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First time DMT trip, mind blown, anxiety cured. What next..? Options
 
MarduksHead
#1 Posted : 5/12/2019 12:59:10 PM

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Hi all,

I wanted to share my first DMT experience with you all. I sought out DMT as a possible therapy for long term anxiety and general unhappiness with life, despite having everything and achieving everything I ever really wanted. There are many well known commentators in the public arena these days who speak highly of it and I researched it well, so I thought why not.?

I didn't want to try and acquire DMT and smoke it alone so I found a spiritual therapist where I live who discretely offers DMT as a therapy.

So 2 days ago I made an appointment went in, met my therapist and had a chat about life in general, state of the world ect. I immediately realize her thinking was on another level to mine, dispite me considering myself 'woke'. We start some breathing exercises to reduce anxiety as I was pretty nervous.

She loaded the glassware up and I took 3 big hits, I began to see stunning geometric visuals with my eyes, my vision was made up of a matrix of thousands of spinning balls, together making a complete picture.

Then everything turns into an oil painting, all smooth and flowing like liquid. I close my eyes and was instantly taken into a dark place where I was met by a giant grey head with pointy hat and beard, much like the Sumerian god Marduk.

He offered me a cup and without words he told me I need to take more if I want to come with him and find out. I open my eyes, manage gain enough motor function to blurt out "more" to her, but she already knew and rushed over, took two or three more hits and closed my eyes and sat back...

I began to feel my being dissolve, I was instantly struck with panic and mass insecurity. Thoughts of "what have I done" "I'm taking this with a total stranger" "what if I can't come down and die" all raced through me creating panic, as quickly as I thought all that I was awash with total peace. All ability to feel anything human and physical was gone. I was no longer with a body, I was perfectly as peace with what was happening to me, I felt like I had arrived to where I was always supposed to be.

Everything grew dark, I was launched through a wormhole like swirling tunnel filled with dark purple and black storms, inside were images and manifestations of my short term worries, arguments and feelings, I zoomed right past them leaving them behind.

Then bang out of the tunnel at a 100,000 miles an hour, into what I can only describe as a prehistoric planet earth than had been flattened out onto a round plane that you could never reach the end of. I flew through with the Sumerian gods head Marduk next to me for what felt like ages, over lakes, forests, mountains.. all super vivid in color, bright yellows, oranges and greens. He was in control of the world, spinning it around, showing me what he can do.

It suddenly became faster and faster and brighter and vibrated hard. Then boom we instantly stop, I arrived at the first dark place from before. This time where were more than one of these Marduk heads maybe 3, all holding those bags of knowledge that all the ancient gods are depicted on statues with.

They tell me without words that this is their world, they had been there for millennia and they know why I came here just as my ancestors did, but they were unsure I was ready to know yet. I felt like they were snickering at me a little.

Then boom they shot me backwards across what felt like a universe into darkness. I faded back in, I was then floating through the cosmos on a seascape of synchronized colorful dots that represented the feeling of love in code form against a black cosmic sky.. it was pure divine love. The only thing that existed at that point was love, it was incredible.

As I floated around I began to feel my hands, then feet, then I knew I was sitting on a couch. I began to open my eyes, everything in the room was swimming a little and I regained consciousness and was able to sit up. My therapist was smiling, as a DMT user she knew exactly where I had gone, and simply replied "You got it" Smile

For the first 5 minutes I couldn't speak, total dumbfounded at what I had just experienced. I tried to relay the information but just couldn't speak, it wasn't for a lack of motor function as like when you're drunk as I was sat up and moving around perfectly normal with perfectly clear thought, I couldn't speak as I was awe stuck, words can't convey the experience.

Without a doubt it was the most profound experience of my entire life, it's made me question everything. Who are we, what are we doing here, what reality is, what DMT does to you. Does your mind go to another place outside, or do you venture deeper inside? I feel like a door has been opened and I've seen the universe's biggest secret.

I feel incredible, I'm not worried about anything anymore, I feel happy and I'm starting to appreciate life here again. I feel like I'm the best version of myself.

Thanks for reading.
 

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Omrix
#2 Posted : 5/12/2019 10:02:35 PM
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this is amazing! Enjoyed your story a lot, very happy for you
 
GusF
#3 Posted : 5/12/2019 10:04:32 PM
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WOW! Great report! Glad you are doing well Smile
 
MarduksHead
#4 Posted : 5/29/2019 2:27:20 PM

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2nd DMT trip report.

