Hello to all interested. Sorry for the amorphous title... and essay. I’ll have to ask you to bear with me as this is my first forum ever. So I’ll be a little slow at learning the technical shtuff, if there is any really I duno. My hope is to be a helpful member of this community but there is still learning to be had and I like to be cautious how I share my opinion.

Anyway! SWIM’s been researching DMT through this source for probably about two months or so. Finally decided to log-in and give his two cents worth. SWIM has extracted DMT from MHRB via an STB tek… hehe. Okay getting this down. So SWIM’s first experience was to say the least very awe inspiring and somewhat unbelievable at the time. He said that he hadn’t been sure of the exact dose and had scraped the insides of a dried and scraped crystal collection jar with some herb. He asked his girlfriend to be there and she was very sweet I guess and let him set his feet in her lap and rubbed them. Needless to say once he was very relaxed SWIM took a rip from his bubble pipe. Held it, took a second and considered taking a third when he said a voice, not necessarily a voice so much as a feeling asked him, “do you need a third hit?” He said when he chose to set the piece down SWIM felt pleased with himself. Almost like a reward feeling for doing what was asked of him.

From there a time of conversation like that continued, entirely feeling based. SWIM explained that essentially he had asked or concentrated on the hope that DMT could potentially help him climb from a funk he has been in basically all his life. A sea of emotions that never seemed to be completely level. SWIM knew he was capable of having moments of compelling productivity and a hopeful outlook toward the future. But typically SWIM dislikes the idea of life and all its available routines.
From there he said it basically an exchange of Apperception(talking with feeling in other words) told him that he was making the right choice with DMT and it played for him a series of inconceivable patterns and colors that seemed to defy the rainbow. At this point he could just say wow and smile ear to ear as he watched the show. SWIM explained that the DMT through those feelings tried to train him what the true consequence of each negative thought he had would be. He said that until he truly made the decision to do what it wanted of him and let go of those contradicting thoughts that seemed to limit his entire world, that it would not let him feel okay with himself.


Okay so maybe SWIM should have posted this in the first time experiences section and maybe he still will but here’s the kicker. That shock collar of truth disappears when the DMT does. And SWIM is left with a sea of emotion once again.


At this point SWIM has developed a fear of DMT. In measuring a dose at 25mg he experienced a message that he said basically felt like “What are you doing back when you haven’t done what I told you.” The only thing SWIM can figure this meant was balancing his emotions and so…


Tonight SWIM used MDMA which is not a regularly used substance for him, with the main focus of seeing what a balanced mind is capable of. It first followed the thoughts of a fight SWIM had with his girlfriend about how he hadn’t picked up around the house. All SWIM could think was how much he hated the way it made him feel when she said he wasn’t trying hard enough. It quickly turned into a fight because one of them I cannot remember who and now realize it doesn’t matter, but one of them probably SWIM started getting passionate about the argument and it escalated, once again as it has so many times. Looking back at that argument SWIM is embarrassed of his actions. Even before the MDMA they started to realize together that they were always going to escalate their arguments if they kept finding clever ways to blame each other.

From there on SWIM at least took the vital step in promising himself that If he caught himself trying to blame her for something he would stop himself or at least apologize if it was realized afterward. From there he/they tried to explain to each other how their feelings had caused the situation to escalate and that didn’t work. Trying to replay the fight can easily cause you to relive the fight…

So SWIM once again promised himself, “when a fight has passed be glad it’s past because you love your girlfriend.” “Don’t replay it in your mind, don’t try and think of ways how she is wrong. Just stop. It’s over, truly, actually, with grace and dignity and even if you can muster it up compassion and love… LET IT THE FUCK GO!!! And Try If you can to take a moment in the future to ask yourself If you are thinking your feelings and speaking with them, or if your feelings are simply speaking for you."


Probably the hardest thing for him is admitting to himself that his anger is controlling him. He doesn’t like to think of himself as an angry person and so when he gets angry I think he gets stubborn and tells himself he’s being reasonable. But SWIM does get angry and it’s often to the extent that it is not okay. Lack of physical exercise and the great outdoors pretty much multiplies it by five as well so this time of the year is trying. He’s just trying to remember, no emotion is worth letting go of a person, an amazing person willing to support, feed, and entertain her man without bounds.
Also, I love my cat. Like a hell of a lot.

Hi ComplacentCatalyst, and welcome to the Nexus!!

