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Finally found a way to turn off my mind! Options
 
Quaid
#1 Posted : 1/21/2021 1:45:08 AM
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Just wanted to say hi, and thanks for the fantastic resource that is the Nexus. Entering 5th decade of my life, drug free (only alcohol) until now. 5 trips in, working from 20mg to 40mg. Using an APX Volt for ROI.

Not sure that I’ve had a breakthrough — which I’ve read means I haven’t. I get lots of fractal patterns in both open and closed eye positions, but it seems that with increased dosage the visuals don’t get crazier. Instead, I’ve witnessed my mind getting more and more granular, slowing down, desperately trying to find itself and then eventually giving up, which is the most peaceful, enjoyable state I’ve ever experienced. I think that’s what is called the death of the ego (temporarily, at least). Once that’s out of the way, I”m just consciousness experiencing consciousness and that is plenty, there’s just no me (no memories, no identity, just pure awareness). But no wild visuals, really. No machine elves, though I do hear a voice (my own mind?) making suggestions such as “it’s okay”, “maybe you should take a break”, “what you desire is experience itself”, and other such soothing comments.

Three years ago I began getting energy sensations (blooms, I call them) throughout my body, but particularly focused in my “3rd eye” region. I can often feel my entire brain, separate lobes and all. I don’t know why this is, apparently there are no nerves with which I should be feeling my brain. I only mention this because it seems the fractalization (generating infinite patterns) that the molecule permits applies to my energy blooms as well, and they morph into an amazing energy massage (of what, I don’t know — I have no body!) that I’ve never experienced before.

Additionally, DMT seems to stay with me long after it should be gone. Particularly at night while sleeping, I’ll get similar sensations such as feeling like I’m not really firmly attached to my body. The blackness behind my eyelids turns into an inky 3D darkness with infinite depth. It’s not scary, it’s actually pretty enjoyable. A bit detached as well when waking up, almost like it takes a while to reestablish a strong connection with this “reality”.

I’ve learned that back to back large doses are a bad idea. What was a wonderful experience can go badly quite quickly. Fractal patterns of nausea and dread are no fun. That’s when the voice soothingly told me “that’s too much, not so fast”. Don’t need to tell me twice!

Anyways, to those with anxiety about jumping in... yes, the unknown is scary. But no risk, no reward. Also, I can confirm the molecule breaks bad habits. Haven’t had a beer or coffee since I started. It really makes you want to have all your senses operating at 100% so you don’t miss anything. I think the biggest reward so far is experiencing not having an ego; no memories at all, no concept of ME, just enjoying pure beingness. It’s a beautiful thing and I REALLY, REALLY wish I could be there all the time. But I can also say the drug is absolutely self limiting. As enjoyable as it can be, I don’t think I’ll ever be completely comfortable taking it.

It was and continues to be a big risk jumping in but I’m glad I did. I think the simple act of letting go of control is the big lesson for me. You fight the molecule, you won’t get the benefits. You let go, it shows you what needs to be seen. I only wish I could share the experience with others but I guess that’s why there’s a Nexus!

Cheers!
 

Good quality Syrian rue (Peganum harmala) for an incredible price!
 
shroombee
#2 Posted : 1/21/2021 3:57:21 AM

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Welcome!

I love your description of being pure awareness. And noticing the voices that we are taught to call "our thoughts" or the "me" as actually being separate from the real "you". I'm familiar with your description of infinite depth while sleeping. That feeling of awareness is more real than being "awake" during the day. I attempt to practice bringing that feeling into my daily life. I'm not so good at it, but I do my best.

One thing that you might try in cultivating this awareness is to practice with another plant medicine like shrooms, where the trip is not so intense and fully disconnected from the ordinary world. But on this more mild trip, you can still find and recognize that space of awareness. And thus you can hold that space longer and try to bring it more into your daily life.

May I ask, what inspired you to try DMT after having been drug free for 5 decades?
 
Quaid
#3 Posted : 1/21/2021 5:22:49 AM
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Thanks for the tip!

