the end of the world was going down
ive always said id be in peru drinking ayahuasca at the exact moment of the 2012 solstice, yet life had other plans for me.
in a dream….
i found myself fasting for the biggest known dose of my life. the dose was a plethora of trichocereus products. in the mix there was 2 and a half feet of bridgesii,a massively thick foot of pachanoi (4lbs wet!), and a half foot of peruvianus.
i dehydrated 1.75 feet bridgesii's outter green flesh and powdered it. i made tea of the rest. the tea was carefully reduced, decanted, and evaporated to yield a water soluble resin.
whilst the resin was warm and malleable the bridgesii powder was added to the dish and the resulting substrate was mixed thoroughly. the resin bound the powder of which half centimeter spheres were rolled. 20 of these orbs were fashioned. when the orbs cooled the resin became incredibly solid, just as a rock.
the fast started at 4 am on the 20th and the orbs were consumed at 11 pm. i awoke at 5 pm having planned my sleep schedule around this event. the fast included a 0 calorie intake, lack of social interaction, abstainence from psychoactives, and a day without music or television. I drank a gallon of water throughout the day taking my last sip at 9pm, when i took a 45 min sauna. i then took a shower and returned to my room
i used a calorie free beverage to swallow each orb whole. the first one was massive, or so i thought… infact i had crafted them all too large! i thought i might have to suspend this experience inlight of my miscalculation, however determined as i was, i did not yield.
each rock hard orb would scrape my throat painfully, and once i purged due to the rapid succession of which i consumed them. luckily the rocks of medicine rose ever so slightly before being moved further into my stomach. i was very careful not to use too much liquid during my ingestion as liquid increases nausea. i managed about 2/3s of the medicine without serious incident, then it happened. i got one stuck in my throat.
i wasnt choking but it was painfully lodged in my esophagus. it was incredibly bizarre, i wouldnt feel anything until i tried to swallow then there was this pain and bulge in my neck! i tried rubbing my throat (like characters do in movies to get a victim to forcibly swallow) it was to no avail… slightly alarmed i would not pass this glob i tried swallowing many times over, only to receive a stinging throb indicating the path to my stomach was obstructed. i tried drinking some more liquid and forcibly swallowing, i could feel the fluid trickle around the block and i could hear an odd weeze when i would burp. i tried using a drink while jumping, hoping to dislodge the foreign body but yet it remained. after what seemed to be 20 minutes of struggle and several gulps of powerade later i realized i could swallow with ease again! however i drank 2x as much as i had intended in the process. my stomach was beginning to turn and i managed another 3 balls before resigning my valiant effort.
this was the cactus's choice i thought. it was supposed to happen this way. having already taken care of my nightly hygene and semi annoyed i couldnt finish my apocalypse dose i insufflated about 35 mg of ketamine before turning off all lights and laying down in bed. with my headphones on i relaxed for about an hour before the cramps became very noticeable. i fought for about an hour and a half every second to resist purging, it was the most desired thing and yet i refused. i remember imagining myself purging to relief. lying supine and trying to avert my focus constantly got me to a point where the painful cramps finally subsided. at one point my stomach hurt so bad i thought my liver had acutely failed due to my excessive cactus feast with a ketamine desert. Also from experience, tea or resin made from tea has given me the same mysterious pain, but i wasnt totally convinced at the time.
having braved the worst of it about 2 and a half hours post ingestion i unplugged my headphones and drank in the silence. i put my earplugs in and felt a wave of satisfaction having successfully prepared my body and mind for this experience. senses deprived i began having visions.
i lost all sense of time. i remember fractured frames of revolving through this ineffible sequence and bursting forth from beyond a dimensional membrane like a liquid flower blooming. my revolutions were endless. this went on forever. i felt things i cant remember, i dont remember most of it. snippits of ancient awe and ritual are all i can see in my memory. upon coming back into my body i questioned what had happened, this was the most subtle of all my experiences and it was thought to be most intensely bizarre. i questioned if i was infact innebriated, but the chavin style mouths countouring reality seemed to smile in affirmation. i smiled too, thinking of mckenna's quote concerning the elves message "dont be distracted..". i felt like the content i focussed upon previously was this distraction and each time i see beyond it. its a very pure state, to be visionary but visionless. its like my soul is extinguishing chaos. i felt more like i had ingested myself than i had cacti. as if i had communion with my celestial ancient grandfathering self. i used to consider cactus to be "an alien fruit" but now its "my body" which gives rise to a whole train of thought concerning christian communion. eat of my body and return to the singularity is what i seems to whisper to myself.
