Introduction:
Hello friends. My name is Ru. I am a psychonaut, among other things. I have not experimented with many psychedelics though. In fact prior to the experiences I am about to describe, mushrooms were my only experiences, only a handful of trips, and the largest ever being about 3.5g. So although comfortable with the psychedelic experience, I was fairly new to its world.
There are several other key factors to myself and my experiences. The strongest were by far Buddhism, meditation, and the search for enlightenment. This gave me mental control, familiarity with loss of self, perspective, and most important of all a quest and foundation that prompted, drove, and fruited the experiences. Other key factors we’re various perspectives and information absorbed from researching various subjects on or related too DMT, enlightenment, the psychedelic experience and the human organism. Terence McKenna was a significant influence, as well as the guide ‘ The Psychedelic Experience’ by Timothy Leary. To explain the entirety of what brought about and made the experience possible would be to explain my entire self, which is far too long for an already lengthy tale.
I had been interested in trying DMT, but reluctant to search out a source or put the effort to extract my own. While listening to a talk by Terence M. I became acquainted with the idea of the ayahuasca analogues. I knew what ayahuasca was, and the ease of creating an analogue had me sold. I was going to brew my own analogue and experience DMT. This was the beginning of my journey. It has multiple parts, which occurred on multiple days in the following order.
Failed Attempt 1/ Meditation Experiment on Syrian Rue
Off Day
Failed Attempt 2
First Successful Brew Experience
Smoked DMT and later the same day: “The Experience”
These experiences are powerful, life changing, and not ever to be trifled with. It is crucial to have a purpose and a direction. Respect must be given to the journey you are taking, for yourself, and for the experiences you are creating. It is a powerful and treacherous journey that is difficult at best to navigate. It is not for the weak nor the ill prepared. You will need various skills and tools to successfully utilize the extent of the path you are going down, and to journey it without preparation is foolish and you will encounter the consequences of your actions, whatever they may be. You control the experience, but only if you truly control yourself. Be sure to emanate love, peace, and friendship at all times, so that it shall be returned to you. Be prepared, be strong. Know your goal, and be steadfast in it.
For this quest I was continuing my search for that which is named ‘enlightenment’ and my general search for expansion, growth, and understanding. During the preparation of my brews I created a mantra to embody my goal and to vocalize it into existence and the energies of what I was creating. The finished version of this mantra is “I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to see what you can show. I’m seeking joy. I’m seeking peace. I want to learn what you can teach.” You may use this if you choose. It was helpful to me at various points and served as a very astute guide. I caution that you only use it if it truly mirrors what you seek, not what you think or wish to be seeking.
Attempt One (Failed) and the Meditation Experience:
After collecting all my ingredients, I attempted my first batch. 4g of Syrian Rue seeds were consumed 30min before half of my brew from 10g of MHRB powder. Mild nausea set in for 30 minutes but then left. No noticeable change from the effects presented simply from the SR.
I was laying down supported by some pillows on my bed waiting for any effects to kick in, but they did not. Instead I went into a meditative state deeper then I had ever reached before. I account this to the pleasant and intense relaxation created by the SR. I stayed in deep mediation for almost 2 solid hours, which far surpasses my previous best. I let myself fall into the experience and felt for experience of what has been referred to as “The Clear Light” or of Voidness. I experienced the unmanifest void, but only objectively. My consciousness did not merge into pure experience of it. There was no direct experience of CL.
When I returned from the meditative state, I had an intellectual and partial experience of the nature of all that is. I call it “The Unified Theory” some people call it enlightenment. All I know I grasped concepts, but had not been in the pure lossedself experience of it. I wrote down these things to the best of my ability. The abridged version follows:
All that is, originates from the unified unmanifested consciousness.
Our universe is manifested into reality by the vibrational frequency of consciousness(VFC) which is the manifestor frequency.
Our universe exists as the VFC of the manifested. This takes the form of vibrating space time energy, which is matter, energy, and the forces of our universe.
The VFC of the manifested reality then complexifies and expands into new, higher frequencies. These eventually develop into the VFC of perception.
We are the VFC of perception. Our conscious “self”s exist as a unique harmonic pattern of consciousness energy. I call these our Harmonic Identity.
When we come into the world our HI lacks knowledge, and as a perceiving entity, assumes separation. This is a false perception.
Although we are all unique individual HI’s, we are all still the same unified consciousness of existence. All is one.
Birth, sleep, and Death are the boundaries of existence on a HI. When not manifested as a HI, we return to the source.
There remained several loose threads in my head upon specific details of various forms of connection. Such as past lives being the precursory HI to ours which sharing similar frequency aspects resonates into our current life. Events of clairvoyance are the resignation from our future HI frequency. Dreams are what the HI can recall from the experience of it’s consciousness reunited with a different more unifed VFC. Can lucid dreams be utilized in a meaningful way to explore such things? Can lucid dreams bear any real connection to the manifested reality? I don’t know. I had a lot of questions after this experience. In the future I plan to design and conduct experiments to test this unified theory. I took the following day off to absorb what I had learned, relax, and re-examine my findings.
Attempted Two (Failed):
Final conclusion from second batch: Too much vinegar was used and not enough sediment was filtered out. Both servings of the brew were purged before any dose was absorbed. No experience was had.
Attempt Three (Successful):
I consumed 5g of Syrian Rue seeds in a tea. All seed remains washed down with OJ. 30 minutes after I consume half of a 12g MHRB brew. After consuming I lay down on my bed supported by pillows. There is significant nausea. I meditate and focus my awareness elsewhere, the pleasant effects from the Syrian Rue assist this. After approximately 40 minutes, a threshold is reached and an implicit awareness sets in that the time has come to purge. I quickly, but smoothly navigate to the bathroom outside my room and purge. Psychedelic effects are ramping up. It is imperative to never resist what is happening. Any resistance breeds conflict. As reality disorients itself, it is crucial to maintain inner calm and keep your consciousness focused and oriented. As I kneeled in the bathroom, rather then opposing the purging or resisting the experience of it, I unite with it and put force into the purge. It returns control into the experience as you exert your will into the purge rather than letting it purge for you.
After purge completion, I kneeled on the floor with my eyes closed to relax for a moment. CEV’s were developing. When I opened my eyes, I possessed my own body. The experience was what it would feel like to be a foreign entity in control of another body, yet it was me inside of myself. I had to compose my focus and direct myself in doing what needed to be done…. “Relaxing breathes. Stand up. Assess physical state. Stable. Stomach empty. Drink water. Recheck bathroom activities. All completed. Return to bedroom. Meditate.” This pattern of thinking proved to be very effective and useful, I name this ‘Shaman Thought’. I collected myself and returned to my room to begin the experience.
I laid back down in my bed and meditated into the experience that was ramping up inside of me. CEV’s of geometric patterns increased and ethereal forms of ‘spectrum energy’ danced in my awareness. In the shapes and energies, I began to understand a world/domain. It wasn’t so much a complete visual image so much as an after image, or attempting to look through a fabric at the other side. I soon became aware of presences that were not mine. They also became aware of me. I tried to examine the experience of them, but gained no insights into their nature. They returned in kind and began examining me. It was unsettling. I was looked over and they took note of various biological aspects of me. I was recovering from a cold and my sinuses were fairly blocked off, so I breathed through my mouth. They took note and then focused on my breathing and my mouth. Then they were intrigued by my teeth and I felt myself slipping into a sort of dental exam. This was thoroughly unsettling, I quickly composed myself and closed my mouth. I focused and recalled the mantra I had created earlier during the preparation of the brew “I want to learn. I want to grow. I want to see what you can show. I’m seeking joy. I’m seeking peace. I want to learn what you can teach.” and began repeating it, in my head, for guidance, grounding, and direction. It worked and I was released from my examination and began drifting into the area I had been to before in meditation various times. I struggled to understand and to assimilate into what I was experiencing, but breathing through swollen clogged sinuses was complicating things and soon my throat became irritated with phlegm. I needed to clear my throat. I knew that I wasn’t alone in this experience and that my companions deserved respect. I felt it was appropriate to state my intentions before acting, as I had learned as a form of meditation. I slowly opened my mouth and struggled to speak softly. I managed to focus my attention and force out a whisper “I would like to clear my throat now.”
The entities reeled backwards, surprised by my voice. My voice was power. I showed them I had strength, preparedness, and control. I repeated myself for my own reassurance and theirs. They understood. In the exact instant of their understanding, I was let go from the trancelike state I had been in. It was like a night terror episode had ended. A large weight was lifted from me, reality coalesced, and I was free to move about. I sat up and attempted to complete my task as quickly as possible, but lacking tissue and being confused by the current experience I was flustered. Being flustered the companions with me began attempting to guide me. As I thought through the nature of my task, the other entities’ understanding grew and they began offering ideas and suggestions that came into my head from outside myself in the form of thoughts and understandings that didnt originate from me. This would be the nature of my communication with these entities and being my first time, it was thoroughly disorienting. I focused and I talked myself through the experience. Each word was imbued with power; as I told myself to relax, so I was. I declared my search for something to clear my nose with, I knew the solution. For a brief few moments my companions and I guided my body about clearing its airways. After I retrieve tissue paper and had blew my nose once, the entities shared an understanding with me about my condition. It became known to me that my predicament was best described as my body being inhabited by a separate entity known as a “virus” which was inhabiting my airways in the substance known as mucus. It was made aware to me that if I could clear my airways of the mucus, I would be expelling a significant amount of the unfriendly entities and would significantly improve my recovery time. The gift of this awareness came like being hit with a wave. It was instantaneous, from a non local source, and it was from its arrival complete. The whole concept came preformed and premade, it required no thought or development from my intelligence. It was a gift from a separate intelligence than my own.
As the realization of the gift that was given and the intentions of whatever entity gave it to me sunk in a wave of relief swept over me. I understood that they were trying to help me make myself well. Not control me, not manipulate me, but to help. As this realization flowed through my consciousness they other presence responded with what is best described as a telepathic hug. It was a communication of “Yes! We love you and want to help.” It was a breathtakingly beautiful experience. As I understood what was happening and became at peace, I gained focus an my disorientation cleared. I could still feel the pushing urge of the other presence trying to give me a helping hand, but I did not need or want such assistance. I began to chant “Thank you very much. I can do this on my own.” With each repetition I gained more clarity and collected myself a bit more. As the clarity grew I formed a small plan of what I would do to evacuate my lungs of mucus. When my goal was solidified I knew it would be easiest to do by myself unhindered by the ethereal presences influencing my perception, so I kneeled back and repeated my mantra for the final time. This time with extra emphasis and strength, but still with consideration, appreciation, and respect. as I finished the last repetition, the presence receded from my consciousness and I was crystal clear headed. I then went about clearing my lungs. I half inverted myself against my bedroom wall and coughed with purpose and force, but not to a damaging extent. It took a few minutes, but my lungs became clear. I could breathe easily. I felt so much better and was ecstatically grateful for what had just been given to me.
As I filled my now clear lungs with a fresh breath and relaxed from the effort of clearing them I set myself to communing with the intelligences that had been so kind to me. I decided that I would personify myself in my artistic shaman alias Ematyael. It is the name I created for myself. It is the name that creates my art of all forms. It is my spirit name that symbolizes my search and my shamanic quests. I knew that was the mindset I needed to be in for what I was about to experience, so I set myself upon that representation of myself. The aspects I chose to imbue myself with were that of a spiritualist, mystic, and ritualistic nature. The first thing, naturally, was introductions. I kneeled, folded my hands, and focused on outward communication. I began with… “Hello friends. I am Ematyael the Shaman. Thank you for the gifts you have given me…” The companions from before returned and communication ensued between us.
What happened next was an exchange of understandings. Both given and received. They were friendly and wanted to assist me however I desired. They wanted to give me gifts. They wanted to answer my questions and help me understand. They also enjoy all forms of creation. I wanted to give them thanks. I communicated and emanated love outwards. They appreciated the energy of love I sent. I struggled to think of what I would desire from my friends. Various short comings in myself came to mind. They were remedied in various ways. For example, I was given the understanding of the exact nature of my self confidence issues, and as I asked for confidence, so it was given. I was shown the real world tools and how to utilize them to overcome other short comings, like my erratic memory and recollection. It was a transformative and awe inspiring experience. It was the best I could do to emanate the strongest gratitude I could muster. If I didn’t know that they preferred communion with me, I would have simply kneeled giving thanks to them till I passed out.
