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NMT + metta molecule Options
 
geminigirl
#1 Posted : 11/7/2019 6:34:04 AM
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Immediate mood: Feelings of severance.

I wasn't too strict about the MAOI food rule, though there's only a slim chance that I ate anything on the list of foods to avoid. (I had yellow duck curry earlier.) I was minorly prepared to participate in psychedelics because today would be the best time to fit in my life.

It was the first time trying a harmala mix (harmine, harmala, THH)
I didn't vape DMT, I vaped something different called NMT + Metta Molecule

The description of this combo was that it's supposed to feel like glittery rainbow bliss

Harmala relaxed me a bit. Tbh I felt woozy. I played a meditation video while I let the harmala sit sublingually, but I don't think I was able to get the full effect of the meditation because the harmala was so gd bitter. Also, my heart was like a floating piece of driftwood, kinda neutrally lifeless.

NMT + MM .. the effect was insanely close to my first DMT trip.

A lot of colorful patterns moving around everywhere, rapidly. There were two sounds too, almost like a low rumbling and a low rattle, kind of like hearing a train approaching from far away.

I saw a lot of things that are impossible to recall, mostly because they weren’t that appealing or meaningful. It felt like a dream-state. None of it felt impactful or real. A recurring theme on this trip was industrial material. I feel like it was a reflection of my sort of lifeless practical, piercing type of energy. I wonder if I identify with steel or something, because steel shapes were emerging from everything - the center of the earth, the center of my heart, the world around me, gears turning, mechanical instruments moving around anywhere I wanted to look. So I then willed myself to soften and be more lifelike - so I started forcing a flower to grow out of the steel, and after a few attempts, it finally landed. The flower grew and grew, then there were hundreds and thousands of these white puffy flowers that started covering all the machinery.

My interpretation of this: Damn. My trip is entirely limited by MY OWN IMAGINATION.

I was kinda hoping that psychedelics would improve my imagination, and it kind of does, but I'm also learning that my trip is entirely limited by it at the same time.

After that, I began really honing in on imagining meaningful things. I tried imagining my lost pet bird, but the trip tore that image to shreds. I also tried imagining wealth, opportunities, elevating energy, tearing the sky apart. I saw planes and axes. Oh, and I actually DID see like swirling pink streams of glitter when I smoked the NMT+MM! But… in the end, none of it was quite meaningful.

Actually, a part of me wonders if I’m just not the kind of person who has access to that side of things. I also want to do things with a shaman more than on my own. Also….

I feel like, deep down, I was hoping that psychedelics would help me resolve this incessant feeling of emptiness and aimlessness. But I’m starting to believe that psychedelics really just behaves like a mirror, and any time of empty aimlessness I feel will just be reflected back at me.

Also, makes me wonder about a Creator God again. A sort of shepherd and overseer of my soul, reminding me that there’s another way to have that deep feeling of meaning.

P.S. I’m probably not going to give it up psychedelics anytime soon. Will prob continue pushing that envelope for a while until I get a hard redirection.

ETA: Pretty sure I didn't break through, this was prob like a first-phase of a low-dose, knowing my capacity. No ego-death experience. Though, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised if that's the end for me because I don't have much of a self-identity in the first place.

ETA2: I also had a vision where I was a fiery fire bird coming from the sun to protect humanity from whatever energies were attacking it. I distinctly remember thinking: "What if I'm not actually human?" (Is this type of imagery where people with mental illness can become delusional?)

 

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TalkingGarden
#2 Posted : 11/8/2019 11:06:46 PM
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Look you dont need to become delusional haha....I have had a entity tell me a similar thing "I am from his group of people and they had been trying to wake me up to help the cause" type of thing a few times...I have had them tell me I am a king ect….I think it becomes delusional when outside of that space you start thinking that you are any better than anyone else...We are all part of the same wich is incredibly beautiful! As long as you keep yourself grounded in real life thoughts about that stuff your good. Now yes dose this thing make us want to be better and make the world a better place YEH! at least for me it does but its important to remember at a core level we are all the same! If things get repetitive take a break for a little while.

Also that's amazing you were able to grow flowers out of steel!! I wish I could have seen that haha! I find sometimes we are in control of it BUT NOT ALWAYS! its like sometimes it hands control to us wether its to trick us or make us know we are in control of our lives I haven't figured out yet. I haven't been able to control anything like what you described but one time I got this purple dot with eyes open and with eyes closed it was yellow orange and red like the sun. I was able to make this dot in my vision grow and shrink come closer or farther away it was so fun to play with! However I also had a trip where all MY thoughts were repeated to me BUT like a millisecond BEFORE I THOUGHT them it was like they were reading my mind before I could get the thought out. So maybe they aren't handing over control maybe they know what you think before you think it and act accordingly to make it seem like your in control. BUT hey that's part of this beautiful mystery!!! Its amazing aint it?
 
moyshekapoyre
#3 Posted : 11/17/2019 3:01:36 AM
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Interesting. Sounds to me like you took too much NMT maybe & not enough metta. Was that a combined cart? Might be more useful to have separate ones in your case so you can have more control.
Also, I'd like to know if you are using any meds or herbs because I've found some seem to block the magic love bliss component, including agmatine and marijuana, but probably others also.

It does help to do metta (loving kindness) meditation also (check Ajahn Brahm youtube videos). Metta + NMT can kind of go in any direction sometimes, but it has a tendency to be heart-centered, especially if that is your intention.
 
FranLover
#4 Posted : 11/17/2019 4:19:48 AM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


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Its a magic mirror...
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
 
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