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My Death, part II Options
 
gibran2
#1 Posted : 3/5/2010 2:25:02 PM

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It has been my understanding (and experience) that too much DMT too fast simply causes unconsciousness or amnesia. The experience is not remembered, or only chaotic bits and pieces can be recalled. Not too long ago, I learned that this isn’t necessarily true:

I prepared as I usually do: I took about 10mg of THH sublingually about 30 minutes before loading 28mg of DMT into my new GVG. These are average doses for me (35mg is a definite blackout dose). In my limited experience with the GVG, it seems nearly impossible to burn DMT, so I was aggressive with the lighter and was able to inhale the full dose in 10-12 seconds. I’ve never come close to inhaling that much that quickly, and before exhaling the dose, I knew that this would be different.

The experience that followed was unlike any prior DMT experience I’ve had. The brilliance, the brightness, and the beauty were almost unbearable. Patterns of light and color as bright as the sun, a geometry and patterns of movement I’ve never seen before. So overwhelmingly beautiful. This experience was so unlike any prior DMT experience that it didn’t even seem like a DMT experience to me.

It was as different from a “typical” DMT breakthrough experience as a typical DMT breakthrough is from everyday reality. Shockingly different from all previous experiences. Something totally new, and orders of magnitude beyond what I had ever experienced before. And keep in mind that I’ve had some very powerful, deeply transcendent experiences.

My mind was perfectly clear during all of this, there wasn’t any ego loss, I had perfect awareness and clarity of what was going on around me, and I soon began thinking that this couldn’t be a DMT experience. It was just too different. “So if this isn’t a DMT experience, then what is it?” And then I had a perfectly logical, awful realization: I died. I knew that the DMT didn’t/couldn’t kill me directly, but I thought I must have had a heart attack or a stroke or something (I’m almost 50, and heart disease runs in my family, so it wasn’t out of the question.) I’m not talking about metaphorical death or psychological death or ego-death (in fact, my ego was perfectly intact). I was certain that what I was experiencing is what one experiences under only one circumstance – physical, real death.

“I’ve died. I’VE DIED. It finally happened. So this is what dying is like… It’s so beautiful, and so alien. But I wasn’t expecting this. What a stupid way to die… I accidentally killed myself. They’ll find me lying on my bed with my DMT pipe beside me. They don’t even know I use DMT. What an awful way to die. I’m not ready to go. I’m not ready… This is all so strange and so beautiful. I miss my family and friends. I miss my dog. I’m just not ready. I miss my life.”

We all think about our mortality at some points in our lives, and we all realize that someday we’ll die. Those who believe that the mind/spirit lives on may even imagine what the experience of dying, or rather being recently dead, is like. And now I knew.

There was never any fear, but soon a deep sadness set in. A profound sense of loss. A feeling that my life wasn’t yet complete. Knowing that I’ll never see the world again. Saying goodbye was so hard. And all the while, the experience kept revealing more and more of it’s horrible beauty. And the utter strangeness of it all – far beyond the complete strangeness and “alien-ness” of DMT as I understood it – did nothing to refute my belief that I had died.

part III - a difficult rebirth (coming soon)
gibran2 is a fictional character. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
 

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kushlover
#2 Posted : 3/6/2010 1:03:51 AM
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Wonderful write-up! Looking forward to the next episode.
 
ragabr
#3 Posted : 3/6/2010 2:59:14 AM

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Beautiful gibran, thank you!
PK Dick is to LSD as HP Lovecraft is to Mushrooms
 
gibran2
#4 Posted : 3/6/2010 4:03:36 PM

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Thanks for reading. I really had to get it out.

That single experience is one of the reasons I’ve joined this forum.
gibran2 is a fictional character. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
 
thewinningtaste
#5 Posted : 6/21/2010 9:15:19 AM

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i know to an extent where this is coming from. i will be posting my first trip with spice, blastin straight off to "hyperspace" and the void of the sadness of singular non existance. im still spining from 5 am this morning when i died in that hippie commune on vashon. i want to type it out, but i got alot to say slash figure out before i ask for some opinions.
the time that we kill keeps us alive
 
skinwalker
#6 Posted : 6/22/2010 6:06:18 PM

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i had a similiar experience but what bothers me is that while I thought i had died. i was more curious about the afterlife than i was about my current life... i really dont want to die yet, but i never thought about my friends and family and never felt a loss other than SHIT i really messed up and wonder what the hell just happened to me and how did i die? (i was so ego erased i forgot i even had smoked dmt!!... i just knew this familiar state was death).
 
gibran2
#7 Posted : 6/22/2010 6:17:28 PM

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I had pre-dosed with sublingual THH, and this brought perfect mental clarity and no loss of ego. Going through an experience like that with your ego fully intact is rough.
gibran2 is a fictional character. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
 
Felnik
#8 Posted : 6/22/2010 6:51:45 PM

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very deep experience thanks for sharing . fascinating
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
Arthur C. Clarke


http://vimeo.com/32001208
 
sesshin
#9 Posted : 6/22/2010 8:14:09 PM

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thanks for sharing. I too have had a similar experience. the thing that struck me the most was how familiar it was, an overwhelming sense of returning to the original source.
 
corpus callosum
#10 Posted : 6/23/2010 7:36:41 AM

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Nice report Gibran2!

