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post one liner jokes Options
 
DoingKermit
#81 Posted : 4/8/2016 10:32:19 AM

DMT-Nexus member

Senior Member

Posts: 1727
Joined: 28-May-2009
Last visit: 09-Jul-2020
Why was everyone friends with the mushroom? Because he's a fungi.
 

Psychedelic news, articles, interviews and art from the DMT-Nexus and other sources.
 
Pharmer
#82 Posted : 4/8/2016 10:51:47 PM

ღஐ~Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ~ஐღ


Posts: 281
Joined: 28-Dec-2009
Last visit: 08-Mar-2020
Location: 45th parallel
If a carrot and a lettuce were in a race, who would win?

The lettuce because it's "a head" Razz
Perhaps I am asking the wrong questions but it doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.


 
DmnStr8
#83 Posted : 4/9/2016 1:45:12 AM

Come what may


Posts: 1698
Joined: 08-Mar-2015
Last visit: 23-Mar-2019
How do you kill a circus clown?
Go for the juggler!

Why don't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is

The midget fortune teller that kills his customers is a small medium at large.

What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink?
Wataaaaah!!

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to santa.

My friend recently was crushed by a pile of books, but he only has his shelf to blame.

Why didn't the life guard save the hippy?
He was too far out man.



"In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link." ~Carlos Castaneda
 
Godsmacker
#84 Posted : 8/6/2016 7:36:18 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 587
Joined: 02-May-2013
Last visit: 16-Apr-2018
A dylaxic man walks into a bra.
'"ALAS,"said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad
when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have
narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner
stands the trap that I must run into." "You only need to change your direction," said
the cat, and ate it up.' --Franz Kafka
 
downwardsfromzero
#85 Posted : 1/25/2017 9:55:45 PM

No way ticket

Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 4810
Joined: 30-Aug-2008
Last visit: 08-Jul-2020
Location: square root of minus one
How do you move four cliffs? With a fourclifftruck...
Ora, lege, lege, lege, relege et labora

“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
downwardsfromzero
#86 Posted : 1/25/2017 11:27:00 PM

No way ticket

Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 4810
Joined: 30-Aug-2008
Last visit: 08-Jul-2020
Location: square root of minus one
Having tried absinthe, I can see why Van Gogh painted a chair then cut his ear off.
Ora, lege, lege, lege, relege et labora

“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
dreamer042
#87 Posted : 1/25/2017 11:57:28 PM

Dreamoar

Moderator | Skills: Mostly harmless

Posts: 4304
Joined: 10-Sep-2009
Last visit: 09-Jul-2020
Location: Rocky mountain high
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?


Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...

Visual diagram for the administration of dimethyltryptamine

Visual diagram for the administration of ayahuasca
 
entheogenic-gnosis
#88 Posted : 1/26/2017 2:07:54 PM
DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 2889
Joined: 31-Oct-2014
Last visit: 03-Nov-2018
Ok, first joke:

The drug war *rimshot*

Moving on to the next joke:

Modern american politics *rimshot*

Hmmm...trying to think of another good joke...ok, here's one: alternative facts *rimshot*

-eg
 
Oskar
#89 Posted : 1/29/2017 1:40:58 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 17
Joined: 22-Jan-2017
Last visit: 02-Jun-2020
Here's a couple of last years Christmas Bon Bon jokes:

What do you give the man who has everything? Antibiotics.

Why did the Scarecrow get a promotion? Because he was out-standing in his field.

 
entheogenic-gnosis
#90 Posted : 1/29/2017 2:26:51 PM
DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 2889
Joined: 31-Oct-2014
Last visit: 03-Nov-2018
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."

-eg



 
downwardsfromzero
#91 Posted : 2/18/2017 12:55:45 AM

No way ticket

Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 4810
Joined: 30-Aug-2008
Last visit: 08-Jul-2020
Location: square root of minus one
I've been huffing a lot of brake fluid lately.






I can stop any time, though.
Ora, lege, lege, lege, relege et labora

“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
downwardsfromzero
#92 Posted : 5/27/2017 11:44:39 PM

No way ticket

Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 4810
Joined: 30-Aug-2008
Last visit: 08-Jul-2020
Location: square root of minus one
Why don't lions need batteries?




Because they have manes...
Ora, lege, lege, lege, relege et labora

“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
downwardsfromzero
#93 Posted : 5/18/2018 2:10:42 PM

No way ticket

Chemical expertSenior Member

Posts: 4810
Joined: 30-Aug-2008
Last visit: 08-Jul-2020
Location: square root of minus one
Here's what might be a new one:

What did the pirate say when he noticed his welding gas was missing?









Aaar gone...
Ora, lege, lege, lege, relege et labora

“There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work."
― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
 
hug46
#94 Posted : 5/20/2018 7:08:16 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 1801
Joined: 07-Sep-2012
Last visit: 08-Jul-2020
An old couple are enjoying a night together in the local pub, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"

Her husband replies "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."
 
DmnStr8
#95 Posted : 5/20/2018 8:09:54 PM

Come what may


Posts: 1698
Joined: 08-Mar-2015
Last visit: 23-Mar-2019
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
"In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link." ~Carlos Castaneda
 
soulfood
#96 Posted : 5/21/2018 12:46:21 AM

DMT-Nexus member

Senior Member | Skills: DMT, Harmaloids, Bufotenine, Mescaline, Trip advice

Posts: 4792
Joined: 08-Dec-2008
Last visit: 07-Jul-2020
Location: UK
What did the slug say to the snail?

"Big issue?"
 
DmnStr8
#97 Posted : 5/21/2018 3:35:08 AM

Come what may


Posts: 1698
Joined: 08-Mar-2015
Last visit: 23-Mar-2019
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
"In the universe there is an immeasurable, indescribable force which shamans call intent, and absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached to intent by a connecting link." ~Carlos Castaneda
 
nathanielle
#98 Posted : 5/22/2018 10:20:37 AM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 29
Joined: 14-May-2017
Last visit: 17-Oct-2019
Location: Our lovely world
I was reversing my car and I thought "this takes me back"
 
dreamer042
#99 Posted : 5/22/2018 4:39:53 PM

Dreamoar

Moderator | Skills: Mostly harmless

Posts: 4304
Joined: 10-Sep-2009
Last visit: 09-Jul-2020
Location: Rocky mountain high
Ever hear the one about the hippie and the mormon (LDS) church?

He misread the sign, thought he was going for a trip and they sent him on a mission.

Razz
Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily...

Visual diagram for the administration of dimethyltryptamine

Visual diagram for the administration of ayahuasca
 
Sunnyside
#100 Posted : 5/22/2018 7:08:36 PM

DMT-Nexus member


Posts: 281
Joined: 28-Jun-2015
Last visit: 09-Jul-2020
Location: Walking slow, down the avenue
Two cannibals, eating a clown ...

“Does this taste funny to you...?”
" Enjoy every sandwich." - Warren Zevon
Still searching for that elusive 'N' Chromosome.
 
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