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I disrespected ketamine and paid for it Options
 
Nydex
#1 Posted : 2/17/2019 4:36:11 PM

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Hello my dear light beings...

Before I begin, let it be known that I acknowledge that what I did was not okay, and I paid the price for it. The lesson was learned well.

I have some experience with insufflated ketamine, and the most I had done prior to this was 140mg, which yielded a beautiful, mindblowing experience just 3 weeks ago. I was contacted by some sort of entity that called me to the jungle and assured me my path is true to myself.

This time I went in with 150mg, insufflated. The reason why I say I disrespected the substance is because I didn't go in with a clear intent, and did not prepare myself properly. My headspace was not clear. It might sound ridiculous to some people, but a large portion of what I was about to experience had to do with a video game I had played the last 3 days, called Apex Legends (a shooter where basically a bunch of people drop into a huge area and the idea is to be the last one alive).

I divided the 150mg into two parts - one 90 and one 60. In went the 90, and then 5 minutes later the 60. As I started losing grip of reality, I realized that leaving the window open is a bad idea, but it was too late to get up and close it. Same goes for my PC, which was on at that time.

The outside noise, combined with the noise my PC makes, got amplified and distorted greatly, as is expected with K. I tried focusing my mind on the questions that bothered me (mainly if I should change my job now or wait it out), but slowly I realized this time it wasn't as easy to control my thoughts as last time. Soon I found out the latter was a major, major understatement.

I started losing control over my focus and my mind started racing through many subjects, but most prominently the game I mentioned. I was forcefully thrusted into the mentioned huge area with many other people, and it was a battle for my life. I had no clear hallucinations, but the feeling was exactly that. I recognized it immediately, and tried to dismiss it, and to ground myself that I am in my bed, on ketamine, and there is no "zone" (the area in this game is referred to like that). Sadly I soon realized my mind was being forced into believing I am in fact inside the zone. A sense of worry and distress took over completely. Fear spread it's tentacles and grabbed me firmly.

Over and over again I tried to dismiss this feeling and resurface to take a breath of calmness, and I only succeeded so for a split second before submerging back into this hellish digital realm. I tried just letting go several times and breathing deeply, but a sense of intensifying distress was taking over immediately. I was looking for a way to crack the code and transfer myself into a different plain of imagination. Somewhere nicer, with no enemies and threats. I did not succeed.

Approximately an hour into the experience (my wildest guess), the usual for ketamine body tremors started. Their frequency and intensity kept rising until it was an all-consuming vibration that took over my entire being. My body and mind were vibrating with an extremely high frequency. It was unpleasant, to say the least. Then I felt something that I had never felt in my previous ketamine experiences - my hands were paralyzed in an unnatural position. I tried squeezing my fists but felt the tension and resistance. I forced myself to focus my vision on my right palm and I saw it clenched in a very unnatural, deformed way. Cold sweat all over the body, with partial paralysis all around.

A thought of me vomiting and suffocating in my own vomit crossed my mind, as I've heard people have purged from ketamine. I immediately took over the recovery position. My entire body was shivering and vibrating in an extremely unpleasant way. I felt like I was lying on one of those industrial construction vibrating plate machines they use to flatten gravel out - it was almost painful. I apologized a hundred times in my mind, as I was unable to actually speak (my mouth and face were numb, and I could feel my face muscles, especially those around my mouth, clenched and paralyzed in an equally unnatural way as my hands were).

"Please, please, please, don't kill me...I'll never do that again. I promise. Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me."

That was on repeat in my mind for a good 5 minutes, and then I slowly started feeling my hands again. After a few more minutes I could move them. In 5 minutes they were not paralyzed anymore, just completely numb and cold. 30 minutes later I shakily wobbled to the toilet and took a piss while wondering why am I such an idiot...


I know exactly why this game had such a strong presence in my trip - it's because I had procrastinated other stuff to play it. I hadn't learned almost any Spanish in the last 2 days. Hardly any exercise. The weather outside was fantastic, and I was stuck to my stupid game at home. I was letting my focus shift away from the important things to the unimportant ones. Running away from responsibility and the dull reality of life in the metropolis...

