Ok guys I didn't want to do this right away cause well I wanted to share my thoughts on dmt here and well when I first came here it was after the first couple trips and each one completely shattered my reality and built it back up BIGGER AND STRONGER!! so wanted to get a LITTLE experience first anyway lets start with my background first tho
I had started with drugs very very early on...lets just say I had a few neighbors that though it was a good idea to teach me how to inject heroin on the day after my 13th birthday...great idea right?!?! it wasn't my first encounter with drugs but really set me off and running. heroin was the main focus but did everything that was in front of me...it led to bad times in and out of jail rehab ect...destroyed almost every relationship in my life...the only 2 that hung on were mom and dad
but they werent happy. i had a few clean points here and there but at 23 after a 3 year run (everyday use at a incredible about!) enough was enough i just couldnt do it...sooo many friends OD over the years and actually i was doing more than most of them so its a miracle i am here i truely belive if i didnt stop when i did i would have been dead in a month! i had tried suboxone with no luck in the past it couldnt keep me out of withdrawel…so at 23 i got on methadone that saved my life! stoped doing EVERYTHING for 9 years. AFter 9 years (a year ago) i had some medical things pop up that i am still dealing with...basicly i was puking everyday couldnt eat dropping WAY to much weight and would get dizzy every time i stood up waking up on the ground sometimes. Well after 9 years sober the decision was hard but smoking weed helped TREMENDOUSLY! i could eat i could keep down food and liquids ect. This was kind of a epiphany "some drugs when used right can be very good" this whole time sober i was depressed without really knowing why. I always told my self and really belived that i didnt feel guilty for the stuff i had done in the midst of my addictions. started to read up and found psychedelics were making good stride with that. In the past i had taken acid and mushrooms but recreational only. So i ended up actually getting ahold of some cactus...the first lesson it taught me was that i need to get off the methadone...actually it asked me "what is this doing for you" after 3 days of contenplation i realised i am strong enough to stay away from the other stuff i was just scared of withdrawel and to take it forever well thats stupid. now i am in the middle of a detox it will be a couple more months till its done! being safe and going slow! I noticed for a week after that trip I WAS HAPPY! started looking into mushrooms and dmt. mushrooms has been very healling! DMT was a eyeopener! one of the first trips it was like all this guilt for all the stuff i had done came flooding out! i was litterly crying. but it wasnt a SAD cry it was like the universe opened me up and said to me " ITS OK! WHATS DONE IS DONE BECAUSE IT HAD TO BE DONE BE OK WITH IT EMBRACE IT AND MOVE FOWARD!" that cry was a very happy cry. It dug this out of me that i had burried so deep i really belived it wasnt there...i even thought in the past "there must be something wrong with me i SHOULD feel guilty but i DONT" that was a lie i told myself for a long time! it was good to be honest at least with myself for once!...
so i feel psychedelics has re arisen that child inside me. like before all the heroin and pcp ect ect ect. i discovered i LOVE to LEARN! i want to learn about everything i can about me, you, the entire universe...this is how i was before all the crap i loved to go to school had perfect attendence many years as a child...once heroin entered my life well lets just say from 13-16 i only showed up to class 30% of the time droped out/kicked out (it was a mutual decision lol) at 16...i feel like i am 12 again at least with my motivation to actually learn and do something with my life! And i wont lie my addiction is still there i call it "the beast" some days even now it comes out i will wake up and think go get some spice and blast off. BUT the difference now is i can recognize that for what it is and now on those days specificly i keep the beast in its cage. That is important for me! and now i have the power to do that! i am so much more powerfull than i could have ever imagined even a year ago!....
So thats where i been and where i am at now...hopefully its all uphill from here! I really want to thank ALL OF YOU GUYS! this is such a amazing PLACE! because of my addictions i had to rid myself of all of those people i hung out with and well other than here and another forum (i like it here better HEHE!) i have no one to talk about this stuff with...i am super close with my mom and she is ok so far with me doing this i think she realises its helping me make a better person out of myself not worse like in the past but i am sure she has fears cause of my history and she has NEVER done anything but have a few drinks in her life so i am carefull what i say i dont want her thinking i am nuts LOL so yeh having you guys here is HUGE! and i truely thank all of you just for being here and BEING YOU! YOU (the individual ego) is hugely IMPORTANT but US the unity that arises when EGO is lost IS ALSO important! BOTH ARE PRECIOUS AND SHOULD BE CELEBRATED AND KEPT IN BALLENCE! One cannot exsist with out the other!