wonderful, i was expecting angels and to talk to my recently deceased grandmother instead i was thrown into literal hell. I IMMEDIATELY got the feeling that i've been here before. I felt extremely naked and stripped of everything. I felt horribly terrible as if i was lit on fire and needed to puke but even puking was a release that i wasnt granted. I screamed and screamed.. I cannot even describe the feeling it was as if my soul was in hell, there was NO REPRIEVE, no MERCY, nothing but escalating pain and i was screaming at the top of my lungs in the real world from this pain. What horrified me was that i remember being in this place before.. It was only after hiding under my couch and hearing a noise in the room that the dmt hold was broken over me. I'm now completley horrified that this is where i might go when i die. I dont know how to integrate this. I had actually seen images of heaven in the past or got the impression that I was there. Now i got the impression that my soul and others like mine were lit on fire like fuel and buring for some larger machine. When i was in it, i felt as if stripped naked I mean completely naked down to the bare sole and in this tiny box of non stop non ending pain.

I dont know what to do or how to proceed with my life after this. I'm horrified and i know better than to treat this like just a bad "trip". Any advice? Is this what really awaits some of us???

skinwalker, sorry to hear you had such a negative trip. Was there anything in your daily life or mind that could have kickstarted this? Do you feel you are doing the things you're supposed to, fulfilling your responsibilities? Or do you think maybe your intentions were too "naive" and dmt somehow teached you a lesson?

In any case I think if you arent getting what you want with vaporized dmt, change for the oral route, or rather maybe better just take a break altogether. These things are hard to integrate so quickly, let it take its time, meditate on what is it that you can do to improve in yourself, if there is anything.

Also check our health and safety section, the integration part, maybe something there can give you some ideas on helping with integration.

Good luck!

It really is a pretty much different trip for every person, and dealing with fear or negative matters such as hell, might have a meaning of some sort. And no I don't mean that it is what awaits some people(even if it would), I mean more like the matter of dealing with own fears, and conquering them. You definately should not be afraid of what you experienced, rather you should try to learn something from it. Say, would you be afraid of it if you saw it in a dream? If you felt you have been there before, maybe 5-15 minutes again just teached you somehow to avoid it for good through your actions. And these are just ideas... If you feel you have done something to "deserve" that trip, maybe you should avoid doing it in the future. Don't take the trip too seriously!

Spice is a dice roller, it may give you what you need, it may not. It may play games with your perception, it may even give you nothing at all. Most times what you receive will not be in any form you could possibly have dreamt up beforehand. Occasional very traumatic experiences are par for the course working with this molecule.

Personally I find the experiences that plunge me into abject terror very useful, they tend to come at times when there is something going wrong in my life. It takes a while to get over them, but I usually end up with a feeling of strength and fearlessness, stemming from he fact I understand I can cope with extreme ordeals, that I can deal with far more than I thought I could.

On the flip-side I don’t think that such experiences suit everyone and because of several very heavy experiences I have gone through I am quite wary of initiating anyone to working with spice nowadays.

As for integration I’m sure we all work differently in this respect, what I find most helpful is taking some time away from hyperspace, having a think, talking with good friends who know me, and above all enjoying my place in consensus reality.

no i do not feel i was fufilling my responsabilities as a father and husband. I feel horrible no one else has experienced what i did. I feel that i've also been to a "heaven" like place before. Those experiences left me feeling invincable knowing that after i die things would be ok. Rather than being complacent with death i'm now terrified. What bothers me most was that feeling of familiarity with whatever place i was put into. I clearly remember going or being placed in this white room, being stripped naked of all things to the core of my sole and thinking oh shit this is going to hurt...right before...wham...unimaginable pain. I also think i had a scratch mark on my left wrist when i finally awoke which i found odd.

I left the experience with me begging to be a better person. I remember a noise in the house brought me out of it and being half in, half out and still seeing this...streaming mass of eyes and symbols above me trying to torture me, i was begging and pleading to no avail, and despite coming out of it(back in this reality) it was as if waiting for me to return and still trying to torture me despite having no direct influence as its hold over me was broken. I mean i know the lessons are hard ones to learn, and i know dmt is all about lessons.