I was the neophyte into a celestial cabal of understanding. I was welcomed and given congratulations for progressing myself to be able to experience such a thing. I was given understanding of the nature of various things about my world, humanity, growth, true centeredness, true harmony with existence. My understanding of life expanded immensely. I was given great wisdom and reassurance. Along with what I received from them, I was able to generate several new understandings from withing myself and then share them with the cabal. I was humbled to know I could give them understandings as well. The prominent example was a realization I had about humanity and our dreams. It was made known to me that DMT was the spirit/substance of communication in the celestial realm. They wanted to know why humans were unresponsive to DMT connection, even though we contain and experience the effects of it. I then realized and communicated that DMT exists in us biologically in order to assist in the process we know as dreaming which served as a simulated reality to run us through survival scenarios in order to improve our real survival and actual lives. The reason we were not responding is because we were unconscious. They appreciated this understanding. We communed for about 2 hours, and much was shared. As the experience progressed and my gratitude and understanding grew, I reached a point of contentment, as well as exhaustion. It was time to say goodbye to my friends. I said goodbye, I emanated intense love and gratitude again, and the last thing I asked before I left was that somehow they communicate to the Spirit of Mushrooms that I love, respect, thank, and offer protection and friendship should it so choose to ally itself with me. I then concluded my trip, collected what I had written down during it, and went to sleep.
Smoked DMT Experience:
After the previous nights experience I was confident in my ability to handle DMT experiences. I acquired two 100mg capsules. For the first experience I used slightly more than half of a capsule, approx. 65mg. It was early afternoon when I smoked it. My vaporizing technique was amateur at best and I scorched the DMT I had. I did take off, but I did not have a clear experience. I did not break through the threshold into the experience and drifted back out approximately 10 minutes later. Nothing tangible or worthwhile was gotten. Only dissatisfaction with my consumption technique. I decide to attempt pharmahuasca later in the day with the Syrian Rue and half of the remaining DMT. If it fails, I will smoke the other half.
Pharmahuasca Attempt:
I prepare a batch of 8g Syrian Rue tea and drink it. It was about 6:30pm. 30 Minutes later I consumed approx 70mg of DMT dissolved in orange juice. Expecting no nausea I sit and watch an animated Halo series on netflix with my friends and wait for the effects to kick in.
At 7:45pm, no noticeable effects have set in. Intense frustration with my inability to succeed ensues. I decide to make sure I succeed, and right away. I plan to drink the second half of the successful mimosahuasca brew and after the purge smoke the remaining 70mg of DMT I have left. My theory was that the smoked DMT would launch me upward into the intense experience and the mimosahuasca would allow me to stay up and glide down through a prolonged experience.
Ayahuasca Liftoff:
Another brew of Syrian Rue is made of approx 7g and consumed shortly before 8pm. At 8:30pm, I consume the second half of the mimosahuasca containing approx 6g of MHRB powder. I repeat my technique from the previous trip and meditate through the nausea anf focus on controlling my breathing and feeling my life energy. The time comes to purge and I carefully make my way to the bathroom to do so. Afterwards I collect myself and return to my bed supported by pillows. I decide to allow the mimosahuasca to sink in a little more before smoking.
As I lay down I delve into meditation once again. I seek and find my life energy. I feel it pulsing through me. I feel a separate pulse which I recognize as my heart beat. Mild elation from the distinction between the pulses. I am excited. Exterior reality is absent from my awareness, though I know I could return. I continue through my regiment of relaxations and flow deeper into the experience. I successfully merge with what is known as “The Void” the essence of my(and all) life is there as well. There are not quite words to describe this experience, as it should be. I allow myself to assimilate completely into what I am experiencing. After some time had passed I recede myself from direct connection and reestablish slight contact with my body, but remain near the experience and deep withing my trance.
