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AiL762
#1 Posted : 7/16/2020 3:24:51 PM

\-= Conquer Your Fears =-/


Posts: 203
Joined: 07-Jun-2020
Last visit: 28-May-2023
Location: M.I.A.
Hey. So, I’m not sure where to start or what to really say, but figured I should make this post anyways since do want to be active and contribute where ever possible. I’ll just ramble on until get tired I guess.

I was a late bloomer into the world of substances. Growing up where I did, saw a lot of bad examples; gang violence, people that were best friends at each other’s throats from coke withdraws, etc. Even though most of my actual close friends growing up were thankfully moderate with just smoking weed daily, dropping cid or X every now and then, I never had an incline to even try anything once. I just drank whenever had a chance to sneak stuff from my parent’s liquor cabinet since middle school.

The only thing that did grab my attention though early on was hearing my friends cid stories. Always fascinated me, and couldn’t fathom how hallucinations could even be possible.

Reflecting on it now I think I honestly never got curious simply because in high school wasn’t hanging with the best crowds a good portion of time and figured having a blunt on me or something would’ve landed me in jail from frisks, and I would’ve been right on numerous occasions.

Either way, fast forwarding and life issues arising I had built up a fairly bad depression. At this point I started getting heavily into music and specifically classic rock and metal. Learning guitar, I saw how universally drugs were involved in my idols lives and how they attributed so much creativity to them so hanging with my friends on our daily smoke driving route I told them I’m down to partake in the activity lol. They were beyond excited and proceeded to get me trashed. Needless to say, I was hooked, instantly fell in love with Mary Jane at 19.

Finally understood why it was so loved, and really helped me open up and confront my denials of depression. Eventually year later or so did try shrooms a few times, robotripped (worst feeling ever imo), would do pure mdma at gettys, did salvia a few times as well (really crap quality unknowingly).

So I owe a ton of thanks to MJ, because my life and open-mindedness did significantly improve but I was smoking pretty much 24/7 after that first night. Back then we just called all high-grade stuff Chronic, later find out was mainly stuff like OG Kush and Sour Diesel. So, from never touching it to being stoned out my mind at all times for a few years really started taking its toll. I smoked myself stupid, to the point I was scaring myself and went cold turkey. Figured I needed a drastic change in my life style and get away from life issues, ended up joining the Marine Corps.

Fast forwarding yet again, thankfully to the shit medical care of the Navy and bad leadership from my unit, ended up developing a lot of health issues. Plus had a traumatic event with a family member dying. So now had Insomnia, manic depression, anxiety, bad anger issues, and multiple physical injuries. VA being the pill farm they are, just got me hooked on pills and constantly changing medications that never worked for over 6 years.

Based on all the side effects, constant withdrawals, wrong prescriptions, etc . I was becoming extremely suicidal for a few years now. Only reason held myself back was I didn’t want to have my parents live through that. Never did attempt thankfully as I wasn’t going to test the waters as most do, would’ve jumped right in and would’ve been incredibly easy for me. For one, ton of firearms but so extremely pro 2nd amendment I would never consider that as refuse to ever be used as another propaganda statistic. I had it down to a flip of a coin. Either drive head on into a semi while we both doing 80+mph or pick up a lethal dose of heroin and drift away peacefully.

Either way, side effects of the anti-depressant I was current on was getting so bad I would spend literally every waking moment debating myself why am I still breathing.

Some how that finally came into realization and went cold turkey on that crap, and decided rather live with the depression and anger than risk it any longer. The withdraws took months to get over but finally by Nov 2019 I finally felt “normal”ish after so long.

By this point I had already started researching all the new studies that had been coming up on how psilocybin essentially restarts the brain, curing people of these issues and more.

So, I went heavily into researching PF Tek and mono tubs, researching salvia again too.

I started watching some interviews with Joe Rogan, and well yeah, the classic “have you ever done DMT?”

I had never even heard of it before this point, and instantly got drawn to it like I think so many people do. I became almost obsessed researching it for almost 6 months. I grew up Catholic, but early on I felt that it was nonsense and became Atheist as early as probably 10years old. It wasn’t until I was already 21 that I started questioning that aspect. Had few events that I realized felt too much to be a “coincidence” and started considering spirituality and considered myself Agnostic. So, learning about DMT made me super intrigued.

Ordered me some Spores, Salvia extracts and 500g MHRB.

