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skinwalker
#1 Posted : 6/23/2010 3:29:42 PM

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just loaded up 80+ mg spice. and had several breakthroughs. I think i went waaaaaaaaaaaay overboard tonight. My first breakthrough i saw my room and my tv again started to make different words on the tv screen. and the entire atomosphere of the room changed. difficult to remember but was extremely surreal. then i was kicked out.. so pissed i pushed it more and really loaded the pipe and went for broke.

long story short i ended up on my kitchen floor screaming at the top of my lungs for my life... litearlly screaming. My wife came in and said she is calling my parents and 911. I vaguely remember this. I do remember the weight of the universe crushing my being into nothing, smearing my consciousness into oblivion. I have never ever ever ever had a worse experience, faaar beyond physical pain. I remember as if my soul or my being was mashed into nothingness. I smoked in the kitchen with my plan to relax in my livingroom.... instead i woke up on the floor screaming atthe top of my lungs and crying/sobing for forgiveness. Basic message was to take better care of my children and not to worry about business, that everything was being taken care of beyond my conrol and not to worry and to focus on my family. That their souls are what i will be judged on. Has anyone else ever had anything similar happen to them? I'm horrified to even think about smoking again. I treated this with respect (or heck maybe i didnt as i pushed it waaaaaay beyond normal demanding answers). Right now i'm in shock and had no idea how powerful this afterlife is and the consequences of our current life in regards to judgement. I'm not trying to be all religous here but damn this was not "death" this was death of the soul or consciousness and it literally lasted maybe one second and I'm convinced i was in hell.... no fire or brimestone much much worse way beyond physical torture. I'm still realing from it.
 

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jbark
#2 Posted : 6/23/2010 3:37:12 PM

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I know exactly what you mean. This report was my foray into this territory (# 4 further down the page).

It takes time, but you WILL consolidate this experience. And it will make you more cautious. Listen to the message, and get on with your life and forget spice for now. Take a week or two or more and just LIVE, and be with your family.

good luck and keep us posted when you feel up to it. You're not alone.Smile

JBArk
JBArk is a Mandelthought; a non-fiction character in a drama of his own design he calls "LIFE" who partakes in consciousness expanding activities and substances; he should in no way be confused with SWIM, who is an eminently data-mineable and prolific character who has somehow convinced himself the target he wears on his forehead is actually a shield.
 
skinwalker
#3 Posted : 6/23/2010 3:48:39 PM

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yeah i hate to be one of "those guys" but i absolutely have to lay off the spice now. I guess i found what i was looking for time a million. I'm still in shock this morning and traumatized despite my memory fading of most of what i saw/experienced. However despite the memory fade, i will never forget that feeling and hearing my wife's voice terrified and threatening to call the hospital. I've always though i had some degree of control regarding my spirit and the truth is we have none. I was also unsure of a afterlife and if all the effects of dmt were more internal ego based psychology... its not and its real. Another impression i perceived is that if that is what hell looks like, then heaven is absolute estacasy of the soul. I will read your story now. Is it similar? From watching a science film on the universe i remember a scientist using the term "spegettifield" to describe what it is like to go through a black hole where every atom in your body is ripped apart and you become compressed into a thin noodle of spaghetti shape as you are sucked in. I felt this feeling and it wasn’t "hyperspace" or me moving at the speed of light, it was a quick glimpse of how bad things could be for me..or any of us. I'm not sure what the purpose was or why i was so severely punished or if that is whats currently waiting for me on the other side. Also i should note that I had loaded the pipe several times and was on a mission tonight to get some answers. I must have smoked the pipe 8-12 times last night...with very miminimal effect after the first breakthrough.
 
skinwalker
#4 Posted : 6/23/2010 3:58:55 PM

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Quote:
Finally, the pipe loading was awkward : I spilled the spice twice on the table and had to scrape it up both times and place it back in the bowl. Each time I thought the spice was trying to warn me


https://www.dmt-nexus.me...spx?g=posts&t=11401

intersting the same thing happened to me, and i too felt a warning. Also for some reason my scale suddenly died and the amount i estimated must have been foolishly large.
 
jbark
#5 Posted : 6/23/2010 4:16:40 PM

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That "spaghetti" thing describes most of what I remember of the visuals - but thick 2D cartoon, predominantly green & ochre coloured strands...

Did you see the photos of the beast-skull on page 2? If ever there was a warning...

JBArk
JBArk is a Mandelthought; a non-fiction character in a drama of his own design he calls "LIFE" who partakes in consciousness expanding activities and substances; he should in no way be confused with SWIM, who is an eminently data-mineable and prolific character who has somehow convinced himself the target he wears on his forehead is actually a shield.
 
moksha
#6 Posted : 6/23/2010 4:34:00 PM

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oh man.... for someone like me who is yet to try the spice, it is kinda horror just reading a report like this. I mean first I m really excited abt the things it shows us, but at the same time I m lill afraid too. But I suppose its the case with everyone. But the only thing which annoys me is tht I dont want my sitter to be scared if I m into bad experience. I live with a roommate and tht smtimes makes me think to have my first experience alone without any sitter.

