This is only meant as an initial introduction to the subject but I feel I have to write some of it down now as I'm so massively excited by this new discovery. I feel like an astronomer who's just been given his first high power telescope or a particle physicist who's just been allowed use of the Large Hadron Collider. My apologies to anyone for whom this is well known territory and excuse this noob's ramblings on a subject about which he really knows very little!

Somehow or the other I missed out on the tens of thousands of ecstacy pills being distributed every weekend at clubs and raves in the previous three decades and was only given some to try out for the first time a few weeks ago. These are some of the results I had:

After a bit of experimentation to ascertain purity and appropriate dosages, I decided to go for 120mg on a Saturday morning when I had no outstanding tasks or responsibilities. At about 30 minutes I noticed a slight effect and decided to simply sit in formal meditation and watch my breath. By 45 minutes the effects were very noticeable and there followed a period of about 20 minutes or so of slight anxiety with dizziness and mild nausea. I went to the bathroom and had that feeling of having drunk a drink or two too many. I returned to sitting meditation and within a few minutes the discomfort eased. A clarity began to take over my thought process combined with a feeling of majestic well being. The next 20 minutes saw the sense of clarity expand to a level I don't believe I've ever experienced before. Control over what I thought, how I thought and the level of analysis/observation I could bring to any part of myself was unimaginably refined.

For the next hour and a half I was able to utilize this extreme clarity for a number of experiments. I assumed a more casual position sat on the bed and checked through the sensations in my body. I could feel tension in one shoulder, something that is more or less chronic in myself and related to stress and a whole gamut of largely unseen, unknown emotions. In this situation I was able to bring the emotions into sharp focus and simply hold them there as objects. I could see how they received their driving force from their connection to the "I" concept, what kept "me" going as "me". I released the link and let them exist as independent entities with no need to reject or hold onto them. The entities rejoiced in their new found freedom. I could see them going back to their own naive, simple origins from I don't know when. The reason for their existence was seen to be no more necessary and they dissolved back into the nothingness from which they had originally emerged. A euphoria swept over me as I felt the refound wholeness of that part of my body.

I could see there was still a small amount of internal dialog continuing, just the automaton turning over thoughts relating to what was happening and analysis of the process. I turned my spotlight attention onto this and without the slightest effort switched it off. An overwhelming silence ensued. A large part of what I considered to be "me" vanished along with the background noise. I looked at the more subtle items remaining that seemed to be related to the artificial sense of self. Each item was examined and released in turn leaving an expansive consciousness of the whole with no particular connection to any sense of personal self. This was very far from the type of ego death I've experienced through DMT - more a controlled adoption of a state where the whole took priority over the artificial self allowing silent abiding in this new found spaciousness. Thoughts of an egoic nature made an appearance from time to time but could simply be focussed on and allowed to leave - your best zazen session ever times a thousand

I went downstairs and found my girlfriend. We enjoyed some amazingly loving and erotic hugs and joked together about male sexuality (being mainly a matter of hydraulics ). The effects started to wear off quite quickly, a fair bit sooner than I thought they might. I was left with a warm glow and feeling of overall well being. These have continued for more than 10 days now. I am filled with optimism (probably also an effect of the medicine) that the potential for this substance correctly used is simply enormous. I've written a list of negative aspects of myself that I wish to examine using MDMA. Most exciting of all is what I think it can bring to my understanding of absolute truth, realization, the Understanding or whatever term you want to use for the reality beyond duality.

[Since writing the above I've had a repeat session using the same dose. More sessions to follow over the next few weeks. I remain convinced of the amazingness of this substance. At some point I'm also going to try vaping DMT during the heightened phase of the MDMA trip to see how this affects the control of the experience.]

Very nice experience report, NotTwo

Recently i've been curious about trying MDMA again... although years ago i had some nice experiences i wasn't yet interested in meditation or realization. Looking back on it i was quite clueless, only difference being now i know that i know nothing!

I found that whenever i tried psilocybin it felt more ecstatic with much less of a come down the next day, and who knows what those pills were cut with... naturally i stopped using it and started exploring psychedelics more.

It was nice to read an MDMA report in the context of meditation and looking deeper into oneself, you've inspired me to give it another go sooner rather than later. I think the amount of time and energy MAPs puts into this substance speaks volumes about its therapeutic potential.

Nice report , a mature use of this molecule !
BUT,


Please give yourself at least a 6 week break (if not 8 weeks or much more) between your experiences my friend ! Otherwise you will loose the magic sooner or later and the whole positiveness of the experience turns into the complete oposite direction ! I guess you dont want this , so be warned.

I for myself have 2 tested doses lying around since 2 years (after a 10 years hiatus !) , and am happy to take one of them when the time is right , maybe next year .

Less is more

Thanks, your advice very much appreciated

If you can explain further I'd love to hear. I've just been reading a bit about letting serotonin levels recuperate but I'm not too sure to what extent that equates with real life biology

I have taken MDMA 8 times in the last 10 months, after a decade of not ingesting it. I only had a few low doses 10 years ago, nothing profound like it has been at full doses. The last 3 experiences with it have been paired with either mescaline or psilocybin.

I have not experienced any loss of the magic, and the last experience was like taking it for the first time. It does however exert a physical toll on myself now. The first few experiences left me feeling energized, but I feel more drained the next day now..but not depressed. The depressive crash people describe I have not experienced. My last experience with it was like the culmination of my journey with the stuff over the past year. I was able to see myself as both a person who has, like all of us, suffered a lot of pain, while at the same time being a total asshole to certain people I really cared about in my life and causing them suffering(which in turn only hurts me more). What came out of that was an experience of overwhelming compassion and empathy, that needs proper integration. More MDMA at this time cannot facilitate that.

MDMA has provided me with a wealth of insight into my own problems and trauma accumulated in my 31 years of life. It has also opened me up emotionally in ways that I did not necessarily expect. Be careful, it really can open you up. MDMA is like the jaws of life for those who suffered a crash course of emotional trauma and closed down because of it.

I was introduced to MDMA through a friend of a close friend. I connected with both of them at a festival and this beautiful woman gave me my first real dose of MDMA that blew my heart wide open and allowed me to move through a lot of junk while she supported me. It was the best example of psychedelic therapy I have personally experienced. I went on to have a number of MDMA experienced with her since then, as well as becoming rather close friends. My first LSD experience in 10 years, we also took together. The other side of this story, is that I began to feel more comfortable and open with her than I can recall being with another person, and at some point I fell in love with her. It's not a negative thing and I don't regret anything I have done in my life, but it has left me in a bit of a confused and tangled mess watching her date other guys etc and having to just bite my tongue. I am not saying the MDMA did this to me, but the opening effect of it does intensify everything. Taking acid after also seems to reinforce the imprint. It's been interesting, and w/e life throws at me grows me up a little more. One important teaching of MDMA for me, is that experiences we go through in life always have a destination waiting for us on the other side. What holds us back is how we remember, interpret and integrate our experiences.

Be careful with what you do with that opening that MDMA provides. Use it wisely.

We both decided to stop using MDMA for a prolonged period of time after an incredible LSD experience, to work with other entheogens. I have a good circle of people to do ayahuasca, mushroom, cacti and LSD work with, and I feel that is where I need to be now.

I drank a lot of ayahuasca last friday night and had a very strange tactile hallucination where I vomited out MDMA(the vomiting part really happened)..I could feel all the work that MDMA did on me, all the opening, as well as all the confusion and tangled feelings that arose in the wake of those experiences. I can't really explain properly what happened but I got the message pretty clearly that I have reached my bodies own saturation point in regards to MDMA. The visionary portion, which was fantastic, only began after that vomiting. MDMA to me is like alchemical fire. You can do a lot of good work with fire, but you can also burn your house done. Sometimes, you can do both.

MDMA is a valuable tool to me and I have a lot of respect for it, but it's not like the other psychedelics. Use is intelligently. I have only had 10 experiences with it in my entire life and I am fairly content at this point to use it once or twice a year. I don't plan to use it again until august.

Hey thanks for your comments and advice. Jamie: just been reading your discussion on the subject from last month - lots of really good stuff in there.

One thing which I'm pretty much astounded by is that the insights from these first two sessions have simply stayed - they seem like permanent changes and have had an incredibly positive effect on how I've been the last few weeks.

The unbounded spaciousness that I experienced seems to have become something that I can go to pretty much at will.

I'm not really one for believing in chakras - for me this is just imposing a largely intellectual framework onto what can be dealt with better in more direct ways - but I'd very much go along with the analogy that my heart chakra has been opened and apart from the real love I feel a lot of the time, I'm just dealing with people in much more open and compassionate way.

I have a great relationship with my girlfriend (makes up for loads of really crappy ones I've had in the past!) but even there it's added something quite wonderful - a mixture of openness, intimacy, love, sexuality - that we're both feeling, even though she didn't try the MDMA.

All your comments noted about frequency; think I'm going to put off the next session to sometime in the new year.