I got a question to others, as I would like to see if I am alone with this.
First a little bit of context. My life turned kind of rough over the last year. A lot of things have changed which resulted in a lot of sadness, depression and a general feeling of hopelessness. I desperately wanted things to be how they were.
I started out my journey with DMT a few years ago, mostly out of curiosity. I was usually in a good mind set when doing it. I enjoyed the sense of exploration and adventure I got when going on my journeys.
Then my general life situation suddenly changed, leaving me with the feelings mentioned above. I can remember wondering how much longer I can take this. Up to this point my life has been quite enjoyable. Ending my life wasn't and isn't an option as I got responsibilities in this world. I also know better days will come and I might see the positive in what I am going through at the moment.
But there certainly was a moment I felt so sad and hopeless that I didn't know how to continue. How to stay functional in order to go on.
This is when I decided to use the last bit of enhanced leave I had at that time. I didn't weigh it but it must have been about 80mg 1/1, so about 40mg freebase. A dose I usually would be anxious about, but in that moment I didn't care much.
I think I vaporized it quite effectively, the smoke has been quite smooth. I closed my eyes waiting to exhale till patterns started to emerge. It came on much stronger than I was used to. For a brief moment I felt the urge to open my eyes, jump up and run away from the experience. Of course I knew that wouldn't have helped, so I breathed and tried to surrender.
A few seconds later I have transitioned over completely. I ended up at a place that I can still picture in detail to this day and it has been about a year since that experience.
I don't want to go too much into detail as this isn't really meant to be a trip report, but some details are important. In that place I have been told that I am doing well. That I am a good person, husband and father and that I should continue walking my path in life. I have been told everything will turn out okay.
When I came out of that experience I felt so much better, as if a switch in my head has been flipped. The feeling of hope had been restored and the deep sense of sadness had been replaced with a feeling of gratefulness. I literally was on my knees, tears running down my face, saying "thank you, thank you, thank you".
Of course this experience hasn't solved my problems, but it provided me with strength to go on and work on a solution.
DMT has been a gift for me during the carefree days of my life, but really proven to be a ray of light during darker days.
So I wonder, has anyone had a similar experience?