Hi, first time listener,
Recently took my first dmt trip
I loaded around 50mg of spice into oil burner
Definitely didn’t smoke all of it but this was my experience:
I took my first drag, really nervous, and immediately regretted it. I had that ‘pulling’ sensation, like I was going into a new reality and oh god I had made such a huge mistake.
I went for a second hit…barely got one in before i set things down and whoooo just blasted off
It’s weird because I truly resisted as much as I could (not really by choice??), my mind just basically screaming ‘f******** nononono” as I was pulled in. I saw the living room i was in start to get funky reeeeeally quick. I knew I was about to blast out and just felt pure terror that I had chosen to done this. The feeling was me being depressed, and getting emotionally cracked open, and blasted into the spirit realm. It was painful, terrifying, and so so shocking. Almost like I was at the basement floor in a building and getting in an elevator and shooting up past ground level into…i don’t know
I realized I was a really young soul, like not just as the time spent as this human, but in general, I was new, fresh. And that where I was going, I was not prepared for, and I had no business being there. Almost like being a kid at your parents work building. Like i’m not supposed to be here right now.
At this point honestly I thought I was in for the worst trip ever. Like I’ve so far done everything wrong.
That’s when the ‘waiting room’ opened up. It was magical, glittery, it was reality showing me truth. It would be here for the rest of the trip. It was cube like, with the same steps I had seen, and a center column shaped like an eaten apple core. I remembered ‘oh yeah i gotta look for entities!”
There was one humanoid, purple, glittery, shining right in front of me, facing. This is where language fails me, but it reached out and touched my heart. I recognized it as trying to heal me. It was trying to heal me.
The trip faded after that, the reality getting more and more transparent with every blink. this must have been only a couple minutes long.
Yeah i just cried for an hour after, did a painting of my vision. The entity was trying to heal me. I expected hate, I expected shame, I expected unrelenting horrors….
…and I was met with love, i was cared for,
it has fundamentally changed my life to experience that. I realized I had always expected the universe to hate on me, punish me, for it to be a dangerous and scary place, expecting the worst. And I was met with caring, I was loved. I cried and cried.
This trip just ripped me open from the core of my being. I feel like I’ve downloaded an important info packet I was missing to really experience life as it is. I know now that we are all one, there is nothing to fear in death. You always hear people saying ‘you only have one life better make the best of it!” and I really used to push myself into things I hated just for the sake of ‘living’. Being hard on myself because I’m not doing all i can to make this one life the best i can. It was exhausting. And now I feel completely relieved from that. I don’t fear an unlived life. It’s a miracle i’m here, I could enjoy existence even if I were trapped in room my whole life. The very fact of being alive, that we are formed consciousness from stardust, that stardust is also us…yeah I get it. I get it.
It’s like my compass has been righted. I feel whole. Thanks for reading, I’m just sharing, I would like to try again sometime soon but I feel like I don’t need to for years. I may go again in a few weeks (it’s been about a month from writing this).