer, speaking on behalf of humandkind, reminding him of the simple fact, that she was dealing with matter of sentient beings to form that story.
I started to scream and yell the hell out of my lungs (so glad I was being alone at this moment
) to wake that mind out of it's thoughtlessness. I wanted to change the story and grabbed the letters on the page, trying to rearrange it's meaning and effect.
As it turned out my scream was not a solitary one. Me was not the only one feeling this way. I seemed to be part of a conspiracy in consciousness. Through the fabric of reality I heard my call being answered by so many different beings. The wave increased in amplitude and touched so many times and places and nearly me to tears. I guess I probably screamed for an hour with different frequencies and untertones, because for me it seemed like this was a fundamental way of influencing reality, not through physcial touch alone, but through sound and vibration. I heared my voice and it's effect like crystal clear. This was a whole new way of interaction. I wanted to shake the whole picture of realtiy (and did so symbolically with my body).
The next act of that multidimensional performance showed me the pattern of my life in physical reality. This is a complex one to describe, so stay with me, I will try my best to describe it in a way that can be understood. So first I want to make the assumption, that we come to this world, fully aware of our mission from the great creator and with much of energy to deal with the obstacles that will be in our way to achieve our goal. As it usually turns out, physical reality is a tough ground to grow and many of us loose their way in the inertia of that medium. Me myself had a hard time carrying on and nearly lost it all.
When I was born I was ingrained with great love and understanding of my fellow human beings. It showed itself thoroughly by not accepting most of the ideas of evil and fatalism, shown by some of our contemporaries. I wanted to believe, that in the heart of every one of us, there is light and godness. The nature of my challenge soon showed itself when I realized that I was born into a family of a fascist man, who wanted to form the world in his very own image. The good news was, that he wasn't a man of education and failed to form a strong network of like-minded people around himself, so that his ideas could spread the world. The bad news was, that this didn't prevent him from trying to practice these ideas with his own family. I don't think I have to tell you more about the complications of my childhood. What I can tell you is, that after realizing the ground was not a very fertile one, I learned to isolate myself and to form a impenetrable shell around my core to preserve and protect what was given me ahead of it's time. So I became a seed and burrowed myself into the ground of life.
It took a couple of years until this seed broke it's shell again and required the help of many accomplices from within time and space and without. It was painful, like having to be born over and over again, dying many deaths along the way. But finally I found my self again or seemed to sense it enough to stand the next test of mine. This was the time when suddenly out of nowhere first my grandmother on the mother's side died of an aneurism (it was a quick an painless death) and half a year later her brother followed her into the grave. What I didn't knew at that time: both were a bit of parsimonious when it came to spending money - especially her brother. When I was a little child, my mother died of leukemia, which now made me a direct heir of their legacy - by courtesy skipping my facist father. I didn't quit my job immediately and needed time to consider and realize what I could do with that fortune. But after I while for me it became crystal clear what my dream was and how I could fulfill my mission. I took the time to properly disentangle myself from of my corporate associations (and associates) and became an independent actor in society.
The way in which this all happened suggested an intervention of some kind of higher intelligence for me. During my trip I was shown all the focal points of these machinations and it made me aware of the sacrifices that were made along the way by all participants for me to reach this particular point in time and space. The test here includes me not starting to believe to be the chosen one. I was chosen for a particular task indeed, but so is everyone else, according to their abilities and inclinations.
And when you think you have seen all there is to it, remember just to take another hit. So I did and the story went on. In my last trip report I mentioned living in a kind of skid row of town. I have always been repelled by the idea of forming parts of a city to shove of the poor and precarious, so that the wealthy can live in peace out of their misery. So I decided early in my life to ground myself where few wanted to live by heart instead of necessity. I settled in a roomy flat, which was previously occupied by compulsive hoarders which left the flat in a desolate condition. I spend lengthy periods of my life and energy to restore that place and lived alongside of people which most of my contemporaries detested, like drug dealers and gang lords. All the time I sensed right behind my usual awareness, that I was on a track with other beings to heal the damage that has been done and to bring this part of town to a shining new light. The steps to this goal were partly physical, like renovating that actual place of living, and partly non-physical and happend during my dreams of night and day and were exercised by the belief of a better future. Along the way doors have been opened and help was received. When I now look out of the window, ten years later, I do not see the same place it was when I first moved in. Many things have changed and more people gravitate toward that goal. I see houses being gutted and redeveloped, children playing openly in the street. The city has shifted it's attention and gives a lot of care into this place now, money flowing too in that direction.
I think that's the true power of consciousness, we all have, but not everyone realizes. Going somewhere we see a problem, becoming part of that problem and dissolving it from the inside.
My trip also showed me how every part of reality is consious and self aware. Even some of the more abstract concepts like a neighbourhood have an identity and can exercise willpower. They do know what can help them to heal their broken image and encourage us sometimes with ideas and actions to change the pattern.
The rest of the trip I indulged in some ancient growlings and did a bit of repatterning to improve the state of my own self-image. After that silence fell over me and I stopped my intonations, finally bursting out into laughter. But it wasn't a kind of hysterical or mad laughter, it was the laugh of knowing and remembering what has been forgotten. Because when all is said and done, I am nothing of all that I have mentioned yet. My true identity was revealed for me and I realized my self as a multidimensional actor, performing a cosmic theatre of infinite scale. But then again that raised a question: By all rights, who was watching? Wanting to uncover yet another mystery I ventured to take another hit, when I noticed the simple fact, that by now I was out of mana. But up to here the point had been beautifully mediated and I was really surprised of the quality and consistency of that message.
Which brings me back to the initial thought and theme of this journey: Was there a connection to me cleaning up my bedroom for having such a marvelous experience? Wasn't the theme of my life cleaning up the mess after all? Honestly: I will never know for sure, but I decided to stick with this explanation, because little harm lurked in doing so.
There still seems to be more information in that trip. Something about ancient jailors of time and space, who arrested consciousness and holds it in a slumber, for it to not see it's very own contours. But that vision was very shortlived and leaves much room for interpretation. Naturally the messages of this whole experience are susceptible to the interpretive biases of my subjectivity. But the carefully selected images of these visions and their pulsating continuity, left a powerful impression on me. It felt effortless to remember most of its contents even the day after, a thing which I usually struggle to do. I am curious to find out, if that was just the Grande Finale of my tripping career or if there are more discoveries to make.
For now I have to conclude with my report and want to thank you all for being there and providing me with a kind of framework in which to couch these experiences and the instructions to extract this divine substance from it's herbal host.
If you managed to read up to this point, I want to thank you for your time and attention.
Please tell me your thoughts on this account. Have you ever experienced something like that? Let us get into contact.
Love you all,
the Crazy Astronaut.
👨🚀