Greetings "Amituofo",
I go by Mycocelium, invited by a friend "Alkē" (something) lol.. Oh and I apologize about the Questionnaire. Felt like a science test I wasn't ready for. Wow that thing is brutal. Maybe finish it later. Hopefully this post is convincing enough to get me membership. So lets get into it.
Introduction:
I grew up in a big family, as a child the oldest of a total of 8 siblings. I never had anything to myself. Not toys, clothes and you could forget my own room and that meant NO alone time to myself. I never realized growing up that we were in a low-middle class household with my dad working 2 jobs so there was no BIG house or nice things. Fast Forward..I had just turned 20 yrs old as a single father with full custody I was starting to stress the situation, I felt like I needed to make a change for my future; so i decided I was going to Join the U.S. Army.
Well 6 yrs later I had already finished basic training and AIT, Deployed and fought in Operation Iraqi Freedom for 15 months, Gotten married while deployed and then divorced shortly after my return home. This was obviously because I was no longer me nor aware of how I was treating all those around. This continued.
Well after years of drinking to numbing the pain going from beer to liquor. Whiskey preferably and A LOT of IT. About a handle a day , Pharmaceuticals had been introduced into the equation by now and I was unaware that I couldn't live with myself. Until the day of separating my wife and on the way home from dropping her off at the airport the thought of driving my car right off the cliff came. I then realized I could never do it. So now what.. Well I did what I had been taught to do and that was “FIGHT” but this time it wasn't a fight with myself. It was for myself.
For the first time I had given "Mycocelium" (myself) some thought subconsciously of course. More of a survival instinct kicked in. So drinking led me to getting involved with AA, a few relapse, couple different detox/Sober living environments and a Girlfriend that had drank herself to death, later scared me straight. So I called my sponsor, did 90 meetings in 90 days, worked my 12 steps, Sponsoring other men to help get and stay sober.I eventually walked away from AA with 18months sober.
Of Course by now I had thought I had found my “Higher Power”, So after a while God and I had a mutual understanding and a this beef at the same time. Not being allowed to become a more involved member of the church because of my choice to use cannabis instead of taken a more harmful pill was appalling. Once again feeling alone, confused, unsure of myself and nothing to keep me busy.
I allowed my EGO to not only shape my then current understanding of reality and define who I was. I secluded, withdrew and self sabotaged anything good I then had in my life. And I liked it.
It's true what they say “ Misery loves company”.
2010 I got Rated at 70% Service connection disability though the Veterans Affairs Office for my military service. Severe PTSD with Anxiety and severe depression, Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), Tinnitus and Tendinitis. For years I like this define and become every bit of who I was. Narcissism set in and took over, feeling right at home. So I smoked a ton of cannabis, ate and played video games to escape my reality. Boy did I get heavy, weighing in at almost 300lbs. This slowly diminished all of what tad of self respect and confidence I had in myself .
Trip 1
So I’m a US Army OIF Veteran with severe PTSD and TBI. Since my return from Iraq in
2008 and discharged in 2010,I had been weary of psychedelics out of fear of not knowing where my mind is going to take me. And had stayed clear of them for the past 7-8 years. Until I started micro-dosing with psilocybe cubensis. Given I have been a Cannabis advocate the past 10yrs. After about a year of micro-dosing p.cubensis, I decided to play with a bigger dose.
So my first 2 grams of mush I found myself filled with excitement within 45 min of consumption. My mind began to unfold as I was losing grasp on my perceived reality. Around me this 3 dimensional realm where I had been restricted to the past 32 years of my life was beginning to dissolve. Consciously aware of the present sense of my “physical self” but realizing I was experiencing this altered state of consciousness.
I found myself being sucked through what can only be described as a kaleidoscope colored tunnel through what I perceived as my third eye. Only to arrive in what seemed like a Golden Egyptian like Mosque that was surrounded with LOVE. Never had I ever experienced this amount of Love,hyperventilating excitement,compassion and appreciation for self. This oneness throughout all that was. Having gathered myself in a sense I started to examine my surroundings and notice across the room what looked like myself talking to another Version of myself. Hearing indistinct conversation I leaned forward to try and make out what was being said.
Out of nowhere a voice says “Your not ready!” .. I turn around in shock thinking WTH. “What do you mean I’m not ready?” I replied. I now know or interpet this as needing to work on self before I get included in those conversations.That there is a process if I want to achieve what it is I feel a drawing towards.
That next moment is difficult to recall but I can only say is what felt like I was being dismembered extracted and a exchange of information/reprogramming occurred. I felt like there was more information being exchanged as such a fast pace that it could not be grasped, returning to my shell I identified as “Mycocelium” I couldn’t believe what what happening. As these waves of of excitement returned so did the Kaleidoscope tunnel that I was being sucked through once again only to experience another exchange of information in this alternate state of consciousness while at the same time still aware I was laying in bed with my GF at the time who was also tripping but nothing like I was.This continued to only return to my “shell”. This continued for another 2.5 hrs. I remember Seeing auras and looking at "her" and visually seeing all her pain (her mothers death), I cried. Finally coming to a end of the most beautiful mystical life alternating experience after a total of 8hrs
Soon I came to the realization that the excitement and love that surrounded this room I was subconsciously been in was in fact the love and excitement I had for myself. This broke me into tears of happiness feeling like I had finally arrived.
