So I smoked DMT again last year for the first time in 5 years, had a great experience, not overly visual but very cleansing. I've taken multiple psychedelics regularly in that 5 years, the most earth-shattering trip was one that happened about 3 years ago now.
A few friends had come over and we decided to take some acid. This was nothing new, we did this a lot, tonight though we decided to take 2 tabs. We'd been working our way through a batch of a few hundred tabs of Amsterdam sunshine acid and we felt it was time to take it up a notch. The problem being that we had run out of the Amsterdam stuff, our friend had got some new stuff. We would normally test the waters first but it was called California sunshine acid, it has sunshine in it, must be the same.. big mistake! Turns out the California shit was a lot stronger. I knew coming up on the 2 tabs that we were all in trouble, one of my friends thought he was dying and we were there to say goodbye to him, another was wondering around staring at walls, the rest of us were sitting there trying to focus on not having a breakdown. As it go closer to the peak, our consciousness seemed to unify, I remember feeling massive, my left arm was over the other side of the room to my right and we were all talking to each other like 'what the hell have we done' and 'how is this happening'. We talked openly about it as it was happening. Everyone else claims they don't remember it now but I've actually had two of them confess to me while tripping that it definitely happened. It's like they're blocking it out now, it's very strange. Anyway, at the peak of the trip I remember existing as a sound wave for what felt like an eternity, in reality it was about 2 hours but it was probably the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me, even weirder I'd say than any of my DMT trips. When I was coming down, I felt like I was a God floating on a cloud, when I moved I was floating not walking. Later in the come down I got stuck in a time loop (happens from time to time on acid) where I was lying down with my girlfriend, I'd close my eyes and every time I'd open them, I was experiencing the same moment over and over again. I felt like I was trapped and I couldn't get out of it but eventually I fell asleep.
When I woke up the next day we all in hell, the house was trashed and we were all pretty messed up. Everything was very hazy but I remembered something I was doing at one point in the night that was really bizarre, I was trying to think myself out of existence. I was actively trying to come up with a thought experiment that could make reality and me disappear for good. Why? I wasn't sure! Since that night I have thought about it a lot and I have come to a strange conclusion.
I already believed that we were all one consciousness, call this God, the Universe, whatever makes you happy. It immerses itself in this experience as us and I used to believe this was for it's entertainment but I've come to think that we serve a much more important purpose to it. It doesn't know why it exists and it doesn't want to exist anymore, it wants to think itself out of existence but so far it hasn't managed to do it alone. By creating multiple beings to experience and learn from, it multiplies the chances of being able to do this greatly. It's a strange thought but I can't shake this feeling that that is our purpose. Our maybe I've just fried my brain
Who knows?