I wonder if this was "this devil and hell like place is very very real and this is where you might go if you dont clean up your life". I mean i always believe in heaven (because i feel i went there on dmt twice) and had a false idea that hell was like an absense from God or a void. Well....no its like all the craziest bible thumpers said it was...but somehow much much worse. I felt this sadistic presense that feed off of the screams and pain, would take no deals bartering or pleading to ever stop the pain.

I remember waking up thinking i have so little time to change so much.

What bothers me the absolute most about the experience was the absolute feeling of "being there before" and knowing exactly what was coming next before it hit me.

Please don't worry about the experiences of heaven or hell being about the afterlife, even if it would be about it, these are just experiences that can show you different planes of existence. Heck, who knows, maybe if any one of us would visit that place you visited, maybe it would be familiar to all of us? Who knows where we have been in our past lives.
I would not worry so much about "if I'll behave evil, I'll go to hell" or "if I'll be good, I'll go to heaven". Just do your best in life(but don't stress about it) and remember that nobody is perfect, we all do something "evil" at some point(s) in our lives. Don't let fear control you, remember it was just an experience on a drug. If there's a hell, we probably all have been there at some point

that makes sense. I'm going to print your words and reread it later. I also wonder if my consciousness somehow manisfested on a unfathomably deeper plane of existance/realm/dimension of which my soul is not currently allowed in, or equipted to handle. Like walking into space without a spacesuit...with the suit, amazing experience, without...sheeer pain and hell.

I thought about this but somewhat reject it as i had the sense of a demonic or evil intention being there who took pleasure in my torture and suffering and thirsted after it even after i was coming out of the ordeal.

Hey skinwalker,

I had an experience a couple of months ago with changa that I would describe very similarly. My memory of it has waned, but I still recall it as being absolutely cataclysmic. I've looked at fires since and thought, "that's what it felt like: it felt like my being was on fire." I've also had fears that this experience was waiting for me at my death; these fears have generally subsided, though. I just thought I would add my words here to let you know that you may not be alone in your experience.

Much love!

i was an experience of both being lit on fire at the same time suffocating and drowing. I just remember trying to throw up and whatever entity was there with me laughed that you dont even get that luxury in this place.... there is no reprive from the pain. Yes this definatly created a fear that this is whats waiting for me upon death. This thing had a hold on me and refused to let go, felt like it was trying to chase me and hold onto me even as i was coming out of it and looking at consentual reality around me. This was absolutely "cataclysmic" as you put it, i remember thinking "oh shit" once i recognized this place and then absolute insanity. I also remember incredibly loud sound and absolute choas at this point.

how have you dealt with your experience afterwords? I had a very similiar experience almost a year ago, this one likely mirrored that. I think the fear i have is forgetting about this place and that it is very real and that there is no escape from it once you die. Really truely horrifying. I dont know weather to be afraid of dmt, my own life, worry for the next 60xyears about the day i die. I had finally felt as if i had come to terms with death and dying. I was absolutely now convinced an afterlife exists (dmt has shown me amazing things over the past 1+ years). I was also afraid my whole life that the athiests where right and you die and thats it...nothing, you and everything about you is erased. Now the atheists scenario seems like a absolute blessing compared to an eternity in this place.

As i was coming out i had the odd imperssion that the others in this place were being used as somesort of fuel for a large machine. As if the extreme suffering from those souls powered this machine (the sun?...center of the earth). I guess one bit of good news is that i was able to leave this place and somewhat feel the mechanics of it all, i'm not sure if thats because the dmt was wearing off and i was allowed a temporary escape or if rescued (seems doubtful). I'll never forget the spewing flowing mass of eyeballs and odd symbols and letters flowing over me as i became fully baseline.

I have experienced the same thing a few times. The experience of eternal hell. I also had the sense that my soul had been stolen by some large thing and was being used somehow. I have also had the experience of crying for mercy as I come across some all powerful thing. I would cry, "MERCY!!!! MERCY!!! OH GOD A MILLION TIMES MERCY!!!!!!" only to have it respond, "no there will be no mercy. This is for eternity".

