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The Fear Before Options
 
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#1 Posted : 7/25/2020 9:51:01 PM

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Posts: 160
Joined: 30-Jun-2019
Last visit: 14-Jun-2021
Hey everybody, longtime no see,

So I got back to it. Heard the "phone ring" in a way. Started with a small 15mg dose. But tonight, decided I was gonna go for 25mg.
So I was a little stressed out. A "little". I don't know how to mesure my fear but it varies each time. I think it may limit my trip tho. At least on a purely physiological level: I exhaled vapor because my breath was shorter.
There was some spice left on the mesh after I was done. I need to tweak my device and/or work on my breathing technique. I actually timed my inhalation this time, aimed for 8 seconds, thought it'd be enough to get it all. I was wrong!

Anyway, the experience was both extra intense and super familiar. I think it took only 10 seconds before I closed my eyes and got sucked in whatever world this is.

The weird thing is: when I get back down, I feel like I was somewhere else COMPLETELY, like, it feels like I could not have taken more, like my mind could not have taken more, like, this was the most intense thing that could ever happen... but after a few minutes, a bitterness comes in and I start to feel "no, this wasn't it". I don't know if it's only a matter of "I didn't BT! Once again I didn't" or if it's a matter of "I was in this most amazing place and I can't bring it back down with me".

Cause when I got back down, it felt like what I experienced was so much, was too much actually, so much that I couldn't fathom/remember it.

My pineal gland was on fire after!

I'm so calm when I take it... why am I ALWAYS afraid before?

I've also stopped reading testimonies here, cause I think it makes me anticipate even more. The stories are so insane, it puts more pressure on the experience. I actually felt like the spice told me "don't think about BT, you just live your own thing, it's your journey". But I guess my thirst for knowledge is yet again my biggest obstacle, as it was my best ally.

Also, one question I meant to ask you guys: every time, every single time, I'm being told to look at the bottom right corner of my field of vision. Of course, I can't. But it's always "there, look there, that's where it is" !
"How Small A Thought It Takes To Fill A Whole Life"
Wittgenstein
 

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