When finally learning extraction techniques for DMT, I end up reading up on MAOi’s and the interactions. I was still taking about 5 other pills at this point. Including this ridiculous cocktail every night, as my insomnia is horrible and would go up to 5 days awake. Even with triple max dosing Ambien, a bunch of muscle relaxers, anxiety meds, over the counter zzzqul, etc and then occasionally from desperation even washing down with a couple glasses of whiskey.

So, it dawned on me, yeahhhh… why have I never considered looking into issues with interactions of what I’m currently taking daily, not just because of the MAOi’s.

Turns out even with me not abusing my prescriptions and just the dosages the VA had me on with their complete lack of care and incompetence, my brain should’ve been slowed down to the point I should’ve stopped breathing or entered a coma the times I did finally fall asleep. Some how I was playing Russian roulette for over 6 years!

So needless to say I instantly went cold turkey on all that crap, and decided to say F the VA and I started to self-medicate simply with natural plants, vitamins, etc from here on out.

Some how DMT literally saved my life.

At this point I decided I’m going full blown Psychonaut.

I finally decided to take my first substance in over 10 years, Salvia 10x. Thinking how weak my experiences were when had done in the past, they were always laid back and CEV. I loaded up a big bowl, cleared it in 1 rip, and loaded another 1 and cleared it as well.
Holy ___! Insanely terrifying is an understatement.

This is beyond long enough already, and hope yall enjoyed so far, so I’ll prob share the trip experience / journal in another thread. But to sum up, I could not close my eyes, I just roamed around on my property in fear and experienced Ego Death to the max. I was always nihilistic, but now had all these new existential questions and revelations, instantly confirmed and became spiritual, an extreme newfound appreciation for nature, and so much more in those short 10min. Read up on erowid later that I did over the Max dosage, so surprised I didn’t just pass out, and based on the Stage rankings I definitely hit the 5.

After came out of it, I could not express how long its been since I experienced true happiness, probably since I was a child or when earned that Eagle Globe and Anchor. Either way, this decision was absolutely confirmed within my mind to be a Psychonaut.

Since then I been nonstop reading on shamanism, theories and creation of religions, history of these substances outside of our western world philosophies, and so much more.

I went through a 2nd terrifying Ego Death experience with Salvia. I also have done DMT finally 2x now.

I have 2 cakes of Golden Teacher, and 3 cakes of Penis Envy in the grow chamber about to get first pins any day now.

Might be ordering soon San Pedro to do Mescaline extractions.

I have a new found appreciation for chemistry as well, always been great at working with my hands and a perfectionist, so been having a ton of fun as well making all this stuff.

I still have so much to learn, and looking forward to growing with yall.

Seriously, I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. Definitely down to help the community any way I can.

Cheers.Twisted Evil
 

Good quality Syrian rue (Peganum harmala) for an incredible price!
 
potnoble
#2 Posted : 7/16/2020 5:17:28 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 359
Joined: 30-Nov-2019
Last visit: 23-Mar-2024
Location: yharnam
Thank you for sharing your story.

Its funny how psycedelics can make you think the right way in an instance.
All the bad stuff moves away and you see the path to happiness.
I am looking foward to your future posts and hope you have alot of fun
with Dimitri and the shrooms.
Everytime i read sth. about growing them i get inspired.
I still don´t have the space to do it but i will.

Anyways all the best and have a gud one dyoode
Psychedelic drugs don´t change you, they don´t change your character,
unless you want to be changed. They enable change. They can´t impose it.
Alexander Shulgin
 
AiL762
#3 Posted : 7/17/2020 7:31:11 AM

\-= Conquer Your Fears =-/


Posts: 203
Joined: 07-Jun-2020
Last visit: 28-May-2023
Location: M.I.A.


Yes exactly. Even with being terrified I still sucked it up and came out with so much reinforcement in positivity. Never a bad trip. Bring the fear.

Need to go into these events with an idea to mind. Instead of letting my subconscious pick one at random.

Hopefully sooner than later I can chime into the shrooms portion of forum. Love to add adies and more.
 
Bosho 23
#4 Posted : 7/17/2020 8:38:54 AM

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Last visit: 15-Jan-2021
Location: SCUDAPLIBOMB
Great to have you aboard AiL762. Nice to meet you great read sounds like you have found happiness looking forward to hearing more ✌️
 
AiL762
#5 Posted : 7/18/2020 7:43:42 AM

\-= Conquer Your Fears =-/


Posts: 203
Joined: 07-Jun-2020
Last visit: 28-May-2023
Location: M.I.A.
Bosho 23 wrote:
Great to have you aboard AiL762. Nice to meet you great read sounds like you have found happiness looking forward to hearing more ✌️


Thank you. The hardest part so far has only been purposely waiting time between sessions.

