Hi there!
I wanted to share with you my fellow Nexians another trip report. This time I want to share with you my FIRST DMT experience. In abstract it was very beautiful, inspiring, hopeful and insightful experience overall... I hope and I think it will be very useful to share here.
Before I start I wanted to say that this thread I created in "First steps in hyperspace" [
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=74918 ] was actually my third DMT experience, which I chosen to write down first, because it was most intense one for sure. The one I'm gonna write down right now was my first.
So... I was at a psytrance festival that took place in a very specific place... it was placed in a territory that is said to have more than 4000 years old shamanic history. There were two holy mountains around. It is said that thousand years ago shamanic ceremonies took there place or something, I don't know details to be honest. People who claimed that they feel energy stated that this place is radiating with powerful and pure one.
I met there a friend who said he has changa. To do a little background, when I was getting into psychedelics I was reading about them and I wanted to check each standard psychedelic ONCE so I will know how they differ and what is what etc.. So I already has one mild schroom + cannabis trip, one LSD 200ug + cannabis and once 330 mescaline + cannabis in that order (yeah I was getting into psychedelics with mixing them with Mary Jane, I didn't had bad trips then thou)
I left DMT for last because I knew it is the strongest, so I wanted to make it gradual. So right now I had the rest three tasted, so it was time for DMT.
To give it more context, I was then at a time where I was after a breakup with a person I was very attached to back then, but this day I felt like I'm ready to start a new life.
So my friend gave me and my another friend that I've met a day before some changa, he was very glad when he heard I never smoked it before, because he said it is great place and that he has some ultra great changa, so it is not coincidence. He also very enjoyed my music sets and he said he is honoured and very happy that my first changa will be from him.
I was very grateful to him we told him that we gonna give him something in return someday. (which we did after some time - different changa
)
So we went on a journey with my new meet friend to get up to that Sacred Mountain. Btw. it is this type of friend when you meet someone and the first day you already know that you're on "same waves" so we didn't need time to feel great in each others company. It was the same friend that I had my next changa trip with, which I posted in "First steps in hyperspace".
I had with me (only) 4 cubensis dried, and I shared them with my friend, we ate them before departure, so 2 schooms for one head. We thought it is so little they might not work, but I thought they will.
So we went and were passing through the woods and I had a baggie of cannabis with me. I thought it is some great stuff but I actually made a mistake and it was very bad. But it was too late after a hit I felt heavy and I felt like "omg I'm going to smoke DMT up there and I already screwed by mistaking this cannabis to be good sort, while it was bad). Anyway we were going... one moment the mushrooms evidentnly kicked in and the trip started. I had very little visuals (more like minimal change of perspective only) but I clearly felt presence of the forest mind. I was also listening to music on headphones and were thinking what music and forest/psychedelic mind are telling me. (I don't know if it was forest or some Divine Spirit, but it was very serene mind).
Most importaintly it told me that I am "on their side" and I am very welcome here. That I'm a friend of trees and forests in general. They respected that I am trying to do good in the world, that I am trying to care for nature in everyday life, like trying to be vegan, signing petitions to stop cutting forests etc. I'm not some big activist, but it seemed like this mind was rewarding me for the fact that I care at all and rather helping than raping.
Another insight was when I was listening to this track:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vJY6079YvIThis piece has this quality that it has both dark moments and this spiraling strings moment at 1:01 onward. A general stir of emotion in this track. And psychedelia has shown me that it is just like life, that light always emerge from darkness if we are trying. Mixture of both... a dance.
We were going up and up to the mountain and passing through forest... next thing "schroomies" told me was that I have a big impact upon my sorrounding, meaning that people actually change their minds about stuff because of my words and actions, and that I am unaware of it. And really it was eye-opener for me, because I had this tendency of being narcisstic sometimes while also thinking that "no one cares" and I don't have any influence... I was expecting too much and thought that if I am not some ultra famous artist or influential politician, I bring no change, no one cares for me...
But this mind shown me that actually it IS BIG that I have influence on people around me and that I should be careful, because I can do both good and bad with this. It was like parent saying "be responsible, kid, you have a gift so don't waste or misuse it.." something like.. "don't think you're lord of the world but also know that you matter more than you were/are aware of." It shown me that when I come into a place, it is like a hammerblow, striking with lightnings. That I am not aware that I bring attention to myself, and that they're many people who don't do that, but it was transparent to me to this point. Like I had a gift but were not cherishing it but taking for granted. So it was both like a loving friend giving a hug but also advice/warning.
To shorten up a bit, it took us like 3 hours to get to the top. There was even a tablet saying that "this is Sacred Place of Cult" or something. We wen't a little to the bottom so we are not seen if someone else get to the top which is most obvious place to visit of course.
And so the preparation started. My friend was handling it, as he already has experience with changa. We were sitting in a place where we seen layers of trees before us. Trees were all around, it was summer to it was very green place, not directly in sunlight thou.
