Hello good folks at the Nexus!
I have been a long time lurker on this community because of its widely accessible material regarding substances and what not.
I found this website to be the best and consistent contributor of facts and controversy on any chosen topic and therefore a king of the hill.
This is my story, before you settle down to read it, be sure to bring your patience and something to eat and drink to avoid dehydration and starvation, enjoy.
I've probably read hundreds of posts and find most of them to have valuable information of which I can learn from or atleast experiment with. The latter is what I recently began doing, although I've been doing experiments of my own for a couple of years already, I was never confident enough to use any chemicals at home, yet I love chemistry and science.
Being an avid explorer I began researching at an early age and being the cautious man I am I kept myself to the research until I felt mature to explore all those different and intriguing substances I'd read about. Since I always prefered things natural as nature intended them to be, these where of course my main aim at the time; THC, Psilocybin and Mescaline. I did not believe that any synthetically made drug had any spiritual value or legit use and ruled out all "RC's" and popular drugs such as LSD, Ecstasy etc.
As my journey began, I had set my sails for the horizon where I intended to go beyond.
However, I quickly came to realize that this was impossible with the substances I was using, with the exception of a large and at the time, expensive mescaline dose.
Feeling struck by disbelief that this was the end of my journey, I put a stop to my current use and intensified my research immensely. This was a hard time for me, I was working long hours and couldn't settle myself to ease, what was life and why was I living it? This was when I met THE hippie, he happened to mention ayahuasca and after learning the pronunciation (lol) I figured I might aswell try it as the idea of using a medicine as to using a drug felt quite compelling. I was really interested in how such a concoction could heal someone and how it had been used as a medicine over thousends of years to cure people from colds to evil spirits.
After getting in contact with a actual, real "witch" (Female shaman) that the hippie had known for quite some time, she taught me about everything from knowing my purposes of using the medicine and on how to cook and "use" it properly. After 3 sessions of traditional ayahuasca ceremonies I was back on course with my journey, life had never had such force and meaning before. I continued using yage with rue every month thereafter, it cleansed my body and made my mind feel the sweet clarity it had longed for.
About two years after these experiences things in my life had began settling down and I felt great, this is when I stumbled over the dmt-nexus community and read ALL about "the spirit molecule" but the same substance (DMT) was spoken about in such a different manner, it felt odd and foreign, 5-20 minutes of "intense" journeying? I was used to 3-6 hours of this, plus la purga, according to the topics and facts I found, there where no side-effects to speak of.
So, after extensive reading about the process I gathered all the material needed and proceeded to execute the procedure with more caution than curiosity since my father works with chemicals and I knew how dangerous some of these chemicals could be if not properly handled with good knowledge and safety precautions.
On my first batch I was rewarded with a glittering white product vaguely resembling a snowflake, I remember thinking how remarkably easy it had been to make the substance, using it however... turned out different. It was harsh, hot and foul but then, I found out about "The Machine" and the sun shined on me, the smoke was suddenly smooth, sweet and flowery to the taste and actually cool in temperature.
This took part in my home, more specifically sofa around lit candles in a silent and JOURNEY-FRIENDLY enviroment, I live with my girlfriend and dog in a beautiful and rather large apartment.After two huge tokes of white, thick smoke, I felt completely peculiar and quite frighetened of how rapidly the effects where coming on, my friend whom hold the device tried to talk me out of a third hit because of my increasingly inebriating condition and I recall thinking that there was no freaking way, but remembered Mckenna's words of wisdom regarding "that third hit" and (may he rest in peace) somehow managed to inhale a third time.
Instantly, while STILL inhaling, I involuntarely fell back onto the sofa and saw a huge cloud of smoke slither out of the Machine, I thought to myself;" Shit, I didnt get enough because of the spillage" knowing the weighed dosage was around 30mg (
I AM A FEATHERWEIGHT WITH DRUGS{
High sensitivity}), give or take 2mg's. Patterns appeared out of nowhere, flying right at me with incredible speed and realism, I could feel them showering down my face with their brilliant geometri, this however, lasted for approx. 4 seconds.
