This trip was done with 2 grams of 20X extract and 120mg of yellow freebase DMT. I’ve been experimenting with the extract to find the optimum dosage and I think I found it in 2 grams of the magical stuff. This dose completely inhibits MAO, provides the foundation for a warm and loving and colorful trip and has zero nausea. Compared to pure extracts, it is like comparing watered down diet soda to full bodied, remarkably sweet soda.


After ingestion I sat on the couch and waited for my thoughts to become deeper and sharper. I waited for my mind to leave the safety of the sidewalk and wander out into the street and into the dark alleys and glitzy pathways of thought and experience. After a half an hour I began to get lost in the stories and ideas in my head. The world disappears and I am left wandering the contents of my mind except I am wondering if these thoughts really originate from myself or if the world is somehow seeping into me to produce these strange dreamlike narratives. Sometimes during the exploration of a particular idea I decide to step outside of it to gain a different perspective and I am really trying to stand above the DMT trip to get a different view. But you can’t leave the DMT space because it has you trapped and deep in its playful grip. It then lets me wander around and tosses colors and concepts at me like a lasso to reel me back in to the cave.


Knowledge is often gifted to me during these sessions. Lately the lesson is that my life consists of everything that I experience, every person I know, every food I eat, every tree I see, and everything outside of the self is really me in as much as my interior is me. Interior and exterior are all me. Now that concept is a deep philosophical idea that took on a tangible and mind shattering reality during this trip. I was stunned by the implications and awed by the grandiosity of it. Ah, but DMT doesn’t relinquish such truths so easily. Next I was subjected to crushing doubt – these are silly hippy ideas, drug-addled misconceptions, sad excuses to continue eating a crazy and unpredictable molecule. The ying and yang is made manifest in this dialogue. I am left just as confused as before except there are some breadcrumbs left for me to follow for answers.


And the breadcrumbs led me through the darkness and light of the mind, through the cosmic cloud of consciousness where abstract humor and novel creativity fuck each other for my perverse enjoyment. This is some self indulgent shit, it’s all about me and my feelings, my thoughts, my life – the universe is converging on me because I matter. My life takes on the trappings of a cosmic drama and I can picture it as a Shakespearean play where I am JoeBono by night and the other me by day. JoeBono, the noetic delver who practices with an illicit substance against all the rules of society is also the solid, upstanding and respectable citizen who wears a suit and tie during the rest of the week. This idea slammed me against the wall and I don’t know how to recover or integrate it. I’m like fucking Batman. I think I need some distance from DMT for a while, but I am drawn inexorably to my Saturday trips.


Sometimes during the week I have whispers of DMT in my consciousness and thought processes. I think in terms of DMT expansiveness rather than the regular sober narrow mind. Is this positive? I like it. But damn it, I need some objectivity. What is it really doing to me? Am I more open minded or less? Am I able to think more philosophically or am I spiraling into stupidity? I don’t fucking know and it is sort of tearing me apart. Am I any different than a dude who does nitrous all the time because he finds truth in that chemical? Or is this different? Or am I the poster child for what society regards as a druggie? Or have I been enlightened and the rest of straight society are the ones living the illusion? Maybe there are no answers.

I have no answers, but I like your style, joebono. You make for some real good reading.

yeah I concur, was a nice read!! There are no answers I guess.. But as long as you're trying to do your best in life, being healthy and not hurting anybody, and if you enjoy, then thats all that matters

Excelent read, food for thought eh.

Thanks bro

Just a thought - maybe you need some distance and time to integrate? Lots of times when I make changes in my life or routines I ask myself did the changes make things better? Or worse? So I'll stay with the change for a while and ask myself if I'm better off. If not, I'll go back to the old way for a while and then reconsider once I'm used to that again. If you've been doing DMT for say a few months, try doing without for a few months and compare your life during the two periods. Repeat as necessary. Eventually it should become clear.

elphologist

^ good point

your words

For as far as i can see you just had some beautiful, intruiging insights. And you are playing with those, which is normal. Just give it time. No need to judge yourself. One day you will see how it fits. It always does.


Maybe you should try different questions..
Do you feel like you are abusing dmt?

Dont feel alone batman. Im spiderman
And btw the superman feeling is normal too.

awesome read joe! in all honesty i was getting ready to PM Uncle Knucles and ask if he was writing under a secret name because your writing styles (ie: VERY good, author-quality writing) are so similar. but then- i see ol' art read your post before me! ....i suppose "like attracts like"..

i feel your struggle in your words, brother. i've also heard the same "what the hell is it all about" speech from Art himself. i personally have no idea what it's all about...nor do i care to. if i were to ever manage to come to any sort of understanding of this wonderment, it would be proof positive to me that it was NOT the sacrament i have come to believe it to be.