I've just had my 2nd DMT trip with my therapist, I was initially very anxious and had to do some breathing exercises to calm me down. Once calm enough I took 4 big tokes.

Onset was very quick, wavey visuals and room darkening, this time there was no tunnel. I was instantly confronted with the classic orange chrysanthemum for a few moments, I was then transported to a colorful natural landscape where I had a stunning drone like flyby of the most beautiful shimmering golden field, which felt like home, it felt like the source of everything.

Again the feeling of arriving to where you've always belonged was the key feeling, there was also a deep connection with the land and nature. I had the sensation of "don't worry, you have all this beauty waiting for you, everything is going to be fine". Overwhelming feelings of well being and belonging flooded my senses, it was divine.

I had the highly excited polygonal elves taking turns to show me their jewels which was amusing. There was this feeling that the experience was trying to tell me something, that humans are missing a piece, like a puzzle missing a piece.

As I began to come down, the trip mellowed out into a kaleidoscopic sea of colour and fractal animation. This time the trip felt slower, more manageable and just flowed beautifully. I felt refreshed and rejuvenated and quickly noticed I had melted into the chair, all anxiety had left me once again.

Thanks for reading.
 
Exitwound
#5 Posted : 5/29/2019 6:43:22 PM

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Nicely described! Welcome Smile
 
RoundAbout
#6 Posted : 5/29/2019 8:08:40 PM

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What do you mean by anxiety cured? Permanently, or just for a little while after using?
 
MarduksHead
#7 Posted : 5/30/2019 11:04:05 AM

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I saw an instantaneous reduction in anxiety after 1 DMT trip. I literally stop biting my nails after, I'd bitten them through pure anxiety for over 32 years. Instantly stopped. I stopped complaining and moaning about trivial stuff, usual petty things that irritate me stopped also. I've lost all interest in the pantomime that is 'current affairs'.

I still do feel some anxiety, I did have a LOT before taking my 2nd trip, which quickly stopped of course. Smile

I would say on a scale of 1/10. My anxiety is now 3. I still have some bouts of depression and feelings of nihilism, but DMT has opened up a door in me, which has led to so many new lines of enquiry regarding spiritualism, belonging and wellbeing.

That I feel I'm on the pathway to healing.
 
MarduksHead
#8 Posted : 6/14/2019 10:48:06 PM

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3rd trip report.

So after a couple of failed attempts with a glass pipe, I invested £25 in a Yocan Evolve plus with ceramic coil. I loaded it up with 25-30mg of spice and took the whole thing in one go.. Boom instant hyperspace, these wax vape pens are crazy efficient and safe as I don't have to worry about burning the house down.

At first I was shown a 2d infinite hexagonal fractal pattern, each cell containing an different image of my head, perhaps even a thought. I was able to still think to some degree and recognized it was just ego and let it go.

I then was instantly propelled into the most detailed polygonal geometric 3D space. It felt like a large hall with pillars either side, the resolution of detail was so high, intense orange polygons with very fine purple blue lines running through it all like pulsing veins, like lines through graph paper.

There were 2 entities, one was like an elf with a long Pinocchio like nose and large brim hat, he wouldn't allow me to look directly at him. I got a message off him, something to the effect of "you are you own worst enemy". He was also holding something, maybe a cup of sorts.

He left and then another entity appeared, I first thought it was like a Chinese Dragon flying around, but then realized it was more like Quetzalcoatl. We flew around the geometric space together, it was like he was looking after me.

As it began to calm, I opened my eyes a couple of times, but couldn't get back into it when I closed them again.

Next try I'll load up 50mg into the Yocan and report back.

Thanks for reading.
 
5tarDust
#9 Posted : 6/15/2019 4:42:51 PM

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Hi, I just want to say I've been enjoying reading your reports. I like that you integrated your first trip into you user name.
I'm also a little older and suffer from panic attacks/anxiety and a nihilistic world view.

I've only been dosing small amounts due to fear of freaking out, but I'm noticing that I'm feeling good throughout the day. Not like I'm always on the verge of a heart attack or stroke, like usual with my anxiety. I'm not checking my pulse constantly and hyperventilating. I'm actually enjoying moments instead of constantly thinking about the future.