My career field is one of those that is pretty uptight about non-prescribed substances. I’ve always wanted to try psychedelics, but was afraid of the consequences of getting caught. Recently, after reflecting on spiritual teachings (non-dualism, primarily), I have come to the conclusion that I have mistakenly placed too much value on staying alive, and that the root fear of death has prevented me from truly living my life. This was a big moment of clarity for me.

So, doing my homework, I stumbled on this site and figured out that most drug tests don’t test for DMT, that our bodies deal with it so quickly that it’s a non-issue. The more I researched it, the more I realized there’s a lot less risk than I had presumed. So I put Cyb’s salt tek to work, and here I am. It was tough taking that final leap, but I had decided I was prepared to die if it didn’t work out. I’m single with no children (no responsibility to the living). I’m sure my parents would be upset, but I have a ‘dead man’s switch’ automatic e-mail that explains everything to them if things go terminal. I understand this is highly unlikely, but I can’t discount the possibility. I want answers to my questions, and I’m not going to continue to let a society of prudes tell me what I can and cannot do with MY body.

I’ll look into shrooms, hopefully they have a similar benign drug test profile. If things continue to go well long enough, I may decide to switch careers to something less carefully scrutinized. I’m just realizing now all the useful experience and different perspectives that I’ve been missing out on, and I’m kind of over the career field anyways.
 
shroombee
#4 Posted : 1/22/2021 8:10:33 AM

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Quaid wrote:
I have come to the conclusion that I have mistakenly placed too much value on staying alive, and that the root fear of death has prevented me from truly living my life. This was a big moment of clarity for me.

A related thought is that often we are actually more afraid of living than we are of dying.

Quote:
I have a ‘dead man’s switch’ automatic e-mail that explains everything to them if things go terminal. I understand this is highly unlikely, but I can’t discount the possibility. I want answers to my questions, and I’m not going to continue to let a society of prudes tell me what I can and cannot do with MY body.

It is highly unlikely you will die, although in some cases it is possible to injure yourself. For example, collapsing and hitting your head on a table if you did not situate yourself properly beforehand. Hence it is wise to educate yourself and take appropriate precautions.

I have pondered how odd our society is, that in most cases we are not permitted to explore our minds with plants that nature has given us. It almost seems unreal that this is the way it is.

Quote:
I’ll look into shrooms, hopefully they have a similar benign drug test profile.

You might also look into variants of DMT ingestion such as pharmahuasca, which might have the same low drug test profile.
 
Quaid
#5 Posted : 1/23/2021 2:40:50 AM
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I’ll post here because I don’t have the rights yet to post in health/safety section, in case someone else runs into the same issue and finds this thread in a search.

So, the back to back large dose (40mg, recover, then another 40mg) ended up messing me up more than I thought. I felt ok a bit afterwards and had no problem sleeping. Slept real good, actually. The following day though, not so good.

I got what appeared to be some sort of long term anxiety attack. I’m not prone to those. High blood pressure (not a usual issue for me), whining in my ears, occasional twinges in my heart region, and just really jittery. I had stopped caffeine earlier in the week but this felt like I had taken 5x my normal morning caffeine dose. The issue persisted all day despite running 4 miles and doing everything I could to calm myself. At one point I wondered if I should seek medical attention. I decided against it. Slept maybe 4 hours.

The following day (today), not as jittery, but bad headaches, and the jitteriness and high blood pressure feeling come and go, though thankfully not as extreme as yesterday.

Bit of a scare, really. Reluctantly going to take a break until this all passes. I do wonder if it’s all in my head, but the high blood pressure is real (150/90) and I don’t want to do any long term damage. I’m guessing the “overdose” was a traumatic experience (it absolutely was!), and so even thinking about it brings the symptoms back. Which to me is a big clue it’s mental.

I also taste, smell, and feel slight sensations of being on it randomly. Probably all mental. I haven’t read of these symptoms happening to anyone else. I take zero prescription medicines and I don’t have any herbal supplements either, so I don’t know what could have caused this medically. No known pre-existing medical conditions.

Food for thought, anyways. I guess if you choose to ride the dragon, you gotta expect to get snapped at here and there.
 
 
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