Hi. This is basically a repost of my intro essay, previously posted under a different username. In chat I realized that my previous username had multiple meanings, and was imparting an impression to others which is not accurate/desired. My bad, shoulda thought it out more. The nexus is the last place where I wish to feel uncomfortable or inaccurately represented. Thanks for your patience.

I wish to be a part of the healing that is the Nexus.

I found the Nexus about three years ago. I had gone to the doctor for a physical before beginning to get back in shape, as I had abused myself physically for a decade. I had been using food, alcohol, and tobacco to cope with the resolution of my own anger management issues. It took nearly ten years to reach this "resolution", which I now recognize as an emotional healing. This was a good thing, however, my body took quite a toll during those years - got up to 270 pounds, 18 beers a day, 3 packs of cigarettes a week, along with other various sorts of neglect/abuse.

So...I go to the doc, and the doc says, "come back tomorrow to see the cardiologist". I visited the cardiologist, and the extent of the physical damage was determined. Not good. Messed up. I drive home. I change my lifestyle. A lot. STOP alcohol, tobacco. Begin eating ONLY the healthiest options. My motivation was unbelievably powerful. I was scared though. I didn't know if I was gonna get better/healthy/in-shape, or if I was gonna get worse just like my older brother had (he had kinda the same issues, but he had chosen to make no lifestyle changes). I was mad-dog crazy on the internet researching nutrition/medicine/health. Then I made a fateful decision...I typed into google this word: TIME.

I was hungry for information, I didn't know what it was exactly, but it seemed to be something to do with time and existence and consciousness, and all of the things my wife and I had explored thirty years ago. Back when we thought we had exhausted all possibilities, and had reached the end of understandings. We had then decided to start a family, as we realized that we certainly didn't understand life from the perspective of parent. We learned much. We also became very lost.

So, I googled "TIME", and I eventually end up inside of Novelty Theory, and, well, you can probably figure how that led me here!

I have learned much about myself here. What I have learned here has helped me to discover what love is. This is the greatest gift of all. Over the past few years, I have healed my body. During this period, I now know that I have been healing my mind and my soul as well. Love heals all. There is a very profound relationship between body, mind, and soul. I never REALLY recognized them for what they REALLY seem to be before. They can become aligned and in "tune" in such a way as to render unending infinite bliss. Love.
I believe many of you know exactly what I'm talking about. This is why I wish to be able to post at the Nexus. In humility I seek the truth. In humility I wish to share. In humility I seek to be one with you.

Thanks for your precious TIME Wink

What was the original username, i'm intrigued.

I decided to use the search, endophile. I don't even know what that is meant to suggest, to me it would mean someone with a fondness of the colon, because it reminds me of endoscopy (i know it often deals with other orifices), but i know of course it cant be related to that.

"endo" was to say "inside", as in "endogenous dmt" (dmt produced within the body).

"phile", was to say "lover".

I see hyperspace as going within, going inside. Higher, and higher orders of dimension which infinitely continue to the center of all being. This is the "inside" which I love.

"endo" also turns out to be a slang term for cannabis. I've no disrespect for cannabis, but I don't wish to be associated with cannabis any more than any other plant.

beautiful story gaiaphile.
its beautiful how the path that lead you away from life, also lead to realization. And this conscousness becomes strength with which you changed your path to love and light.

Have you read Siddharta by Hermann Hesse? If you didn't, give it a try

Peace.

Thanks Breinrels!
Yes, your kind words say it so well, thank you for sharing that with me. Few people in my day-to-day life that understand this, it's nice to be understood .

I will try the book, Gautama Buddha is a great inspiration to me.

Welcome. Nice intro under any username.

Has your fascination and intrigue led you as far as experiencing spice as of yet?

Thanks Uncle Knucles.

The fascination and intrigue have indeed led me to taste the way things really are. I'm pretty sure I remember the taste and smell of the spice - Long ago somehow, before I had any thoughts, or at least it seems that way.

I have been fairly careful and methodical in my exploration. The physiology is of concern, I tread slowly. I am old. Although my heart has normalized after becoming enlarged due to my previous unhealthy lifestyle, I do still have atrial fibrillation and take a beta blocker as well as an ACE inhibitor to keep my blood pressure and pulse in check. I always have a blood pressure meter with me as I journey. I know alot about how my BP and pulse are affected at many different depths of immersion, both aya and vaped. Never done the show with one big vaped hit though, I'm not sure my system would be good with that yet. Baby steps are admitted to the show it appears, as long as they are accompanied by a sufficient amount of focus and directed breathing - but I don't know for sure of course, as I have yet to do it in one step.

The way the molecule speaks to the issues of love, compassion, humility, suffering, death and life - what words?

Yeah, I think the taste and smell that I remember so well is birth.

Hi, I'm drawn to your story because I'm here for the healing aspects, as well. Best to you.