I havn't tried psychedelics for a very long time, at least four years now. My last experiences being at Boom Festival with some very high quality LSD and a Yopo experience with a few friends. People often tell me DMT takes the longest to digest and recently I've come to think that this statement includes more truth than I could possibly have imagined all those years ago. I've had several breakthrough DMT experiences, though none of them even come close to the first time I tried DMT.

All these years later, the phrase "Once you get the message, hang up the phone" has become more and more prominent in my life, I've felt less of a need to indulge in any kind of drug, including cannabis and alchohol. Though occasionally I have the tiny dabble. I've turned my thoughts inward as you could put it. I've been watching Full Metal Alchemist with some friends recently, the second episode contains what in my eyes was my DMT experience. I met God, Truth, the infinite scale of creation and in what felt like an eternity saw the truth of everything faster than I ever thought possible. Too much for you to digest in a week, a month... years.. I still think back to my first experiences with DMT and high dose LSD trips.

More and more a message comes to my life, that loving is the only purpose, the true purpose. That life has meaning because of it's fragility. Nothing is permanent, change is the only constant and the connections we share with one another are so profoundly important it begins to drown out any drip of sorrow I have felt throughout my life. I see only compassion for all beings and the precious impermanent state of being we all share. The very fact life exists seems so impossible, implausable.. it barely makes sense to me, only that it's a divine gift, winning the lottery seems like a piss in the ocean compared to existing. Though suffering is a prominent yet essential feature of existence. It does not take away from the fact the few precious moments we do get to share are meaning in of themselves.

These past few years I have experienced mental illness, in the form of Ekkoms syndrome, likely caused by amphetamine abuse in my youth. It's been an incredibly traumatic experience resulting in several mental breakdowns and a hermit lifestyle. Though I'm confident I'm reaching the light at the end of the tunnel in regards to that. I feel the suffering I have experienced is what DMT told me would be my "baptism in fire" an experience that causes you to transform and change completely from the person you were, to the person I had to become.

"One day, this suffering will become useful to you"

I saw the truth of myself through DMT, the action and reactionary nature of existence and the importance of learning deeply from all the negative experiences we have in life, be they injury, pain, depression or death. I still feel a profound comfort in the knowledge DMT shared with me, in that we do not die, we simply change, as does everything.

I guess I'm concluding here in that I'm grateful for everything I have experienced, both good and bad and I feel proud of myself that I feel I'm now actively applying this to aspects of my life. I hope others who have experienced something similar are ok and I would also like to thank the nexus for being a place of deep thought, learning and a grounds to share our experiences with one another. I will constantly promote this place to everyone who wants to learn more about themselves and the nature of our existence.

Thank you all : ) and to the Russian friend I met at Boom festival all those years ago, the folks I met from the nexus itself, I hope you're ok and continuing your journey!

DMT is a powerful thing. Big love to you all.

Loving the positive spirit in your post

Attaboy! Nice to hear someone experiencing some true healing in this world!

I can relate to going through some tough times and coming out the other side even better for it all. It can be hard to change. Sometimes we need to go through some tough experiences to facilitate the changes we need, otherwise we become static. It's important to push through the negative and realize that even the hardest experiences hold value for you.

There is a saying that you cannot heal someone else until you truly heal yourself. I hope this healing spirit spreads like wildfire throughout your life to all those you engage with. We never know how far out our ripples travel in this world. It is important to heal ourselves so we do not poison the waters any longer.

Very nice to read this today and thank you for sharing a piece of yourself here!

Have a great day!