http://soundcloud.com/the-ufo-poposm-records

SWIM was just remembering a while back when he broke up with his significant other... he was getting wrecked every night, tryna make it all dissapear. Booze and drugs make for pretty crap suicide aids, but I think I might have actually tried to kill myself a few times during this period. I can't remember. Outwardly though, I was more vibrant than i'd ever been - I had to be to cover the mess underneath. I played plenty of gigs.

I had dates, and a short relationship which I really hoped would work out and support me. Unfortunately it didn't... Im just trying to find all the music I wrote during this time because creatively, It was a haven of dark sounds and "I don't give a shit" collaborations.

Im just tryna recover what work I did in that time. I've got some of it, but most of it was lost when the PC I had at the time went kaput. Psychologically, its known as a hyper state of mania, highly prised by artists for its flights of ideas.

DMT was one of the only things which would NOT let me abuse it, but I pushed it to the limit. Exploring 3D pornography worlds, smoking till daybreak every night. Mixing it with alcohol and ketamine, and somewhat hefty amounts of cannabis.

I remember very little of those 6 months... we were running a club called nu-fire, attendance was appauling but I didn't care. We'd get wrecked and go to the after party every time I was out, even if was only monday. I mixed breakcore without headphones and span psytrance when I wanted to dance. yeah, so then i'd go round the other side of the decks and dance. heh.

I was raking in upper management salary for a good six months (a blatant con, which I then began to beleive, myself) while at night i'd come home and smoke rasta style pure green spliffs until my eyes melted through the back of my skull. everything else was acceptable, too.

I crashed a car during the time, a and lost the job. Easy come, easy go, I thought. I hoped I'd die that day. The house is different now. I've got a new computer, a new car. But Am I different?

Read the comments on the tracks. Acid track was written and played out only for the rave scene. No one appreciates that track even 1% of what its worth. I do. I'll never let it go, its mine.

Isn't it all just a big cycle of creation and destruction? Do what you love until you hate it, break it, and then start over? Things are steady. Not that I care -AT ALL- if you care, after what I put myself through. But I think I can feel the scales of blackness about to tip, a tiny, fraction of a gram, into the blackest abyss again.

by the way: we are all oneness, and light and love, and pure white harmony. We are the same you & I, There is only oneness. Everything else is an illusion.

i'd appreciate it an op could move this to the music art and literature forum

Hey, at least you lived(living life I mean)...one era after another..

I moved it.