first here is a disclaimer that endlessness recommended i add to any mention of this that i urge you to heed with the utmost sincerity
DISCLAIMER: this is a much MUCH too high dose for many (if not most?) people and it can end very badly(not to say it can't end good but it's very risky to assume such), so whoever wants to attempt can use the same proportion but start way lower, like a fourth of the dosage, and see how it goes, and if desired rise slowly in subsequent times only after knowing how you'll respond to it physically and mentally on an individual level as well it is IMPERATIVE that a sitter and experienced guide be present who carries knowledge and preferably experience in life saving techniques as well as the ability to stay calm in a crisis scenario. you have been warned

such a dosage as is mentioned here, i truly believe i nearly lost my brother in a physical sense this day and know now that lives are not to be played with but thankfully the end result was a very positive one, please do your own homework and know how you react to DMT doses as well as harmala alkaloids


a week before the following took place i had made an ayahuasca analog brew that contained 42 grams of mimosa hostilis rootbark, 400mg THH(tetrahydroharmine) 2 grams of Kochia scoparia, 1 gram of white sage buds, and 1 gram of ground syrian rue with a few splashes of white grapefruit juice. i boiled 20 grams of mimosa for 1 hour, strained and set aside the first boil, took the strained mimosa and added another 22 grams to the second one hour boil, strained and mixed the first 2 boils into one and then on the third 1 hour boil i added the other ingredients aside from the THH.

i then strained out everything and mixed all 3 boils into and condensed the liquid into an amount approximately enough to fill 4 regular sized coffee mugs and then put it all into a container with a sealable lid after adding and stirring in the 400mg of THH.

i then set it inside my refrigerator to settle for a week. after a week i drank just under half of it along with 3 grams of capsuled powdered syrian rue and had quite an intense experience but this story is not about my trip,

this is about my experience as a sitter for my younger brother by 8 years. this was only his second trip ever and the first time he tripped he had only drank a small amount of weak ayahuasca , a week after my own trip my younger Brother had Drank just a tad more than 2 cups (a little over half of the brew) a half hour after ingesting 3 grams of ground capsuled syrian rue i should add and well the following is a copy of a conversation i just had with a friend describing what transpired that day. please bare with the format and take heed.

M: this is what i believe Defines ego death in my own experience

M: here's a perfect example. my brother about 2 weeks ago experienced it for the first time, his trip came in 3 waves

M:the first wave was mild like his first trip which also happened to be aya but a very weak batch and at one point he said to me "ahhhh so this is the ego death i hear about, i can feel it dissolving this is great, i feel free, ect ect" and do you know what my reply was?

Z: ?

M: no that's you ego trying to trick you into thinking its dieing when in reality its only reinforcing itself." then the first wave wore off and he thought the trip was over..

M:the second wave hit him like a nuke, at first he took it like a champ until it took on a new level and he spent a half hour on my floor on his knees leaning over the puke bucket on the verge of freaking out, eventually he did and started crying and screaming to help him that he was dieing. i then said to him "bro this is what ego death is not what you experienced before, the fear of loosing you Self/Ego and having to face your mortality. having to face the fear of loosing everything you've worked in life to create, that is your ego dieing and that is your ego's fear holding on"

Z:then he got reincarnated as a butterfly right

M: he then stood up and tried to walk outside, i grabbed the back of his shirt to slow him down and caught up enough to keep him steady by grabbing his shoulders, he made it to the room before the porch and started to shake and collapsed dead-weight in my arms in that doorway and i gently laid him down and he stopped breathing and went pale and cold

M:at this point i actually got very scared for about 2 minutes and was slapping him on the cheek yelling into his ear to come back and that i love him not to leave ect and then i said to myself "Self calm down take a breath and focus" i pried open his left eyelid and saw his eye look at me, i asked him to at the very least scrunch his face to let me know he was alive and ok and he did, so i sat there with my hands cradled under his head so he wouldn't hit it off the floor in case he seized with no sound except the clicking of a ceiling fan above us for the next 30 minutes (i had the phone next to me also just in case i did need to call an ambulance but i do know CPR and also have experience administering it as well as other general health crisis knowledge)
M:i also focused my breathing to sync in with the single breath he gave and literally felt as if i was breathing for both of us which later he reaffirmed that he felt the same was happening while he was out

Z:nice

Z:that's crazy man

Zeople need to be aware of these things like, having a trip sitter on aya

Z:a guide man

M:he then came back to consciousness and we went and sat in my room here for a few more minutes and he didn't say much about what he saw or what they told him and then the third wave of the trip hit him. it wasn't as strong as the second but slightly stronger than the first and he got a little freaked out because he didn't think he was going to ever come down and i reassured him that heavy doses of aya can last 4-8 hours and not to hold onto the thought that this was only going to be a 2 hour trip like last time and he calmed down, we then went and sat on my porch staring at the trees and i left him alone for a bit as i felt secure enough about his state

M:yeah a sitter is entirely essential for moderate to high doses but more importantly a guide and one who knows what they're doing and what to expect and how to react is the most important thing for even the most experienced Voyager/dreamer/tripper

And that was the end of the conversation pertaining to my experience sitting and guiding for my younger brothers first intense journey into the other world. after it was all said and done my brother thanked me greatly and although he said he did have a bad trip he also says that it may have been one of the greatest things to have ever happened to him, he feels renewed and alive and his prior depression has seemingly vanished. he also claims for the longest time he thought of himself as a monster but the visions during his experience taught him that he is far from it and a good person and it is now weeks later and he is still glowing and growing from the experience and im happy to say i think hes going to be just fine in the long run :-)

i should note that in 2004 when i was 22 i also had a similar experience with a terrifying ego death on mushrooms and cant stress enough that in all my years of tripping and experience as a trip sitter, unless one is truly terrified of loosing their mortality and all they have built in life then one is most likely not experiencing the death of their ego. and should one ever find themselves in such a scenario please remember the words that came to my mind whilst i was there myself once "Let go of the worry about those who care for you that binds you here and trust in that which is All and that it will make sure they will be just fine" for me hell was the empathy towards those who cared about me and me thinking that i had possibly just ended my own life causing pain in theirs, my mother, friends, family ect having to go to my funeral but once i surrendered and let the "Eye vortex" as i call it which had blinded my sense take me it turned from Hell into Heaven and i cant even begin to describe here what i had experienced

Thank you and Please be Careful, these plants and their alkaloids are not Toys

Good read man, It's a perspective you don't often hear about. Glad to hear your brother has taken a positive message from his experience too. Some of the most harrowing time's I've had on psychedelics have been some of the most rewarding.

Thanks for that dude

don't mention it man :-) im glad that everything worked out for the best tho and that im still here and not in jail for negligent murder of my own kin. i thought it would be best to share this tho just so other can realize how important it is to have a sitter, god forbid had he done this alone and fallen and cracked his skull open, thankfully i stayed close enough to catch him. just remember tho good did come of this take this story with caution and respect the plants

Thank you for sharing this mindash. I also get my harshest ego-death fears thinking about what this means to the people in my life. Odd, as I always think of myself as an incredibly selfish person, but that's the last thing I have to let go of, each time.

Be cool, be well.

thx ragabr, sometimes i wonder tho if it can be considered selfish to hold onto thinking about how highly others think of me so its sort of a moral paradox lol. srry if that didnt make much sense but its 9:09am here and im exhausted :-)

Yeah i've been to that spot many times on mushrooms. The fungi takes me to ego death very easily, and every time I get there I can't just let go. The only thing that can push me past that stage is a dose of smoked dmt. But the fear that is experienced during ego death is something that no other experience can give you. I believe it is very beneficial and teaches you to be happy with your life. THere is nothing like fearing for your life.

It seems like it was a powerful experience for the both of you...

I've sat for friends who have freaked out. It was a terrifying thing to witness the first time, but after helping someone through it, it was an amazing experience to share. Very rewarding to see them finally land and get excited about the insanity they just experienced. Intuitively, people often just need to be held, stabilized, grounded.

Wowsers, started out with 42 grams bark? I was under the impression much smaller doses were advised...but sounds like a powerful experience.

I wonder how to bring out these experiences without so much trauma (and smaller quantities)...if that's possible?

well dont forget he didnt ingest the entire brew and also the rccomended dose is between3-10 grams usually hence all the warnings as this was a very risky endevour but thankfully it all worked out very well in a lasting manner :-) i need more sleep tho lol