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Cultivating emotional depth with psychedelics Options
 
Elrik
#1 Posted : 2/4/2019 6:24:38 AM

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This is a thread to share experiences and knowledge in regards to using psychedelics to explore and enrich ones emotional life.
I can't relate my observations without context, so here is my story. This is the abbreviated version, I swear Razz
In my own case, emotions were never easy. I was born with mild asperger's syndrome, which means emotions in myself were always very mild and difficult to understand and I had trouble relating to the emotions of others. Asperger's is ordinarily said to be incurable. I never smiled as a child or a teen and I eventually simply memorized the significance's of emotional cues from others without being able to empathize. I had a hard time with jokes and metaphor. Nothing was beautiful and I had no idea what love was.
The first glimmer of hope came in early high school. I had tried alcohol and cannabis and they produced some drug effect but nothing of any real note, they just slowed my brain down. The thing that changed the direction of my life came when I took LSD. For the first time I was just astonished by beauty. Before, I could have looked at pictures of fractals and appreciated the design but on LSD it was like I drank in the spiraling morphing orgy of color and form and became beauty.
I took LSD many more times in high school and brought that beauty into my core, developing an ability to appreciate art and classical music.
Time went on, life happened, I left college after three years to care for my sick father. I had been sick all my life, he was sick now, all I had was monotony, depression and a perpetual habit of hiding under a fog of cannabis smoke. I decided something had to change but I didn't have the framework to know how. I remembered back to the aesthetic awakening LSD provided for me. I decided psychedelics could help me transform, if anything could.
Twice in high school/college I had taken mushrooms. They had mostly caused fear but that was at least an emotion and I had the sense that they could do more, and I could grow them. That was a big factor, as my village isn't a psychedelics mecca by any measure, so I grew several crops of psilocybes and used them when circumstances allowed. As one could imagine, I had numerous wild and powerful trips. They were never my favorite psychedelic but each time I used them I could feel a potential in there, something wanting to happen, so I kept trying. Eventually I took an ordinarily low-moderate dose that just totally rocked me, one of those trips so complete that I was visited by a female forest spirit Laughing That's when the strangest thing happened, something that had no precedent, I felt very strong and very clear love for my father. I was over 20 and it was the first time in my life I had felt love for anything or any one. It was well timed, too, as one month later he was dead.
That experience was unequivocal proof that I could progress more, but my life and health was still a mess so I took the next year changing some fundamental things about my life so I could actually become a respectable person that might actually deserve someone else, if ever that became possible. At the least, I radically improved my health.
With my sudden acquisition of health and strength, and with some self respect developed I decided once again to explore psychedelics to see if they could help me into further development. I got a kilo of ACRB, some syrian rue, and began intensively growing cacti and syrian rue. For two years I worked with confusahuasca and pharmahuasca as time permitted, always feeling like I was on the verge of revelation just like when I used mushrooms. The trips were tough at times but it was wild and I could sense that I was close. The break came when I made a batch of THH. I began taking a reasonably low 150 mg dose of THH•HCl an hour before pharma and it changed the trips markedly. One thing that stood out was a very powerful emotional reaction to music while peaking, the kind where you're just laying there crying in a good way for an hour. At first I thought it was in reaction to beauty like a more powerful version of what I got on LSD but it wasn't just the beauty. It was a new emotion I just couldn't identify, something totally alien, it could be almost debilitating in strength but I liked it. And the effect was permanent. I could be listening to music over a month after my last dose and I would still sometimes start crying in joy. But I couldn't understand what it was. It took a year for the missing piece to fit into place.
I had never in my life been into romance books or romance movies. I knew sex, and sex is great, but I simply couldn't comprehend or relate to romantic love so I just ignored the whole subject. After enough time of being confused over this happy crying emotion that sometimes hit when music [by female musicians] was played I got an idea. I watched a good sounding romance movie. That emotion was there in the romance scenes! Not the sex scenes, the girly love parts!
I had never had girlfriends because I knew I wasn't able to reciprocate those kinds of emotions, and as such I never expected to be more than half of a man, but to my astonishment I can now feel emotional empathy to romantic love and to me that means I'm capable of someday finding a person I can love. It's difficult to explain how much this blows my mind.
So now I'm continuing on with THH pharma and romance films, crying like a hopeless romantic, and I've been taking mescaline now that my cacti can produce a sustainable flow of alkaloid. Each time I take mescaline I can feel something wanting to happen, just like I did with mushrooms and pharma. I really look forward to seeing just what that might be.
Perhaps, with luck, I'll eventually be able to smile naturally and have an ordinary sense of humor. In fact I've already begun learning to smile, and to laugh Smile
Emotions are a strange and wonderful part of life to explore.
Especially to someone not born with them!