I hope you dont mind me breaking up your intro into paragraphs; a wall of text can be hard to plough through!

Once the members have read your intro Im sure you'll get some replies.And the use of the term SWIM is wholly unnecessary!

Once more, welcome!

Haha my bad, thank you Corpus. By that point I was ready to attempt sleep so I got lazy. Definitely more confusing with all the SWIM stuff too. Maybe I should just redo it with "I" instead so it's easier to read.

Can one not delete their post? I'm pretty sure this "essay" was a waste of peoples time so I wanted to remove it.

I definitely don't think your post is a waste of time (unless it's already been altered haha). I can definitely agree with the notion of "shock collar of truth". But you will most likely find that actions that help you balance your life; i.e. exercise, diet, emotional stability, financial stability, will all help your progress with DMT. If you are using it with directed intention of healing yourself, especially with your self-fear based upon your anger, I think you will find what you are looking for, even if it does get scary sometimes.

Your post is by no means a waste of time. By reading it I have visited a bunch of places I know... and finding bits of yourself in someone else is always pleasant, no matter if these bits are nice memories or not.

Psychedelics are a work around the self. They let you take a big look at it, decipher it, understand it, transcend it, or just lose it in the way.

Relationships often work like a mirror. Unless you are a psychopath, you look at the other with the same kind of eyes you look at yourself. The anger and the difficulties to see the feelings of the other through the mist of your own feelings come often together.

Allow yourself chances to explore. Don't be too harsh with yourself, don't set rules that are too rigid. Do your best to understand and nurture yourself, and do it with your mate. Psychedelics can be great tools for that matter.

And welcome to the Nexus.

That was actaully a great first post..

Welcome!

Yeah thats probably my favorite part. Each time I've used DMT I've had something to ask of it and each time I've come back It's felt very easy to see how the trip applied to what I asked. I actually wrote a second essay that goes into my 3 trips and interpretations in detail so I'll go over that in a bit today and probably post it later tonight.

Thanks for the response vardlokkur

Thank you Vodsel It's so nice to join this place with how considerate and caring most people are. I definitely need work on my communication skills and putting myself in her place can be hard for me.

Today I was helping a friend do some flooring telling him about all my theories and hopes and such and I heard a bit of worry in his voice talking about a lady he met in a bar recently whom seemed to be "fried" on psychedelics. We're very good friends and he lost a friend to DXM when we were in High School thus the worry. He said she was talking a lot about how well she grasped things because of all of her trips but that looking at her and how she kept herself didn't really suggest this.

I found it hard to put into words the benefits of being without your ego and his argument was that ego is what drives us to achieve. My thoughts were that because it was temporary it was a chance to see my negativity for what it really is and therefore reverse it. Still, he made a good point in some ways. There is no cureall as much as one hopes for it. So I think my next question might be what practical expectations of DMT are.

Hopefully I'll think of an easier way to meditate on that.

Thank you Jamie!

I personally would not take someone "talking a lot about how well she grasped things because of all her trips" very seriously at first. She sounds in need to reassert herself, unless that was a response to a serious attack. The people I've known who have really made progress in that sense tend to be humble.

In the past, I saw myself bragging about my experiences with plants and even then I could see that was a bad symptom. Avoid, I would say.



That sounds like a good attitude to me. Take all the time you can to learn and ask questions. You will find things for sure.

Good luck and enjoy the community, this is a great place to stay.

Yeah in fact I think the conversation with her began with him referencing the conversation he and I had a few days previous when we were working on the floor.
It was about the Nexus actually and I think how he quoted her was something like, "People on there all act like they're with it but a lot of them just don't get it." And then went on how to explain she didn't have much room to suggest that she did. And that her concepts seemed to be resulting in giving up on real life.

Maybe she came here looking for guidance and something she said or the way she said it got taken the wrong way so she tried to take it upon herself.

Thanks again Vodsel. I'm learning the benefits of this place quickly. So much reassurance already! Today I did some workouts to get my heart rate up

I concur with Jamie - great first post! Some of the descriptions of yourself remind me of myself (mostly the critical ones! ) You strike me as an introspective, caring individual who is endeavouring to change and accept that change as it comes. You seem to be getting a lot from the molecule so far, and I am sure there is much to follow if you are willing to put in the work.

Welcome to the nexus.

JBArk

Thanks JBArk If there are results it'll be hard not to.