Wow.
So, as you may recall from
my previous report, I had been experimenting with some fairly low quality acetates/freebase in a GVG. Nevertheless, I had a couple of powerful sub-breakthrough experiences that left me gasping for words.
I took the advice in that thread and further processed one of my extraction batches with sodium carbonate to properly freebase. Since it was a fairly small batch, evapping completely to the pure freebase form didn't seem practical (and indeed it was tough to scrape up and manage the small amount when I tried a tray evap). Instead I evapped onto some shredded B. caapi to make a strong, sticky changa. I put the DMT-containing acetone into a tapered wineglass so it would drip down toward the center as the acetone evapped off. I set this glass into a pot of near-boiling water to quickly boil off the acetone. I started with just a tiny pinch of caapi to ensure the strength of the end product. As the solution reduced to a precious morsel of black liquid and the acetone boiling ceased, I gradually added tiny pinches of caapi, just enough to soak up the remaining liquid, so the material would be as strong and saturated as possible.
I did weigh all the pinches as they were added, kept a running total, and compared to the final weight. One mini-batch contained about 110 mg of caapi, and had a final weight around 220 mg. A second larger mini-batch contained about 220 mg caapi and had a final weight around 450 mg. I didn't write down all the exact numbers, but the final product in each case was close to a 1:1 ratio of caapi to DMT extract. I set the changa aside for 48+ hours to evaporate off remaining traces of acetone.
About 1 hour ago, I mustered the courage to try my product. I took a pinch of changa and weighed it at 112 mg. Sounds about right, that would be some ~55mg of DMT extract, so hopefully accounting for extraction impurities, heat damage while smoking, and the like, I would be able to get a solid ~40 mg dose achieved.
I packed the changa into a bong, with layers of pure caapi above and below it, to protect the spice from the flame, catch melting spice on the way down, and add a bit more MAOI action to the mix. I didn't weigh out the additional caapi, but it was probably 100-150mg or so.
I took a few minutes to calm myself, reflect, and set my intention to be open to whatever happens. I lit the bowl and began to fill the bong. It's a small bong, so I didn't have the luxury of fully milking the chamber and cannoning it into my lungs before getting my first taste of smoke, but I did the best I could. Once the chamber was full, I started with a fresh breath. The DMT started to come on strongly before the bowl was even completely finished burning. When it reached its last embers, it was all I could do to clear the chamber, set aside the bong, and lie back onto my bed, holding my breath.
I have no memory of exhaling, as bodily awareness was gone. The only remnants of the reality I knew were the last images of the spiky, burning batch of changa, and the echo of my own voice from a universe away, whispering in my ear "It's okay." The experience was familiar, but unrelentingly chaotic. I knew only the mind-meltingly impossible, thirteen-dimensional waves of insanity that dominated every aspect of my awareness. Even the familiar carrier wave of previous experiences was not featured as prominently here. While previously the carrier wave had seemed to drive the entire experience. Now if it was even present at all, it was somewhere far in the background.
As the trip began to subside, and awareness of my self and my reality began to reappear, the experience was almost more overwhelming due to the mixed awareness of reality and hyperspace. As I regained a bit of control of my speech and faculties, I whispered to myself "It's okay," and felt it echo backwards into the trip and remind me of the vortex I was emerging from. It actually feels like the "It's okay" of the trip was, in some crazy way, an echo from the future. I didn't say "It's okay" before I took the hit, but when I was returning. (Although I did tell myself, silently, in my mind, "It's going to be okay."
Maybe I was primed to say "It's okay" by hearing it during the trip, but I don't think that's right. Just like the image of the spiky changa, it had all the characteristics of a residual memory guiding the structure of the trip. Except in this case, it felt like a memory from a few minutes in the future. Even from this one simple experience, I can definitely see how this chemical can cause someone to question what once seemed unquestionable about material reality.
The comedown was a bit prolonged compared to previous experiences, possibly because of the MAOI action, and/or just the higher dose. Much like salvia, upon returning I felt a strong sense of amazement and gratitude that I made it back to my reality. During the comedown, I was eager for the last effects to dissipate and to feel the comforting embrace of physical reality. I continued to reassure myself "It's okay," each time feeling echoes and reverberations from hearing that phrase in hyperspace.
Now that the effects are gone, the specific memory of the experience is lost like a puff of smoke in the wind. Only a few flashes, images, and feelings remain. Even though I know how all-consuming it is, I can't help but have the feeling "It couldn't possibly have been
that intense." In retrospect, I project my ego into the experience, as if it were just me, on my bed, watching a psychedelic light show, rather than losing all connection to the world. This report is largely an attempt to hang on to that memory as best I can.
Based on what I've read, the qualitative difference between breakthrough and sub-breakthrough, and adages like "If you question whether you broke through, you didn't," I am led to believe that even this must have been a sub-breakthrough experience. I find it mind-boggling and intimidating that there are levels of experience far beyond even what happened to me.
The downside for me is that so far, this experience is difficult to integrate and learn from. I have a great deal of interest in slower-acting ROAs like ayahuasca/pharmahuasca oral preparations, in order to explore this space with more care. The rocket to hyperspace is certainly exciting and interesting, and maybe there will be more value in a higher-level breakthrough, but so far I come back with little more than a feeling of "Holy $#*+!", and knowing that's a completely justified reaction, but little specific memory remaining of exactly why or what happened. Much like salvia, the main benefit to me so far has been the increased appreciation and awareness of my life and physical reality, gained through having those things taken away. It truly is a beautiful thing to be alive.
Thanks to those that offered advice in my previous thread, and thanks to the Nexus as a whole for making this information available.