A very loud sound suddenly came "on" and it was deafening, yet its strength increased by the second untill it was so loud I actually thought I had done it this time, I was sure of an imminent doom approaching as everything "melted". It was as if everything lost its place and posture and just sunk into eachother, the roof being the first thing "collapsing" and being fused together with the shelf which in turn did the same thing to the things below it. Before I knew it, I was blind, freaking out inside of myself I realised that everything in the room I had known was gone and wherever I looked there was this abstract psychadelic nonsense going on, things spiraled, made fractals out of real hallucinations and it was all happening in such a rapid fashion that I momentarily panicked.
My thoughts where desperate and I was thinking of screaming at my friend to make all of this madness stop, just as the thought crossed my mind I also realised how foolish I was to think such a thing, because I couldn't speak, heck, I had no freaking clue of where I was and from there on I accepted my condition and just went with it.
From here on I will not even try to describe my journey in any further detail, because I experienced so many things that does not even exist, there aren't words for the diamond-jeweling-fractal-buildings I saw, felt and touched. The most memorably thing I can tell is where all these "classical"-on-movies-psychadelic-effects started happening with colours "bleeding" etc. I thought that it was all "BLAH", just yuck, to much, it felt ridicolous, then suddenly I realised I was in a ball, a giant rubber ball with holes in it and it was going somewhere in incredible speed which made me either tumble around in it like a hamster on overdrive in his running wheel, or make a hell of an effort and run it straight. I stuck to the latter but tripped every now and then which actually made me nauseus because of the insane speed of which I was experiencing all this.
Somewhere during this event I could hear the "sound", that high pitch noise again and realised I had forgotten about it completely while running like a mad man inside the ball, the sound was now really pronounced and I noticed how its strength was decreasing and a jolt of happiness and hope struck my as I came to think that my journey was ending, I even managed to ask my friend although I was still "blind"/in another world about the time and I heard in a very alien language;" 4 minutes" This made me heartbroken, really now, 4 minutes?
Things then started to come back at the, now usual, insane speed and I was thrilled with joy of surviving the madness I had succumbed to, I could SEE! Even though the room was still "jumping" and rapidly duplicating itself and my friend looked like a purple/green goblin I was down man. I asked him about the time again;" 7 minutes"
I suddenly felt exhausted and started sweating like I had just finished a marathon, which when I come to think of it I probably had in that psychadelic rubber ball. Adrenaline kicked in out of nowhere and through the ROOF, I started shaking like I was having a seizure and my voice was trembling insanely, my mate asked me if I was "OK" and I shaked out a yes and that I probably broke through and then felt the memory of my experience begin slipping away so I hastily tried to "explain" or more likely ramble about the craziness I had experienced.
I'd say I failed with this because as in this post there where so many ineffable mysterious which I cannot make sense of, since they lacked any sense at all.
Now this was my first, successfull experience with the spirit molecule, it felt like there was nothing I hadn't experience, yet so many things I missed because of the sheer terror I felt at the "launch", according to my friend I was smiling one second and the other looking like I had a freak out, which was how I felt most of the time, either amazed or horrified, yet alot of the things i experienced wasn't "scary" in any other sense than how a rollercoaster can be, there where no hellish beings or such.
This is what I have to share with you all, I expect undergoing this "trial" again soon and I feel that I have finally found my horizon, which I surely fell over too.
I do have alot of questions to ask in this community, here's two:
Why do you use DMT?
What H2O, NaOH, MHRB ratio do you apply to your tek.? Assuming these materials are used.
For anyone who actually read all of this, I salute you and appreciate
any response I.E. constructiv criticism, forum-rules, correction with anything that might be unclear, hugs!
Mad, bad and dangerous to know.
There's magic out there!