2nd journey
1st breakthrough dose
~50mg dabbed


I had only had a small taste of DMT before this. At that time, I didn't know anything about dosing, and just smoked what I could roll into a dab of BHO. Probably about...15mg. I didn't break through.

BUT I incorrectly assumed that this even counted as a precursor to a 50mg trip. (:

So one day I took .1g, and I split into two neat halves. It took me a few days to work up the courage to do it, but one night I decided it was the night.

I put on some quiet tunes, smoked a bowl to calm my nerves, and sat down on my couch. Loaded the dose up onto a piece of folded parchment, and dumped it onto my hot nail. (Domeless quartz)

I held my breath, and leaned back...it was almost instant regret. Not "regret" per say, but for a lack of a better word. It was an "oh shit" moment. I did not realize what I was getting into lol.

I felt my jaw fall open, and a moan escape my face. I had fleeting thoughts, but it's like as soon as I had them they were deemed trivial and whisked away...

For example...Human me: "wait am I pissing myself rn?" Inner me: "doesn't matter, you're going to die" Urinating on yourself < Dying

I was fighting to hold on through the come up. I felt like I was in a raging river, hanging for life onto a weak branch. Finally I couldn't take anymore and let go...metaphorically. I was pretty sure this letting go was going to be the death of me. But it was the only option.

I felt a single tear travel from my eye to my chin and spring off my face into a chain of itself, and then I was whisked out to the proverbial sea...

I had every thought possible, from beginning to end, until I was nothing.

The geometry, the symbols and numbers, the cycling. The cyclical nature of it all stood out to me greatly. Spinning, twisting, fractal spirals all the way up and down. I couldn't even take it all in. It was beautiful but so MUCH it was excruciating. Molecular agony.

I don't know how much time passed, maybe a few minutes, before my dog came along and licked my face.

I shot away from the sudden touch, not even recognizing it as a tongue on my cheek, but it brought me instant joy. It was like I burst up from the depths of that sea in an explosion of love and light.

I smiled and "ohhed and awed" at the good feelings for a while until all of the sudden it was like the rotation of the spiral fractals reversed and I was going the other direction.

I realized this was the latter side of my journey. I said aloud "no! I need to remember!"

The vibe of the trip turned taunting, secretive... I knew I wouldn't remember the vastness of information that I just learned, for I was shown not taught...

The overall lesson I took from this experience, looking back, was a lesson in ego. I apologized several times coming down (to no one) and said thank you several times (to no one.) I feel like I thought I knew so much, then I intruded into this space, and was really given what I asked for. It was very humbling.

If ya can't take the heat stay out of the kitchen...I will be infinitely more respectful entering this space in the future.

It is indeed always humbling, going in with expectations then having them blown apart beyond reason. The way I see it no human is ever ready for the breakthrough. The spectrum of existence and consciousness will always be underestimated because it is way beyond normal comprehension. I have said my sorrys and thank yous. Love is the only legitimate alibi. Humbling indeed.

Hello, Tayzer!

You definitely nose-dived into the deep end in only your second journey.

I think part of the reason this journey was so intense was because of the dosage size. 50mg is quite a large dose that can be jarring for the most seasoned traveler, let alone a new trekker. (https://erowid.org/chemicals/dmt/dmt_dose.shtml)

Death has not been very prominent in my journeys, although, I have experienced a somewhat painful ego death trip which taught me more about myself than any teacher could. Learning about this ego death early on is a great lesson as many journeys turn "bad" when someone has the inability to let go. How scary/incredible did it feel to throw self-image out the window when belittled by the vast space of consciousness? Did it make you question your own definition of self or question what may be defining you?

I trust that you are experienced enough to know about set and setting as you made a comfortable setting prior to your journey, the only thing I would recommend is maybe asking your husband to trip sit next time considering you may become overwhelmed with the memory of the previous journey.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your experience, I hope to hear many more in the future.

Good luck with future expeditions and remember... never stop learning!

Oh it was incredibly scary! Lol. Exasperated by the fact that things really go 0-60 once it's in your lungs. With other psychedelics I've tried, the come up is much slower and you have time to get adjusted... But this threw me head first. I questioned my own self because I was pretty sure that my physical body was dead and that I had already passed the point of no return. But this actually helped me to "let go", because in my mind it was the only thing to do! Lol.

For the journey that followed I did have someone with me, my brother. I did have memories of my first experience in my head and I was SCARED to go back, but I did closer to 40mgs this time, and stepped foot back into a place that was so familiar, so welcoming. It was like the first time, I overstepped, and was taught a lesson. But when I came with a humbled heart I was accepted with open arms (: lol

I went heavy with the first dose because I wasn't confident in my smoking method, and wanted to give myself some leeway "just in case" I burnt it or messed up the hit... but I didn't

Thank you Tayzer so much for posting this account. After only two DMT experiences and going about it in much the same offhanded way as you, and having the same terrifying yet alluring experience ( the 2nd one just minutes ago) its reassuring to find someone else having the same "teething problems" . HA HA less is definitely more.

A really nice writeup tayzer

I really liked the beginning of what you said in what I quoted.

The power and ferocity sometimes leaves you with only one option - letting go. All the worries, thoughts, hopes, fears - when you get a sufficient dose - it leaves all that behind [as it seemed to for you]. Those 'oh shit' moments imho are a signpost for me typically, letting me know that I'm well on my way to the other side. When it continually ramps up, builds, pouring over and through you; as you said - humbling. There's no words for it. You know when you've hit the nail on the head, there's no question when it happens.

There's no bottom as far as I know