Most recent journeys have again been difficult - so harsh so void of love. It has been frustrating and mystifying. I felt I had lost the connection.

Last night, after hours of preparation - yoga, clearing the space, stilling my mind - I was presented with an angry blocking frequency, and the journey was utterly void of consciousness or entities. For the first time since I embarked on this path, it felt like I had just taken a drug - it was like the difference between sex with someone you love, and sex with a prostitute. There was no love, no soul, no narrative. It was utterly, utterly indifferent to me.

Then I broke through to a place of seething brown and green coils and spoke out -

Why is it so empty? Why am I here? Where do I go when I die? What is this?

There was no answer. A hyperspatial shrug, an over the shoulder snort of derision.

So today I wanted to return.

I thought perhaps the dose had been too high - a high dose wakes the angry giant ... one must slip in through the narrow throat of hyperspace, almost unnoticed.

Loaded 80mg, rather than the usual 100mg ES - and had a sub-breakthrough. The spice was still angry with me, I felt, though the plants remained my allies, and seemed to almost awww in sympathy; but the Spice was not letting me in.

I felt sad, humbled. What had I done wrong?

After some time, open-eyed, still in tryptamine supersaturated visuals, and I loaded up again with my own special blend, Deep Purple. I didn't measure it out - just eyeballed and went for it. What followed blew me away.

[Now, to explain, in a previous journey I was taught a special way of seeing while in hyerpspace - many of you may have developed the same thing. It is a form of 360 degree awareness; seeing without seeing. I was told it was called 'backward seeing'. (here's a report for anyone interested ...) So when I talk about my field of vision, or what i see, it's seeing in this way.]

The space around me woompfed open like a 9 dimensional iris - across my field of vision, purple/red trees with chocolate balloons growing from them in beautiful vortices. They curl and bend I know by now to follow the direction of their twisting ...

woompf. My breath is taken away completely. I've entered a hyperspace that is completely different and new to me; I have never seen it like this. Until now, it is usually a variation on a theme; it has the same feel, structure, the same dimensions and, if you like, personality, for want of a better word.

This was something completely and utterly alien. Delicate shards, strands of light, like bunches of artfully arranged optifcal fibre in orange and white and pale yellow, pulsing and moving in a waves and pulses.

"Let us begin our dance" she says to me; or telepathically says to me ...

Yes.

There is a point that is the centre of this dance, and I must focus with 100% concentration to keep up with it. We are twisting and bursting through hyperspace, all manner of things flying past - its like running through a jungle of lightbeams and plasticised custard at 100 miles an hour. And she is getting further and further away from me.

There are things all around me, demanding my attention; but I keep my focus on her diminishing point of contact. Something to my upper left is being particularly insistent, and I give it my attention. We stop. It is a different, but related presence. like her brother. He is trying to explain something to me, showing me something.

It's a machine: it's very complex, with are panels of light, facets, orbs and chambers; and the machine's function is this - it is a transdimensional spacecraft. I am trying to look around the machine, but again there is a point where I almost look too far to my upper left and woompf - I crash out into the more familiar chaos of hyperspace ... the plasticine neoprene jimjam coils, constantly changing shape, twisting in on itself in impossible flops. Its blowing raspberries at me.

There is a sense of disappointment. Like I fucked up. I want to get back to the one I was dancing with, but I'm made aware that isn't possible, because I fucked up the connection.

This is very difficult, what we are trying to do. We are trying to make contact.

In an epiphany, I understand. To keep the connection requires total, one hundred percent focus from me; and knowing what to focus on.

I hang my head, and all around me, disappointed jimjam seethes and shifts and roils ... I feel like a child who's been given a helium balloon, and, in a lapse of concentration, I've let go of it, and watched heartbroken as it disappears into the clouds, feeling I've failed and failed the one who entrusted me with the balloon.

We are training you. To connect through this chaos (cue bonkers hyperspace jimjam nonsense shapes) is hard. The gap is wide. It requires a great leap.

You must prepare yourself for this test; be ready. It is the greatest test you will ever face.

Much of what has happened to me in hyperspace made complete sense. The lessons and training; the instructions to take up yoga; being shown and made to understand fear; the lessons in navigation and backward seeing ... these are all so that, once Within, I can remain focused and not become distracted; and that this total focus and intent will lead me to Them.

x------------------------x----------------------x----------------------x

Now, I know there's been much talk lately of mental health, and of not losing ourselves in hyperspace; but though I may sound it, I don't feel crazy and have not forgotten that this is my reality here. I feel great affection for this monkey cage and all of us monkeys that share it.

