When she got home, I had a candid conversation and articulated my "take" on the situation as best I could.
I told her my experience and told her it's her choice. I told her I'm no longer going to protect her from the sleep paralysis, nor migraines, nor any of it - unless she asks. I told her that I can, but maybe it would be better for her to figure it out on her own. I'll always be here/there/knowhere - but, I don't know if it's my authority to hold someone back from their own personal growth via desire to protect.
Protect what? Sure, I love her. But. I had to figure it out for myself. She's too similar to me to admit that she'd want any help. We're stubborn - both of us. It figures. Same birthday- 'cept I am a year older. She's likely smarter than me in a common sense standpoint - I am a fool who will keep taking a beating until I die or win. She knows when to step back.
So, after I told her what I experienced, I offered to help ONLY if asked. The night progressed and.... I broke one of my rules... I reminded her of something that she tends to want to forget. I understand - if I'd seen it from another person - I'd question myself, as well. But, it was just enough to remind her.
She mentioned increasing pain and asked for a kiss on her forehead. I did.
I believe she's feeling better. But, ultimately - it's on her.
Just like anyone else. It's on you. If I broadcast a network that blocks you from experiencing you; then I am stealing your opportunity for personal growth.
I'm taking the network down for everyone but myself. If you want it, no problem. I'll offer it to anyone who asks. Maybe some growth comes from asking for help? Maybe some comes from figuring it out on your "own."
Either way. I needed to grow away from the notion that I need to ALWAYS help people. I like helping folks. But I don't think that everyone "wants" help. Maybe, helping someone means letting go of the desire to help; the desire for control; the need to feel "wanted" or "appriciated." Why? What does it do? Stroke my ego? So what.
As per typical, story time:
When I was in my early teens I played tennis. I played for the school, for teams, and in tournaments. I didn't have much interest in the sport until i saw my younger cousin play. So, I wanted to be able to beat him. He was good... like.... really good. He became number 1 in his region. He got recruited to a school with a full load scholarship. Dude was awesome.
Me? I was 1 or 0; hit or miss; on target or WAY far away from target. I didn't care too much about the sport - I just wanted to be able to beat him. (I might have once? He probably let me if I did.)
His serve... my god. I'd never seen a skinny 12 year old kid send a 95 mph rocket. It was something to reckon with, but all based on movement and leverage of the body - he's not "strong." If you could return it - good luck. Most people just jumped out of the way for fear of losing a body part. So, I asked him to show me how. He did. Me? I'm taller, with longer arms....so the leverage factor was in my favor, kinda. Well.... i could send a missile of a serve. But they were all over the place. I hit the target 25% of the time. The other 75%? Your guess is as good as mine.
Stubborn, i just insisted on attempting the rocket serve for the first serve, and having a "solid" second serve that I had to rely on. That was my failure, in tennis. I wouldn't let go of the potential power of that first serve. That 25% chance that it hit the target was worth it. The ball was not coming back to my end of the court. Period. If it hit in the zone, it didn't come back. But the other 75% of the time - I relied on a "safe" serve. The safer, second serve was easily (usaally) returned and the game would play out. Sometimes it went ok, sometimes not. If the other player was better at the game - then it is what it is. If they weren't, then that's ok too.
Looking back - how many matches did I loose because I would refuse to give up that potential 25% chance that my first serve would not be returned? Many. If I'd stop worrying about what others were doing, I probably would have been great at the game. (I wasn't bad, just not as "good" as my cousin.)
Growing up - i was always "smarter," "faster," "stonger," blah blah blah.... so my ego took a blow when my sense of superiority got wrecked. In struggle to regain - I lost. But, it's good. I needed to lose. By loosing, I let go of the game. It was fun... but I played to "prove" something. I was never going to beat my cousin at HIS game. That was his. I had soccer, baseball and basketball. He wasn't so great at those sports. And that's ok. But he is a rock star tennis player and I AM PROUD OF HIM. 💜
I'm glad he was better than me. He needed it. When he "beat" the older rival - his confidence grew. And he continued to improve every day. Me? I still just sat there hoping for the 25% chance that I landed the rocket-serve.
Lol... on another note - when I played for my school: myself and Tony were the Varsity men's doubles team. I think it only took about 3 rocket serves to the back before Tony started moving out of the way when it was my turn to serve.
Seriously, it wasn't on purpose. I had a ton of power - for being the skinniest person on the team - but my aim was terrible.
What is the point of great power if there is no ability to focus on aim? Sometimes we blast our friends in the process of discovering such qualities. Sorry, Tony - but I'm glad you started moving out of the way when it was my turn to serve. Cause, god damnit, that 25% of no return was worth risking the rest. Plus, it usually worked as a bluff more than anything. Cause.... every now and then.... I'd play the wild card. Get them ready for a rocket - all tense and anxious... and then I'd send the second serve, first. The change in pace was totally confusing and they usually didn't expect that. The expectation of a rocket, but getting some sense of safety opened up their vulnerability. If i'd only seen the pattern back then....
ACY
The migraines? If there is a 25% chance of no return - I launch rockets. And I don't stop until I'm dead or win. There are no "safe serves." There are only rockets. Safety would have been an appropriate tactic years back. Not any more.
Sometimes it's good for a change. Other times it isn't.