PREFACE
This original post is quite old, and reflects myself in an odd state at an odd place in my life. I have decided to update this thread with my other experiences in order to keep things compiled, as in a way, all my experiences seem, to me, to be interrelated in some way. Check below for other, more recent experiences I have had.
As always, I may edit this or other posts on whim.I'm not quite sure what to preface this with. This post will, hopefully, be a culmination of a series of events that have happened to me and those around me for roughly the past month. I may make a series of edits as I reread and remember more of what exactly has happened since. One thing I want you to keep in mind, I am as skeptical of my own experiences as you likely are reading them. I'm hoping to gain insight and guidance into this new realm of DMT that has confronted me. Now, let me take you on a journey through time and space...
In the beginning...
The story begins 5 weeks ago exactly, but first I think some exposition is required; I knew an acquaintance who had just completed their first extraction of DMT and was now redistributing this wealth among us. My friend in this encounter had taken DMT once so far, using the ash-DMT-weed layer method and received a mild dosage. I was slightly intrigued by what he reported had happened, but didn't take much interest in the phenomenon at first. A couple days passed when I noticed this odd sensation (I did not relate the occasions until now) where in I would sort of allow myself to make instinct based decision. I did this for several days learning a wealth of new, interesting, different, pieces of information that were both insignificant and yet somehow necessary. I eventually stumbled upon a site (deoxy.org) and I began to learn about Terrence McKenna, DMT, spirituality, and seemingly much more. This site, the ideas, and the information excited my mind, and greatly increased my interest in DMT. This lead me to the events of Saturday...
Saturday didn't seem out of the ordinary, though nothing does anymore (in a sense), except that the friend whom I wanted to talk to about DMT wasn't around. After waiting most of the day, at half past midnight, he signs online and the conversation that follows I'm still not sure how to explain. My friend was, at the time, tripping on a hit of LSD and the topic of conversation was something we had really never touched on before. At first I began asking him about DMT, the Elf he had seen, and anything he could tell me about the trip he had taken earlier that week. At first I wasn't getting anywhere (he was tripping kind of hard
), but I started to bring up some of the (at the time) absurd ideas I had learned about (eastern spirituality, shamanism, the occult technically) and the topic of conversation shifted dramatically. We began to talk about our own beliefs in spirituality, god, the universe, and the meaning of it all when something surreal happened...
My friend swears on his life that he felt something, another entity, "trying to send a message to you, from me" . I know this sounds absurd, crazy, what have you, and I would be inclined to agree. Up until this point in my life I completely disregarded anything not based in scientific fact, basically, as New Age B.S. Since this event, I no longer know what to believe, my preconceptions have been shattered by something entirely outside of myself. What we talked about I'm not entirely sure (I know what we literally talked about, but what it means still confuses me), essentially he told me our minds exist on a plane higher than the physical one and that I have "Their" attention, which will become more meaningful later. He tells me he doesn't remember saying anything he told me during this hour period he, apparently, blacked out. He said he's never talked about anything of this nature (existentialism, philosophy, crazy occult stuff) and doesn't know where he got those kinds of ideas. I wasn't sure what to think considering he had been on LSD this entire time. He could have gotten an idea in his head from something I had said and let it run through it. I didn't know what to think of what he had said, but I knew that I HAD to do DMT...
It didn't take long for things to become even more obfuscated. Directly following this event, I had incredibly fitful sleep complemented by vivid dreams (incredibly odd for me, as I have bad dream recall), constant wakings, and odd thoughts that I had been talking to someone during the night, the memories of which I could not recall exactly. This happened for several days, until, the day before my fate was to be intersect with DMT, I had an odd encounter. I was in my garage, smoking a bowl of kush, taking in what had happened the days previous, and what could possibly happen the next day. Suddenly, something weird happened and I felt something almost like a presence, as if I wasn't alone. I closed my eyes for an instant and I saw something. It was a shadow, or a silhouette, almost invisible yet quite clearly there. It sat still, burned into the images and visuals that consume my vision. I opened them instantly as I quickly began to panic, this was my first direct encounter with anything of this nature. I sat in shock for seconds and then I closed my eyes again, but this time there were more of "them". I sat there partly in the dark for a good while longer in a state of fear and shock as I closed and opened my eyes, trying to see what exactly it was that could make these images appear. I saw these figures as their numbers seemingly grew until at one point I could see only what seemed like a sea of these things. It was at this point that they almost seemed to comprise, in their entirety, a single eye. I quickly went to bed in a fright...
First Steps
I awoke the next day, the day of DMT, ignition, blast off, and hyperspace. My sleep had been consumed by thoughts of these things, and also of DMT. I readied for the day and I set off to pick up my friend and the acquaintance with the necessary supplies: an unmeasured amount of DMT and a single crack pipe. My nerves were almost off the charts as thoughts of the night before crept up inside me. The day was calm, almost in an ironic way, and it seemed as if nothing could possibly be exciting. Excluding one thing of course: DMT...
