Hello and welcome.
I'd suggest working your way into the experience by first familiarising yourself with the effects of harmala alkaloids alone. Seeing as caapi is out of your price range, you'd be better off obtaining some Syrian Rue (Peganum harmala,
esfand, aspand or
yüzerlik) seeds. You have no way of knowing the strength of a caapi resin someone else has made and more often than not I've heard of people finding it to be weaker than expected.
Syrian rue seeds, first toasted in a cast iron or thick stainless steel pan for a couple of minutes, make a surprisingly palatable brew of assured efficacy. 3 grams will have a plenty strong enough effect so you'll likely want to start with half that amount and work your way up to an amount that suits you best.
At this point it's obligatory to point you towards the following caution -
Please read through carefully:
[Harmalas] MAOI Drug Interaction DisclaimerThis applies equally to caapi as to Syrian rue, just to be clear.
OK, now that we've got that out of the way - mimosa. Once you're accustomed to the effects of harmel tea (and whether or not you've perhaps in the meantime become interested in extracting harmala alkaloids - betacarbolines), you might want to start finding your way with the "light" admixture. Mimosa brews typically contain significant amounts of tannins which can be harsh on the digestive system. Cold brewing the bark is one possible way to lessen this, or you could follow the
recent advice of ms_manic_minxx and use just the gentlest of simmers while keeping a lid on the pot to retain a special quality of the mimosa.
(And
here, incidentally, is a good post from ms_manic_minxx about learning how to use ayahuasca.)
If mimosa brews turn out not to suit you, you could always look into extracting the actives and adding them into your harmala brews that way. A tincture is very effective for this as the dosage can be measured out dropwise. Another thing you may wish to consider is 'shroomahuasca' (e.g.
this post).
Finally, I'd like to add that ayahuasca/ harmala+DMT brews aren't necessarily a magic bullet for all your sorrows and you might well find that some form of supported integration will be of far greater benefit than simply slamming down a huge dose of mind-bending concoction straight off the bat and hoping for the best - although the world does work in mysterious ways (especially, perhaps, if ayahuasca is involved) so YMMV.
Do you have any prior experience with psychedelics, by the way? Are you taking any other medication?
I hope this helps with your quest for healing. I, too, know that some things can seem very difficult to let go of. Stick around and share your experiences - there are some great and lovely people here to meet.
βThere is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
β Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli