Finally a saturday or sunday i didn´t forget to register (thank you google) and while some days passed i found some time to say hello and introduce myself.

I´m a child of the 80s and my first childhood memories are when i looked up to the sky and felt to be a part of something much much bigger, while i was amazed by the milky way which is seen quite well in clear nights from the small village in western Germany where i was born and grew up.

While our space and rocket program was stopped in ´45 Germany has a significant lag on opportunities to become an astronaut and my eyesight did not meet the requirements to become a fighter pilot, i decided if Germany won´t let me fly planes i at least wanted to jump out of ´em. And so i did, sometimes even at night armed to the tooth and became a Sergeant in a tank busting specialized paratrooper unit.

After 4 years of service government fucked me and my live plans over with the new army structures and i started studying Aeronautical and Space technologies where i made my diploma in terminating insane amounts of alcohol and a PhD. in hook ups, while i started working briefly as a model whichnone of those, obviously, helps with becoming an engineer.

Here i also first time heard about that the guys from TooL, which i am a big fan of, are big DMT fans got me "The spirit molecule" and Meshuggah´s "Ayahuasca Experiment" didn´t became less disturbing but made more sense at least.

Then, having lost my parents in 2006 to cancer and with no other opportunity to earn money, i became part of the capitalistic hell some idiots where defending just because they where not smart enough to understand what Marx explained in "Das Kapital".

While i worked like a horse gotten payed like a pony, my wonderful live all of the sudden got a crack and got somewhat shitty.
I met a girl in Berlin, moved there, founded a company with her and learned first hand what mental abuse feels like, not that the bruises and pieces of skin bitten out of my upper body felt like a lot of fun, but after i almost ended up homeless, my inner self was best compared with Berlin or Dresden ´45.

Broke as fuck i couldn't even afford food the last days of the month and even thought i tried to get hands on DMT and while Berlin can supply you with every fucking drug out there, DMT was no where to find, even today its almost impossible to find it there.

It took me 6 years to get back on my feet again and close the wounds enough to start somewhat living again.
Started an job education as a metalworker and wielder, finally got back on an own motorcycle again, went back to school and studied mechanical engineering, which i finished this year, and got married last year in November,... 2 month after i could not work anymore because of the mental abuse i got myself back into from the woman i married then.

Something was utterly wrong with my mind, and acid, which helped me at least a bit the past years, came to it´s end with its abilities and so i got myself MHRB, extracted the shit out of it and holy mother was the first trip a kick in the balls.

While for more then a quarter of my live i felt like i have to go there my first thought when i came back was "ACH DU SCHEIßE" followed by "ACH DU SCHEIßE" and " I am never gonna do this again, ever, no fucking chance" i guess i really was walking in circles and after 45 - 60 minutes i knew i could go again right now and i maybe should but i was blocked by fear. I knew i defiantly would go for it again, but i also knew what´s to come from now on ain´t fun, ain´t fair, ain´t what i searched for but is nessecary.

That´s roughly 4 month ago, i got myself a lot more MHRB and also MDMA and Moclobemid, i work with that combination now every time the "universe" gives me to understand it is time again.

Still no Hyperspace but i could solve the trauma from Berlin in the last session, actually understood it was not even just mine but my parent´s. Getting bombed the first 4 or 5 years of living and then for 10-15 years having almost nothing to eat leaves a mark it seems.
I never saw that problem of German society but i am by far not the only one with parents that got traumatized in a way that would make them traumatizing their kids in such a subtle and almost invisible way, that it ain´t much easier then open abuse in some regards.

But now stabilized myself emotionally and my wife really tried to pushed all the triggers she found the past year and since my last trip they are gone. Sure still a lot of work to do but it feels good to know i have been right all the years, DMT is a key to reprogram not only your behavior but even your source code to become a better friend and support for the ones that love you.

This molecule has to become a part of society and all for most Psychotherapy. At least here things seem to start moving. A company in Berlin has begun to fight for it. I can share the link if there is any interest in it.

So, i hope here i can learn and share what i have learned from time to time and maybe get inspired or even can give some inspiration on some things to someone.

Wish you all a great day, good yield and even better trips.

Wilkommen

"You have to die a few times to truly live" Charles Bukowski

You have come to the right place and i too wish you a great weekend, yield and amazing trips!

Have a gud one

Fellow Tool Lover how is it going. What do you think of the new album? It has really grown on me over time. Anyway, welcome to the nexus!

Already almost died a few times, makes me feel truly alive every time, i should think about selling my GSX-R again but i can´t,... it´s just to much fun

I think so too, this community is a proof that DMT is connecting every living thing with each other

I am working on the yield, still gives me headache though, good to have at least enough goodies here to get rid of the headache right away

I knew i am not alone here

I should go to bed now after kinda trip sitting a friend the last night but there is too much to discover here still

At first i was a bit disappointed by MJKs vocals, still they don´t feel as harmonic with the rest like they did in Lateralus or 10.000 days.
While i sang in some projects too and had been strongly influenced by MJK i still feel like it´s a pity here and there he didn´t chose some other melodies.

I really got the album then while i vaped DMT for 2 hours on a moderate level while listend with closed eyes. Still i ain´t hearing it on repeat constantly like i did with Lateralus Aenima. It felt more like a good movie, you watched it, it was awesome but then your done with it. Had the same with "The Dark side of the Moon"

But i think i am gonna trip on it again and see what happens

I recently discovered a swedish band that really got me.

https://open.spotify.com...i=33nDAW7cScaftdaAW8u_0g

"Wheel" with their album "Moving Backwards" you might wanna give it a shot

Tool is the greatest. I have a rendition of the Third Eye design tattooed. Maybe get around to sharing it.

Link to Meshuggah´s "Ayahuasca Experiment"? Never heard of that and extremely interested with no search results found.

They gave some awesome inspirations for tattoos i think. Visual artwork has a hard job to get me, Adam Jones and also Alex Grey managed somehow to gimme something i can "work" with.

Did you design your tattoo by yourself?

Tool saved my live in Berlin back then, seriously.

"This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality
Embrace this moment, remember
We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion"

One of my most important mantras.

Stupid me "Experience" instead of "Experiment" and it can be found,... not sure still, on how serious they where with it, and i am afraid i could not stand the answer

https://open.spotify.com...i=7fHAvtYYSRaTvqnTeAGiiQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1fPFjsjl5c

Enjoy

Hey ftw. Great introduction essay. I also did 2 years as a medic in the us army so from one soldier to another thank you for your service (yours was much more intense than mine).. it sounds like you’ve gone through alot. Hopefully the nexus will offer you a good environment to share your experiences and connect with others like yourself. Welcome to the nexus and I hope to see you around

Buahahahahha i think thats my new alarm!

Seriously don't know how never ran into that before. Need to really finish checking out all of messuggahs discography.

But yeah Tool got me through so much in my life. I also got into them so late, granted I heard Schism on the radio when it was first out, but being the 90s and no real internet didn't really check them out as a band and nothing else was played locally. So when I finally got around to checking them out I listened to nothing but them on repeat for almost 6 months straight. By far one of the biggest influences and this was so many years before I ever tried a psychedelic or even knew anything about them. They're also the reason I ever found out about DMT.

No I didn't design it. I found an imagine I liked that someone did and then gave it to the tattoo artist at the time and told him to tweak it how he felt should be done.

Oooo hey there hooah. I'm a crayon eatter myself. Rah'. Lmfao I wonder how many other vets we have on here.

That Strength Though - some of us are drawn to a warpath in life: one littered by chaotic moments. Sometimes, warriors need taken care of long after the consequences of war - it piles home the narrative to remain vigilant about our world and the way that it works and the way that it doesn't

My first Ayahausca experience had let me know in a very hard moment: "you screwed up the first time that you fell in love with someone" and made a weird non-verbal message: you're alive, do something. I messaged that person but also screwed it up.. got obsessive, wish I could go back and take back something stupid - going to learn to respect people I love a lot more, hardly another option if that makes sense

From then, I really valued the quality of life. After I broke down and cried and cried and cried and cried lol love is big and grand like that

Dmt brought me back to Tool after a years long break. First was Tool, then NIN, then Pink Floyd, then dmt, then the art of Alex Grey, then back to Tool. One could call it my perfect circle...