Any suggestion guys.

"I" is as fictitious as unicorn in jimjam land.
 
skinwalker
#7 Posted : 6/23/2010 4:38:00 PM

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jbark wrote:
That "spaghetti" thing describes most of what I remember of the visuals - but thick 2D cartoon, predominantly green & ochre coloured strands...

Did you see the photos of the beast-skull on page 2? If ever there was a warning...

JBArk

'


the thick 2d visual cartoon was what i saw. It was like being smashed against a television screen that went into some sort of uncontrollable loop... Nothing compares to it, it was so scary, so intense, and so real. I'm still horrified even thinking about it. There was zero physical pain, what it was however was madness of my consciousness in a never ending loop. It really is difficult to find the words. It was like my sould was being pushed against a grinding wheel face first (if you soul has a face) and i'm sure i was shown pictures, images, which were going past me at speeds i cant even imagine. Pressed with no self control against this grinding wheel of uncontrollable pictures and images flashing at lighting speed over and over for all eternity. I honestly cant believe i was SCREAMING out loud the entire time. I have no one to share this experience with and I'm glad to have others on the forum here who understand. I just hope I havnt done anything to damage either my mind or my soul by doing all this.. maybe the purpose was to put me back on the right course by scaring the "hell" out of me.

 
skinwalker
#8 Posted : 6/23/2010 4:42:00 PM

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moksha wrote:
oh man.... for someone like me who is yet to try the spice, it is kinda horror just reading a report like this. I mean first I m really excited abt the things it shows us, but at the same time I m lill afraid too. But I suppose its the case with everyone. But the only thing which annoys me is tht I dont want my sitter to be scared if I m into bad experience. I live with a roommate and tht smtimes makes me think to have my first experience alone without any sitter.

Any suggestion guys.



yeah i'm really sorry the bad thing about the forums is that people never go into detail regarding their "good" stories. I've had 10+ great experiences with DMT... but if you know my personality type I try to push things waaay beyond conservative wisdom. I'm fascinated with the prospect of a afterlife/god/angels/aliens and i've used DMT simply a tool to navigate these murky celestial waters. The problem with people like me is that we get cocky and use DMT as a tool for our own selfish purposes rather than what it is intended for. You dont control DMT it controls you and shows you, what it wants, when it wants. It requires ALOT more respect than i offered it last night as I was on a mission to be convinced unequivicoally of life beyond our current understanding...
 
moksha
#9 Posted : 6/23/2010 4:53:40 PM

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skinwalker wrote:


It requires ALOT more respect than i offered it last night as I was on a mission to be convinced unequivicoally of life beyond our current understanding...



If its such a serious stuff which I have no slightest doubt about, then why is it every time that one comes to know that he/she was shown hell by the spice because the deserved respect was not given. I mean, the spice teaches one smthing, it helps us to be a better person(if we can accumulate the meaning), then why almost everyone here have had a worst experience cuz the due respect was not given.


And on the totally different note, yeah skinwalker I m too fascinated by things relate to afterlife/religion/aliens and to most extent we all(here in forum) are, thts y we chose entheogens as our pal to show us the way. Very happy

Love n Peace.
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skinwalker
#10 Posted : 6/23/2010 5:09:19 PM

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i've always had a weird motto that i made up as a young teen that sticks with me today and feels appropriate to answer your statement.

"we have to go through hell to get to heaven"

nothing in life is easy and the best rewards also require the deepest suffering
 
gammagore
#11 Posted : 6/23/2010 5:16:47 PM

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yip, DMT can be hellish, but at the end of the day, you will survive.

This thread reminds me of many a threads in the past, for some people, their comes a time when DMT shows you what you need to be shown and thats that.

BTW, does your wife know what you were up to? You screaming in the kitchen and her walking in wondering what the heck is going on, must have been a bit confusing for her.
 
SnozzleBerry
#12 Posted : 6/23/2010 5:17:47 PM

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moksha wrote:
skinwalker wrote:


It requires ALOT more respect than i offered it last night as I was on a mission to be convinced unequivicoally of life beyond our current understanding...



If its such a serious stuff which I have no slightest doubt about, then why is it every time that one comes to know that he/she was shown hell by the spice because the deserved respect was not given. I mean, the spice teaches one smthing, it helps us to be a better person(if we can accumulate the meaning), then why almost everyone here have had a worst experience cuz the due respect was not given.

