Enjoyed the report, thanks for writing, you have a good writing style.
unknownvalley wrote:Would love to hear from anyone who has experienced similar things... particularly the morphing of those around you into hostile entities, the feeling of overcoming said hostility. Also any thoughts about why one might be prone to experiencing that sort of subject-of-the-experiment, operating table dynamic.
I think much of your question/s revolving around this could be answered in one of your very first statements:
Quote:Several evenings ago I had my first experience. It was unfathomably intense, with subjectively positive & negative aspects. The context undoubtedly contributed to the negative ones. Please acknowledge that in hindsight I am fully aware of my overly casual recklessness. If I had known I was dealing with the “most powerful psychedelic on earth” I would have done differently.
This is important. Having this in order can save you quite a bit of confusion and panic if your reaction to the experience starts going south. Glad to hear that you'll pay more attention to this next time.
Reacting by getting up, moving around, walking - that can definitely cause panic and terror, especially if your reaction before that point was being terrified - it can just compound. Having a space set up, a seat, a recliner, something, important important.
Also, you'r immediate reactions - internal and external can mean alot as to how it'll unfold and draw you in ime.
unknownvalley wrote:The room around me had become an electrified, purple cage. My friends were shrouded in the same purple, and I looked around at them as their movements quickly ramped from extreme slow motion up to what I perceived as normal speed. I became nearly terrified by them, seeing them as the conductors of some sinister experiment that I was the subject of.
Was their any other colors aside from purple? Greens, blues, reds, oranges, or predominantly purple? Was the space fairly vivid if you closed your eyes? During how much of the experience did you close your eyes, if at all? Can you describe it more through memory, or is it fairly tough to do? If not it's no big deal.
Was it beautiful at all to you?
When people have experiences like this, get shaken up, if it's intense, always makes me curious to know more details. I always find these the most interesting.
Having the eyes closed is important. Not so tethered to things around you, you're able to slip into that space/place more easily ime.
unknownvalley wrote:And it felt I always had been, but was only now aware of the charade. Like they were servants of some behind-the-scenes force who knew secrets I’d never been in on
This can be pretty common. Liberating some some, confusing for others, some are in the middle. It can be an unnerving feeling/realization for sure.
unknownvalley wrote:I was flabbergasted by this apparent realization and had a horrifying sense that I had not only been in some simulation prior, but that I was it’s focal point
Flabbergasted is good. Helps keep you honest about yourself and about the experience.
The rest of what you'd wrote post-experience, that all sounds good, made for a beautiful day with your friends it seemed like?
Then you wrote:
unknownvalley wrote:By that evening, though, I came to feel rather disconnected from the physical world, and it seemed very eerie. I wrestled with the so seemingly “real” hostility I’d experienced during the first half of the trip, and my logical mind’s reminders that I was hallucinating. Over the last two days, the sense of eeriness and residual recollections of the terror I felt have lessened but still arise here and there. Plus my senses all seem heightened and I've had moments of abstract paranoia. I did have a beautiful dream the first night following, of an unearthly landscape I never would’ve conceived prior.
And how do you feel right now?
Go spend time with those good friends, get outside, do things. This can help alot with bringing you back in focus and just general mental contents.
Really though - next time prepare for it. At least you'll have a bit of an idea as to how to approach it next time.
The experience can smash everything - your reality, you, it can all be dissolved down into something far beyond what you could ever put into words. Just the tip of the iceberg too.
Having a healthy respect of the power and depth of it - if you journey enough ..sooner or later you get there.
Nice report and welcome.