"I thought you wanted to play the game, huh?! HERE - PLAY IT REAL GOOD...ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? IS THAT FAR ENOUGH FROM REALITY FOR YOU?!"...That's what I got out of this ketamine experience. It really showed me that if I let myself get consumed by trivial and non-important things then I shall pay a price for that. It also reminded me that I should be eternally grateful for being alive (as I was after resurfacing from the depths of confusion and oddity). It reminded me that my body will be here only for a short amount of time, and that I should spend that time with things that give meaning to my existence. Things that expand my perspective and help me be a better version of myself.

This is the first time I approach ketamine so immaturely and irresponsibly, and is definitely the last time too. It was an extremely frightening and unpleasant experience that I don't want to have ever again.

If there's one thing to take from all of this - respect the substance. You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to the substance. It will break you down and show you what you did wrong. It might be in a very vague and indirect way, as was this one, but it may very well be as direct as telling you in your face.

I have a newfound respect for ketamine. The pure bliss I had experienced 3 weeks prior is in polar contrast with this dark and unpleasant experience. I am constantly reminded that the balance must be kept.

With humbled gratitude and love,
Nydex
Break free from the chains of your beliefs. It is only then that you may find a moment of blissful stillness amidst the raging storm. Stay awhile and listen. The winds of truth shall fill your sails, and the oceans of hidden and long forgotten knowledge, ancient as the cosmos itself, will be yours to explore.
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O, supreme beings of the higher realms, allow me to venture into your dimensions. I come with love and with harmony. I bring no hatred and carry no malevolence in my soul. I come to learn and to grow. Show me your world and gift me some of your knowledge. Ask me, and I shall answer with honesty; hug me, and I shall hug you back; advise me, and I shall follow your wisdom. Heal me from my fear and give me insight. There is little I can offer back but my love and trust. O, supreme beings of the higher realms... I am yours.
 

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KloudQ7
#2 Posted : 2/17/2019 6:58:10 PM

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Ketamine often makes me feel ashamed about being messy or lazy, it's one of the things I like about it actually. It helps me treat myself and everything in my life with a deeper sense of respect. I get the best antidepressant effects when using 50-100 mg twice a week.
 
0_o
#3 Posted : 2/17/2019 11:11:03 PM

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Excessive doses don't just endanger people, they kill.
 
FranLover
#4 Posted : 2/17/2019 11:27:12 PM

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Sounds like you learned something important.
Le deseo suerte en sus futuros viajes!
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Todo lo que quiero es que me recuerdes siempre así...amándote. Mantay kuna kayadidididi~~Ayahuasca shamudididi. Silence ○ Shiva ◇ eternal Purusha.
What we have done is establish the rule of authority in silence. Silence is the administrator of the universe. In silence is the script of Natural Law, eternally guiding the destiny of everyone. The Joy of Giving See the job. Do the job. Stay out of the misery.
May this world be established with a sense of well-being and happiness. May all beings in all worlds be blessed with peace, contentment, and freedom.
This mass of stress visible in the here & now has sensuality for its reason, sensuality for its source, sensuality for its cause, the reason being simply sensuality.
 
No Knowing
#5 Posted : 2/21/2019 2:04:53 AM

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Pros call it Regretamine.

I don't recommend it at all for experiences like you described, too easy to get carried away in short or long-term.

Many other substances with WAY less insidiously addictive qualities.
In the province of the mind what one believes to be true, either is true or becomes true within certain limits. These limits are to be found experimentally and experientially. When so found these limits turn out to be further beliefs to be transcended. In the province of the mind there are no limits. However, in the province of the body there are definite limits not to be transcended.-J.C. Lilly
The Spice must flow
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benzyme
#6 Posted : 2/21/2019 2:33:36 AM

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PCP almost killed me. Ket is its cute kid sister, methoxetamine its little brother. Either of them can be quite habit-forming. Yes, respect them.
"Nothing is true, everything is permitted." ~ hassan i sabbah
"Experiments are the only means of attaining knowledge at our disposal. The rest is poetry, imagination." -Max Planck
 
Nydex
#7 Posted : 2/21/2019 12:43:12 PM

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No Knowing wrote:
Pros call it Regretamine.

I don't recommend it at all for experiences like you described, too easy to get carried away in short or long-term.

Many other substances with WAY less insidiously addictive qualities.


Yes, 'regretamine' fits quite well to the experience I had. What other substances from this class would you recommend, other than DXM of course?

benzyme wrote:
PCP almost killed me. Ket is its cute kid sister, methoxetamine its little brother. Either of them can be quite habit-forming. Yes, respect them.


