Hey Nexus
The day has finally come for the lurking to cease!
It is time for bigflip to step out of the shadows and introduce my self.

I was a normal child for the most part I am the oldest of three kids my brothers being non identical twins born two years after me. One was born with cerebral palsy and can not speak, walk, or do much of anything unattended.
My mother and father got divorced not long after the twins were born. She is a saint for what's she had to go through with two Rowdy boys and one special needs child all by herself.

These two factors at a young age gave me alot of empathy and understanding and made who I am today.

Fast forward to middle school and I make my first group of friends throu being in band, I played the saxophone. Being an overweight kid didn't help with making friends and kids can be brutal. But these friends showed me love and a few of them are still with me 15 years later.

Up until now I was a pretty straight laced kid and stayed that way till Jr year of H.S...alcohol comes on my scene seeming so Cool and alluring. The approved way to shift your conciseness! Being a drinking culture and all its hard to get away from. Getting drunk and driving cars and other bad ideas insued. Having no where to go we would drink in secluded parking lots and other sketchy places, we were lucky for the most part and dodged many bullets.

As the ying and yang flow so the good with the bad, this was also the time where the green Jesus came into my life. I took to weed like I missed it and man those first few years were straight up psychedelic, even tho the bud was SOOOOOOO bad.. It took us to the moon and let us laugh..truly laugh for the first time in a long time.

H.S is finally over, I barley make it out on time but I manage it.
Im one of those smart kids who never applied him self to school... Hind sight is twenty twenty.. Sure wish I would have payed more attention especially in chemistry haha

Things really spice up when a buddy of mine Comes back from college with news of something better than weed... Psychedelics!!!! He fills our heads with names such as morning glory, dxm, and mushrooms.

For the lack of good drugs here starts a short time of my life where I took slot of Robitussin.
It taught me alot, tho I never do it now haha. Shrooms tho that's the real start of the show ohh boy shrooms gets me thinking!!

Lsd took it to the next level for me opening a whole new level of archatypel images and thoughts. Bringing me many times to samahdi tho at that time I was unclear of what it was.
Still drinking alot and not really understanding what psychs are about yet I partyd and partyd and partyd but with little satisfaction. Getting into x pills and aderall slimed me down and I was getting more play from girls.

It's at this time I started dating the longest relationship of my life to date. For the first time I knew love, or what I thought was love... Soo tricky love.
After maby a year I woke to her seizing in her sleep for the first time. She was diagnosed with epilepsy. Looking back now I can see how I could have treated her better but I was addicted to aderall and was doing almost no psychs at this time. We dated for another year, this getting tougher just not communicating very well.

At this time I'm now discovering Mckenna, watts,Jung, and more.
They enthral me and speak to my soul, a few Buddhism books as well.


Then one morning I get a call from her mom that she had a seizure fell and hit her head in the bathroom and died last night.
I've had people die before but never like this... Never this close...

Completely broke my heart open...
I walked around dead for a while
But this is the third huge piller that has changed me for the better and made who I am today.

I was soo lost
Until I started reading more about mother aya and the possibility of healing.
More about Buddhism and ways to ease suffering and the predicament were all put in..

To skip to the present 4 years later I have completely changed my life and love this existence soo much more. I've read many books on spirituality, Hinduism, Buddhism and Shamanism. I consider my self to be a Hindu/ buddha mix.
I listen to many podcasts that also changed my life for the better , jre, dunken trussel, ram das and his gang. I have grown my own fungi for a few years now and have just begun my ethobotanical garden.

Dmt called for me and I got to it. So much makes sense, soo much to be revealed

The most important thing is that this all happens for a reason! My beautiful plant mother asshurs me

I have been broken and healed by the plants
You must first be broken open so love can get in...
Love you
Thank you for bearing with me, I'm not the best writer

Hare Krishna

welcome to the nexus
praise, only the broken can heal
but when the healing is done, its time to play
sometimes we forget we can change the rules
and sometimes we're confused on what we can do
and it can be meh
but like any spiral, we'll meet it in the center
<3 much love

Thank you for the warm welcome!

Welcome Bigflip, wow- you've experienced so much. My elders would say only the strongest souls would walk such intense paths. Hugs to you, I felt sad reading about your lady friend and what you had to go through. You are a strong soul indeed, here to experience many contrasts. You found the right place here