Since I'm only starting off, trying to respect it as a medicine and allow myself time for self-reflection and insight.

Dont get me wrong, I truthfully see no harm in doing this in almost a short daily ritual and is not something attempting to avoid or discourage if anyone is doing.

For me its more like you said, I've found happiness. So I'm attempting to draw it out so I become so appreciative and dont trick myself into thinking I'm only happy because I'm using the substance.

It sucks though, every experience I've seemed to develop new found revelations for my life and world view that I was uncertain or unable to piece together. I love learning so I feel like I'm holding back from learning more and cure all the ailments of my inner peace and balance.

 
Bosho 23
#6 Posted : 7/19/2020 7:09:07 AM

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Last visit: 15-Jan-2021
Location: SCUDAPLIBOMB
AiL762 it sounds like you are going about it in the right way I know what you are saying it shows you and teachers you something amazing you want to go straight back in. I just smoked and smoked the stuff without having much reflection on each experience jump from one to another as I wanted to know what was next. Now I’m left with so much to process that I’m struggling lost and do not where to look so IMHO keep it up the way you are going about it. And slowly allowing this magic substance teach and show you the way of the psychonaught. May ✌️ and 🌈 be with you along your journey.
 
Bosho 23
#7 Posted : 7/19/2020 7:18:45 AM

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Location: SCUDAPLIBOMB
Just had a quick think AiL762 on the other hand if you to process the experiences not like what I did there should be no issue to step up your journeys into hyperspace a little bit at a time ✌️
 
forwardtoinfinity
#8 Posted : 7/19/2020 1:56:44 PM

Novice HyperPilot


Posts: 100
Joined: 15-Sep-2019
Last visit: 10-Aug-2023
Location: Midwest USA
Nice introduction, I'm glad your path has led you here and it sounds like you're ready to make the best of it. You've certainly got the materials for some good medicine, and a good mindset. Agreed, the hobby/work/learning that DMT and shrooms bring with them is quite fun, and there always seems to be more you can try.

Your line of thought towards DMT sounds quite reasonable and beneficial, waiting between sessions really helps maintain their significance. Each time it does feel like you've gleaned more knowledge or appreciation for life, and it's kind of hard not to go back to that state of bliss, but IMO the more you put that knowledge to work in daily life the better and more you can learn and progress, in life and in Hyperspace.

First pins are exciting, have you looked into agar? It's not too hard to move onto after your first grow, and worth it for the speed it adds to future projects. Ofc then you tend to end up with more shrooms than you know what to do with, but that's a nice problem to have Big grin

 
AiL762
#9 Posted : 7/19/2020 8:20:22 PM

\-= Conquer Your Fears =-/


Posts: 203
Joined: 07-Jun-2020
Last visit: 28-May-2023
Location: M.I.A.
Bosho 23 wrote:
Just had a quick think AiL762 on the other hand if you to process the experiences not like what I did there should be no issue to step up your journeys into hyperspace a little bit at a time ✌️


Thank you for the warm welcome. I mainly going slower since all this is completely new to me. Was so anti spirituality, pro atheist and extreme nihilism for so long that now after just these 15min trips I'm discovering or analyzing new methods of what I feel are "facts" of reality that seem to dawn on me as absolute truths. So a lot of the downtime I'm just reading and researching these ideas to see multiple avenues of thought, look at contradicting info, look at things I feel are possibly relevant in the science community that are unbiased towards my thoughts since usually done by people with the same mentality I had previously.

Then trying to be cautious on what I do allow myself to stumble upon becuase theres so many what I consider false prophets in this spiritual conversation and honestly the reason I was always so hesitant to consider any of this in the past and resent them deeply for it. Feel way too many spread information thats completely false in the western approach for sence of self importance and following. That has been INCREDIBLY obvious with in looking at Shamanism. Expecially these so called "core shamanism" scam artist a**holes.

Anyways, what Im getting at before I end up going on a rant is I like things to flow naturally to me so if it does I'll read up and develop it instead of getting influenced externally prior. That obviously requires a lot of time to go that route and like you said, if too much at once you'll just get completely lost in the information.

I can't wait till the days its no longer as "teaching" but more reaffirming. So I can thoroughly enjoy it more and do often.
 
AiL762
#10 Posted : 7/19/2020 8:31:14 PM

\-= Conquer Your Fears =-/


Posts: 203
Joined: 07-Jun-2020
Last visit: 28-May-2023
Location: M.I.A.
forwardtoinfinity wrote:
Nice introduction, I'm glad your path has led you here and it sounds like you're ready to make the best of it. You've certainly got the materials for some good medicine, and a good mindset. Agreed, the hobby/work/learning that DMT and shrooms bring with them is quite fun, and there always seems to be more you can try.