I have also had an experience which seemed to be beyond the normal breakthrough experience by some way.Like your good self this was achieved by blitzing the dose (40-45mg) in one breath, but without harmala-augmentation.

My memories are sketchy in the main but I personally didnt feel it was death-like;in fact the place it sent me to seemed unbearably vibrant and alive.

The closest I have come to thinking I was dead was on a particularly challenging LSD trip and also once on Ketamine IM.Certainly on the LSD I think the concept that I had died was reached due to the duration of the trip; I had tried to explain it to myself in all possible ways before concluding that I had died.

Interestingly, on that trip, once I had accepted I had died the psychological torment eased leaving a feeling of acceptance of having screwed myself up beyond return.
I am paranoid of my brain. It thinks all the time, even when I'm asleep. My thoughts assail me. Murderous lechers they are. Thought is the assassin of thought. Like a man stabbing himself with one hand while the other hand tries to stop the blade. Like an explosion that destroys the detonator. I am paranoid of my brain. It makes me unsettled and ill at ease. Makes me chase my tail, freezes my eyes and shuts me down. Watches me. Eats my head. It destroys me.

 
live
#11 Posted : 7/1/2010 6:11:00 PM

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Many thanks for sharing, gibran2.

Just like SWIY, SWIM used his GVG and has managed to vaporize a great amount of spice at once. As you know, GVG produces very smooth and pleasant vapor. But this time the vapor was so dense, so white, the lungs were burning! This must have been an awesome dose.

SWIM was alone lying on his bed. No guide came to welcome SWIM and to take him to some world, there were no patterns, no geometries, no light, and SWIM decided to open his eyes. He recognized his room which looked strange enough but still recognizable. Every objects still had their color but looked metallic. Then he looked at his physical body and was deeply shocked: it looked liquid and in process of dissolving.

He has heard about the theory of parallel universe, that there are infinite numbers of versions of the physical reality. At this point SWIM started to worry that he might get lost in the parallel universe and returned to some wrong version of it. The environment looked like his room but was terrifically silent! He decided to stand up and to walk around still worrying. Then, he came to the terrifying conclusion that he has physically died! That his relatives will find his body dead and the GVG close to him; now he is a ghost running around in the fake version of the world that looked like the one he lived in.

Just like gibran2 described, SWIM started to realize once again what a valuable gift the life is/was, how much fun it is to be solid (in contrast to liquid) and to go his path slowly manifesting the desired goals. SWIM was sad that he will never see his family, his friends. He started to sort of cry (not really crying with tears dropping but an intense feeling of helplessnes) and ask the world to return him back to his dimension. He touched the walls, the floor which still felt liquid and gummy validating that SWIM is not in his world. He asked to experience solid reality again, please please please! SWIM wants to live, he is not done yet! There is so much more for him to experience! He lied down on the floor praying, and the floor started to solidify.

SWIM was about 20 minutes in an altered state or in another dimension but it felt like hours. After he came back he remained lying on the floor feeling sencere and deep gratitude for being alive and beathing and feeling. Few minutes after, he has got a call from his business project manager. SWIM was amazed that he was acting normal and could focus and answer his questions appropriately, still having the intense horror trip in mind.

After the call, which by the way was a pleasant confirmation that SWIM was in the right world, SWIM remained sitting still in a chair for half of an hour contemplating.
Life is a mystery. Enjoy every moment of it.
Do not try to figure it out.
 
voodoobutter
#12 Posted : 7/1/2010 6:47:08 PM
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Scary how similar these themes are. I had an amazing one-year run with the spice - glorious, loving colorful breakthrough after breakthrough. Then out of the blue, successive "dying" breakthroughs. Just being squashed to a cosmic dust or the feeling of physically being transported away. I used to smoke in isolation in a small, dark bathroom in our basement but that turned into what felt like a prison during one breakthrough. Couldn't form words or recognize the room dimly lit by a candle, body felt like rubber, etc.

Is it time to go?
 
live
#13 Posted : 7/2/2010 6:26:24 PM

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Quote:
Is it time to go?


This is something SWIM has asked himself too!

- - - -

At some point it felt like SWIM has figured out life, and there was no point anymore to stay in the physical dimension. SWIM should let go of life, set him free!

There are theories concerning the year 2012, which tell that we are about to go to the next evolutionary step and become more developed, more connected... At some point it felt like SWIM does not need the development through life anymore and go to this next step right now, which implies, however, physical death in this dimension.

But he was worried about his family and friends finding him dead, that he will not experience life anymore... Besides, while not religious, he has heard of the idea that one can come to God father only through Jesus, the son. So, if the end of the world comes, the physical world will dissolve and we all will have to let go and decide through which we want to be guided into the new world.