its kind of like smoking dmt for a few hours in the sense of thats how intense this all is, but like i said its growing less and less foreign and become "comfortable" if you will.
back to the story...
i was very thankful to be back in my body but torn between confused and upset as to the lack of content of the "visions"
having just taken a nice seated pee, i got up to investigate my surrounding. i went to the hearth and ignited the fire, everything i saw had another dimension to it, like i was looking through to the back of the transparent object. it was as if everything was evanescent. walking through the kitchen i become absurdly aware of the ceiling above me and walls around me and they all seemed to form some sort of 3 dimensional diamond instead of a normal square room. with my tilted perspective i returned to my room and it was now 5 am. unsure of what to do with myself i decided to try some ketamine. not having the dexterity of sobriety nor the light to see adequately the amount i insufflated was more than i had intended so i laid down for disassociation. nothing really happened aside from it was all the sudden 6 am.
i waited till 6:11, the time of solstice had passed then logged onto the nexus. in the chat i was talking with pandora and she mentioned maybe doing some lsd that day. i giggled to myself as i imagined a stranger showing up in a midwestern usa town to a barbeque with liquid lsd. he seemed to be manifested of excessive lsd use. the moment you realized you just did a ton of acid, thats what hes made of. and he smiles so bizarrely, its perplexing really how giddy he is overdosing tabs before they go on their way. then i realized wait, wtf?! im chatting with pandora… apparently my mind was still capable of manifesting this late into the game. then i realized i had forgotten that during my visionary state i had smoked dmt in a vision and experienced its full effects. the thought of blasting off on the apocalypse must have been on my mind
i spent some more time in chat and then resigned to lay resltess and foggy in my dark room. the next few hours were slow and the comedown from large doses of phenethylamines is anything but enviable. theres a mental fatigue that cannot be quenched, a phsyical displeasure accompanied with twinges and minor muscle spasm, and an appetite but no ability to eat more than a nibble without severe awkward stomach syndrome.
the rest of the day i just stayed around the house relaxing and getting my witts back. around 3 pm i felt normal enough to do daily stuff but was too exhausted, so i didnt do anything more than putz around the internet, continue relaxing, and feeling amazing.
i concluded the reason for my lack of visionary content was due to my frequent and excessive dosing. there is nothing more for me to see right now. over the past 15 months ive had 4 cactus breakthroughs, this being the last. the first was utterly bizarre and let me understand the term "visionary" in a whole new way, the second was pretty bizarre and definitely visionary but not as overwhelming as the first, the third was a 1 year anniversary to the first cactus breakthrough and even though i ingested 3 feet of t bridgesii there was little content to my visions. this being the last and most cacti ingested seemed to follow suit of the other experiences, less visionary even though there was a visionary state.
its not that its not intense its just the "what the fuck" factor seems to be tapering to none with each heroic dose. they all were utterly physically overwhelming rending me bodieless, but they lacked the wtf factor a bit more each time. i noticed the lack and realized i was searching for it, having realized the core of my entheogenic disposition im left in a state of peace. i accomplished it, for now.
i think its time to pursue ayahuasca. ive been scared of oral dmt for a few years and had a terrifyingly beautiful breakthrough with ayahuasca but have practiced cactus most seriously. i feel like im ready to enter the lessons ayahuasca has to offer because i have faith in the medicine to restore my self when the teaching has concluded, something i could only fantasize about before 15 months ago. its as if ive dealt with all the "me" issues cactus can present and at this point would be best pursuing other entheogenic techniques. the corridors of my mind are well kept and swept regularly. its time to invite a guest. ayahuasca.
without variety, evolution is retarded. my entheogenic diet as well.
ive quit using melatonin and distilled alcohol since then and have had very impressive dreams and deja vu. ive also felt less attatched to my "problems" i even use quotations to express them. there really arent any problems. everything makes sense, everything is on track, im stress free.
more updates revisions to come
achuma puma