Hello.

I long for a time when I don't need to introduce myself, because you'll see me as I see myself and I'll see you as I you see yourself, and we will all know one another as brother and sister. Some say that time is not far off. Some say there is no time, and therefore, we're already there. Me, I'm holding out on any strong opinion of the future. I am more concerned with the Now, and what I can do to make this moment as positive as possible.

I have long held a fascination with the psychedelic experience. Even as a child, the idea intrigued me (although it also frightened me). I was raised as a Christian, and so while my parents never pushed any heavy guilt on me, I was infected with the Juedeo-Christian meme, and saw everything through the Heaven/Hell matrix. As a teenager, I began to "rebel", first exploring other Abrahamic religions, always tinkering with the idea that maybe there was no such thing as God. As a young adult, I started exploring Paganism and later Eastern religions. I dabbled in Satanism. I finally decided that I was an Atheist, and believed only in science. I didn't realize - as most atheists don't - that these two things are mutually exclusive.

Somewhere along the line, I started smoking copious amounts of cannabis. In fact, I developed a strong emotional dependence on it, a dependence I broke last year around March. In 2004, I tried salvia and it changed everything. I became aware that my previous understanding of the universe had been fundamentally flawed. It was the reason why I had been grappling with religions, trying to find the one that was "true". I had been seeking the face of the Divine, only to find the handiwork of men over and over again. Over the next seven years I became slowly aware that truth is relative, reality is generated on the fly by consciousness, and We are the Divine.

I am currently mostly sober. I drink on occasion, but lately I've been thinking that I have just as much fun, if not more, sober, and alcohol only tends to dull my perceptions. I'd probably smoke pot if it were around, but most of my friends seem to have grown out of it, and I've no desire to seek it out, or go back to my old drug buddies. I figure the Universe has a way of putting you where you need to be to succeed in whatever it is you want to do, and my goal was to have philosophical/metaphysical insights without some constant artificial change in consciousness. I reserve my psychedelic use for one in a great while, and I find that I get SO much more out of it that way. I prefer to do a psychedelic once - in massive amounts - and spend many months processing it, as opposed to what I was doing (mixing low doses of salvia with cannabis and smoking it several times a week). I have a gram of sally sitting on my shelf, ready for use, but I've not touched it over a year. I'm thinking about using it again soon.

I don't like labels. I find them limiting. But I need to describe myself as I currently exist, just to give people a frame of reference, right? Well, here what I am as of this Moment: I am a Chaote, a writer, a poet, an artist, a philosopher, an initiate, a student, a husband, a brother, a son and a friend. I believe in nothing and am open to everything. I am trying to remove myself from strong attachments and aversions (without developing an attachment to being unattached or an aversion to becoming attached!). I am trying to feel emotions without being defined or controlled by them. I am trying to stop thinking in dualities. In essence, I am trying to simply Be the animal/spirit/God/child that I am.

I hope to have many interesting conversations with you.

welcome to our little hole in the wall

Thanks! Glad to be here!

How's this for a weird bit of synchronicity?

As I was registering for this forum and reading its "rules" and realizing I would have to be vouched for and "promoted" before I could post outside of the the "newbie section", I was reminded of a place I used to post at, called drugs-forum.com, which had very similar rules. For whatever reason I stopped posting there after a few weeks, maybe because I got no sense of community.

Within an hour of registering for this forum I got the second of only two emails I ever received from that site, aside from my initial "welcome letter"... it was a warning about a lethal batch of 2C-E:

I've actually been following the 2C-E overdoses and have been discussing it quite a bit on some other forums. Here is the newest info:



source @ http://adaeveningnews.com/local...50/Overdose-patient-dies

Welcome System of a Clown,

scary bit about the 2C-E...
anyway, I enjoyed your intro essay and was wondering if you have tried dmt and if so in which way and what do you think?
How about any of the other psychedelics? I've only seen you mention sally.

Working with psychedelics can come in a lot of different forms, IMO. I used to be rather sceptical of the more frequent use but currently am pursuing it, after many long years of very infrequent use or breaks. Both have their merits, one just has to know at what point in your life which approach is more appropriate.

From what you wrote about what you are trying to attain a question arose in me: do you pursue any spiritual path or practices? Becoming free of attachments etc sounds very much like what many of the traditional eastern practices teach but also some of the newer varieties of spirituality, which have no doubt been strongly influenced by eastern spirituality. I am currently similarly inclined with the addition of wanting to evolve and develop, and the belief that to fulfil my true potential I must first liberate myself of all things that obscure my being - such as attachments, repressed emotions, habits formed due to reactions to pain (traumas), etc. I use psychedelics, yoga and meditation for this purpose.

Hope to hear more of you. And btw, the intro essay is not just something so we can judge you, but it's a really nice way of initiating conversations that otherwise might not get started at all. Intro essays are one of my favorite sections in this site because people will go into their personal views and it's so enjoyable to hear about them in this way. Aside from the information about each other that is passed in these conversations I think we establish a resonance with one another during any kind of communication - if it is done properly - and consciousness becomes something like a standing wave between us, rather than two separate entities. At least this is how I imagine it, and what I try to accomplish when communicating.

much love
Enoon

Welcome

Found that to be quite a brilliant introduction, I like your style - you've got me reading up a bit on chaos magic.
I've just moved away from more regular use of psychedelics along with quitting smoking... how can I verify the soundness of a lifestyle I've had for so long without moving away from it for a while. It seems like every constraint I free myself from, the clearer everything becomes and the more synchronicity occurs.

I got that email this morning as well, the RC scene is becoming more and more daunting :/

Everything Enoon's said above, I loved. The Nexus has an excellent introduction section, more dynamic than on other forums perhaps.

