As I age and engage more in the professional world, I am finding that a split is occurring in my mind. I feel as if I am being pulled into two separate personalities. The first one is viewed as normal by others, can successfully interact and schmooze with groups, believes in things like capitalism and Americanism as ways to solve the world's problems, and allows me to work, essentially protecting my body's needs - food, water, and shelter from the money I can earn by "adding value" and getting on with the group.

The second is an extremely disapproving, hypercritical personality that feels like the real me. This version rejects (or is at least very critical) of most ideologies and believes that capitalism is systematic theft and exploitation that is slowly eroding both the natural world and human freedom/individualism, for example. This personality feels like the protector of my mind, as it allows me to stay sane and informed when in the face of what sometimes feels like a fascist hegemony.

Do you ever feel like this? Are you ever forced to wonder who or what you really are amidst the myriad of roles you must play to survive? Do you ever feel like you are going through the motions of what is considered normal but are actually an inside agent of some sort of agenda you have privately concocted? Do you view these parts of you as legitimate, scary, or both?

Seems like the former is your Persona, while the latter half is your ego and Shadow. The Persona is the socially acceptable mask you can present to the world in order to protect yourself from others. Your true beliefs are protected from unjust persecution by others who may not understand. The Persona can be quite multifaceted, depending on the mask you wish to wear and present, depending on the situation.

Unfortunately, far too many people have a Persona that they never asked for and had no control over the creation or shaping of, one that is built on impulsive behaviours... it is quite possible, through self-knowing and self-understanding, to tear down the original mask, and build up many new ones that you can present at will, ones with traits you have chosen.

There are Always multiple ways to look at something. Reality hardly ever is that black and white.

The big taboo here, is not that you could have an opinion that is different.
The big taboo is that you can have a certain opinion, but that you at the same time can understand why other people have an opinion opposed to yours.

To be able to see things from different angles, is not a weakness.
It may not be fashionable, but it's not abnormal at all.

Wow this is a great post, almost exactly like how I feel. I feel they are both part of the same overall thing, but the first personality is a much smaller version of me, abiding by a certain set of rules and boundaries I created, but the second personality is just the uninhibited version without those rules and boundaries

Just leave a few breadcrumb trails between the two of them, you might find that certain aspects of each inform the other in befinicial ways.
Just being aware of this partition places you in an advantageous position.

I'm not sure just being aware of it places you in an advantageous position, and in fact knowing about it but unable to do anything about it will actually be a source of suffering from my own personal experience.

Better to do something about it and to unite these parts of yourself by finding a social situation and proclivity in life where your true beliefs are perfectly acceptable to your peers and there is no need to feel forced to tow the line.

If something feels wrong to your soul or your intuition, then it is wrong, and if you keep doing it you are insane.

Problem is I think most folks out there are insane. Their inner child's voice is now so far away they can't even hear it.

Listen to what your heart tells you, and if you don't know if it comes from the heart or not, slow down and meditate on it take a holiday to find the answers you need.

Capitalism and Americanism are toxic evil and destructive forces, and are our truest enemies

Let's merge and integrate all appearing facets of ourselves, to open up to our full potential in the now. We are the user.



Capitalism and Americanism (by human defined phenomenoms, which are the expression of our own "lifestlye" ) are no-thing but illusory constructs in our minds, which we create, bring to life and maintain by our own actions. If there is an "enemy", then it lies in our self. It is us, who hide and follow the way of fear and thus ignore our own truth.
Instead of tilting at windmills (fighting against invisble illusory forces "outside" of us), let's focus on our own steps and actions, take responsibility for them and rise, now.

All the best for us, tseuq

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If we were all sane, we would all listen to god/inner child voice and live in harmony. unfortunately, to go against god is to become insane, and we've been fighting god for quite a while now, so we are pretty insane. sad to see but oh well, insanity might be part of the evolutionary process or something.

Tseque, although you are correct they are constructs of our own creation, it really isn't that simple. It's not that simple cause these systems cause real effects in our lives. So while it is poetic and so super zen to say that the real enemy is in ourselves, I don't find it at all constructive.

Sure you could say they are not real things, but they have real control over our lives. In order for my family to eat I have to slave away at a job I hate for the profit of others, and saying some puffy stuff like the real enemy is myself does good lip service but it doesn't put food on my table.

I think sometimes we need to forget our romantic notions and work in reality

Perhaps you would be willing to shift your perspective on what constitutes suffering. In the context of what RAM is talking about, I think on the spectrum of suffering what he is going through is likely an existential crisis where he feels unworthy of the positions and fortunes that have been favoured to him - knowing RAM as a member of this forum he knows full well the statistics on human suffering. If a few more business minded folks could keep this particular partition in their minds they could do a lot of good over a 50 year career.
Otherwise it's left to some dirty hippies screaming in an echo chamber of their own creations.

Better to develop a strong sense of selfhood with a good moral compass to navigate the uncomfortable terrain of modernity than close off all conversation and wall yourself up on a commune somewhere to live a blissful incarnation while the planet chokes. They tried that in the sixties and it didn't work, it was counterproductive.
Hell, we could all reduce some immediate and objective suffering in our environment if we grit our teeth and chip away slowly at it from our little corners of society, without having to break it all apart and rebuild.

Thanks for your comments Koornut; I agree with you, I believe it is important to recognize and maintain the partition. Truth, if it exists, is never so simple and often seems to present itself as a paradox. Like dragonrider said, there is a taboo against having two or more distinct opinions about something. It makes others interpret you, at least in my culture, as a flip-flopper and noncommittal. But I agree that it is actually a huge advantage.

Many so often fall into the straw man trap where they mentally construct an inaccurate portrait of what those opposed to them believe. But this is not useful. Unless the opposing person is totally unintelligent, they likely have some good reasons for believing what they do that one must take into account. Having an internal division personally places one ahead of having to force themself to consider the perspectives of others (which is usually done with bias anyway), but only if they can recognize it.

I do not necessarily feel I am going through an existential crisis though. I just wanted to discuss this feeling and see if others had similar experiences. It is strange to get used to. I find it weird to advocate for "undermining the competition" during the day then thinking about how a universal basic income is the only ethical way to move forward with our society at night. But I like juggling these thoughts: