Hello, I like to boil all of my ideas regarding "searching" to the simplest form possible. I engage in psychedelics because I have always felt like there must be some greater meaning beyond the petty struggles of me and humanity. Whether that be god, another dimension beyond my comprehension or even a place that can be reached in my own mind does not really matter to me. I'm searching for that greater meaning because I've been watching everyone around me engage in things that just seem petty to me, like fighting, struggling, arguing. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense but I think there must be something greater than the human struggle.
I also started using because I have not had a very normal life. I feel like I've endured more hardships in my short life than most people having to live with mental illness. I think the reason I developed mental illness is I could barely understand these terrible things that occurred around me in my childhood and couldn't cope. Not to mention all of the people that were extremely mean to me. Not that I've had it bad but relative to myself these events were very bad and quite shocking. Just some of the things that have happened to me are; Bullying, watching my family members struggle through addiction, developing intense anxiety in the 8th grade ruining my ability to socialize, chronic pain in high school, depression, and even more of watching my brothers fail. Not that I'm trying to collect any pity I'm just trying to explain how I've reached the position I'm in now.
Taking LSD my junior year of high school was not what I expected but produced a very positive outcome for me. I couldn't shake the feeling that life no matter how shitty it may be is precious and worth living. That gave me a longing for even more, how much deeper could I go how much more could these substances teach me. That's basically when my journey began.
Aside from all that I love playing music, lifting weights, philosophy, and watching anime. Not to mention how much I love the beach and the ocean, only if I could visit sometime soon .