It's really crazy how DMT could have this effect, and I'm not even sure the mechanism behind it. It's just kind of...gone.
I'm going to continue "micro dosing"(not really a micro dose, but a minimal psychoactive dose of 5-15mg) to see if the effect increases.


Seeing how SSRI's are amongst the most prescribed drugs on earth and they aren't always effective and certainly have a very questionable safety record...it's almost infuriating that laws make it almost impossible to run high quality studies on this compound.
 
MarduksHead
#10 Posted : 6/15/2019 7:43:22 PM

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Thank you, I'm enjoying writing them. I'm noticing how with each trip it's becoming a more manageable experience each time. I try to get it written down whilst it's fresh.

Who knows why DMT helps with anxiety, it's certainly helped me. I'm going through a lot in my personal life, I'm managing 3 small crises at the moment and feel absolutely great. I'm literally without worry, 3 months ago I probably would of had a break down.

I've been prescribed SSRI's before, they did nothing, I didn't feel any different. In fact they had a negative effect on my self view, "some mess of a fella on happy pills". They don't work. I would highly recommend trying a break through dose, it's wonderful. DMT will never hurt you, just make sure you meditate before hand, do breathing exercises, rid yourself of anxiety before to jump in.

 
dragonrider
#11 Posted : 6/15/2019 8:41:19 PM

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These effects do wear off eventually. So what you should do if you want the benefits of psychedelics to last is, to see the first couple of days after a DMT trip as a sort of "fresh start". It is easy to fall back into old habits, but as long as you're still in a phase of utter amazement and wonder, you can reprogram yourself.

This is done simply by doing. By doing positive things you are rewiring positivity into your brain. By living without fear, you are erasing that fear.
 
MarduksHead
#12 Posted : 6/15/2019 8:51:51 PM

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It's important to understand that, DMT will show you the pathway you need to take to start long term change in your life. It shown me spirituality, meditation and forging your own reality as the way to a happier life. You still have to do the work. Smile
 
PleasureAndBliss
#13 Posted : 6/15/2019 11:23:36 PM
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I really enjoyed your trips reports! I love to hear healing stories about DMT and hope that I would benefit from it also. Actually I just had a fews low dosage (10-15mg) DMT yet, but on one of my trip I was anxious all the 10min it lasted but felt a huge relief in stress afterwards. A great experience all in all confronting feeling of fear an anxiety, there is a lot to learn from that Smile

Quote:
So after a couple of failed attempts with a glass pipe, I invested £25 in a Yocan Evolve plus with ceramic coil.


Can you explain me a little bit more about the difference between a Yocan Elvove pen and a regular electronic cigarette? I'm contemplating buying a special atomizer for DMT use because I've already got an electronic cigarette. But may be your approach with this wax pen is better Smile

Do you dissolve your DMT in PEG or some other stuff? Or do you apply the freebase directly on the heating device (resistance)?

Wish you the best!
 
MarduksHead
#14 Posted : 6/16/2019 12:36:44 AM

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Anxiety is the brains fight or flight response, its how it protects itself from harm. Meditate and breathe first, get all the tension out. A breakthrough dose is the only way to experience existance without your burdening physical self. Work up the courage and go for it.

The Yocan evolve is for vaping concentrates, not PEG. You add the dmt directly onto the ceramic coil, close it up and vape. No settings to play with, it's temp is perfect for dmt you can't get it wrong. Also it's cheap and well made.!
 
PleasureAndBliss
#15 Posted : 6/16/2019 10:34:58 AM
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MarduksHead wrote:
Anxiety is the brains fight or flight response, its how it protects itself from harm. Meditate and breathe first, get all the tension out. A breakthrough dose is the only way to experience existance without your burdening physical self. Work up the courage and go for it.


Thanks for the advices. I think I prefer to increase slowly the dosage than go strait for the breakthrough tough.

Quote:

The Yocan evolve is for vaping concentrates, not PEG. You add the dmt directly onto the ceramic coil, close it up and vape. No settings to play with, it's temp is perfect for dmt you can't get it wrong. Also it's cheap and well made.!


It's seems foolproof and reliable, I may grab one thank you! Smile One of the things that stress me about smoking DMT is the unreliability of the method of administration. I don't want a leftover to send me strait to hyperspace if I just want to test the waters. Maybe your device is perfect for that because you can burn all the leftover after.

