Trip report

So this is my first trip report ever. I tried Dimitri for the first time yesterday and now is the time to share with more people than just my closest friends and family.

It´s a lot of words, but so is DMT.
Skip to the section "Time for the ultimate of travels" if you are not in the mood for a small novel, but I still recommend reading it all.



Data:
Crystallized DMT
Dose: 20mg (good quality scale from Germany)
Device: Vaporgenie Glass Sherlock with concentrate pad
Age: 36
weight: 185 pounds or 84 kilograms

I consider myself a fairly seasoned ​psychonaut and have had an interest in psychedelics since high school. For many years I didn´t use any substances other than alcohol and nicotine, but lately, my longstanding interest has had somewhat of a surge.

So I fulfilled an old dream of cultivating magic mushrooms and I loved it. Both the process and to be able to jump into the wonky world of Pcilocybin again. Reading about the discoveries of the potential therapeutic benefits from this relatively harmless and peculiar substance fueled an intense interest in learning more about it. I started to listen to Terence Mckenna again, but this time I didn´t just laugh about the craziness in his eloquent enlightenment, instead, I really listened.
I got interested in his description of the impact of using mushrooms alone, with closed eyes using minimal external stimuli. It sounded so simple and it showed respect to Pcilocybin.



The meditative mushroom trip:
I decided to try. No more great music, no more uncontrollable laughing from watching a weird movie with a​ co-traveler. Just me and the Divine.
I consumed 2 grams of dried mushrooms on an empty stomach (a fairly low dose in my opinion) at home. Laying down in a sofa I started breathing deeply and waited for it to come to me.
With a little skepticism as baggage I thought to my self, "How interesting can it really be to look at geometrical patterns with closed eyes?".

Gone was that baggage, lost in space, when I started seeing so much more than random squares. Complex and personal multifaceted visions and a sense of awe to the perceived ​presence of something greater than planet Earth was what happened.
After this experience I started to think I´m heading for something like a black belt in psychedelics. I´ll become a medicine man one day, great!



Enter, DMT.
What medicine man has anything to say if that person hasn´t even tried what could be described as the most powerful psychedelic known to man?
After some research I realized I’d have to cook it myself if I was going to get my hands on it.
Said and done. With the invaluable help of you people here on the Nexus, I managed to produce around 250 mg of the spirit molecule.
With my deep respect for all compounds, and DMT in particular, I decided to wait until the time was right to try it, so there was no stress.



The weird/bad meditative mushroom trip:
One day I decided to make my second attempt at eating mushrooms alone and meditate. This time I consumed 3 grams as opposed to 2, also on an empty stomach. From my experience a medium dose, maybe of a stronger note.
At the time, I had a personal issue of a somewhat troubling nature. Everyone I loved was healthy, and the financial situation was in order, so it was something of a first world problem, albeit a troubling one. I was well aware that this was a risk, but decided it wasn´t enough to abstain.
After all, you could argue that it´s never a good idea to eat magic mushrooms because of, for an example, the food chain. From a certain perspective the world is always a dark place if you know what I mean.
With closed eyes I started experience things of interest, but nothing at all like the first time. After a while I did´t feel like looking at my eyelids anymore and opened my eyes feeling strong effects from the 3 grams.
For the first time ever, I realized I was having what everybody had been writing about but never had affected me, a bad trip.
There was no fear or delusion, just a feeling of general discomfort with my situation and loopy thoughts about my personal problem described earlier.
There was also an unpleasant physical sensation I had not felt before. It was not pain or nausea, it was something else, something I can´t really describe.

I watched a movie and managed to endure the bad trip with relative ease. Being quite high, I saw weird things in the movie. But for the first time ever, I was not impressed or flabbergasted from what the Gods were showing me. I basically ignored it and watched the movie as if I was sober (almost because I was laughing enormously at certain scenes) but had a visual impairment. It was as if I had grown up so to speak, just like a kid who all of a sudden isn´t interested in playing hide and seek anymore.




Time for the ultimate of travels:
Yesterday, about one month after the bad mushroom trip, the day of reckoning was here. Time to try DMT for the first time ever.
My girlfriend asked me why I was going to do it, and I said I needed to see what all the fuss was about.