First, my friend went as I watched him trip for a meager 3-4 minutes, when for a moment, doubt swept through me. He recounted his trip as the next vessel was being loaded with spice. He had trouble with the smoke and the trip was fairly mediocre with nothing tangible being said of it. My first trip I will recount as best I can given the nature of the experience, and the time that has passed since. I was sitting on one of the futons in my garage when the first hit shook me. I saw the pipe morph from an otherwise clear pipe into a completely alien construct comprised of crystalline scars. The world seemed to take the appearance of something otherworldly entirely. I was sat in a quasi lotus position, and I did my best to control my breathing during hyperspace. My eyes opened and closed almost on their own, and the blackness and remaining reality seemed to blend and morph into one indistinguishable to me from the other. I saw things and patterns of which I cannot describe or properly remember. I was seemingly in another place, whist being firmly planted where I sat. As the rush subsided and I slowly drifted back to reality I could still see things slightly as they appeared before. It was then that I began to notice something different...
As I looked around the room, points seemed to shine nonchalantly, and yet it appeared as almost there was a pattern to it. It was in pairs, spread across the room and containing lights, objects, points, reflections, consisting of everything around me but yet was made up of seemingly nothing. I sat there, attempting to explain to the others the contents of my trip and we talked for a while as we waited for a 1 hour tolerance break before attempting again. My acquaintance told me of a statue man, a Golem if you will, with distinct white markings and great flat teeth. It attempted to teach the meaning of infinity to my acquaintance, in his words. The strange thing he told me, was that his mother had known who and what he was talking about, even knowing the name of this being. In an odd coincidence, my friend later had a dream where he apparently met this same individual. Eventually, an hour passed and we began to load the next set of DMT into the pipe...
My friend went first again, but met with slightly different results. His trip was slightly longer and he saw a tribal man in my closet, a winged angel like pattern in the walls, and also a white, almost robed, figure sitting next to us on the futon. As he recounted his trip to us, he closed his eyes for a moment and said he saw the robed figure open its mouth and show rows upon rows of long crooked teeth at him. He had a bad feeling about this entity, like he was trespassing somewhere he didn't belong.
As things began to wind down, my next hit was ready and I moved to the location I was sitting in the night previously while I began to mentally prepare myself. I was more firmly in the locus position this time, and my drags of smoke seemed more full and steady. I started to fully break through and the wooden wall in front of me seemed to completely melt away. I was thrust more completely into this other dimension and I was engulfed in almost complete blackness, while my eyes remained wide open. As I sat staring into the endless abyss of the universe I noticed something; the same shapes as the night before, they were here with me. These beings were the only things made of color in this world of darkness. They appeared to be composed of every color yet whether this was a spectrum of light or another energy entirely I do not know. I looked at them for a split second before that moment of anxiety sent me bounding back to reality mid trip. I was back to my body looking at the same wall that had been the doorway into another realm just moments earlier. I looked around at the world and something wasn't right. Everything seemed to be composed of water, or some kind of flowing energy, like my vision was rippling (Think of it as if you're looking at a surface under water. If the water is disturbed, waves will ripple out and distort the image of the bottom of the water. With that analogy in mind, think of it as if everything was being hit with these waves from different directions, and they were colliding and causing a waving, swirling, pattern to the world). I was enthralled and I felt these feelings of euphoria and subdued laughter arise in me. At that same instant, my two friends began to laugh, and I began to laugh, and it almost seemed as if our feelings were entwined. Suddenly, I was shocked by a revelation that this feeling was similar, or exactly like something I had felt before, but what? Then it dawned on me, this was the same feeling I had as I suffered acute ego death from an acid trip I had had last summer. I looked at the two people sitting near me, and they both looked away in shock, laughing. I wondered about the causality and coincidence of their feelings and my own, but never had the frame of mind to ask them what caused them to act like they did. Instead, I looked back at the wall and attempted to penetrate further into the realm from which I had just returned...
Even as the wall melted away, and I was met with the darkness of the abyss I had once been a part of, nothing else appeared. It became apparent I was coming down and I slowly came back to reality dumbfounded by the experience I had just had. Looking around the room again, I began to see more patterns like I had before, yet they were much more complex. No longer just points and objects, this pattern took up all texture and it seemed as if all physical matter was in a sense artificial, predictable. I tried to explain what I had seen, and still saw, to the best of my ability. I never did ask about their strange behavior during my time back from the breakthrough. Finally, our acquaintance took his hit, but he must have inhaled something as he choked out and barely tripped. We sat and talked a bit longer before I took them both home...