Imo, even though the lessons of respect and love are present in the experience, it does not mean they are automatically assimilated into our lives. Even when we do assimilate these teachings into our lives, that does not necessarily mean they become daily practice. Even when they become daily practice, it does not mean that we are no longer human and cannot lapse in our practice of these virtue. There have been times when I would consider myself very grounded and have a multitude of wondrous and beautiful experiences with dmt and other entheogens. Then there are times when I "know" the lessons, but have not been practicing them in life or have been lost in the daily shuffle or have found myself lured into the pettiness and squabbles of daily life. At these times I have used entheogens without a real intention or for "personal" fulfillment and had some rocky experiences.

It is very easy to think, "I rationally know these lessons of respect and love, so my set is all good and my setting is that which it has always been for indoors experiences". However, rationally knowing that you should respect the spice is not the same as actually espousing that respect. In the hustle and bustle of the outside world, it can become easy to delude yourself into thinking you are at a good point to smoke dmt if you only "glance" at your mind-set and say, "sure, I know these things". However, once the experience begins and your mind (and/or reality) is laid bare, it becomes very apparent just where your mind-set truly was. I think for this reason, after many of the rough experiences, people realize or understand why they had such difficulty and where this difficulty stemmed from. The rational knowledge of having respect for the molecule while your life circumstances may not align with respectful use is, imo, very similar to the water mirage on a hot street; you don't know it's a mirage until you're already upon it and it disappears, the only way to understand it's a mirage before reaching it is to have prior experiences seeing a mirageand watching it vanish under similar circumstances.
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Felnik
#13 Posted : 6/23/2010 5:32:25 PM

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Dude i hear what your saying loud an clear .This stuff will kick your ass in ways you never thought were possible.

I was there totally , this all powerful force splintered me into a million fractal fragments . It was the single most terrifying experience of my life. I thought it was never going to end . The message was that i would stay like this forever.

Higher doses should only be attempted when all conditions are right. I mean all conditions.

For those of you reading this I have to tell you this is no joke. what skinwalker is describing is for real.
It will happen to you if you don't hold real genuine respect. This thing knows when your bullshitting it big time.

A balls to the wall approach to this without heartfelt intention will eventually result in ass kicking of a magnitude you never dreamed of.

It took me months to fully recover from what happened to me.

please heed the warnings on here if your new to this. The information is here on nexus read it and pay attention.

The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
Arthur C. Clarke


http://vimeo.com/32001208
 
skinwalker
#14 Posted : 6/23/2010 5:49:53 PM

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gammagore wrote:

BTW, does your wife know what you were up to? You screaming in the kitchen and her walking in wondering what the heck is going on, must have been a bit confusing for her.


i told her i was going to do it with a friend at his house, my friend who has done it in the past was too afraid (after his own bad experience) and i ended up looking at 1+ grams of spice and a determination to see the other side for all its glory or nightmareishness. I've only had one breakthrough prior, and one way or another it was going to happen that night, i didnt care how much spice i inhaled was my mentality at the time. The shitty part was that the first try i did have a pleasant breakthrough and was shown some very bizarre things on my tv, then it ended right as things started to become fascinating. so i pushed it over and over and over, until i knew there was no resin left and put a massive load in the bowl. My wife was in bed sleeping with our son, when what i can only imagine must have been blood curtling screams woke her. I thought i was going straight to the hospital or to jail, i had no idea how bad i was or even if i had multilated myself or hurt someone else... i was so confused to wake up on teh FLOOR!!! the floor.. i remember taking the hit in the kitchen and thinking boy..this is going to be good! shit i better hurry up and make it to my livingroom before the effects take place... NOPE comatose on the kitchen floor seconds after the hit
 
gibran2
#15 Posted : 6/23/2010 5:55:20 PM

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skinwalker wrote:
...The problem with people like me is that we get cocky and use DMT as a tool for our own selfish purposes rather than what it is intended for. You dont control DMT it controls you and shows you, what it wants, when it wants. It requires ALOT more respect than i offered it last night as I was on a mission to be convinced unequivicoally of life beyond our current understanding...

Yes. This is why I regularly remind myself that a DMT experience is as much an act of giving as it is of receiving. I give myself to the experience – my body, my mind, my “soul”. And in return I am shown whatever it is that I am shown.

Here’s how seriously I think users of DMT should be when contemplating it’s use: you should be ready to die. You should be ready to give up everything. This is not entertainment for your personal amusement.

Having said that, I’ll also say that I’ve had incredibly life-affirming experiences, funny experiences, joyous, ecstatic, loving experiences, deeply moving beautiful homecomings.