"the tao that can be named is NOT the eternal tao..."

i would put forth the notion that the very questions that lead to the need for these answers are where the problems find their genesis... the need to understand anything is born out of ego and that is what we work to let go of in that place. if life is really nothing more than a window of preparation for death, wouldn't we want to "train" to be as comfortable with the inevitable surrender of self that's coming anyway? maybe DMT is that "soul gymnasium"...

i truly don't know....but i DO know that i absolutely have grown to cherish with indescribable gratitude the brief moments of "selflessness" that i am able to experience. to bathe in the infinite pool of creativity....the source of all that is, was, will be and cannot be conceived of yet. hmmm....does this make me "aquaman"?

maybe it's just as simple as that. maybe DMT's gift is simply the open space to know what freedom from this samsara is like. questions and answers are part of this place....not there....

in the end, however, i must simply conclude with (enter broad smile here), "i just don't know."

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

Great question. I trip once a week on Saturdays and have been for months. DMT is the only drug I really take. Every once and a while I will play with shrooms or mescaline or LSA but they are pale competitors to the DMT spot. I constantly analyze myself for my reasons and try to remain objective about my use and its effects. I really don't want to stop because it is something I think about all week long. I look forward to it very much. Hell, I have never had a bad trip or anything remotely negative. They have ALL been out of this world, earth shattering, and philosophically demanding. There has to be a downside to this? There is a downside to everything, right? How can this be such powerfully positive magic without its equally negative counterpart? I guess its that damn Catholic upbringing - the hammer will eventually come crashing and I will have to pay the piper. Or maybe DMT doesn't follow these wacky laws that I've created.

bingo...

...says the fellow recovering catholic...

L&G!!

Thanks Antrocles. I can tell we are kindred spirits traveling in the same oceans, awash in similar concepts and occassionally drowning in the same ideas. There are many gifts here that DMT allows us to find, almost like treasures in our own Hero's Journey adventure. Part of that adventure requires us to release the self, or allow the world into the self until we are diluted to the point of non-existence or super saturated existence. I am glad to know others like yourself are navigating with me.

I have a clear answer for you: You are suffering from being prosecuted for your religion.

This is why you must play Batman. Your Saturday ritual is punishable by law.

So well written and I have gone through the exact same questions many times!

I have concluded, there are two modes of processing: left brain and right brain, fear or love. Fear contracts. Love expands.

I can see myself acting under either influence. I can write in paranoia about secret consumption of illicit substances and ponder how I've totally lost my "way," or, I can trust and ride the incredible waves of love that surround me. Acting with love, even in times of fear, seems to carry me beyond the crushing notions of a more contracting perspective...

If that makes any sense.

Love doesn't necessarily EXPLAIN or JUSTIFY if you are really batman, crazy, just dreaming, or whatever, but it brings peace, understanding, and compassion... for you... your world... all the food, animals, plants, people, and places that comprise it...

I wanted to expand on my earlier post. I was a bit rushed, and didn't give your post the time it deserved. Very beautiful writing you have, JoeBono.



Of course you are different from the dude who does nitrous. You clearly have spiritual intent behind your use of DMT. Maybe the guy who does nitrous also has that, but you are using a substance that has been used in research studies and clearly has profound and scientifically reproducible effects. You have been, in my opinion, enlightened at least to the mysteries of death and at most to the underlying fabric of all reality and all its deepest mysteries.

The reason you might be viewed by the public as a druggie is because you are being oppressed. You and everyone else who uses these substances with genuine spiritual intent should be guaranteed the right to use them simply through First Amendment rights in the US. Its a tragedy, and I'm spending hours almost everyday to research the best way to rectify this legal issue.

You aren't crazy You're a respectable and productive citizen and maybe one day you'll be free to openly use your Sacrament without fear of prosecution.

Much love!

Thanks for this. Sometimes it takes a herculean effort to make that paradigm shift where I see myself not as a cockroach hiding in the shadows but as an oppressed person who is part of a larger group of people who are seeking real freedom. We are just like the blacks before civil rights and abolition, just like gays now, and just like those before us who stood on the wrong side of an institutionalized power who targets those who are different and views them as dangerous.

kartikay- thanks for going back and clarifying brother. that original post had me scratching my head with my best "huh?" look on my face...

the social mores that we are expected to abide by in our western culture make no room for entheogenic exploration of soul. this is sad beyond words and, though i am excited that kartikay and others are researching legal pathways to keep us safe (somewhat) from persecution should the "hammer drop" on any one of us, the sorrow is far deeper than just "getting pinched".

it is in the way an orthodox jew won't even speak to a woman asking directions somewhere, it is in the way a born again christian will look you straight in your face and tell you that the most devout buddhist on the other side of the planet is, sadly, going to burn in hell because she hasn't accepted jesus as her personal saviour....but that missionaries are working feverishly to bring "the word" to her!, it's in the way the muslim young man is religo-babbled into blowing himself and a hundred innocent people up in the name of Allah. it's the way we use religion and the ubiquitous human desire to know something deeper to control, separate, exclude, persecute and do countless other unspeakable things to other people.

