recently i performed my first extraction and had my first experiences with dmt. i am not sure how to go about trying to put into words what these experiences felt like from my subjective point of view. many people have tried and before i experienced it myself i had read lots of trip reports from others and i have come to the conclusion that there really aren't the words to explain the "dmt sensorium" to someone who hasn't experienced it themself. none of what i read prepared me for the experience... luckily the majority of people in this forum have taken dmt so will probably understand that my explanation of it doesn't do any sort of justice to how it actually felt at the time.
so here goes... (if too long then skip to
attempt 5, that was the most intense)
my first experience was fairly unremarkable. my scales had not arrived yet so i was just guessing and i figured it would be better to guess on the low end rather than dumping a big pile into my pipe (the machine) and getting more than i bargained for. i smoked the small amount in one hit and was taken very quickly into what felt like a very strong mushroom trip although much more geometric in nature. mushrooms for me usually give a sort of swirling/blooming type of look to everything. it wore off very quickly... and i was glad it did since i had an appointment to go to about half an hour after i took it.
my second experience was more interesting. this was later the same day (i took it 5 times that day and 4 times the next day). this time i decided to aim a little higher. the amount i put in was definitely not all gone after the first hit.. but my ability to take another hit certainly was gone. i made 2 mistakes (or at least.. for me they were mistakes) on this attempt. one mistake was that i was sitting up and rather awkwardly positioned. this became an issue after the effects hit me and i was unable to do the simple movements required to get me lying down and under my blanket. also i became acutely aware of being cold. the second mistake was having the room brightly lit. this added an uncomfortable intensity to it which i did not have with later, dimly lit, experiences. anyways as the effects hit me i felt the distinct feeling of being in a completely different place. the familiar objects of the room were still there but the whole room was engulfed in brightness, colours and movement. i was aware that there was something or someone communicating with me. part of me thought that something bad had happened and i was in a psychiatric hospital with nurses trying to get me to talk to them. i tried to block this thought out and pay attention to what was actually being communicated. the closest approximation i can give is that they were saying something along the lines of "welcome, what do you think of this then?" and "well now you know". when it wore off i had real difficulty remembering any of it. bits and pieces came back to me over the following hour or two but i still don't properly remember it. my main reflections on it were that it was only a tiny glimpse of what awaited once i honed dosage and memory issues.
the next 2 attempts (same day, giving at least an hour or two between each attempt) were probably the most enjoyable. these times i made sure i was comfortable, warm and i put some kinda ambient glitchy music on (tapage - the institute of random events). i found that my best bet was just to load the machine up with quite a hefty amount since i hadn't managed to get past the first hit anyway. on attempt 3 i still only managed one hit and on attempt 4 i got to the second. my main interest so far has been in open eye experience. these two experiences i had a massive change in my perception of my room accompanied by a loud buzzing that stayed with me the entire time. i felt great and had a big smile on my face as i came out of it. i wanted to smoke more straight away and on the fourth attempt i did try to take another hit as i came out of it.. it didn't do anything and that did not surprise me.
attempt 5 is the one i consider to be the most profound and if it is not a breakthrough then i'm not sure i want to breakthrough, lol. this time i managed to get a third hit. after the first hit i could feel the room going but i focused my attention on the pipe, after the second i could barely remember what my objective was and the pipe and lighter had started to no longer make sense to me but i managed to be aware enough to remember "put the lighter at the pipe and inhale". after the third hit i was completely gone. i had put on the aphex twin album "windowlicker". it started to change completely... not in the way like when you are drunk or stoned music sounds better but this was actually completely changing into different music. as it changed i became aware that something was changing it intentionally, as soon as i realized this apparent "intention" behind the changes i realized that whatever was changing it was telling me "look what we can do to your music.. what do you think". the whole area that i was in was colour shifted to a shimmering (but dark) blue and purple. the visualizations of windows media player that were on my computer were the only thing that remained of my living room... and they were escaping from the computer and becoming part of my surroundings. a door opened in what i can only assume was my wall and a large (too large to have existed in my living room) joker type character came in. he pointed his arms straight out, they extended to quite a length and doubled back on themself in 90 degree angles forming a square. the hand pointed towards another wall where another entrance of some kind appeared and out of that wandered another thing, less familiar looking than the joker. i cant really remember what it looked like. after this part the whole thing took a real turn for the worse. i no longer felt that these new inhabitants of my room were friendly. once that thought came into my head it spiralled out of control to a point where i was terrified and thought they wanted to kill me. the joker character, who seemed very jovial and almost as though he wanted to be my entertainer (maybe a jester is a better word than a joker) had disappeared. none of the familiar objects of my room were still there by this point. i felt surrounded and smothered by this new place. i think i tried to take the headphones out of my ears, but when i felt the headphones they seemed completely alien and i wasnt sure if they were part of me and if removing them would be hurting myself so i left them alone. as it started to wear off and i started to become aware of what had existed before i had went into this state i could literally see all of these temporary inhabitants of my consciousness melting back into the walls, receding out of my room and out of my consciousness. i was startled and kind of in shock. it took me several hours to piece together what had happened and it still feels like more of a dream (nightmare?) than something that really happened to me whilst awake.
my reflections on this have turned it from a scary "trip" into perhaps one of the most profound things i have ever experienced. this did not feel like a construct of a drug addled mind. it felt real. right down to the way they faded back out of existence as the drug wore off. i am what i would consider a strong atheist. meaning that in addition to having no fixed "god" beliefs i also believe that it is highly improbably that there are any gods. but this experience, which felt like being taken into another completely real dimension of reality, has made me reconsider what i believe about the nature of reality. i hold no definite beliefs about what i experienced but i can only think of two possibilities. either all that went on was just a construct of my mind, all contained within me... or it was genuinely what it felt like. entering another dimension with intelligent life and consciousness in it that exists independently of my mind. i do not know which it is but i am not closed minded about it being the latter.
this has gone on for way too long so i'm gonna cut it short cos i could probably just keep going on about my thoughts on it and never really get anywhere. i have taken it many times since then with similar (although not so scary) effects. i think after a tentative beginning i am going to have a good relationship with this drug.
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