So first I would like to say thanks for welcoming me to the community
I would have posted in the salvia forum but unfortunatly as this is my first post i cant.

My first experience with salvia was when i was 16/17 (8 to 10 years ago) and it was the most mind blowing experience i've ever had until recently..... After that first time i told myself never again........ although never again lasted until about a month ago.
Now im the kind of person who can eat a half ounce of zoomers or take a massive dose of lsd and still function.... My girlfriend has trouble beleiving me sometimes that i even took anything or its even having an effect, to be honest after 3-4 hours i get bored..... Which may be why im having the issues im having at the moment.

A month ago stupidly I purchased a gram of 40x Salvia extract. Somehow i thought due to my insane tolorence that that was the smart thing to do...... and as my stupidity went deeper that night i took the first hit in over 5 years. (no sitter, in a park with puddles, at night) Once again i had gotten ripped a new one....... I went from space folding in on itself (i remember waving my hand around my head as i thought i was going to be crushed by this folding.......) then bam...... i went to the carnival.... i myself wouldnt really have called it a carnival but after reading through massive posts about other peoples experience's...... i went to the carnival. A place where the very fabric of reality i had just come from was rolled up as if it was a reverse pop up book. I remember seeing a yellow flower and touching it........ yet it was made from a rubbery substance that if closely inspected wasnt actually a flower but something that could be rolled up and unrolled like a pop up book.

Then they either began to show me or try to scare me away, but they proceded (They cannot be described as i have not fully been able to visualize them yet but yet they are there and although i havent been able to physically see them, i can feel there presence and they felt gnomish.....) to start to roll up the ground underneath me taking me with it as if i was apart of this pop up book carnival. When my apparent legs were to the point of being rolled up is when Im not sure.... my head rejected the idea or i mentally snapped myself out of the world i had been taken too. Although i still wasnt fully grabbing onto the original reality, even my visuals were still full force...... i was back... tripping.. but back.... Im going to leave out the rest as my stupidity should have left me drowned in a puddle in a park and i am not proud of it, and is aside from the question im asking in this post.

Scared shitless (Excuse my language but i dont know how to rephrase that) I left the salvia alone for a week and my questions started my journey into these forums and into the entheogen community. Since then i have succesfully extracted and freebased dmt... and went on my ayahuasca journey..... and may i say how welcoming and embracing dmt and mhrb/rue is.
which i would also like to thank the community for because without all of you i would have never experienced what i did.

but back to the main story lol.

So a week later after reading, questioning and evaluating I opened the 40x bag and tried again. (still no sitter but in a way safer place). BAM! back to the carnival... back to the very spot i ran away from last time...... BAM! Scared shitless once again either my mind refused to go there or something else but my head abruptly ended the trip 2 1/2 minutes after smoking (I timed) and this time there was no after effects.... no visuals feelings nothing. Like my mind cut it right off. After this is when i started exploring dmt and ayahuasca.

Yet in the back of my mind i held those salvia experiences and questioned them..... how could this be.... there is no way that a simple molecule could A. Make more then just me go to the same place.... but more importantly B. Take me not only back to the exact same place but place me back at the same point where the last one ended...

So I started thinking...... maybe it was the dosage.... as both times with the 40x i loaded both bowls with .5 of a gram and hit it. (Yet another stupid decision i learned..... but the label told me to do that.(Yes i know i deserved a slap for following that label).

So i went to my supplier (we are blessed with an awsome supplier in toronto) from whom i buy my mhrb, seeds and blue lotus from. We had a chat when i bought mhrb for the first time and he told me about the 10x extract they carry and how they personally know the supplier so I said hey whats the harm in trying once amore.

So after reading about dosages and how one person would put a little in there bowl to see if it was a good time to take it.2 nights ago I did just that. sprinkled a little on top of my weed (Maybe a .05) and took a hit from my bong.....BAM! there it was again although this time it was like i had one foot in reality(the left side of my body and the right could see and experience this carnival place....... but the side that was there got put in the exact same spot ive been refusing to go to and yet again my mind abrubtly stops it. so that night i refused to take more.

Now last night i dreamt of salvia.... all night.... it wouldnt go away.... as if it was calling me to come.
So I woke up this morning and about an hour after waking up I said ^%$# it once again. Weighed out .25 put it in the bowl and smoked it. BAM! Once again Im back... at the same damn spot..... Scared.... i wanted it to stop but it wouldnt..... this time it was as if the carnival was chasing me trying to force me to hop on to which my sitter said i called a train. it wasnt exactly a train but apparently thats what i called it. Now my sitter told me that i had ran into the house..... with my hand up as if i was motioning for this to stop..... then its as if 2 realitys became one..... i could see my house and everything yet i could still see and experience this carnival. I remember searching for my bed and trying to make it to my room knowing that if i found my bed they couldnt scare me anymore and couldnt force me to go..... which then i found my bed sat on it and somehow i knew everything was ok and the trip stoppped.

Now i sit here dumbfounded.... astonished.... and unbeleivably amazed.....

Why do I keep going back to the same place...... how can I go to this place without being scared to let the experience continue..... Is it because im so head strong that my scared mind just simply refuses to let me experience that part????
Is this apparent carnival always going to be welcoming me everytime I explore this lady????

So many questions to which i may never find the answer.....

Is it dosing thats the issue? My head? Extreme tolerance to hallucinogens? I want to explore this but the fact that ive been taken to the same spot over and over again and being scared to explore that part is getting to me. I would really like to have my mind not shutdown everything, everytime i go there.

Thanks and have a good day

Perhaps it keeps taking you back to the same place because there's something that you're supposed to learn from it that you've yet to learn. Sometimes DMT can take me to the same places repetitively, and sometimes they don't reappear for months at a time. Salvia can be pretty scary, but remember that no real harm can be done to you there. It can be hard to have courage without an ego, but perhaps you need to look the monster in the eye before he'll let you pass.