- - - -

At another point it felt like SWIM have been deluded by the devil. He was seduced by peculiar worlds and started to find them more interesting than his physical world. The universe have picked up this idea, this thought of SWIM and took him to live in these peculiar hyperspace worlds forever. This interpretation is inspired by "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" - if you watch the film, you will know what idea SWIM is trying to express.

- - - -

Last but not least, there is one more theory to consider. This theory might hold the key for SWIM and possible for others! It is about intentions of SWIM and his motivation to take DMT in the first place. He wanted to know thyself, to understand his environment better. SWIM has ambitious goals in his life and now knows that he must go towards them slowly with discipline and decree. He must enjoy the process and trust that the world will supports him.

At some point he has gotten a thought after a trip that he had enough and should take a break until a specific date tight to measurable results to be achieved in the physical world. SWIM met an agreement with himself to not trip anymore until he achieves these goals. He must learn to go in faith and to work disciplined. It is all about building a resourceful environment to implement ideas faster SWIM may receive from the hyperspace. Otherwise there is no point in traveling to other worlds for mere entertainment just like watching a funny clips on YouTube.

Out of boredom, SWIM broke this agreement one time. The dose was not very strong and SWIM got a short horror flash. However, SWIM has understood this as warning reminding him of his agreement; he has not reached the goals by far yet!
A week later, the emotions about the horror flash faded away. SWIM theorized that he was just in a wrong mood... And, out of boredom, SWIM decided to allow himself a deep hyperspace experience, meaning he has broken his agreement for the second time despite the warning!!! This has resulted in the unforgettable, shocking horror trip SWIM ever experienced.

From this point of view, it looks like the guide of SWIM decided to deeply scare him for the sake of discipline and to humble him. He have been warned but have not taken the warning seriously. This time he has experienced his own death, which taught SWIM to value the slow pace of his life and to enjoy it. And, more importantly, to hold on to the agreement he has made with himself.


Life is a mystery. Enjoy every moment of it.
Do not try to figure it out.
 
live
#14 Posted : 7/3/2010 4:29:57 PM

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Still contemplating on his last experience SWIM remembered his friend experiencing something similar he reported here long ago:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...spx?g=posts&t=11618

The difference is that SWIM was travelling alone, while his friend had SWIM as a sitter who told him over and over again that he is not dead... It looks more and more like SWIM has travelled too far and too unprepared.
Life is a mystery. Enjoy every moment of it.
Do not try to figure it out.
 
Geines
#15 Posted : 10/5/2011 5:49:29 PM
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I know what you mean. The first time I thought I was going to die, by sleep paralysis (not even drug related), so many thoughts of people and things still to do in this world emerged. It's amazing how your view on the life changes just when you think you're about to lose it.
 
gibran2
#16 Posted : 10/5/2011 6:05:48 PM

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Geines wrote:
I know what you mean. The first time I thought I was going to die, by sleep paralysis (not even drug related), so many thoughts of people and things still to do in this world emerged. It's amazing how your view on the life changes just when you think you're about to lose it.

You’re resurrecting one of my first posts here at the Nexus. Wink

A bit of clarification: I didn’t think I was dying or about to die. I thought I had already died. There’s quite a difference in that fine distinction.

When about to die or dying, there is still (perhaps) a glimmer of hope that one has a chance to live. But when one believes he has died, there is no such hope of return.
gibran2 is a fictional character. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
 
Geines
#17 Posted : 10/5/2011 9:39:04 PM
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True, but I was paralyzed and could hardly breath or cry for help, so I was pretty sure I was going to die. If I was awake after dying I'm sure I would've had the same thoughts, or maybe focused on what kind of afterlife I was in.
 
smokerx
#18 Posted : 10/5/2011 11:31:13 PM

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First of all nice write up, I really enjoyed reading it

Secondly
gibran2 wrote:
What a stupid way to die… I accidentally killed myself. They’ll find me lying on my bed with my DMT pipe beside me.


this really made me laugh , thank you for that Smile

and lastly is THH extract from B.Cappi?
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.

*********

We are all living in our own feces.
 
gibran2
#19 Posted : 10/6/2011 12:49:10 AM

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smokerx wrote:
First of all nice write up, I really enjoyed reading it

Secondly
gibran2 wrote:
What a stupid way to die… I accidentally killed myself. They’ll find me lying on my bed with my DMT pipe beside me.


this really made me laugh , thank you for that Smile

and lastly is THH extract from B.Cappi?

The THH was a commercial product that, it turns out, is probably not THH at all, but rather just harmine/harmaline.
gibran2 is a fictional character. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental.
 
Purges
#20 Posted : 3/14/2012 2:31:56 PM

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I have had a couple of experiences like this. They can either be extremely unnerving or quite liberating, I have had both. Being dead isn't necessarily a bad thing Pleased
Lose Control, Free My Soul, Break Me Open, Make Me Whole.
"DMT kicked my balls off" - od3
 
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