Your line of thought towards DMT sounds quite reasonable and beneficial, waiting between sessions really helps maintain their significance. Each time it does feel like you've gleaned more knowledge or appreciation for life, and it's kind of hard not to go back to that state of bliss, but IMO the more you put that knowledge to work in daily life the better and more you can learn and progress, in life and in Hyperspace.

First pins are exciting, have you looked into agar? It's not too hard to move onto after your first grow, and worth it for the speed it adds to future projects. Ofc then you tend to end up with more shrooms than you know what to do with, but that's a nice problem to have Big grin



Thank you so much as well. I'm dying to do pharmahuasca already. Hyperspace beyond is perspective and life changing and I barely even put my foot in the waters. These mail delays shafted me as shouldve had my MAOis over 3 weeks ago. I feel prob next few days finally, only reason havnt done my 3rd DMT trip yet.

Well pins havnt came out yet. Im still working out issues with my environment. Love my home cold so they been sitting at 65deg average in a spare bathroom. The lions manes growing as well care not at all and grow fine, but seeing cubensis have been very picky on temps. I ordered a heater and think gets in tomorrow. Should be able to bump up to 75degees minimum without issue.

I'm just glad no contamination issues. And seemed to have the process down and figuring ways to streamline it.

I barely looked into agar, I feel more comfortable with doing a liquid mycelium culture in a jar then injecting that into the pf teks.

Gonna do a test run with 12 jars next batch. Then possibly jump up to 24 or 30 at a time.from here on out as I also enjoying having gourmet ones.

But absolutely, I rather dry, vacuum seal and throw em in my meat locker in bulk than be in the situation I'm in now. Waited a month and a half now for a total of 5 cakes. And I feel gonna be a weak yield.

Definitely refuse to pay the ridiculous $200/oz street prices.
 
Duncan Disorderly
#11 Posted : 7/20/2020 4:35:24 AM

DO NOT READ THIS!


Posts: 169
Joined: 19-Jan-2020
Last visit: 10-Dec-2023
Location: My underground lair. Yes! Lair!
Hello again! Excellent intro.

Since I normally don't see the wood because of the trees, I was unaware you were still a "new member" when we last spoke. So, I suspect you didn't get my pm.

No biggy. I'm assuming you'll eventually be granted full membership. You appear to have a balanced, mature attitude. Your words are composed coherently, judging by your OP alone.

Clearly, you can write a wall of walls effortlessly, which is the easy part. The hard part is constructing an interesting wall that is worth reading. This, you achieved.

Hope to see you in the forum soon! Best wishes!

Peace.
DD.

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.” -R.I.P. Terry Pratchett

GARGA BLARG BLARG!

Dharma Mantra Tantra
 
Phangz
#12 Posted : 7/21/2020 8:57:19 AM

Seeking...


Posts: 35
Joined: 20-Jun-2020
Last visit: 04-Mar-2023
Hi and welcome my friend.
There's never enough dirt but......the best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago.
 
AiL762
#13 Posted : 7/27/2020 3:55:44 PM

\-= Conquer Your Fears =-/


Posts: 203
Joined: 07-Jun-2020
Last visit: 28-May-2023
Location: M.I.A.
Duncan Disorderly wrote:
Hello again! Excellent intro.

Since I normally don't see the wood because of the trees, I was unaware you were still a "new member" when we last spoke. So, I suspect you didn't get my pm.

No biggy. I'm assuming you'll eventually be granted full membership. You appear to have a balanced, mature attitude. Your words are composed coherently, judging by your OP alone.

Clearly, you can write a wall of walls effortlessly, which is the easy part. The hard part is constructing an interesting wall that is worth reading. This, you achieved.

Hope to see you in the forum soon! Best wishes!

Peace.
DD.



Haha yeah I had typed a full response and was unable to send it to you.

Thank you for the kind words. I plan on submitting my reports once I get my Maoi's and can do pharmahuasca and explore that a bit first just need to edit details out as personally wrote them directed towards myself.

I definitely plan on sticking around. Just waiting to see when I become full member and can contribute or ask questions on the other sections. Very happy

Got my first small yield of Golden Teachers waiting for me to take atm. 24.5g diced up and sitting in lemon, waiting for UPS to finish delivering a package. Excited to say the least lmao
 
 
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