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ChristianMeteor
#1 Posted : 6/15/2021 8:19:25 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 96
Joined: 05-Jun-2021
Last visit: 07-Dec-2022
Hello my fellow psychonauts,

After some reflections on my first post in the "First Steps in Hyperspace" thread, I decided to write a more formal introduction and share how I think I can benefit the nexus.

I would like to say that my first week on this forum has been incredibly inspiring and reminded me of how much I still have to learn about psychedelics. I have found many new plant species to cultivate, and plan to fill my already jungley apartment with even more. There is a wealth of knowledge on these forums that I want to crawl and contribute to. I find the concept of the hyperspace lexicon so large and uncharted that it inspires wonder in me, and I would to contribute to it in any way I can. I also have found many gaps in the wiki, so I would happily undertake filling in some of the information on those.

Admittedly, writing an introduction is a bit odd because of how much the human is, but I have to share some of my past with psychedelics. On October 11, 2016, I started a Youtube Channel under the name "PsychonautWispy" with a video titled "The Psychedelic Renaissance - Becoming A Part of The Change." My goal was to spread education and awareness regarding psychedelics, while also dispelling some of the stereotypes for the ultimate purpose of decriminalization and cultural acceptance. I considered myself educated as I had spent a few months writing a "compendium" of information on psychedelics-this was mostly surface information.

I was 18 at this time, and only had a couple trips to speak of, but shared accounts of these reports the best I could. My channel never really had a "boom"-it was slow growth with a dedicated audience. As time went on, I experimented more with psychedelics and shared more trip reports, having my first DMT trip on November 20, 2016.

Over the course of the next year, I accumulated many psychedelic experiences. By November of 2017, I had 4 experiences with LSD, 3 with Psilocybin, and 4 with DMT. My very last trip was in March 25 of 2018 after a year plus hiatus, stemming from a really bad acid trip.

I hit 1k subs on Jun 10 of 2018 and was loving the Youtube life. I was live streaming, doing marijuana strain reviews, jumping into random philosophical topics, and interviewing my psychonaut friends. As a result of my work, my channel grew all the way to 3k subs in November of 2018.

My most viewed video was my fourth DMT report where I recorded minutes after coming down and shared the experience of God coming into the room and wrapping his arms around. I was even making some money, and was very hopeful for the future.

Then everything changed. Youtube's policies demonetized me and threatened shut down of the channel so 80% of my content went private. I went through a year of serious paranoia, and was mostly lost as to what I was even doing with my life. 2019 marked a really bad year for me, as I was immensely untrusting of the people in my life and suffered multiple episodes of psychosis with cannabis. (I forgot to mention earlier, I was a habitual weed smoker throughout most of this time.)

My channel mostly died-I tried making it into a gaming channel which failed. Most of my audience was gone, and I was dark for months and months on end.

June 18 of 2019 marked a big day for me as I decided I was announcing a memoir. Essentially, because Youtube had made sharing my experiences risky, I figured writing about them was the next best option. Plus, I could go more indepth on my realizations and other dimensions of psychedelics that I had not shared.

This date also was right in the middle of a violent summer for my city and peak cannabis paranoia for me. Many nights I laid in a state of catatonia hearing gun shots and sirens while trying to get to sleep after smoking. I hated it and wanted to get out of the city but was in no state to do so.

July 2019 was the last month I smoked weed. Experiences with it had been getting worse and worse and my paranoia was ceaseless. I don't want to expand on it here, but those who have suffered such a state know what months of a suspicious mindset can bring. I sincerely thought people were out to get me.

It took one of the worst nights I have ever had with weed to get me to quit. I was with friends, smoking and playing a board game. We were playing Balderdash which is essentially a guessing game. Someone draws a card with a list of words on the back and each person writes what they think that word means. It can be movies, people, words, or dates. Anyway, long story short, my friends said some things that I thought had sinister undertones pointed at me and so I was launched into psychosis where I suffered for multiple days after.