Can you tell me a bit more about the return of your anxiety after the DMT experience erase it all? From the trip I speak, I remembered a 1 week anxiety decrease, then it slowly return. But I was using others drugs and didn't change my bad habits at theses times, nor I was meditating daily. Looking forward for a new DMT experience Very happy
 
MarduksHead
#16 Posted : 6/16/2019 11:24:20 AM

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I found anxiety feeling came back after a few weeks, but I wasn't meditating as I should. I meditate 20 mins a day now. Usually after work.

For me, DMT allows you to flush the anxiety and then with meditation and better living you can keep on top of it. It's a stepping stone to discovering your higher self, it's not a one shot solution to all your issues.
 
WorkDoodler
#17 Posted : 6/18/2019 5:00:30 PM

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Absolutely beautiful trip reports. I'm happy to hear the spice has been so helpful and kind. I'm also inspired to go on my second trip -- there are definitely a lot of nerves that come with it, and it's nice to see the growth step by step in your beginning trip reports.

It's much appreciated, and safe travels!

"Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly."

 
PleasureAndBliss
#18 Posted : 6/18/2019 5:49:14 PM
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MarduksHead wrote:
I found anxiety feeling came back after a few weeks, but I wasn't meditating as I should. I meditate 20 mins a day now. Usually after work.

For me, DMT allows you to flush the anxiety and then with meditation and better living you can keep on top of it. It's a stepping stone to discovering your higher self, it's not a one shot solution to all your issues.


I'm astonished by the number of people here with a meditative practice using psychedelics also. I also believe that you have to work on a daily basis to sustain psychedelic benefits. If you do not, bad habits are bound to come back. I would be interested if DMT users feels that breakthrough doses are helping them more in day to day life than threshold/low doses (as breakthrough dose may be so foreign to "real" life that it could become a challenge to integrate). But I don't want to hijack your thread and thank you again for sharing theses inspiring experiences.
 
MarduksHead
#19 Posted : 6/18/2019 7:48:23 PM

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Thanks guys.

My personal belief is that it's not the molecule itself that's helping with anxiety and depression, it's the psychological effect a breakthrough has on you that does it. I mean you feel like a million bucks when you come back to earth don't you?!

I know there is lots of positive study on micro dosing with other psychedelics, perhaps I hold this opinion on breakthrough DMT because I'm a bit of a psyconaught with interests in philosophy, science, art, psychology ect.. I actually like escaping out of my own skin for a while into this fascinating DMT space, I'm enjoying the puzzle DMT offers.

I've always looked to the stars trying to find meaning in life, always on the edge of existential crisis. I think people that suffer from effective disorders are like this, they're missing a piece that's impossible to quantify. Now DMT has opened up a line of inquiry inside me regarding humanity and the universe that I'm not sure can ever be answered, and I kinda like that it can't be answered.!

“Nowhere is it writ that anthropoid apes should understand reality.”
 
5tarDust
#20 Posted : 6/18/2019 8:17:33 PM

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MarduksHead wrote:
Thanks guys.

My personal belief is that it's not the molecule itself that's helping with anxiety and depression, it's the psychological effect a breakthrough has on you that does it. I mean you feel like a million bucks when you come back to earth don't you?!

I know there is lots of positive study on micro dosing with other psychedelics, perhaps I hold this opinion on breakthrough DMT because I'm a bit of a psyconaught with interests in philosophy, science, art, psychology ect.. I actually like escaping out of my own skin for a while into this fascinating DMT space, I'm enjoying the puzzle DMT offers.

I've always looked to the stars trying to find meaning in life, always on the edge of existential crisis. I think people that suffer from effective disorders are like this, they're missing a piece that's impossible to quantify. Now DMT has opened up a line of inquiry inside me regarding humanity and the universe that I'm not sure can ever be answered, and I kinda like that it can't be answered.!

“Nowhere is it writ that anthropoid apes should understand reality.”



I've also read that it can mimic an SSRI. Apparently the receptor is preferential to DMT, so when you consume DMT The receptor is uptaking little to no seratonin, which results in more seratonin being available afterwards.
I'm not sure that the amount of time that this goes on when you smoke DMT is enough to have an effect on your brain chemistry like that or not.
I believe it was just a forum post where I read this and no study was linked, so it's probably just conjecture...but it seems plausible.

With that said, I've been noticing relief from smoking just 5-10mg and it doesn't seem to be linked to any real change in perspective or anything. It's just kind of gone. It could be placebo, but it's a real good placebo if so.
 
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