I was thinking if I want to go with the music or without, but I thought (and schrooms also shown me that), since music is "my thing" in life I'm gonna see how music sounds on DMT. I've put up this track:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPbdMitGlHII was nervous a little, but surely schrooms did good job at calming me down. My friend told me to think of intention...
I will make a short context here. Always when I was seeing a falling star and I was to make a wish I was always wishing to meet someone that I will love and who will love me. I just dreamt to have a loving relationship with a beautiful girl. But right now for the first time I thought and said (due to my post breakup thought): I have no intention, I want to fully submit to the experience whatever it will bring, I just let go of everything" I really had no idea what to expect. I felt very brave at that moment, because it was a "breakthrought" (not dmt yet, just in my life) - that I for the first time really FELT that I WANT TO LET GO. To OPEN to something else, to TRUST...
So here comes the pipe. I'm getting the toke and oh... I barely started and it was SO STRONG I got scared. All the leaves of trees fractalised in first second, everything felt ultra-Sacred, they were all "all seeing eye", my friend face started to look very strange, perspective changed... I felt like I am facing something so powerful it is impossible for me to handle. I've backed away and said "no no I can't take it... I'm so scared, it is so strong" and He was like "sure, no problem man, it is good that you're doing what you feel, you don't have to take more, I think it is enough". Then I said "OK, give it to me", and I took it all...
I felt like time was slowing down rapidly, heard this sound like everything is going "UUUUUuuuuu...." like falling down and VERY loud tinnitus. Extremely powerful sensation started to emerge from me, like UBER ECSTASY, I felt like I'm gonna shatter, it was so strong I couldn't believe it and of coruse I was extremely scared of what is happening to me, but I was saying like mantra "I just let go, let it happen, let it happen, I let go"... I felt like some melted gold or golden dense light was being poured into my consciousness as time slowed. Everything become extremely light and powerful. It is Spirit... lighter than air and fire, but more powerful than the ocean or mountain.
Now things are getting really hard to describe. The time cleary slowed like million times and I felt mystical experience. I don't exactly know when, but very softly everything turned into a golden wave of Serene Love, Bliss. I can hardly remember it because it was so bizzare, but it was very simple at the same time. It was like morphing golden wave, contracting, expanding, fractalising, bending, shifting... I didn't feel my body at all, I "was" this wave, this space was completely different than ordinary state of mind. It was very beautiful, golden patterns morphing, I thought I see in it golden persons in meditating postures emerging, spiralling, swirling in this serene ecstasy, being melted into the wave and emerging from it again... "Riding the spiral"...
This track Arcana - Lament, perfectly gives the mood:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IsA9B8iqAY4 (I will describe it later)
To be honest, I had this feeling that THIS IS IT. I know it sounds strange to say that, but I felt at that moment like This-Is-God/Heaven. I had this Zen moment of laughter, but it was also a little disappointing, but also not disappointing at all, it was so PERFECT state in a way... I just couldn't grasp that is it SO SIMPLE in a way, just some extremely serene ecstasy of golden light morphing. When I was thinking of the Divine I was always like "it must be something so different, inimaginable, and perfect and simple"... and IT WAS EXACTLY THAT. But most shocking thing was that it was something sensual. I mean it was different than normal senses, but it was emotions, colours, music... I was shocked that is it THAT and not SOMETHING ELSE. Like I was wondering why it looks like THIS instead of for example extremely beautiful visuals I seen on mescaline? Why is it gold and not purple for example?
[it is interesting to note here that all religions consider gold to be Sacred... golden auras around heads of saints, golden statues of the Buddha, golden temples etc. etc.]
I thought that if it would be eternal, it would be glorious in a way, but on the other hand it was so simple like nothing was happening there. This spiralling and morphing golden wave was like in a loop, even thou it was like a river driven by wind, never exactly the same, but in general very still. It was utter beauty in an endless loop of serene Love. I was thinking if I would like to stay here forever if I could and I thought that now I understand why our "normal world" exists. It is because OK, we live in a place far less happy and peaceful than this, but we have DIVERSITY that this state lacked.
[btw. I don't know if it was God or Heaven or just some another realm/aspect of it, but back then I thought that it has to be God/Heaven which seemed same to me. From buddhist perspective it was not nirvana for sure, cause I still had thoughts, so I wasn't exactly "in the state" more like I was being "shown the state"]
While being in this beautiful "place" I heard "music of the spheres" that sounded a bit like this song I posted above.
[Btw. When I'm listening to Arcana - Lament I actually feel some Love of this place, like a flashback.. I'm doing that a lot in last days which motivated me to write this trip report.]
Aside from my above thoughts, it was utter beauty... like riding a fractalish wave of Serene Love.. of ultimate triumph, of perfectness, of completeness, of a place where you could be always and never suffer, just pleasure, Love, calmness, this beautiful visuals and music, feeling of floating in infinity... falling forewer without a ground to be met. Glory of God, Mind of Buddha, that was thoughts I had.