Lesson learned well, benzyme. I've never had pure PCP, but I've tried two of its derivatives - 3-MeO-PCP and 3-HO-PCP. The methoxy one felt better, but once I did 25mg and it was uncomfortably intensive. Haven't dabbled with them since. I wish I could try PCP too, as I've read so much about it. It has been somewhat antagonized by the media, and I've seen many videos of people going full insanity mode on it, attacking other people and wrecking havoc to their immediate surroundings. I have no idea how much truth there is in those depictions, but I'm always curious to try new stuff.

Take care. Love
Break free from the chains of your beliefs. It is only then that you may find a moment of blissful stillness amidst the raging storm. Stay awhile and listen. The winds of truth shall fill your sails, and the oceans of hidden and long forgotten knowledge, ancient as the cosmos itself, will be yours to explore.
Quote:
O, supreme beings of the higher realms, allow me to venture into your dimensions. I come with love and with harmony. I bring no hatred and carry no malevolence in my soul. I come to learn and to grow. Show me your world and gift me some of your knowledge. Ask me, and I shall answer with honesty; hug me, and I shall hug you back; advise me, and I shall follow your wisdom. Heal me from my fear and give me insight. There is little I can offer back but my love and trust. O, supreme beings of the higher realms... I am yours.
 
No Knowing
#8 Posted : 2/27/2019 1:50:12 PM

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Forget this class and focus on time tested psyches like LSD, mushrooms, cannabis, cacti, other herbs and animal products.

In all my years in the psychedelic scene I have only scene these compounds seduce and then ruin the art, minds, bodies and/or souls of its heavy users.

1.)Its either the people who use it once in a long while [couple times a year at most] that don't have a problem with it.

2.)People who don't use it.

3.)People who fall into its traps and then have a nasty experience that causes months, years, or permanent damage. Then it becomes...

Regretamine

And the people I've met who have maintained a habit for many years are strange and unsettling to behold.


Seriously not worth it when there are so many safer psychs physically that don't warp the entire psyche into a seductive escapist experience.
In the province of the mind what one believes to be true, either is true or becomes true within certain limits. These limits are to be found experimentally and experientially. When so found these limits turn out to be further beliefs to be transcended. In the province of the mind there are no limits. However, in the province of the body there are definite limits not to be transcended.-J.C. Lilly
The Spice must flow
Zat was Zen and dis is Dao.
 
Nydex
#9 Posted : 2/27/2019 5:11:02 PM

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I see what you mean, but overindulging yourself in any substance ruins the art and beauty of it and eventually turns you into a confused, hopeless husk - a pitiful shell of your former self. It doesn't matter if it's ketamine, cocaine, LSA or whatever else.

I myself have had beautiful experiences on ketamine, and I've come out of them borderline crying from happiness and bliss. You reap what you sow man. Every time I've went into the K-Hole with respect and proper intent, I've had astounding, mysterious and captivating experiences. I went in the wrong way once, and I paid the respective price for that.

Just like Hamilton Morris, I do believe that people are often too quick to point their finger at the substance itself and not at the user. Ketamine has saved the lives and sanity of thousands of people, and technically we're still just halfway (at best) in our understanding of the way it works on our minds. I don't see it as a culprit. On the contrary - I kind of see it like a twisted, warped and very, very peculiar mirror that we take a sneak peek into. Whatever you are and give - the same you shall be transformed in and get.

Hope that makes sense. Be well. Love
Break free from the chains of your beliefs. It is only then that you may find a moment of blissful stillness amidst the raging storm. Stay awhile and listen. The winds of truth shall fill your sails, and the oceans of hidden and long forgotten knowledge, ancient as the cosmos itself, will be yours to explore.
Quote:
O, supreme beings of the higher realms, allow me to venture into your dimensions. I come with love and with harmony. I bring no hatred and carry no malevolence in my soul. I come to learn and to grow. Show me your world and gift me some of your knowledge. Ask me, and I shall answer with honesty; hug me, and I shall hug you back; advise me, and I shall follow your wisdom. Heal me from my fear and give me insight. There is little I can offer back but my love and trust. O, supreme beings of the higher realms... I am yours.
 