First, if you want the heavenly experience, I suggest lowering your dosage. Also, for communicating on a spiritual level, I have found oral doses to be much better, as they put you in a prolonged dream like state, which is good for visions and communication. Your experience sounds like the smoked variety.

The only way I deal with the experience is accepting that there are potentially things that I would not like to experience. Then, I don't allow that acceptance stop me from enjoying the things that I can enjoy here and now. I can't pretend that things will always be good, or that I wouldn't mind having my body and soul ripped apart. I eventually realized that stressing about things doesn't do you any good, it makes you feel worse. Not only that, but fearing and stressing will create a whole world of extra suffering for you. I know, coming to acceptance of the idea of death is relatively easy, but coming to acceptance of the actual experience of death is a bit harder, and experiencing potential hellish afterlife.

If there really is some terrible afterlife, there's probably nothing you can do about it. It's probably just what happens when the body and mind break down..... unless you're the type of person who believes that by doing certain deeds, you'll be rewarded with a good afterlife, and spared suffering. But, it seems to me that death is a natural process, a process of decay. The mind, body, and spirit are going to react to that breakdown however they are going to react. It seems to me that it's the very fear of hell itself that creates hell. You can be the most loving person in the world, but if you're afraid of death, if you're afraid of suffering, then it is likely that fear that will manifest itself hell. Your own fear will create the hell for you. Let the machine tear you apart. You don't have a choice do you?

I recently had a bit of a hellish experience, but instead of being afraid, I enjoyed it quite a bit. I smoked, and it felt like my soul was being whisked away to another place, where my consciousness was going to be torn apart. As I was fading away, I thought, "ok, go ahead, take me away, I'm ok to die now". Then it was as if I could feel my body dying, and I became concerned. I was like, "hey! Wait a minute, I am ok to die, I don't want to feel my body being ripped apart".

An entity responded, "having your body ripped apart is death. Your going to feel your whole body die".

"Oh no! I can feel my spine disintegrating. Insects are going to go in to my body and eat me from the inside out, and I'm going to feel the whole thing?"

"yes, you'll feel the whole thing."

Then I sort of coyly accepted it. I was like, "okaaaaaay, let the bugs eat my spine. Let my organs fill up with blood and burst. Let my body sink in to the earth"

Something inside me realized that death is my destiny, it is my nature. Not only that, but somehow it was a nature that I had chosen when I manifested in to this world. As I felt my body disintegrating, the entity mocked me. It was like, "you're the one created death and pain and suffering, you psycho. Now you're going to experience the ramifications of that choice as you slowly whither away painfully".... and on the inside, I was like, "okaaaaay, let me burn away. It is my destiny. This is what I wanted. I wanted to be purified by death"

So anyway, I'm saying it's not impossible to come to an acceptance of death. In fact, I think everyone absolutely must, and will at some point. When you feel your body dying, when you realize there's no chance you'll ever come back, when you realize there's no hope, when you call for a savior and one does not come, and you feel yourself being eaten alive, eventually, instead of resisting being eaten, you'll just say..... ok, go ahead. Eat me. Eventually, you'll just let the fires of hell burn you alive. When that happens, it's not really suffering anymore, it turns in to something else. I'm not saying this to try to get you to accept anything. You'll accept something only when you truly feel there is absolutely nothing else you can do. I'm only telling you this so you don't send yourself in to a despair spiral, where you go on fearing what might happen after death. Whatever happens after death, you'll get through it.

It makes me think of an animal I see on the wildlife channel. When an antelope gets attacked by a lion, at first it fights to get away. But then, it stops fighting. Even though the animal is still alive, it just lays there in stillness, as it is being eaten. I believe, eventually, the animal just accepts what is happening, and allows itself to be eaten. Eventually, you will come to a point where you just let that machine eat you.

We all go through death. Eventually, our bodies will start failing, our lives filled with pain, you start realizing the doors of life are closing, and it is probably not fun. But..... that's not right now is it? Why waste the good years of your life worried about what death might be like? Death will do what it's gonna do, whether you want it or not. And no matter who you are, no matter how healthy you live, no matter how safe you think you are, death will come for you, and it could be at time. Not only death, but the death process in which you degrade until you fail.