But after many 'denied access' journeys, and dark angry presences, this has been a welcome return to my developing narrative of hyperspace, and I choose to believe and continue with it, to see where it will take me.

On one powerful previous journey, I met a blue female entity with a sweeping, liquid metal helmet, and she promised me this:

"we will show you Wonders"

as impossible skyscrapers grew and built themselves behind her in infinite complexity and beauty.

I look forward to the Wonders.

much love, fellow travellers

88 you have the gift of language. many thanks brother!

the evolution of mind is no easy task

Did they give you any ideas as to what will happen when you finally connect? The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow(s)...

Great work very very cool. Its funny when you are shown so much and it shifts your total perception of everything to a place that most normal everyday people would call insanity. I've been there and continue to be there. Keep up the good work its sounds like your onto something stay with it.

I think they were keeping me on a strict need-to-know policy

You're not crazy. This is wonderful.


All i get now is the void too, but thanks to you i look forward to what awaits...!



DAMN THAT FOCUS!
Ant talked about this too and i've gotten the impression it's hella important as well.



edit: can you describe this "she" a bit more?

Awesome, 88. SWIM thinks she needs to explore the aspect you call "seeing backwards" more.

Be cool, be well.

I couldn't see her as a form; she was a presence, she was the light, and the tunnel, and the space around me in golden spiral splendour.

wonder if I'll ever meet her again ...

thanks ragabr! The 360 perception thing has been massive part of the experience since I was taught it; the trade off is that the colours lost some of their intense vibrancy; until last night

I guess the bit that made me wonder, 'am I losing my marbles here?' was the clarity of the message - that "they" were trying to train me to navigate and travel within this space; the whole thing is so structured and coherent, and it presupposes another aspect of reality that very few people would agree even exists ...

we are on the edge of something profound and extraordinary in every sense, that has the power to completely overcome the psyche; I am aware that this is a path that needs to be followed with great, great care.

Much love, brother

Reports like this is why the Nexus is the Nexus. We all benefit from write-ups like that. Thanks!

After some deliberation, and a most excellent day here on this fine, fine, precious planet - I went back Inside. Today, the spacecraft of choice was 130mg Golden Temporal - a 1:1:0.3 blend of spice, Pau D'Arco and 10:1 white caapi vine extract.

It didn't take me to the new hyperspace I'd entered yesterday; instead, it was back to familiar territory. Again, I felt a female presence, but not the same as the golden light beam presence of yesterday.

Training resumed seamlessly. I was able to navigate quite well in this space, and move around, shift the point of awareness. I felt very coherent and centred and could bring my awareness into a laserbeam point, or spread it out like a light right around my head, directing myself around the space. I felt sooo happy to be there. I realised, I love this. I really, really love going to hyperspace, and meeting these plant teachers, the spirits/entities/consciousness - whatever it is they are - I really love it.

I said this out loud. It responded in blooms and lightbursts that made me laugh, breathlessly.

And then I asked, I said:

Please ... is it possible to see alien beings? Are you able to show me other worlds, other planets? Can you do that?

Instantly the scene changed. It was dark blue and black with neon lime buzzing trim and sparks of electric blue, and 'flatter' than the jimjam space, in the sense that it felt like perception in our world - it was 3D, rather than the 5 (or more) dimensional space from which I'd just been teleported.

I found myself right up against two mantoids. I was so close, I was almost inside of them.

They stood upright, and were maybe a foot taller than me; obsidian and blue, with smooth shiny hard skin; sheathed from the neck down in black cloaks that seemed biological, a part of them. They had oval heads that slanted forward, mandibles that looked almost metallic, and complex eyes - which they suddenly trained on me.

I felt a bit giddy to find myself centimetres from these beings - and was quite sharply informed that they didn't do the whole cuddly giggly love thing here. They had serious work to do, and it would be good if I sharpened up, as they were keen to get on with it.

I was quickly shuffled off to another space within their realm which was packed as tight as possible with a battalion of these creatures - and I was one of them; one amongst their ranks. But we had no cloaks, though; which made me think the beings I'd first met had been the leaders, or generals, perhaps. I was a foot soldier, and we were doing fairly complex group maneuvers, which were happening pretty quick. I had to be on my toes and sharp to keep up with them and not bump into those next to me.