SHroomtroll
#10 Posted : 4/28/2019 7:05:05 PM

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Ketamine is not to be taken lightly, it has alot of potential but also alot destructive power.
I would not recommend anyone to take it unless they are willing to risc it ruining their life, however for those who have a strong will and discipline.

It can be used to see beyond the ego and download ancient knowledge beyond the realm of earth, i have seen many things on it that only made sense many years later.
However most of the trips were pure madness and it has caused me great despair.

But it has in the end made me a better person and given me lessons that no other teacher provided.
 
moyshekapoyre
#11 Posted : 8/2/2019 8:41:55 AM
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Nydex wrote:
No Knowing wrote:


[quote=benzyme]PCP almost killed me. Ket is its cute kid sister, methoxetamine its little brother. Either of them can be quite habit-forming. Yes, respect them.


Lesson learned well, benzyme. I've never had pure PCP, but I've tried two of its derivatives - 3-MeO-PCP and 3-HO-PCP. The methoxy one felt better, but once I did 25mg and it was uncomfortably intensive. Haven't dabbled with them since. I wish I could try PCP too, as I've read so much about it. It has been somewhat antagonized by the media, and I've seen many videos of people going full insanity mode on it, attacking other people and wrecking havoc to their immediate surroundings. I have no idea how much truth there is in those depictions, but I'm always curious to try new stuff.

Take care. Love



OMG. OMG OMG. What. The. Heck.

Your attitude is so incredibly disrespectful and irresponsible yet you say you've learned the lesson well? Benzyme just told you. PCP almost killed him. Now you are saying you want to see how it is? See if maybe you go crazy and kill people?

You sound like a dangerous narcissist. I really hope you get therapy before you really do kill someone for the fun of it.
 
twitchy
#12 Posted : 8/2/2019 9:27:27 AM

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I was given ketamine during a spinal surgery and apparently it was it was either administered improperly or the anesthesiologist didn't listen to me when I assured him I had a very high tolerance, but either way I apparently woke up during the procedure and ended up in some kind of struggle with the surgeons that I have no memory of. The post-op nurse said I was screaming something about aliens and had to be put back under. Interestingly though, the hospital apparently 'lost me' for about two hours during the procedure so maybe I was 'abducted'... Shocked
I haven't tried Ketamine in any sort of recreational sense, and after hearing my story about what happened during my surgery, I'm not terribly sure I want to either.

Thought this was interesting...
https://www.psychologyto...-the-ketamine-connection
Author of this Post assumes no Responsibility, nor makes any Guarantee of the Accuracy or Validity of material in this Post. Material Contained or referred to in this Post is presented for Entertainment Purposes Only. This Material IS Not Intended to be Inferred, or Interpreted as Information, Advice, News, Instruction, or Factual Information.
 
Nydex
#13 Posted : 8/20/2019 8:18:51 PM

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moyshekapoyre wrote:
Nydex wrote:


benzyme wrote:
PCP almost killed me. Ket is its cute kid sister, methoxetamine its little brother. Either of them can be quite habit-forming. Yes, respect them.


Lesson learned well, benzyme. I've never had pure PCP, but I've tried two of its derivatives - 3-MeO-PCP and 3-HO-PCP. The methoxy one felt better, but once I did 25mg and it was uncomfortably intensive. Haven't dabbled with them since. I wish I could try PCP too, as I've read so much about it. It has been somewhat antagonized by the media, and I've seen many videos of people going full insanity mode on it, attacking other people and wrecking havoc to their immediate surroundings. I have no idea how much truth there is in those depictions, but I'm always curious to try new stuff.

Take care. Love



OMG. OMG OMG. What. The. Heck.

Your attitude is so incredibly disrespectful and irresponsible yet you say you've learned the lesson well? Benzyme just told you. PCP almost killed him. Now you are saying you want to see how it is? See if maybe you go crazy and kill people?

You sound like a dangerous narcissist. I really hope you get therapy before you really do kill someone for the fun of it.

Not really sure why you thought that's an adequate way to respond to our discussion.

Many substances can kill you if you use them improperly, or overlook some aspect of their effect, or interaction with other things that are in your body.

Benzyme tried it, and yet he hasn't gone on a killing frenzy, has he? So why do you assume that I would? Do I sound like someone who would commit murder? If so, please point out what gives you that impression, and we can discuss the matter.