Hope to see you posting around

I've tried mushrooms on two occasions, but never quite enough to have anything other than some mild CNS arousal. Sally has been my only real psychedelic experience, although as I mentioned, I've done it quite a bit.



Like you, I meditate, and use psychedelics. I also have found listening to tones and music using the Solfeggio frequencies to be quite helpful. Additionally, I practice sigil magick, as well as various forms of reality hacking and culture jamming when the mood strikes.



I like the sound of that.



Glad to hear it! The more chaos magickians we've got, shakig up the foundations of reality, the more it becomes about Us and Us, instead of Us vs. Them. The important part to this is that there is no Them, but if you build your world view on the idea that there is a Them, you'll find them everywhere. I can recommend some authors:

Peter Carroll
Phil Hine
Ramsey Duke
Aleister Crowley
Austin Osman Spare
Robert Anton Wilson

Also, I recommend you watch the speech Grant Morrison did for Disinfo: http://video.google.com/...cid=-6148569602584070911 - and if you can find it, read the comic series he did called The Invisibles.



Yeah, I think the key is to not get stuck. Spending too much time dwelling on any particular method has a tendency to close you off to other possibilities. As soon as it becomes routine, change it up. Kind of like muscle-building exercises; any weight lifter will tell you that if you don't change up your routine, you'll plateau quickly and stop seeing results.

A lot of people argue that salvia is not really a psychedelic, though it is psycho-active. I've heard mixed things about it and personally never got much of an effect from this plant, so I don't really have an opinion either way.
Are you interested in trying dmt or other classic psychedelics? Especially with the longer lasting ones I can understand the initial reservation to take the plunge with higher doses, but I find it very very rewarding when one does. No matter what happens it's good to remind oneself that these experiences do end, so even if there is physical discomfort or fear/horror/mental pain etc. one can on some level remain calm and just pass through it.
On the other hand you can have truly amazing experiences that will lift you to levels of astonishment and love you never believed possible. In my opinion however a certain threshold dose must be used to really have an effect on the spirit, while lower doses seem for me to work more on the level of the mind - if one believes in a distinction. In other words, with lower doses perception and thought processes are altered, at higher doses consciousness itself transformed, not just the means by which it interacts ... if this makes sense... In any case it's just a model to express my experiences and feelings and certainly should be taken with a pinch of salt

I'd be interested to hear your feelings towards the other entheogens and if you choose to try them in the future what your experiences are with them.
I recently experimented with symbols during the psychedelic experience in a kind of free-ritual with a certain end in mind, and had a really amazing and profound experience that I still feel echoing within me. I'm sure being a chaote you can use your practices as well and I'd be very interested to hear about that. But I would suggest to first get acquainted with the psychedelic of your choosing before attempting anything directed.

cheers & love
Enoon

Hello System of a Clown,
welcome to the projection of a dmt-nexus site.

enjoy your stay

I've thought about it a little bit - I'm sure it's largely variable field in that 2 Chaotes can have largely different beliefs and practises - but it resonates very well with events in my life.

I won't get too into it but I've had experiences where I could influence peoples thinking through some strange state of mind where my intent was known but never brought properly into consciousness. I related it all to the idea of the transference - which in my mind is simply the state of mind inflicted onto somebody by someone else through unconscious means. I feel this might relate somewhat to chaos magic but I'm still pretty ignorant on the whole thing.

There's also been experiences during trips or sleep deprivation where I've fallen into a kind of trance which seems to be the state of gnosis I've read about - it's like I'm channeling something very important for a long time, and I come out of it and the whole thing seems ill-defined as if done in a different language... I can now understand how it may be seen as casting a spell. Can you summarise your beliefs on the matter?

Just watched the first 20 seconds of that, seems a character and we have the same heritage I'll get down to the full thing later on xD

I have no basis of comparison, but others I have shared it with have never shared such an opinion. Erowid calls it an "atypical psychedelic", for what that's worth. Terence McKenna never made the distinction; I tend to take his advice at a higher value, simply because I know his work so well,:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQppO6rFNK8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5M4RaQdi9c



Oh yes, most definitely. I've just not been exposed to those things. Maybe I haven't looked hard enough? Maybe I don't walk in the right circles? I guess I assume that when I am ready, it will sort of find me; a "when the student is ready the teacher will come" kind of thing.

I think I understand what you meant by the distinction between mind and spirit. I don't know that I've ever taken a massive enough dose of sally to really say I had a spiritually transformative experience, and that's exactly the kind of experience I'd like to have. But the insights brought to me by sally have often led to spiritual transformations after the fact. One time, I remember smoking some with a friend, and I entered this weird state that I can only describe as a "healing space". It was wonderful, and I was really happy for days afterward.



I don't think there are two Chaotes that are exactly the same. Even if they both decided to do the same ritual, as described by Crowley or whomever, they'd add their own stuff to the mix. But if it resonates with you, definitely explore it. There's no right way to do it, but something that has occurred to me again and again is that EVERYONE is a magickian. The medium of magick is language (again, Terence McKenna and I agree on the principle of this). That's why they call it "spelling".



You're on the right track, definitely. Something I've read and which seems to be quite true is that magick cannot be done by the conscious mind. Ritual, sigils, meditation, drugs - all these things are tools with which to transfer ones intent into the subconscious mind, where it can blossom into a thoughtform, or tulpa.



Ah, you're talking about glossolalia! That's a very interesting phenomenon. I have a lot of ideas of that, but to sum them up, let's imagine reality as a hologram. Something made of language. Like software, an operating system. If we look at it like that, then glossolalia is the "true" language, the first language, the primal language of the Gods... it's the source code of the Universe. Physics has thought us that all matter is really energy in a certain vibrational range. Viewed the right way, all matter, all reality, is just a signal. Ones and zeroes. Even our DNA can be thought of a machine code for the body we "inhabit".