I’ve also come to believe that my difficult DMT experiences are difficult only because that’s how I interpret them. My most difficult experience was actually the most amazingly beautiful experience I’ve ever had. It was my misinterpretation of what was happening (I thought I died) that made the experience hard to deal with.
gibran2 is a fictional character. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
 
skinwalker
#16 Posted : 6/23/2010 6:19:28 PM

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Quote:
My most difficult experience was actually the most amazingly beautiful experience I’ve ever had. It was my misinterpretation of what was happening (I thought I died) that made the experience hard to deal with.


no gibran2 this wasnt ego death or thinking about death or even simple death as i stated this was literally hell. I've the "death" experience and the ego-death as well. This was something so horrible and painful words cannot describe. I didnt feel erased i felt eviscerated by an abusive sadist who knew my every fear, pain and maginifed them to infinity and then ran the loop an equally infinate number of times.

Felnik thank you for your comments and believing me.

Quote:
Dude i hear what your saying loud an clear .This stuff will kick your ass in ways you never thought were possible.

I was there totally , this all powerful force splintered me into a million fractal fragments . It was the single most terrifying experience of my life. I thought it was never going to end . The message was that i would stay like this forever.


i'm sure this happened to me as well. it was soo powerful and so fast it was hard for my mind to record everything that was happening to me. I can tell by your words that you had a similar experience as me.
 
TrustLoveMan
#17 Posted : 6/23/2010 10:37:31 PM

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Dmt is a very powerful tool. I just watched an aya documentary and one of the people who took it thought she was dying. I've had a similar experience but not to that extreme. I overcame my fear and dove back in but only when I was really ready. Stories like these give me the chills because not only is it a bad trip but screaming is usually bound to attract some attention. I would hate to have 911 called on me for any reason. I hope you can recover and maybe one day you'll hear the call again.
All Posts are fiction and only exist to entertain

 
Ice House
#18 Posted : 6/24/2010 12:35:26 AM

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skinwalker wrote:
just loaded up 80+ mg spice. and had several breakthroughs. I think i went waaaaaaaaaaaay overboard tonight. My first breakthrough i saw my room and my tv again started to make different words on the tv screen. and the entire atomosphere of the room changed. difficult to remember but was extremely surreal. then i was kicked out.. so pissed i pushed it more and really loaded the pipe and went for broke.

long story short i ended up on my kitchen floor screaming at the top of my lungs for my life... .


Well I read this first part of your story and I can see that the stage is set for some bad shit to happen.

Quote:
I just loaded up 80+ mg spice


80mg of freebase is way too much for the average voyager. IMHO if you are going to do multiple voyages, take the opportunity to load a proper dose each and every time. If your just toking off a pipe with spice in it you never ever know what your dosage is going to be.

Quote:
so pissed i pushed it more and really loaded the pipe and went for broke.


Really? Do I really even need to say anything here?

And, come on. The Kitchen? You couldnt find better setting than that? You were going to take a toke and then walk to where you were going to voyage? Did I read that right?

Just curious, had you ever done any research on the nexus about proper responsible use?

What were you thinking?

Set and setting.

Respect the molecule.

Your lucky it wasnt allot worse.

Ice House is an alter ego. The threads, postings, replys, statements, stories, and private messages made by Ice House are 100% unadulterated Bull Shit. Every aspect of the Username Ice House is pure fiction. Any likeness to SWIM or any real person is purely coincidental. The creator of Ice House does not condone or participate in any illicit activity what so ever. The makebelieve character known as Ice House is owned and operated by SWIM and should not be used without SWIM's expressed written consent.
 
physics envy
#19 Posted : 6/24/2010 12:48:05 AM

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"I just hope I havnt done anything to damage either my mind or my soul"

Others may disagree, but I don't think one can damage their soul. Depending on what philosophy/religions you may subscribe to, you may get different answers, but personally, I don't think anyone can do anything "wrong" from an eternal standpoint. If you believe we're all here as parts of a god to experience itself and all parts of life, then your soul is fine. If you believe we're all here in a big, dramatic play (aka Hinduism?), then your soul should be fine. If you think we're all energetic beings preparing for an ascension, I don't think some extra DMT in your physical system will cause eternal issues. If you have a belief system that has a judgment in it...well, then maybe when you transition through death you will judge yourself and keep yourself from "moving up" for some period of "time" (whatever that is in the afterlife), but if you're this far along already I doubt you would do that to yourself.

Just my two cents...but I wouldn't worry about your eternal soul. I would say "Bravo!" to you for having such a wonderfully intense experience...I imagine very few people on Earth ever get to experience anything near what you have. I have only been on this forum a short time, but I am positive the members here will be able to help you integrate lessons from this session.

May your future teachings be via positive, non-threatening methods! 8-)


Salvia quid enthusiast
 
skinwalker
#20 Posted : 6/24/2010 4:42:14 PM

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the very final thing i remember as i was coming out of it was seeing the "all seeing eye" and it was moving around and staring at me. It appeared full of energy, factal like and vividly clear. Does this mean anything?



 
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