As I lay in bed that night, I began to notice an odd sensation in the lower right quadrant of my abdomen. As I drifted off to sleep, I noticed a spasm, or vibration, in some kind of muscle or organ inside of me in this area. That night I felt as if I had a conversation with someone again, and I remember breathing deeply whilst filling my body with soothing energy. As I awoke the next day, the pain in my lower back that I had felt since I was sick weeks earlier had disappeared. I spent the next week or so in contemplative shock trying to integrate all of what had just happened to me in such a few short days. Eventually the pain in my back returned, and I no longer had that sensation...
Recognition
At the end of the week, I managed to meet up with my DMT bearing acquaintance again, and quite a few more friends. The lot of us were forced, due to unfortunate circumstances, to meet at a 3rd parties house (garage technically) to allow us to consume the spice in relative peace. The large group, bad environment, and other factors led to a less than satisfactory experience for most of us. I went 2nd to last and got to listen to others recount their trip (one saw an alien city, another saw us as a council of gods, and another just enjoyed the visual trip and feeling) before taking my dose. I had trouble taking it all in, and ended up coughing out my first big hit and barely getting several more small tokes before losing control. I stared at the cement floor, stained by years of use and abuse, when I began to see a pattern manifest itself on the floor. It was like a series of spots of light, almost in a 3D geometric pattern - yet set across the 2D plane of the floor, with a rotating, shifting, design I take to be the Chrysanthemum. The Chrysanthemum looked almost like a diamond, with points of light making up its major features, though it also had several offshoots of rotating swirls with points in the center of them. While I was enthralled by the sight, I began to notice the world around me and I came back to myself and began to look and talk to those around me after only a minute 1/2. The mood changed from the normally silent, introspective, DMT experience to that of excitement and activity. I saw these incredibly complex patterns on seemingly everything, but in specific I remember seeing the skin of everyone around me turning into this intense geometric, pulsating, flowing, energy like, jumble of colors and shapes. I also saw glimpses of Leonardo's Vitruvian Man around me. One thing I feel I should mention is that before taking my hit, I tried to go in with the mindset of finding out what was going on, what this all meant, and I felt as though I came out with the answer. The Chrysanthemum...
I spent a lot of time thinking about, and researching, the "answer" I was apparently given. The pattern I think I see now, is not necessarily new to me. I have seen patterns before, while tripping and after, and its almost as if there is a mindset following the comedown that allows me to see something in normal, otherwise repetitive, textures of everyday things. The only way I can describe it is if you stare at something long enough, it begins to lose it's founding in reality, things start to disappear, going out of focus and becoming unable to be seen entirely, something anyone can do normally and sober if tried. I've noticed since, that what happens on DMT is, seemingly, similar to what happens in a pseudo "dissociative" state caused by this intense focus. What this has to do with the Chrysanthemum, is that the Chrysanthemum is apparently the pattern you see before you break through, and I think the points I've started to see lately are the points corresponding to the points needed to make up the Chrysanthemum. Why I see them as a part of the world and what consequence that has, I really don't know...
Now
This brings us to the present day. Last night I met up with a few of my friends and we engaged in some harmless LSD and a bit of Mary Jane. The night was going fine and was taking the relatively normal course an LSD trip takes, when I began to see something. The beings I had seen many times before were before my vision yet again. I could see them with my eyes closed and open. They began to form on the walls, ceilings, and windows. I could see them everywhere, but this time something seemed slightly different, it was like they were moving. Moving through the 3 dimensional plane in their semi transparent state maintaining their silhouette. They were with me the entire night, up until I went to sleep some several hours later...
I have seen these things on not just these 3 occasions, I have also seen them whilst in an intense focus like described above. I have seen them in varying states of consciousness, eyes both open and closed. They have maintained basically the same appearance, though I sometimes lose track of "them" and I only see circles or spheres around me and in the things around me. As far as I can tell, they're not just visions, but also physically composed in everything. They don't necessarily give off a a bad or evil vibe, though they are sometimes accompanied by feelings of fear, though that's probably for my own sanity
. I really don't know what to think of "them"...
The story thus far...
That's the story as best I can tell it. I hope this hasn't been too long or boring, I might have rambled a bit (this was way longer than expected). My writing isn't up to par either, hopefully a few revisions will help that.
Since my experience with DMT, I've felt like my entire outlook has changed. I feel much more "open minded" (as my friend puts it) and I consider things much differently now. One thing that still bugs me, is this feeling of synchronicity I've had since my first trip. Things seem so coincidental to the point of being almost terrifyingly prophetic.
I'm not sure what to say now, my life has seemed incredibly hectic lately. These thoughts have been eating me inside and out and I have no idea what to make of them. I hope I don't sound like a raving madman, I'm still skeptical of everything that's happened these past 5 weeks. I really hope there is a logical explanation to all that's happened to me, and I'd love to hear what anyone has to say on the matter. I'd be happy to elaborate or answer any questions anyone might have. At the very least, thank you for taking the time to hear me out and read everything on my mind.
I may edit parts or all of this post, so bear with me..."It doesn't matter how old you are, bouncy castles are still genius." ~Vince Noir