Having an interest in substances one hasn't tried yet is something you will find in many, many people. Benzyme is one of them - he tried PCP because he was interested in it. You too are one of them, because you've tried this and that out of curiosity and to explore the possibilities.

It's really weird to me how you try to put what I said out of context and accuse me of some horrible wrongdoing that resides entirely in your fantasy.

I said I've seen videos of people being violent on PCP. But then again, media has shown videos of people being violent on supposedly every single popular psychedelic substance out there. If you want to take those examples to an extreme and slap them onto me to prove a point that only you care about, then so be it. I won't argue with you.

It's really considerate of you to advise me on having therapy before I murder someone just "for the fun of it". I will keep that in mind next time I take some mushrooms and a tyrannical demon possesses me, commanding me to kill random people on the street.

However, if you want to be an adult about it, and have a reasonable conversation, then by all means go ahead. If you are struggling with something and need someone to talk to - I'm here man. Drop me a PM. There's no shame in that.

twitchy wrote:
the hospital apparently 'lost me' for about two hours during the procedure

Hold on, you mean you were clinically dead for two entire hours??? Or am I misunderstanding what you wrote?

In any case, seems like you had quite an unpleasant first encounter with K. I hope that if you decide to give it another go recreationally someday, your experience will be blissful and healing.

Cheers! Thumbs up
Break free from the chains of your beliefs. It is only then that you may find a moment of blissful stillness amidst the raging storm. Stay awhile and listen. The winds of truth shall fill your sails, and the oceans of hidden and long forgotten knowledge, ancient as the cosmos itself, will be yours to explore.
Quote:
O, supreme beings of the higher realms, allow me to venture into your dimensions. I come with love and with harmony. I bring no hatred and carry no malevolence in my soul. I come to learn and to grow. Show me your world and gift me some of your knowledge. Ask me, and I shall answer with honesty; hug me, and I shall hug you back; advise me, and I shall follow your wisdom. Heal me from my fear and give me insight. There is little I can offer back but my love and trust. O, supreme beings of the higher realms... I am yours.
 
dragonrider
#14 Posted : 8/21/2019 11:30:11 PM

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I believe that basically all the NMDA antagonists lower your mental awareness, your level of "being counscious".

That doesn't mean that they cannot be genuinely psychedelic or therapeutic, but it is something that realy sets them apart from the classic hallucinogens like LSD or DMT.

Many of them have been used as an anesthetic, or have even been develloped to be used as such. And i think this is an essential part of what they are and what they have to offer as a psychedelic.
It is not just that they can block pain signals to enter the brain. They also make you care less about pain. About anything.

It makes you care less about life, about your loved ones, about yourself, about the world you live in.

And while that can have a great therapeutic value in many ways, it is also dangerous.

It can make you fearless. But also reckless.
And on top of that it also reduces your abilities to think and reason rationally.

PCP especially, is known for causing psychotic behaviour. But i think that essentially all of the NMDA antagonists are able to do this. Especially when, aside from sedating, they also have stimulant properties.

It is tempting to see them as "funny" or relatively harmless. Especially ketamine and N2O are often looked upon that way.

But this isn't something like cannabis or shrooms. These aren't substances you can be reckless with. With DMT, you can eyeball a dose and get your ass kicked. With cannabis you can eat brownies that are stronger than you expected and get paranoid or extremely drowsy. The same with shrooms, where you'll be in hell for a couple of hours, if you accidentally eat too much of them.

With NMDA antagonists, i don't think you have that luxury. You can physically overdose and die, you can become psychotic, you can get addicted and ruin your blatter in a couple of months.

There is very little room for error when you're playing with NMDA antagonists.
 
twitchy
#15 Posted : 8/26/2019 5:37:33 PM

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Nydex wrote:
moyshekapoyre wrote:
[quote=Nydex]

[quote=twitchy]the hospital apparently 'lost me' for about two hours during the procedure

Hold on, you mean you were clinically dead for two entire hours??? Or am I misunderstanding what you wrote?

In any case, seems like you had quite an unpleasant first encounter with K. I hope that if you decide to give it another go recreationally someday, your experience will be blissful and healing.

Cheers! Thumbs up


No, I didn't die, they literally lost me. For two hours, the hospital apparently had no idea where I was which is HIGHLY unusual for this particular facility.
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