So how have psychedelics changed or guided how you experience or relate to emotions?
Are any other aspies trying to break through into the world of 'ordinary' emotions and empathy?
Are any girls now plotting to find a way to get their boyfriends to try THH? Laughing
 

Trippy glass for trippy people.
 
FranLover
#2 Posted : 2/4/2019 4:53:09 PM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


Posts: 1299
Joined: 24-Sep-2018
Last visit: 07-Apr-2020
Location: I see you Mara
I am also a fan of romance films and the emotions you speak of. I recommend the novels The Deceivers by John D MacDonald as well as Cancel All Our Vows by the same author, because of their exquisit atention to detail, its color, and plot/scenery/characters/brevity-pace. As for films I recommed Sick Girl, a film by Lucky McKey which only lasts an hour and belongs to the series Masters of Horror--smoke a joint and check it out.
The best pure romance movie is Before Sunrise, IMO.
Do you recommend anything to me? Smile
I would tell you that you will find love but this song comes to mind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMglhENOIVc Laughing They're writing songs of love, but not for me... Love

I started with cannabis at 15 one day after school one block around the corner..I took three tokes and walked a bit and then fell on the floor laughing for no reason and could not get up in (years later dmt would cause the same reaction.)
I thank God every day for psychedelics. Its a miracle. My life is fulfilled and I can die happily any time because of my experience with DMT. Now I know for sure God loved me before the foundation of the universe and I am his/hers for ever! Everything I am only comes through him/her. He loves me! Me out of all people. Words cant begin to describe how that makes me feeel.
I began with books and writing at 12. Voracious reader, I read it all. But until I read Krishnamurti's Think On These Things, no real answers of love had ever been provided to me by any philosopher. But I knew it was there...and I knew that the love that girls had given and I had given them was only a form of love, the love of my mother and father were a form of love, love of friends, love of family, but that there was something in me much bigger, much more intimate. And then I found DMT...and I was glorified. No words could ever describe my love for psychedelics. They are love!
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
Elrik
#3 Posted : 2/4/2019 7:19:21 PM

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Its good to see an endorsement for Before Sunrise, as its near the top of my queue for watching Smile
I think my most valued movie is The Princess Bride, it was practically made for when stoned or coming down off psychedelics. Its a light hearted story-book romance safe for kids.
 
FranLover
#4 Posted : 2/4/2019 7:54:12 PM

Long live the world in peace, prosperity, and freedom from suffering


Posts: 1299
Joined: 24-Sep-2018
Last visit: 07-Apr-2020
Location: I see you Mara
Elrik wrote:
Its good to see an endorsement for Before Sunrise, as its near the top of my queue for watching Smile
I think my most valued movie is The Princess Bride, it was practically made for when stoned or coming down off psychedelics. Its a light hearted story-book romance safe for kids.


I'm pretty sure I'll watch The Princess Bride tonight Cool Another good literary one is the 7 volumes of The Memoirs of Casanova...truly amazing work and insight into love and humans and history.
P.S: I think you will love Before Sunrise.
Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
Grey Fox
#5 Posted : 2/5/2019 5:45:39 AM

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Posts: 508
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Last visit: 27-Jul-2021
Sorry to hear about your father's death when you were young. That must have been very painful. Its good to hear that psychedelics have helped you to heal and develop yourself. I can connect with that, especially with your appreciation for cactus. I wish you all the best with finding love and further progress with your journey.

Psychedelics have helped me to be more honest with myself. Its crazy to think how easy it is to convince yourself of something that isnt real. People do it all the time. For me Christianity was a big one. From the time I was 20 until I was in my early 30's I was deep into Christianity. It gave me strength and a context to understand everything in life in a way that gave me hope for the future. There were wonderful people in my life because of church and connection with other Christians.

But it all basically came to a screaching halt when I kept being confronted by the truth that none of it was real. It just wasnt real. It was make believe. There is no God. When I tried to pray, it wasnt the same anymore. I just didnt believe anymore.

Psychedelics played a big role in that realization. Once I learned about mushrooms and cactus I was confronted by numerous harsh realities that had to be confronted. I'm sure that there are still many many more. But I believe that if I keep spending time with cactus, and I stay connected to my family and to nature, then these things will get sorted out over time. Thats what I believe.
IT WAS ALL A DREAM
 
 
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