But, everything passes. If hell were forever, you would be there and not here. Heaven and hell come and go. Life and death come and go. How could this not be so?

Another thing I would like to add, that I am quite sure that the experience of hell you had, had nothing to do with the afterlife of yours(even if for evil people it would be that sort), I think it was only an experience that showed you for some reason that plane of horrible existence, maybe it was just a lesson of some sort.
I mean, you definately should not connect any "entheogenic/drug" experience to the afterlife(even if some people might experience similar stuff when they die), more like see it as a lesson of some sort.
I mean why it would be like "haha look at this, this is where you are going!".
Some of us just have to visit hell briefly(you can read also in this topic that others have been in similar places), maybe to learn, maybe to apprieciate LIFE. I would say just let it be and forget about it. If hell is where you would be going, you most likely would not have DMT and children

PEACE

your experience sounds exact to mine. I remember begging pleading and it mockingly responded that my calls would not be heard and that this is eternal. No one was in the house at the time (thank god) but i believe I was screaming at the top of my lungs nonstop. I also felt my sould and suffering were being used somehow for some larger machine, bascially the fuel for it which apparently i was told burns much hotter than a star, perhaps like the event horizon circle just outside of a black hole?

we are all eternal beings, and time is an illusion. if both statements are true then by this logic i should still be in this hell place and not here on earth.

Also i smoked 60mg, and went in with a determination to speak with my recently deceased grandmother (mistake number one is to try to direct the experience).

WORD.

PS. that dose was quite high, if you ever decide to give it another shot, try 30-40mg(if you have proper smoking device, that is)

my first 2 attempts to launch at 60 proved futile. seems i have a high tolerance or they dont like me entering their space much anymore. 30mg is the perfect does and safe but it typically would leave me furious that i saw/experienced nothing and then waiting another week to launch again...with typically the same dead-end results.

40 might have been safer. I'm always amazed at how absolutely POWERLESS i (we?) are in the face of the dmt entities. i always feel as if i have zero influence or control and the attempt to establish any control whatso ever is meet with swift and (in this case) violent results. At least in my dreams i feel if i really wanted to i can sabatoge or control the outcome of the dream. DMT land... absolutely not...i'm like a paralyzed child. I hate and am afraid from this powerless feeling. The respect i have for dmt is based on fear, perhaps i am kept in check by fear.

feeling somewhat depressed again today, thinking of a afterlife waiting for me with that torment isnt exactly lifting.

I was going to do oral dmt the next day but never expected this experience. i cant tell if i'm too afraid now to ever try again. A sick sick sadistic part of me actually wants to experience that again the pain the suffering...i have absolutely no idea why i would feel this tiny part of insanity/sickness.

Final blog note the naked half horse/half demon dream last night wasnt encouraging.

Regarding the dosing for me at least I see two reasons that stop me being able to launch successfully.

• Hitting the pipe wrong (not an issue really since getting my head round the GVG) and losing some of the dose to drip or it burning away.
• Sometimes it seems we are simply not allowed access to hyperspace. Whether this is psychological, physical or something deep, who knows. I certainly don’t! Whatever the cause, there are times when I get nowhere with massive doses, and other times I will be jettisoned out of reality with minute amounts.

Regarding your worry about the afterlife, and without wishing to belittle you but why worry? We can never know for certain what (if anything) happens to us after the point we take our last breath. Don’t get consumed by the spice experience/death thing. It will do you no good. Just because you had an experience that felt like death doesn’t mean that the eternity after your death will be like that. Live life and concentrate on the things that you can be certain exist and deal with them. There is enough to deal with in consensus reality without worrying about things you have no control over.

thanks DLB. just curious if others experienced this and how to interpret it. the experience felt more alive than i am now, i had no idea a human mind can suffer to that degree...and it might have only been a minute in real time. The pain was somehow physical, seems impossible but it was. Was always curious what it felt like to drown, my biggest fear is death by drownding and/or being burned alive... interesting how it chose both.

APOC experience mirrors my own.

Yes, my most significant recent experience took me to a whole new and interesting area of sensation too. I was at a very down point and had basically been spent most of the previous month wanting to die, wanting to reverse time, or staring blankly from my bed into my wall. A very dark point. Then I decided to give my GVG its first use. Shit.