Btw. in this track Arcana - Lament I see it like this... every ring of bell is like a triumph of Truth... that ultimately all that is, is pure Love, that all life is like a dream so we can experience more beauty, but there is always this place of serene Love... It simply IS.
IT IS.
These are probably two most simply words but also most profound in a way... I was thinking that you can't rationalize exstence or understand it at all, even in this place, we just ARE.
I couldn't believe that reality is actually blissful. That it is not this "fight for survival, always wars, conflicts, sadness, broken hearts and meaningless death in the end" but in actuality ultimate reality is just Love, Bliss... and in our lives can can find exploration, connection, beauty, art, challange..
There are also this violins that sound like being gently pat and hugged in eternity... And this vocals sounds like voice of Truth... that this is SO SIMPLE. That Heaven is all most beautiful emotions x1000 and brilliant sensual wave in infinite loop, in morphing stillness. This is most simple solution of happiness. You can love it and be with it or struggle. There is no way out of being, nirvana is just melting with this
wave... this were my thoughts on this. [I want to note here: In Busshist Cosmology there are a lot of heavenly realms, brahmic realms included. Even when very blissful they are still part of samsara and are not nirvana which is "hard to fathom"... if Buddha was right I'd say it was more a brahmic realm, but really I don't know... hard to say something about things so unknown with so little experience that I have]
Anyway, this synesthethic sensation of Love was SO INTENSE, but this intensity wasn't unplesant AT ALL, it was pure bliss, the more intense the bell of triumph, the more intense soothing violins and voices of serenity reverbing in holy space... eruption and gentleness... like a VIBRATION... a huge and powerful vibration, but when you zoom in, it's all millions of genetle little and tranquil crystaline vibrations... getting stronger and stronger... fractalising in infinity... expanding but still being the same, like a river: shifting, but unchanging Wave-Of-Golden-Love.
Btw. all things that I described happened in a few seconds or minutes. I had this INTUITION, like many thoughts occuring almost simultaniously but I could easly understand and recollect them all later.
After that "shock" and "philosophical" moment I went back to normal.
I was feeling ashamed to ask, because I didn't want to appear as rushing type, but with very humble and kind voice I asked my friend "It was beautiful, please, could you give me more?" and he said words that I hold dear to my heart to this day:
"Good is to be shared".
It was so simple words, but they had utter deep meaning in that Sacred Moment. I asked him please give as much as you can, I really want to get deep into this.
I felt very safe right now, actually safer than ever.
It is nice how this rapid and shattering, frightening onset became so quickly a feeling of great serenity and ease.
So he burned it for me and I took another big toke. I went back to exactly the same place, this time in gentle way. I had as well moment of intuition, this time regarding my family life. For the first time I saw my family in such a good light. It shown me that in all that hardness even my father actually loved me even thou I never believed it. It shown me that most of humans have all this obstacles so we don't see this pure Love, but it is always there in heart of people, because consciousness itself in the end is just Love... and that it is not just something metaphysical. The moment someone just helps you in something this is Love. No need for great things. We seek don't know what, while also even if anware of it, such little actions of Love are this Golden-Love, spreading.
I saw how my parents were working hard so I had shelter, how they were struggling with their hard emotions while trying to raise me and my brothers, even thou it was often very difficult and harsh for us. I felt at that moment very greateful to my family, I felt that Love can be very difficult sometimes but we may see it even then if we look deeply.
And again, the state was gone and I was left with sense of peace and awe and positive shock. I don't remember if I did a third dive, even if I did, it more or less the same. The time quite lost its meaning there. Just glory, Truth, serene Love, peace, beauty in golden morphing wave, music of the spheres... like this place is always the same. An ultimate shelter. It was my experience and thoughts back then.
So this is it... I felt so great after this, when we were going down back to festival ground. It was first time in my life that I've thought "OK, God exist"
Later on it made me rethink my entire life and my view of reality... it was beginning of my deep psychedelic journey that continued some time later in my first Ayahuasca trip, but this is a story for another time...
I also started reading a lot more about misticism and religions. I found that many things they say are actually true.
I hope you find this helpful. When I go back in time to this trip (listening to Arcana - Lament
) I feel great. I am still a little scared of power of this "realm", but it clearly is beautiful. I feel utter respect to THAT.
It was very liberating wisdom to see this, back then and from perspective of time. Things started to get more complicated for me later, to the point that now I'm on a break from tripping. But I am very grateful to Spirit that my first DMT encounter was pure bliss, no hard insights, no challange, just Love.
I think it might be due to many reasons... it was a good changa, my friend gave it to us with good intention, my other friend gave me the pipe with good intention, we were on a Sacred Mountain, I felt utter respect to DMT and the Divine, I was already on low dosage of magic mushrooms that surely did loosen up my ego and guided me a little, and most of all - I DID LET GO of everything in that moment. And I did let go of fear during the onset. I think this is what good set & setting is.
It was very symbolic, because it has shown me that Buddhist teaching (and mystics in general) of letting go is very wise, especially when it comes to spiritual states of mind. Let go, just be... unimaginable bliss.
Thank you for reading