This astral projection I had experienced, l posed the thought in my head “What I experienced last night was with the capability of my mind, what was that, where was that, and how do I get back without the use of pysilocin and psilocybin.
End of Trip 1.
I searched and scoured the internet for answers. What I found was a repetition of answers from fellow psychonauts that yoga and meditation where key in achieving transcendence into these altered states of consciousness.
So I pursued this need to understand consciousness and obtain enlightenment. After about 4 months of daily yoga and Vipassana meditation 2-3x/wk I had the opportunity arise to try DMT (dimethyltryptamine) while on Mushrooms in Vegas.So ofcourse I did without hesitation, before inhaling what I had only heard what was called the “God Molecule” I asked where was I going to my host, “where do you want to do?” They said. I sat there, contemplating my intent. Finally I decided I wanted to know “how to get rid of all the anger, depression, anxiety and PTSD shit and obtain enlightenment?
Taking my first, second, third inhale of DMT I exhaled only to be launched through this familiar Kaleidoscopic tunnel but this time there was a onset audio hallucination only to be described as the high pitch whining described by T.McKenna . To then being catapulted through into the vast darkness I perceived as the universe. Instinctively knowing “now is when I asked my question “... so I did. Almost immediately after my question the vast darkness went multicolored common with psychedelics and the visual image of the common “Chinese Buddha” meditating with a cannabis leaf in the center of him. And then what felt like the worst case of whiplash ever experienced I was back on planet earth once again reintroduced to my shell.
I had just had a DMT trip confirm my interpretation of my previous mushroom trip, with many DMT and Mushroom trips to follow.
Since then I’ve consumed myself in Mycology, which I knew nothing about come last Oct. Understanding or wanting to understand the mushroom. Pursuing guidance from the mushroom spirit I feel like the mushroom had given me an understanding on how to approach it. And multiple discussions with friends and acquaintances about my psychedelic experiences what I perceived as a spiritual awakening and re-programming. And my current understanding of trying to decipher it all. Ive realized Im Empathic, which explains why I have always been able to vibe off people and mostly I didnt like it. I seclude stay home, rarely go anywhere..this starts making sense..I started receiving signs of 3. Three people unknown to one another had suggested I should consider becoming some kind of spiritual counseling or guidance being a Army Veteran I can offer a relate-able stance to talk psychedelics with fellow veterans and who else that suffers from similar mental health issues. I had 3 people approach me in walking them through their first mushroom exp. and them telling me in a jokingly manner I was like their shaman for the night. I laughed at the comment in gratitude not giving it any mind. Since then many mushroom journeys have occurred.
Last week, I went on another mushroom journey, but this time I wanted to find my spirit guide and ask for help in confirming weather or not this is something I need to pursue. I recall a humanoid entity approaching me with its left index finger pointing at me or my chest and said “ you are not healthy” “you should’ve listened” I then became really nauseous and vomited. Essentially throwing up what mushroom hadn’t been digested yet. Thus bring my anticipated journey to a end. I can only interpret the vomiting as a purge of some sort. But at the same time feel like I need to have go to a doctor and have them mri or something on my chest. I distinctly remember my VA DR some years back telling me of a black spot in my chest he was not worried about but wanted to take a further look at my cherst which I never followed through with.
Since then (last week) I have seen a old friend who I knew was sensitive in more way than one. When I had shown up at her door, She greeted me ask how I had been. I started to tell her of my spiritual unravelings and concerns from my last trip, She immediately asked if I had ever experienced astral projection. As described above I had, quite a few times. she then said "When I opened the door and saw you, I caught a image of a Orange what looked like a "Liver" and this.." (give me 2 fingers in a snake biting movement)
"Snake?" I replied..
She says "No more like" still giving me the gesture. "Like a parasite."
Ohhh ok.. She continues "It has been feeding off your energy. Dont worry I can remove it, If you want?" I nodded "Yes".
she says "You might get nausea when I do it or Vomit, get dizzy.!"
That will be the purge correct? I asked.
"Yes" she said. and the next day she called to tell me it was gone.
Funny thing is, Day after the call telling me it was removed. Im reading about "Esoteric astrology" and im my sign for me says "that from my alcohol and drug abuse i was vulnerable to astral parasites due to tears in my etheric web" My mind was blown away. so many signs and the synchronicity.
So in wrapping this up. I have a new hobby of mycology, Im reading books which I have never done on my own accord, Im happier, More sensitive to what seems the emotion or concerns of the world, Planet Earth IDK. I feel bad and actually cried thinking about what will happen if we as being of this perceived reality if mankind cant and some wont step away from conditioned Worldly beliefs. I had never experienced empathy on that LEVEL. No longer have a desire to drink alcohol. I have lost a serious amount of weight but not Unhealthy amount. I was doing keto and my friend mentioned about with the abilities, said that " My keto diet was also a cleansing of the toxins from the food and sugars, Alcohol, drugs all of it. and thats why things have been so profound and intense for me lately." All in All its been a beautiful transforming ride and not easy as I know I have stuff that i still need to Go within and deal with. thank you all for reading. Any questions comments are welcomed. Namaste
Sincerely,
-Mycocelium
"Be the change you want to see in the world"