...right now, we as DMT users are simply fighting for our place in that arena....

now don't get me wrong- i'm not saying that our community is like that at all! what i AM saying is that even if all entheogenic substances were yanked off schedule1 and made "legal for religious use", we would simply find ourselves touching down in the middle of a giant religious dogfight...and in the eyes of any other "spiritual institution", we are just another dog....actually, kind of a scrawny one with thin legs and no aggressive tendencies to be honest. our "religion" is so individual in the experience of it, we are more bound by the awe we each experience vs. the "group" reverie others partake in under some chapel's roof on sunday..

i will tie this all together now and insert it neatly into brother joe's original post- if kartikay is correct in his idea that your confusion is created/amplified/exacerbated through society's "taboo-ification" of plant medicines, i would simply state that no matter how much headway we make in the world towards complete legalization, it will always be "taboo". because of this, we are given a gift. we are given the challenge of rising above all of these ridiculous establishments of "think like us" . we are, through our awesome plants, EACH taken down our own individual path of growth and discovery. we grow at OUR pace, in OUR way. and when we are back, we have a community to share and learn from WITHOUT anyone debunking, challenging, or directing anyone else's journey.

only support. THAT'S what i call a religion. our paths are our own. our growth is our own. the mountain is there for all to see and we will share and support until we are all dancing on the summit. don't ever let society's rules stop you from exploring yourself. you came into this world alone and you will leave the same way. and ALL of this will be done in a very short amount of time. experience life. experience love. experience your mind and your heart and your spirit.

DO NOT TRY TO "FOLLOW IN THE FOOTSTEPS" OF THE WISE. RATHER- SEEK WHAT THEY SOUGHT!

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

Such a beautiful post antrocles! You are really inspiring brother =)

God Damn Ant, speak it brother!!!

Man, your connection to this other place is really becoming more & more obvious in what you write & how you write about it!! And it just seems to keep growing!!
Are you still keeping a regular, daily, ritual of journeying into DMT-Space at least once, everyday?

I love reading the accounts of your experiences Ant, please keep em coming!!


BTW, out of my own curiosity, have you ever had any negative experiences with DMT?

Myself I have never really had what other people write about as a "negative DMT experience".
I have had a few "white-knucklers", where everything (physical & psychological) just seem to be swirling & swirling away, with no apparent direction...not necessarily a directly horrible thing, but definitely 100% out of control & for no obvious reason!
Although I have enough psychedelic experience to know how to calm my mind during this maelstrom & not get carried away into the silly "DMT is punishing me, or doesn't think I'm worthy" kind of thought process.
Instead, I clear my mind & just watch & wait....by this time the effects are usually beginning to subside already anyway. It will always come to an end & with vaporized DMT, it is gonna be quicker than most.

Then I've also had 2 or 3 times where my breathing became labored, like I had to really work my lungs & chest muscles to get every breath in & out. This is a bit scary, but once again I just clear my mind & concentrate on the breathing....in & out...in & out....& soon enough it starts to become voluntary again. Usually soon enough to still enjoy the ending of the full-on experience & the come-down.

BTW, I've had a friend in the room once while this labored breathing thing happened & he told me afterward that he had no idea there was anything out of the ordinary going on, because I was breathing totally normal the entire time!?!?!?!?
So I don't get all freaked out by this anymore....I just breath & wait.


WS

WOW!! What a beautiful thread. I think that our demand for religious freedom could be effective for us that identify dmt as our sacrament by means of the The Religious Freedom Restoration Act. This is possible because of the fear that the other religious venues have about the threat that they perceive to their practices due to the Scientific method . I really would hate to see the people who cannot use religious terms to defend their pursuit of the psychedelic experience get singled out for persecution if we do find success using the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. I am at a point in my life where I can be comfortable in the knowledge that I don't really know whether there is an underlying intelligence to creation (God)or not but I have no reservations in claiming dmt and other psychedelics as my sacraments. Thanks to all the eloquent and articulate posters in this beautiful thread and thanks to Freedom of Speech and the DMT-Nexus (The Traveler in particular)for making it possible.

many thanks and much love W won't be long now and you are going to be doing more than just hearing about them....

yes, DMT is blowing it all wide open for me and i am doing as little as possible to get in the way of such a righteous awakening process. i still have my moments of doubt and uncertainty....i'm no buddha...but on the whole i have a sense of peace so deep within me that even those moments don't last long. my work with this molecule is the single greatest contributor towards the inner peace i have spent my whole life searching for. it has given me glimpses, no matter how brief, of otherness and unknowingness that have acted essentially like hand and footholds as i slowly climb out of this hole i've dug myself into over the past 38 years.

when you're climbing the mountain and it is huge, isn't it motivating and assuring to be able to see the peak from time to time? no matter how far off it might be... DMT does this for me.

and yes, i still breakthrough almost every day.

as for "negative" experiences.....i can honestly say no to that. i HAVE had some straight-up ego-death journeys that required complete surrender and there is always a nano-second where your nuts start going up into your body on those....but each time i go i get more and more capable of just letting go. THAT is truly what i believe DMT's greatest gift is to us. teaching us how to let go.

i wrote something i felt pretty deep regarding this very concept yesterday in the "is smoking DMT a waste of my time and molecule" thread in the INFORMATION/GENERAL DISCUSSIONS room. give it a read and let me know what you think...

much love to you brother.

L&G!!