The following is nothing but ramblings from a madman and should not be taken seriously. Not being a particularly skilled writer, I find trying to describe the DMT experience a lot like trying to describe color to a blind man. Its just impossible, but I feel the need to try anyway. I suppose ill just start it like any good story. At the beginning... But where to start? Its hard to determine where one story ends and another begins, so if I were to start at the beginning id be relating my birth... so I suppose ill start where it gets interesting.
Today was my first journey with pharmacausa, and I have seriously underestimated the power of these plants when taken together. Physically I lay collapsed on my bed unable to move or open my eyes, but my consciousness was in hyperspace. The ever flowing landscape of this realm moved and bent, seemingly in reaction to my thoughts. I meditated on peace and love, reveling in the glory that is the breathtaking beauty of this indescribable mental landscape for what seemed like an eternity. Soon I began to explore other spaces within this hyperspace and thought of a fun game to play while doing so.
What game you ask? While its hard to describe. During this experience I held the belief I had two parts to my mind, the conscious and the subconscious. Normally these two can't communicate with each other, but on this occasion they could and thus a friendship in hyperspace was born. To play, my subconscious had hidden something in hyperspace and my goal was to find where its hidden. I looked around the endlessness of this vast plane of existence for... hours? days? time has no meaning in this place, and it perplexes me to no end. Finally I asked for for a hint as to where too look. Memories, I was told. Soon I was reliving some of my fondest memories, each moment stretching out into eternity. But what I was seeking wasn't there, and soon those fond memories morphed into the painful past I try so hard to forget. Only, they no longer caused me any pain..Emotionally anyways. Physically my body started to writhe in pain, as if begging my mind to stop reliving these events. But I was unwilling, and for the first time in my life I was able to let go of the trauma that has for so long burdened me. I found what I was seeking, in a manner of speaking. When I returned to my subconscious it was revealed I had never hidden anything from myself to begin with. Its sort of distrubing, to be so irritated and amused with the fact that I had somehow tricked myself into finding inner peace amongst the chaos of my past.
Show me love, I said into the vast sea of consciousness I was floating in. And lo, love is what I was shown! This thought began to loop in my mind, syncing with my heartbeat. Each beat felt like my body was being struck with lightning, the energy coursing through my body and out my fingertips. Soon I was meditating on peace again, the once vivid imagery fading from memory leaving me with only remnants of the experience. My mind, usually a hive of racing thoughts and impulses I struggle to control is finally at rest. I rose from the dead slowly, gulping down the best tasting water ive had in years and smoking the last of my cannabis while I tried to process what had just happened to me. My phone said 9:00pm, had it really only been three hours? How could I experience so much, in so little time? I feel reborn, as if my once disorganized and messy mind was dumped out and rearranged in a more efficient manner. Like I had run a defragmentation on my mind.
Anyways, this made for an interesting first time with oral dmt, especially after taking a year long hiatus from psychedelic use. With the ending of this long and dreary canadian winter and some nice weather finally I had planned on doing it outdoors, as I always love watching the sunset whilst taking psychedelics. But shortly after I took 50mg of dmt I was struck with the most uncomfortable urge. The urge to purge. Probably the worst possible thing to happen while meditating by the river, and so I began the excruciatingly long walk back to my home. I was hoping a small dose would allow me to somewhat function and not purge, but I underestimated these powerful molecules. Another 60mg, for a total of 110mg, was taken when I got home, and the above events shortly followed. While it had a rocky start, i'm left feeling fulfilled and that's all that matters.