It took about 8 months to a year of sobriety (excluding nicotine and caffeine) to get back a stable place mentally for me. I lost friends from my paranoia and also behavioral changes. I was surprised to see how much weed played a factor in my relationships with people, and came to cherish the ones who stuck around.

My channel remained pretty much dead for late 2019 into early 2020 until I started making announcements about my book. Once I was finally done, I felt ready to reinvest back into the channel because I had completed this promise I had made to my subscribers years before. My audience is small but involved, so I actively engage the community in the comments.

As of today, I am nearly 2 years sober from weed, and over 3 1/2 from any psychedelics. For my current use, I really just enjoy coffee and an energy drink here and there. I do like to sip on N/A beers too (I've never gotten drunk in my life). I used to have a cigar here and there, but after a recent time made me sick, I'm really turned off to them.

Publishing my experience reports in a "professional" format was quite satisfying, but even in doing so, I recognized I still had much to do. I've had approximately 15 experiences with traditional psychedelics, and only 7 of those reports are in my first work, mixed in with other stories I found necessary to include.

I have a burning desire to expand on what I have shared in this post. From the paranoia, to spiritual experiences, and the roots of the philosophies I carry today. That's why I wrote 1 and gotta keep working on two, but I want to do such things a justice by doing books. I love writing and that's part of the reason why I'm here on the nexus today. I see much opportunity for contribution on here and would love to share these chapters with my fellow psychonauts.

Admittedly, I'm fearful of returning to the realm of psychedelia. I don't know when I will, but I know for sure it will be after I'm done chronicling the experiences I have had. The notion of never being able to voyage into hyperspace again is very saddening to me, but I know I have to fully digest the realizations I have had before I can go deeper. And, the best way I see I can do that is through writing.

I really despise the marketing aspect of the whole publishing process, and that's how I first came across on here-some self published dude looking to make a quick buck off the dmtnexicans. Obviously, like anyone, I would love to make a living off doing what I love, but that was never the point in me writing this. That's why I self published-I paid the editing fees and only changed what I wanted. A publishing company would most certainly change the work, and I absolutely hated that idea. I paid for the cover artwork and formatting, and did giveaways not to try to make it big, but to share these experiences. To offer some of my insights from difficult trips so that my fellow psychonauts would not suffer the same way I have. To get some of this stuff "off my chest" and get feedback.

So my work has no digital rights management or encryption-it's a 100 page pdf that cost me over thousand dollars and hours to create, not to mention the damn trying-experiences. But, I don't need any of that back from you, or from anyone. The value I've gotten from undertaking this entire process is fulfilling in and of its self. That said, my heart still pushes me to share it, and to continue working on the next.

With all that said, I would be honored to be accepted into the DMT-nexus community. I believe my work will do good here, and that I can contribute to and sustain the positive reputation of this community. I look forward to sharing and hearing feedback, while using such things as inspiration for my current work.

Thanks for reading.
 

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Voidmatrix
#2 Posted : 6/16/2021 2:25:41 AM

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Posts: 4160
Joined: 01-Oct-2016
Last visit: 03-Mar-2024
I admire your ambition. Thank you for sharing so much about your interest in writing and accomplishments up to this point.

You'll get back into psychedelics (or maybe, more appropriately, they'll get back in you Love ). It's happened to me and most likely other Nexians too. I had a DMT hiatus of six years.

I look forward to hearing about your future journeys after you've fully immersed yourself in your past ones. I think that's a good idea, and who knows, after you feel you've done so, further psychedelic use may provide even more for you (since you'd presumably be starting from a higher point of understanding).

Welcome to the Nexus

One love
What if the "truth" is: the "truth" is indescernible/unknowable/nonexistent? Then the closest we get is through being true to and with ourselves.


Know thyself, nothing in excess, certainty brings insanity- Delphic Maxims

DMT always has something new to show you Twisted Evil

Question everything... including questioning everything... There's so much I could be wrong about and have no idea...
All posts and supposed experiences are from an imaginary interdimensional being. This being has the proclivity and compulsion for delving in depths it shouldn't. Posts should be taken with a grain of salt. 👽
 
 
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