I begin to contemplate the experience and compare it with the realizations I have already gained, as well as searching for answers to the new questions I formed about dreams and other connections. The Unified Theory confirms and is confirmed by the experience. Answers become clear, and I obtain deep seeded understanding of nature of all that is. This was an advancement from the partial head knowledge of things. It was true knowing. The hypothesis is now complete. I now contemplate experiments with which to confirm the hypothesis of Unified Theory. Dream telepathy, future predictions, and lucid manifestation in reality, if any such things are possible, may serve as significant evidence for the validity of UT. More research is necessary. Though I seek concrete proof of my realizations, concepts, and experience, I do not need them. I know already the validity of what I experienced. I begin to contemplate the implications of my discovery. My mind is repeatedly boggled. I am ecstatic and euphoric from the flood of ideas and understanding seeping into my consciousness, also I am on lots of drugs which helps with the euphoria. I create an expiriment for myself to re experience, intensify, and fully embody the connection I just made moments before. I recede myself from the trance and return to reality. There are no hallucinations, and everything is saturate with the post psychedelic glow/ambient presence. I go to the bathroom and prepare myself for the journey I am about to take as well as continuing to assimilate the mass of concepts and understandings just gained. Several new implications and ideas formed in this time as well.
The target of the following experiment is to align my consciousness with the ClearLight and Void outside of a meditative trance and then to subjectively experience the VFC of manifestation.(also phrased as: subjectively experiencing myself as the universe and as the placeholder referred to as god.) The DMT is what will allow my consciousness to expand and communicate/tune/harmonize/align with my target. Taking it while remaining conscious will allow for the subjective experience of unification. In order to prevent the usual induced catatonia from large doses of smoked DMT, I will smoke standing up, with the lights on, burning incense, listening to music of my own personal creation, and dancing to my own music. The music and dancing also serve another purpose. The music will assist in the alignment with my target; its vibrational nature will merge with the vibrational nature of my target. The dancing creates heat and life within myself, as well as functioning as a form of vibration, both of which will assist in the merging, as they will combine with the analogous aspects of my target.
This is the hypothesis of the experience I planned to take. I was not entire sure of exactly what subjective conscious experience of such things would occur as, but I was confident in the target and method of delivery. What happened when I hit was still subject to speculation, but I quickly remedied that.
“The Experience”(Pharma/mimosahuasca + Smoked DMT):
It was most likely just before 10pm, but I do not recall the exact time. I was still in the grips of the mimosahusaca and possibly the pharmahuasca had kicked in too. I returned to the room from my bathroom trip and prepared for the experiment. I collected my tools and lit some incense to purify the space and to act as an anchor to the world around me for the beginning as I was unsure what I was going to experience. I turn on a small fan to cover the sound of my experience from those outside my room. My room is illuminated by a single paper floor lamp in the corner of my room. It casts a soft mellow light about the room and will serve a key role in the experience to come. I put in my headphones and put on my music. It is worth mentioning that the genre of music is dubstep. I pick up the bong and begin to vaporize the crystals. I take in 3 deep inhalations and hold each for 15 seconds. After the third exhalation I go for a fourth pull, but I realize it is not necessary and that the threshold has been breached. I place the bong down on top of my desk and begin dancing.
The DMT surges as my dubstep drop hits. I assimilate instantaneously. BULLSEYE BITCHES. Intense energy and power rush into me. I am one with all. I dance to the music with force, in a style emulating the Polynesian warrior’s Haka Dance, combined with contemporary dance, and robotic stylings. All aspects of existence merge into one united fractal dance. Movement is life and heat, the sound is matter and energy, the body is space, consciousness is the guiding force that unifies all. I know this dance already, I know each move before I make them. Not because I decide them, but because they come predetermined. I dance the move that must be danced. We all know this dance, though we have never done it before. It is The Dance of Creation and Death.