On the morning I took my bike to work and felt a little down. During the ride, I told myself the good things about myself, and my life. I really had no reason to feel bad, and by the time it was afternoon, my spirit was high again. The plan was to do it in the evening.
My brother was the sober trip sitter, I was at home, I felt good and nervous, and the situation with my personal issue described earlier had improved quite a bit since the bad mushroom trip.
My brother was seated on a chair in my bedroom, equipped with a watch to have an understanding about the duration of the trip. After all, watching your brother being unconscious or unresponsive for up to 15 minutes can be a trip in and of itself. And because cell phones and other distractions were not allowed, the watch could become handy.
I was sitting in my bed, in relative darkness, and started lighting the pipe.

Slowly but steadily I inhaled the vapor from having basically empty lungs, to filling them. I held the smoke in and felt an intense effect. After having exhaled I tried to make a second inhalation, but had to lay the stuff and myself down midway, cause shit got crazy.
With closed eyes I started seeing fast and intense geometrical formations and I thought to myself that I had to surrender, let it guide me and accept that I might loose control of reality, or probably would.
This is when I realized I had been there before. The physical sensation and overall feeling was similar to my bad trip with mushrooms. I know the two molecules, Pcilocybin and DMT, are very similar, but I was not prepared for the high to be so closely related to a mushroom trip.
I tried to accept it as something that isn´t necessarily a bad thing, but couldn´t really get to that point. From what I afterwards believe must have been at the gates in the first phase of the trip, I opened my eyes and asked my brother how much time had passed. One minute, he said.

I closed my eyes again and in front of me was a pulsating cube the size of a small cottage house. The intensity was electrifying. The whole thing felt similar to the mushroom trip but a thousand times stronger. Completely aware and basically sober, like an observer of my own state of stupor. High as a kite and completely in control at the same time. Very strange indeed.
I opened my eyes again and felt a feeling of panic for a few seconds. Quickly, I told myself its only ten minutes. Endure.
- "I´m very glad you are here", I told my brother.
After opening my eyes for the third time a few minutes later, looking at the ceiling with completely distorted vision, I said to myself quietly, "I love reality, I love you."
About 15 minutes later, I was completely back to base line.





The most prevalent feeling afterwards was that of ​disappointment. Not with DMT, not with the trip, but with myself. I thought I was close to becoming a self proclaimed medicine man in a modern and detached world, but in reality I was just a coward. Someone who didn´t have what it takes to experience total loss of control. A weak person to whom the doors of another reality were closed.

Is DMT not for me, or am I a person who likes scuba diving more than skydiving? Maybe I should stick to microdosing mushrooms and accept that the strong stuff is for the big guys?
Am I a nagging control freak without the ability to let go?
Have the teachers already given me all the lessons and there is nothing more to learn?

I´m thinking, if 20mg only took me to the door, how on earth will I be able to break through to the other side without loosing my mind?


Thanks for reading and all comments would be highly appreciated.

Hey brighteyes,

Don't be so hard on yourself.
Your first trip sounds about par for the course, the first one is definitely a bit of a shock!
It comes on so fast and strong, it can cause panic, or a fight or flight response.

Letting go can be the hardest part, the ego doesn't like not being in control.
Everybody has that fear of not being in control, it's just human instinct.
Like anything, it gets easier with practice.

Getting your feet wet with a 20mg dose is a good way to introduce yourself to the experience,
and you can try a bit more when you're ready.

Happy travels

Some trips are just bad man, it happens. It sucks that happened to you in your first couple go rounds, but I think most people experience a bad trip like that from time to time. I'm not sure if this advise will help, but I've noticed you can bring back some of those mental feelings from a trip into another trip by thinking about them and worrying that they'll happen again, which just makes it more likely to happen.

I've had some of the best experiences of my life on DMT or L, but conversely I've had some of the hardest experiences of my life, just complete dread and full body anxiety and a feeling of being "fucked up" kind of like I broke my brain (deems sometimes makes me feel like I broke my brain, like it just starts skipping, it doesn't feel psychedelic like vivid colors and patterns but a feeling of utter fucked upness, it feels unpleasant, anxiety ridden, and I just thought loop for 15 minutes) Although, that didn't happen my first time (or in the first 6 or 7 years lol) so I guess I'm lucky in that regard.

hey brighteyes,

There is nothing that can prepare you for DMT the first time. I'd already taken psychedelics 100's of times over decades the first time I did it... and I was truly terrified and thought I had killed myself. I seriously thought it was gave over. There's just no way to really prepare for it. Mind you I got straight back on the horse and did it again about 30 minutes later.

