Hello everybody.
I'm glad that I found this forum. I think it will be a nice haven for me in the future, as I have just recently started experimenting with DMT.
As far as my history:
I didn't drink or do any drugs in high school. I wasn't against drug use. On the contrary, I supported the idea that life is short enough that we should spend it exploring as many different experiences as possible. I spent more time in the woods thinking about myself and about nature than I spent with other people, so the opportunity to do any mind-altering substances never really came up. My first year of college, I drank for the first time, then smoked weed for the first time. It was very interesting but, when I think back about it, I might as well have been in a pissing contest. I drank and got high (though not very often) to party, have fun, and just expand my repertoire of experiences.
It wasn't until the summer after that year that I realized that drugs could be something so much more. I had an opportunity to buy a bunch of salvia. The guy I bought it from seemed to be trying to get rid of it as fast as possible, but I was overjoyed to have it. I had to extract it myself. I didn't really know what I was in for. I more so was interested in taking my idea of "altered state" to the next level, and salvia did the trick. I experienced things that shattered my idea of absolute knowable truth; things that made me question my entire life, such as another life in full that I was suddenly pulled away from upon coming back to this reality. There's no going back from something like that and, for a long time afterwards, you'll question which life is the real one and which one is imagined.
A year or two passed before I did LSD for the first time. It changed everything. I remember that, after the first time, I felt as though I had been dead my entire life up until the LSD experience. I felt as though I was suddenly awakened from a spiritual/existential sleep. I felt as though I had been no more than a machine my entire life, and that LSD had somehow pushed me into sentience. My life, from then on, became a philosophical journey through materialism, then nihilism, then monistic idealism. I did LSD every two months or so for the next couple of years, each experience taking me down a new philosophical path until, over the course of several trips, my perception of reality converged on the idea that all is one; That I and all people and all matter are merely the result of an ultimate unitary consciousness, an infinite and eternal source of love, turning in to gaze upon itself and experience itself in various ways that are the manifestation of reality as we know it. This is basically where I am now.
Shortly after my realization, I decided that I needed to reach out to others. I think it was after seeing this video (
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hW6Dm_m5t4 ) that I realized that there are others who have experienced the same thing as I; others who, like me, had to force themselves to keep the crazy in and not share it with their friends and family. But I was tired of doing this. Now I'm at a point in my life where I've decided that people have to know; All the people who have heard of LSD and picture pretty colors and think of The Beatles and have no understanding of what an LSD experience actually is... they need to be told that it's something more incredibly meaningful and more spiritually intense than they could ever imagine. They need to know why people do this drug and are suddenly changed for the rest of their lives, even if the only way to really know is to try it for themselves. Anyways, I started a group on campus that meets to talk about psychedelic experience. I hold a sign on campus a few times a week so that I can promote the group while also telling people what psychedelic experience is all about.
I bought some plant material and finally got around to extracting the DMT. This was a few days ago. DMT is one of those drugs that is "next level" even when compared to acid. This was my impression before having tried it, at least. I still firmly believe that no experience will shake the truth that I've experience so many times on acid, so I don't really know why I'm so interested in DMT. I think it might be because I'm still subconsciously trying to add to that repertoire of experiences, or maybe it's because I want to try to challenge that firm belief if it is at all possible. Regardless, from my two minor DMT experiences thus far, I am very excited about the potential that this drug has to offer. My current view of DMT, based on what I've experienced, is that it is like a Random Experience Generator and that smoking DMT is like pushing the REG start button. The REG takes you on a journey through, well, random experiences. This view of DMT seems to suggest that nothing experienced while under the influence is "real", but that's surely because I have only just scratched the surface of the DMT experience. I want this drug to have an immense impact. I want it to change me, but I'm still just taking my first tiny steps into hyperspace, and I know I have an infinitely long way to go. I think that's one thing I like about DMT (from what I've experienced so far): I get the impression that the experience will never converge like the LSD experience did for me. I get the impression that it is an experience that I could not possibly get used to and that I could never fully explore.
Thanks for reading my long-ass post (if you did). Sorry about the length. I didn't mean to write my life story, but I guess I'm only going to post an introduction once, so it might as well be somewhat complete. I hope to learn a lot from the more experienced psychonauts on this forum, and from the DMT experience itself, and I even hope to be able to make valid contributions at tome point in the future when I, myself, am more experienced.
Thanks again,
Hixidom
Every day I am thankful that I was introduced to psychedelic drugs.