Set: Very good mood, had tripped twice hours earlier on a lower dose, felt ready to increase.
Setting: Alone. Candles lit in a safe place. Enough lights to see everything but not too bright.
Time: 7pm, sun has set
Last meal: Tuna sandwich and a large glass of water at 3pm (4 hours earlier)

User description: Male, 80kg
History: Several trips ~10mg
Substance and dose: DMT 16mg
Method of administration: e-mesh Vaporized for 6 seconds (vaporizing everything). Held in for ~10 seconds.

Trip:
I exhale the vapor. My breath is gone but I catch it. I sit back and strap in. The room begins to get bright with a slight lime green tint. The bookshelf several feet from me begins to change shape. I was fixated on it, the rest of the room begins to fill with a haze. My breathing doesn't feel right, something is wrong. I can't tell if I am breathing or not. I don't feel scared but I couldn't understand why I feel this way. I'm so focused on my breathing, I stop all together. Am I not breathing REALLY or is this just the trip making me feel this way? Am I dead? My breathing comes back and the bookshelf begins to take its normal shape and look. The ceiling texture gets the same seahorse fractal design I get almost every trip.

Begin to realize what had happened. Completely speechless. Sit in silence for 5 minutes trying to comprehend what just happened. My tiny brain can't grasp the trip. I almost had an ego death?

Will seek a trusted person to trip-sit me so I'm not trying to figure out if I'm alive or not. Also, the vapor is hot which makes it difficult to hold in, will fiddle with the mod settings to try to make it easier.

-Q

The clinical definition for ego-death is simply a loss of sense of the self. In practise, however, there are levels to it.

Based on your light description it sounds like you were on the outer edge of ego-death. Like, your ego gently passed in its sleep—but it wasn't quite your ego being rammed by a truck and imapled on a lamppost, if you'll forgive the silly metaphor.

Those are pretty accurate examples

My experience with ego death has been quite enjoyable. I always found it funny that I forgot who I was.

Hi and thanks for posting. I have not used the e-mesh so I can't vouch for the dosage, but it sounds similar to my first attempt with the Vaporgenie. Your description seems to indicate that you still had body awareness and was concerned about your health and that you worried about being ok. Smoking DMT is terrifying in the beginning, but you can take solace in the fact that you will be back to normal in 15-20 minutes and that that are no recorded cases of anyone actually dying or having their breathing stop.

I found that once I adopted a "go for it" attitude I had a much more comfortable experience. It's similar to skydiving or bungee; you just have to take the leap. Having your mind worry about your body prevents you from reaching a full breakthrough and ego death. Try to experiment with the dosage and go in with the confidence that you will come out of it ok, the rollercoaster ride will end, and allow your mind to forgot about your body for a while. My first breakthrough came at around 50mg vaped, which is around 20-25 with the e-mesh I think, depending on purity, personal tolerance and so on.

Once you hit a breakthrough dosage, you will not worry about your body or your breathing one bit. You will be in a different and wonderful place where your mind can explore without it's earthly bonds.

Keep playing with it, the payoff is huge and life changing. Take your time. I did about 18 months of research and multiple extractions before I tried it the first time, and another year before I became comfortable with that feeling of total loss of control. Trust your body, it will take care of itself while you're gone and will be waiting for you to return.

Hey Question?

Sounds like a great trip! Often it's not the imagery or sounds one hears but the feeling we are left with.

Are you being more mindful in your day to day? Feeling more positive? cosmic?
Integration is key. Takes time, more slow.

I suggest no candles. no fire. just not needed. use a small light

And if you are scared of letting go from your senses completely lowering dose and combining with Changa, rue, or mushrooms. and hit multiple times in a evening while doing some restorative yoga poses.

LAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

VAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

RAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

YAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

HAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

AUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Listen?!

Breathing is hard to hear in the noise of a DMT experience. Make some noises. Chant, hum, use glossolalia if you like. You will hear your voice and feel it's power. Auditory avenues are largely open if you can hold on enough vocalize. Ego-death sometimes feels like a choice to me. Sometimes I choose to forget and other times I want to remember. When I want to remember I use my voice to vibrate.

My best experience so far has been when I completely forgot who or what I was. No memories, nothing. Best feeling ever. Makes me think death isn’t so bad after all.