I move in elation, ecstasy indescribable. I am one with limitless energy and power. My body holds the space of all reality and I dance it around enjoying the sensation of being the universe. As the music progresses so does my connection and understanding. Consciousness, life, and reality all are merged; the united fractal experience flows, evolves, grows, and dances amongst and unified as itself. I become the ClearLight, I am the embodied universe, I am embodied life. I am all that is good. I am love. I am peace. I am birth. I am joy. I am relationship. I am life. I dance about and explore my connectedness. I bang on the skin of reality like a drum. As understanding seeps in, realizations begin to directly affect my reality. A sudden realization grasped me, and I held my breath at its awe. As I did my ipod froze in silence too. This stole my attention from the realization, I breathed, and the ipod lived. As my mind struggles to grasp its connection to the ipod(and everything else), the ipod responds in perfect sync with the music and thoughts joined together freezing and playing accordingly. To test this I silenced my thoughts and held my breathe to experience silence and the void, and without touching the ipod, it froze. I held so for just passed thirty seconds, to be sure it was not simply a glitch, and as soon as I breathed and moved, it played again instantaneously. Holy shit. I must keep the dance going to keep the music going, to keep the universe going. I return to the dance and I dive into my own consciousness and fall through the Void back into my own self. I launch my consciousness outward through space and time, through sleep and death back into my own body. All while still maintaining connection to the concrete reality point of the fractal that surrounds me experiencing the extremities. I feel life’s vibration and that of the universe and they are me. They are all of us. I am all of us. We are all of us. We are all. I soar my consciousness in, through, around, outside, around all that is and back into my own body. I ride this ecstatic roller coaster to my own music and dance in pure emotion. I have now experienced Light and must venture into Darkness. I must become Darkness, I must become Death. The lights are now to be turned off as I descend.
Now is the Dance of the Darkness and Void. I know I am going to go through the experience referred to as hell. I will return, I have no fear. I descend. I become all that is evil. I am pain, pestilence, death, sorrow, suffering, misery, and all that is dark. I know all these things already. I have experienced this before, though my self never has. There is no fear. One must not resist this stage. I channel the forces of evil into the dance and I do The Dance of Darkness and Void. I experience without influencing or manifesting the negative energies. I am simply a channel. I see how such things play into the lives of humanity and into existence and into all things. Yin must have Yang. Birth must have Death. I must hold the space and observe until Darkness has passed and the dance is done. I learn all to learn about sleep, evilness, darkness, death, and all that is negative. It is over. Now I must return to the light. I find and restore light to the room.
Now is The Dance of Creation and Birth. I observe light. It burns with the same heat that I burn with. That suns burn with. I am consumed by the light and let it wash over me. I dance the light back into the universe and myself and restore the connection from before the darkness. I enjoy being restored to the loving embrace of life and the universe. Ecstasy returns and I dance that of love, friendship, life, and all that is good. I focus on emanating such energies outward into all things. I know the experience is now drawing to an end. It is time to rebuild reality and the fractal point of my existence. I preform various sacrament actions to consecrate my journey and restore the perceptive filter to my awareness and return to what we call reality. I can not tell you these things as they are unique to me and my trip. Should you ever have an analogous experience to mine, you will know what sacraments to perform for yourself. I finished my sacraments and reality coalesces to normal once again. It is done.
I laid on my floor for about 30 minutes and decompressed. I am unsure if anyone has ever experienced anything on the level of what just happened. The Experience lasted for approximately 1.5 hours, at no point did it ever lose intensity until ending. The above description is still only a miniscule fraction of what I went through, learned, felt, and became. The only way to truly understand is to experience it, and only those with proper preparation can experience it. Some probably never can. The experience is treacherous beyond belief. There are countless pitfalls and to navigate it without falling prey to fear, greed, arrogance, anger, or other corrupting forces is a harrowing task. I do not want to know what might happen if someone were to slip in the intensity of that journey. The ‘sins’ of Buddhism are the things which may cause you to fail on your journey and you must steel yourself against such things. There are no words to express the extent of the gift that was bestowed upon me from that experience and it is my goal to recreate it, and reformulate it(ritual, substances, and abilities needed) in order to be able to share that gift with others, should they be ready for it. I am still decoding, confirming, exploring, and assimilating the experience into my life and will do so for a while. It is simpler than you could ever imagine, but infinitely more complex then we could ever comprehend. Good hunting my friends.
"We can build an ark of written words, and be resurrected, if the data is recorded."