But the theme that I'm seeing between my experiences and with yours is that DMT is a great inspiration of humility. It let's us know that we really aren't all that, it let's know that there is so much more than we are and we are insignificant when held up against everything else. This is comforting yet terrifying. Even at this moment I am made humble from an experience a month or so ago. I don't know how long it will take to integrate, or when and if I'll be comfortable enough to take DMT again.

The only way you know if you can handle a bigger dose is to just do it. There will be trepidation no doubt, that is totally normal. Even people who have done it countless times are jittery before doing it. You'd have to be crazy not to be slightly nervous about it.

Seeing is believing though and intentions are everything. Forget your fear, set your belief, be open to be shown more than you ever imagined. You don't need your mind in the void, only your perception... just let go.

Thanks a lot for your words! Feels so good to have someone with knowledge give their input!

I'm in the same boat my friend. Your story aounds very similar to what just happened to me. I jumped on here looking for some after guidance and saw your post, Serendipity indeed.
Frighteningly interesting, mildly death feeling and uncomfortably psychedelic. I thought I had these mindspaces down too. But I think I may have been wrong.

I too said over and over. I dont want this anymore. Now 20mins later I want to try it again just to make sure.

Welcome

Yeah definitely sounds like you got what you came for, seems by the writing that it hit you good? I'm glad when I read reports like this, it's just that it seems evident to me that it was powerful for you, that's great to hear.

Never get used to the experience. It can always throw a curveball and could go in a direction you might not be ready for, the depth of this reality we immerse ourselves in is more than we can grasp ime. It's an incredible [that word doesn't even do it justice] experience when it really decides to click and work to a high capacity..

Every time I go I'm strongly reminded of how little little I know, though at the same time how special this all is..

You're line "had to lay the stuff and myself down midway, cause shit got crazy" hahah I laughed at that, know it all too well.

The pinnacle of discomfort and fear, panic, is hard to beat with just a mental affirmation, it needs practice I suppose, deep ingrained reflexes that are used to safe our lives become addressed face on.
What an exercise!

"Learning to master the let-go muscle" is a nice description someone made.
One day is easier/more difficult than the other, my first try was utter panic

You can use harmalas to soften the edges, changa, aya, pharma...
Or combinations like oral harmalas and vaping on that.
There are ways to go in more gently, with less sudden tear, start low and build up.
It CAN be a gradual learning process if taken care.
Others go for full immersion right away, maybe each have different ways.

As you've read your story sounds very familiar for many, friends are about here.
I still remember how difficult it was learning to ride a bicycle, it looked quite impossible at first. Never done learning, sometimes get a bruise, but we're build to recover and safely rely on that.
A ticket for evolution yet the ticket has to be payed with bravery and courage.
Thousands of people are into it, were into it, will be into it.
Let it settle and wait to see when (or never for that matter) it calls back, there will be fear and heart beat but that is just about the exercise to make new friends with it?
A practice of soul yoga

PS: it is not for everyone, but the hardship you encountered sounds about very normal. There are people who are really not compatible but the shock you describe is no indicator for that imho, seen from behind a far away pixel screen.

Hi 💛 I done my first trip 4 days ago and I struggled to let go and that's what I kept telling myself through the fear and terror. I went through reality breakdown, I questioned everything i perceived as real, my car, my phone, my boyfriend, my sitter. My sitter coached my through the breathing and I think that's how I got to get so deep. At one stage I was gone and I heard him say inhale I couldn't feel my face at this stage and hadn't a clue if I was inhaling or not. He took car of strength etc as I'm a rookie and haven't done anything like this before. This was a shot in the dark fro me to cure my life long phych issues. You will know when you get deep it's like nothing you could ever imagine. Even now when I hear music, the piano and violin sounds I can feel it still run through me. I have very bad stuff in my trip too real life bad stuff came through to me but I feel it came through to help me help myself. It scared the bejesus out of me but also was the most beautiful experience of my life. I'm not a kid and don't do recreational drugs or drink too much but I wasn't sacred to do this but I did fight it when it took me in but once I somewhat let go ah man it's indescribable. My post explains in more detail my trip and have a look is ye like but it really does get to the core of you 💛💛 much love brightetes 💛💛