The first stage of my journey was not at all visual as far as I remember (later stages were) the peak basically consisted of deep, overwheming pain and sorrow. It was as if I was being told “You want to feel shit? You want to feel sorrow? How about feeling 10 million times worse? How do you like that?”. I also got to experience what it would feel like if I did rewind time and that really wasn’t pretty at all either. Journey basically gave me the things I had been giving myself or wishing for the whole of the previous month. My outcome was quite different to yours though, as I suppose were the events surrounding it. I was lucky, I think that hyperspace arse-kicking gave me the reality check I needed! Has now been 6 or so weeks of feeling much more logical about the place I am in.

I expect to have many more experiences of soul-shredding, and unimaginable pain and fear. That is the way it goes for me with spice really, sometimes I will experience bliss and getting to fuck fractals (yes, that has happened to me) other times I will be nothing short of vicious and brutal. I think if you want to work with spice you have to just accept that you will have to deal with the nastier side of it at time and work out what can be gained. I have gained enormously from every “bad” experience I have had so far, bar one.

which one if you dont mind me asking?

Hehe, I had been reading some writings by DM Turner previous to this particular journey. If you don’t already know about some of his ideas he came to the conclusion that DMT likes water, he also died in the bath whilst on ketamine.

So I thought, excellent, water potentiates DMT, I must give it a go!

I ran myself a bath, there was a massive rainstorm outside so I opened the window wide, put a couple of candles on and got into the bath with my water pipe to my side. Proceeding to hit the pipe something felt very wrong. The flames from the candles below the mirror became very long and started jumping at the plants between them, distances that really aren’t physically possible. Maybe from a normal size of 2 inches to 5 or six, getting at the leaves. Reality wasn’t exactly evaporating, just becoming very, very dark and nasty. I can’t truly explain what the feeling was but, maybe a feeling of evil presence and fear. I looked down at myself in the bath and noticed that I was seemingly a different person several times a second. I was truly convinced some kind of entit(y/ies) was/were popping in and out of me and I was not at all in control of myself. Like I was being possessed or something. I started to feel really violated and abused. Very angry that I could be used like that. I jumped out of the bath as fast as possible, turned on the light and blew out the candles. The only way I could think of to get rid of what seemed to be a presence of some sort in the room was to give the air a good thrashing with my arms. Things started to subside a bit and I cursed whatever the fuck had done that to me.

A very odd experience. I spent the next two days believing I had been possessed and was really quite worried (I am actually very much of a only believe what you can see kind of a person, so this is quite odd). I tried to contact a friend who I know who has quite a lot of experience dabbling in the dark side of spirituality but didn’t manage to arrange hook up for a fair while and managed to get round the experience and come to terms with it on my own.

A very odd, and not at all nice experience that gave me quite a shock as well as making quite a mess of my concept of reality for a while. I don’t feel I gained anything useful from it. To be honest it just felt horrible, and I just felt abused.

I can 100% relate to your feeling about being abused. Also i myself have been pondering if A. i've been possesed all along and this event was just a demonstration of its hold over me, or B. I became possessed and still am as a result of this event. Or C. (most likely) I'm NOT possessed, have never been, but what bothers me is my familiarity with this hell like place.

My demeanor the past two days has been extremely emotionless. Also feel like i've bottled alot inside and ready to burst emotionally at any given moment. On the positive side i've suddenly become this odd faithful servant to my wife, and a stern by concerned and caring father. Normally i'm far to absorbed running my business, and my wife was more of a nusance than anything else that i would have prefered gone.

I hope its not just me trying to bargain a last minute deal to do good deeds in exchange for a positive afterlife (i know i know doesnt work that way). I think i'm just on a mission to completely purify my soul. I've quit smoking and drinking as well for the past 2 days... unfortunately i also quit lifting weights and running (I do daily).

Thanks for sharing your story, i know the exact feeling. You get this sick feeling immdiatly in your stomach or soul and recognize the dmt experience as having a evil or negative nature to it. Its almost instintual for me and does NOT happen that often. As as if the molucles in the air itself has turned against you...