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PsyloCiBeen
#1 Posted : 9/17/2018 8:48:03 PM

In Silence I Been


Posts: 137
Joined: 14-Sep-2018
Last visit: 02-Mar-2024
Location: Knowhere
Greetings fellow Nexians,

I have been coming to this site more and more regularly this year as I find it such a treasure trove of information and especially of like-minded souls. The respect, sense of community and deep compassion you show each other without the patronizing I find simply refreshing. Tielhard De Chardin shares the same sentiment when he says:

The immense fulfillment of the friendships between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality almost impossible to describe.

And this is what I have found here; a community of friends helping members here in what surely must be the most courageous and loneliest path I have ever known. For me I have very few friends (I used to think I had many, took me awhile to learn that lesson) and amongst those none of whom I can speak about this to openly let alone enthusiastically. Also many of the “conservative” mindset views such practices as abhorrent or maladjusted yet consume alcohol, prescription pills and shopping thrills as if it were normal. I’m no saint, far from it, and in the alcohol and hard drugs world I have spent years of my life.

But it was truly psychedelics that have granted me freedom. My first experience with a psychedelic (and trust me Mary Jane is a psychedelic) was when I was 14, I haven’t stopped since, but those initial journeys I had with Mary were profoundly time shattering and earth welding apprenticeships. I have always loved nature and being in the wild outdoors and she helped me truly revel in it. After those initial 100 or so marvelous trips we have settled down and my time with Mary is now very body and mind relaxing instead of temporal distortions.

Unfortunately very early on in my life I got acquainted with Coco (cocaine) and especially her more street trashy twin Roxy (rocks/crack cocaine). I spent almost all my twenties and then some with Roxy and her counterparts Whisky and Herown (heroin/ chasing the dragon). I had one amazingly revelatory experience with Alice (LSD) in my early twenties too but never had the good luck to find her again. I met with my ex Stacy (ecstacy) now and then with a good friend but generally I was enthralled and totally a slave to Roxy. My life crashed around me of course I cannot simply say I was swept away as an addict, I was a very active participant and enabler to myself. That’s not to say that these were wasted years, I learned a lot, played and learnt musical instruments, delved deeper into Eastern mysticism and western philosophy, studied hard and travelled the world but something was always missing. After messing up again in a career that I actually enjoyed I was granted a grace and met Aya. She completely reset me and I basked in the afterglow. It wasn’t a once of thing though and it took me a year of back and forth and also meeting San Pedro, Yape, Changa and the little gods (magic mushrooms) in different settings that I was finally able to break the shackles of the bondage that Roxy had me in.

I can honestly say I know of know of no other wonderous molecule, substance, experience in this world. It is a teacher and friend but one I approach with utmost caution and respect (perhaps too much sometimes). I am amazed that there is always deeper you can go and since I now journey predominantly on my own I find this resource of the nexus invaluable. It is amazing how the experiences and advice of fellow travellers are so similar and yet utterly unique. Aside from these forums the legendary advice from extraction to interactions and beyond here truly helps one become independent and wiser (perhaps) in all things Dimitri and more. I know at the same time that reading too much of others trip reports can be a bit of a handicap, but I can’t help myself, you guys write so eloquently.

To conclude I just want to share what made me want to become a Nexian. I believe it is necessary for me to explore it however afraid and lonely I get. I do believe that people who have never tried a high self-shattering dose of a psychedelic are really missing out on something huge. Not only do we need help getting out of our messy heads but it’s the best vacation I can take without a plane ticket. Okay scratch that I meant rocket ship ticket.

In the Gforce of the rocket engines when my ego starts melting away I truly realize that I am not who I am and everything that I say and say I did is an illusion. All of these stories are a work of fiction and any similarities in any name form or experiences to a human being (past, present or future) is purely coincidental, regrettable and no harm was intended. First do harmalas.
mama matrix most mysterious

In the gforce of the carrier wave when my ego starts melting away I truly realize that I am who I am and yet everything that I say and say I did is an illusion. Any similarities in any name, form or experiences to a human being (past, present or future) is purely coincidental and no harm was intended first do harmalas
 

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DmnStr8
#2 Posted : 9/20/2018 11:04:46 PM

Come what may


Posts: 1698
Joined: 08-Mar-2015
Last visit: 23-Mar-2019
Glad to have you here!

Sounds like you had your fair share of troubles and pushed through it. It is cool to hear that you were able to heal yourself with the help of psychedelics. Powerful tools and powerful medicine.

Welcome to the nexus!

"In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link." ~Carlos Castaneda
 
DoingKermit
#3 Posted : 9/21/2018 10:13:37 AM

DMT-Nexus member

Senior Member

Posts: 1760
Joined: 28-May-2009
Last visit: 04-Mar-2024
Thanks for sharing your story. Psychedelics can be such amazing catalysts for breaking negative patterns. Happy to hear you've gained such a positive change.

Be well Smile
 
PsyloCiBeen
#4 Posted : 9/21/2018 1:42:42 PM

In Silence I Been


Posts: 137
Joined: 14-Sep-2018
Last visit: 02-Mar-2024
Location: Knowhere
Thanks DmnStr8 and DoingKermit for the warm welcomes Smile Yes its been a crazy, and yet equally if not more so, charmed life. I consider myself very fortunate to having finally entered DMT land. I just sometimes wish I had my passports stamped to let me in way earlier, it could have saved a lot of grief, but then again who knows where that road goes..... its good to be here Big grin
mama matrix most mysterious

In the gforce of the carrier wave when my ego starts melting away I truly realize that I am who I am and yet everything that I say and say I did is an illusion. Any similarities in any name, form or experiences to a human being (past, present or future) is purely coincidental and no harm was intended first do harmalas
 
 
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