And then I was out ... for the next 30 or so minutes, the caapi extract worked it's magic, and I floated, gently drifted through countless spaces with mama aya almost cradling me like a baby.

And I was weirdly aware of people on a busy street nearby my house; I was dropping in and out of human minds; heard their conversations, felt their dark thoughts, and felt sad ... and I realised that mama aya was seeing this through me; through the connection I had made; and I felt so sad that we humans hate, and destroy; and I felt her sadness - or more, it seemed she was confounded by us monkeys.

But just before I returned, there was a flash of beautiful yellow light to my right; I turned to look, and then, rising up like fresh spring water in a desert, I heard human laughter, pealing out from a neighbour's house.

It was the sweetest sound; and mama aya smiled.

...and tears flowed from my eyes...

awesome writing bro, thank you for your reportings back to us.

Thank you both for that, I really appreciate the feedback ...

much love

Thank you again, 88! Sounds amazing. It always surprises me how everyone seems to have their own little part to play in this exploration that we do.

great, bravo !! very inspiring indeed. I can't wait to go back...

AMAZING

thank you for this report.

It has touched me deeply :]

These spaces are so strange...I am blown away more and more with every report I read!

Thanks for reading it, Stevo - good to hear the experience resonates with you.

It's always been a very important aspect of this path for me; to share the experience, the knowledge, the wonder - in this strange world of ours, we go to the furthest reaches of Withinity, and what we find is inexplicable; there are few people I can talk to about it, and this is the value of the Nexus for me.

namaste

You hilarious guy!

Need to know policy does not get broken by the way, hehe.

Also, the "she" entity guiding you through the coils is the one you need to follow. The "he" entity is a distraction.

88- there are no words to convey exactly HOW MUCH i understand where you are and what you're going through. i will say that you are such a wonderful writer and your reports are such a blessing and joy to read. i cannot thank you enough for your presence and profound gifts of insight here on this forum. you are helping us all tremendously!!

and now to the 'focus'....

the exploration of these alternate dimensions that exist concurrent with our own- they take a lot to truly access! the obvious first steps required are to be able to let go of the dimension we are most familiar with...our own. this alone takes so much discipline and commitment. yoga, meditation, binaural tone work, spice itself....they are all ways of learning how to let go and enter an empty field where we are most clearly able to go elsewhere.

it is no stretch of the imagination to consider that our initial challenges that take place in hyperspace are the result of showing up with a little bit of home in tow. i've even caught myself saying, "i'm sorry i brought my self along"...during a few journeys where the path was curtailed. the upside is- it's quite obvious to us when we return exactly what prevented us from going further.

here's one cool thing about the spirit molecule: as much as it is a trans-dimensional conduit system, it is also an amazing potentiator of work in THIS dimension as well. what i mean by this is, say you really need to learn how to focus and not attach to anything....well....you can (in this world) practice meditation. well guess what? you can also practice the exact same thing while in hyperspace!

try it some time! it will completely change your relationship with spice....in the most profound way you could dream of. i call it Deep Meditation Therapy. essentially, you sit upright in an aligned meditative posture. this allows the energy in your body to rise up through the meridians/chakras. focus on your breathing and allow your eyes to half-close and almost cross in relaxation. when you are in a deep state of stillness, take your hits and maintain your posture and your third-eye focus.

when hyperspace jimjam comes flying at you like a cosmic spider-monkey flinging doodoo, simply find the center of it all and allow nothing to distract you. you will be astounded by what happens next....

more 'things' than you ever imagined will come forth. and though you are not giving any of them direct attention, you will 'be' all of them in a way that supercedes simple visual experience. it is as if 'looking' at a thing is a way for the mind to begin it's process of analysis, categorization, comparison, judgement and separation from self. in other words, i have started to see that 'seeing' with the eyes is not the same as 'being' with the third eye.

i have had my deepest contacts while working this way. it takes massive amounts of energy to resist the spectacle and the awe that hyperspace can 'show' you.

....but, like a child caught up in the visual wonderment of a toy store, if you can pull your eyes back into your skull and focus for a second you'll find your mom is standing right in front of you with a brand new bicycle ready to teach you how to ride it...

WITH LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!