The general standard to acquire a membership to most internet forums is that one fills out a brief application, which includes important and semi-personal details such as: username, password, e-mail address, and possibly a short 'bio' if the administrator(s) are feeling the need to go beyond the semi-personal zone of anonymity. Occasionally, in order to verify that one has gone the extra mile in Cyberspace by investing the 30 seconds it takes to acquire netizenship in the form of a valid e-mail address, one might have to click on a link that is sent to their e-mail account. Up to this point, DMT-Nexus had not failed to reinforce this generic concept in my psyche.
Imagine my surprise when I fumbled around in the 'Other Psychoactives' forum for several minutes, searching relentlessly for the 'New Topic' button, before learning that I had to earn the right to post there. Enter: The Intro Essay. After reviewing several other essays posted here, as I always research before jumping into anything, and reminding myself that politeness and a bit of appropriate humor will carry one quite far, I begin construction of my introduction to a new community.
I have read that the official stance on the rationale for delaying full fledged membership to this forum is that it will weed out the trolls and naysayers that would cruise through to merely cause havoc and chaos in the village, rather than actively participate and offer something of value. However, I have noticed that a side effect of this is that I have gotten to know some other new members, to some extent. I know them according to what they have posted, that is. The most profound side effect of
this
effect, is that I have come to the startling realization that there are a helluva lot of people out there that view the world in a way that is similar to how I do; constantly questioning the nature of reality, consciousness, God, and wondering how it is that entheogens are providing answers to these riddles.
These are the people coming to DMT-Nexus looking for answers, people that I can truly identify with. People that I can identify with because they want the answers to the same questions I do. Questions that I have been trying to answer my entire life. Questions that I have hoped to answer with the help of entheogens for the last 13 years. Questions that are answered by more questions. Questions, QuestIons, Quest Ions. I am on a Quest for an Ion (molecule) that will help me answer my questions.
This molecule will, more than likely, turn out to be DMT. I have limited experience with it in the form of mimosahuasca. The three short lived experiences I do have, however, left me with a new perspective on life, reality, consciousness, God, and mySelf. The most profound of these perspective shifts happened during my last experience, actually, almost two years ago. Approximately 90 minutes after swallowing a brew containing 3g of syrian rue and 25g of mimosa hostilis, just when I thought it was not possible for the visuals to be any more intense, when I was almost completely overwhelmed by the experience, I suddenly felt completely calm. Directly above me, as I was laying on my back, I saw Her. She was there specifically for me, to protect me; whether that protection was from my own fear of the experience or an outside source I am not sure. She had green eyes, the same eyes that I had seen all around me on two previous journeys, eyes that I began seeing everywhere throughout the rest of the experience. She is always there watching, protecting; always has been. I felt like I had been lost my entire life, unable to find my way home. All it took was seeing Her to know that home is everywhere, for She never leaves me.
Who 'She' is, I am still not sure at this point. Ayahuasqueros would call Her Mother Aya, maybe. Or 'The Spirit of the Plants', whatever that means. Christians might have seen her as an angel, maybe someone from another faith as a Goddess. All I know is that I met Her face-to-face. She welcomed me with open wings, and only those individuals that have also met Her will ever truly 'get' me. So I arrive here, at the DMT-Nexus, hoping to find others that can identify with my experiences, hoping to find some guidance, and maybe even share some of my own limited knowledge.
Hydrocarbon is indeed a real person existing in real time. However, Hydrocarbon is actually a proxy for another individual, Nemano, that lives outside the realm of current Terran laws and regulations. All posts made by Hydrocarbon in which "I", "me", and other references to himself are the voice of Nemano speaking digitally through Hydrocarbon. Any illicit, immoral, or otherwise questionable behavior that Hydrocarbon appears to be admitting to are actually the actions of Nemano.
Occasionally, Hydrocarbon has been known to inject his twisted sense of humor into Nemano's words, but anything stated that was particularly witty or insightful was most likely not the result of Hydrocarbon's intellect.